Zooey Deschanel Is Divorcing

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After filing for separation this fall, hipster goddess Zooey Deschanel is officially filing for divorce from troll Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard. TMZ reports:

The “New Girl” star filed the divorce docs in L.A. County Superior Court on December 27 — blaming the split on “irreconcilable differences.” She also lists the official date of separation as October 31 … Halloween. Deschanel and Gibbard — lead singer for the band Death Cab for Cutie — were married in 2009. They have no kids.

Because they’re TMZ, they also nabbed her income and expense declaration:

Here’s the lowdown: Zooey — who stars in “New Girl” — makes an average of $95,000 a month. Her expenses average $22,550 a month. … As for what she spends a month, Zooey says she drops $1,000 on groceries and household supplies, $500 eating out (really?), $800 on utilities, $300 for her various phones and email accounts, $600 in laundry and cleaning, $2,000 for clothes. She also donates $1,500 a month to charity.

When asked for comment, Katy Perry replied, “I WAS FIRST THIS TIME! By the way, look at my boobs.”

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Zooey Deschanel Is Single

New Girl star and hipster darling Zooey Deschanel is divorcing her husband, Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. Us Weekly reports:

Just two years after tying the knot, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard have separated, Deschanel’s rep confirms to Us Weekly. “It was mutual and amicable,” a source adds. “There was no third party involved.” The New Girl actress, 31, and Death Cab for Cutie frontman, 35, got married near Seattle, Wash. in late September 2009.

“Adorkable” (which might be the most annoying adjective ever) can’t compete with D cups. No third party was directly involved, but I suspect after Katy Perry dyed her hair pink that it was a lot harder for Ben Gibbard to pretend that’s who he was actually having sex with every night.

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Zooey Deschanel Is Suing

(500) Days of Summer star and hipster hero Zooey Deschanel is mad. From E! Online:

According to her breach-of-contract lawsuit filed Friday in L.A. Superior Court, Deschanel’s agent initially brokered a $2 million deal for her in August that would allow Steve Madden to use her name and image to market and sell “Zooey shoes & accessories.”

A few days later, the company said a retailer wasn’t onboard with the deal as it was and lowered the amount to $1.5 million, which Deschanel’s reps agreed to, the suit continues.

Then, the complaint alleges, on Oct. 13, Steve Madden “breached and repudiated” the new deal without explanation and refused to pay—and stil hasn’t paid, though Deschanel tried to hold up her end of the bargain.

Poor Zooey. It must suck to be screwed out of an endorsement deal that would’ve paid her more than any of her movies did. It probably sucks almost as much as constantly being mistaken for Katy Perry without a push up bra.

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Engage With Engaged Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel, the rich man’s Katy Perry, is still engaged to the Death Cab For Cutie guy, which we had silently hoped would only last a few days before she realized that Dave, the FNG blogger, was waiting patiently for her, willing to take a job as her personal assistant and man whore. But, I guess it turns out I only have so much “whore” to go around, and you all know I’m using it on my knees to make rent money.

Here’s Zooey’s Sundance portraiture for 500 Days Of Summer, her film with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

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