Zac Efron Is Playing Ted Bundy
Zac Efron Is Playing Ted Bundy

 

Ted Bundy had a very productive 1970s as far as sadistic sociopaths go. He murdered at least 30 women (that we know of), and used his knowledge of law enforcement to avoid being identified. During that time, he would wear a fake cast and use crutches to approach women (college students), then kidnap them, brutally sexual assault them with various objects, dump their bodies, then return days later to wash their hair, put makeup on them, then have sex with their corpses. Sometimes he decapitated them and took their heads home as souvenirs. He escaped jail twice. After one of his escapes, he broke into a 20-year old’s house and strangled her to death, tore one of her nipples, tried to chew her ass off, then sexually assaulted her with a hair mist bottle. Ted Bundy was not a good person. Women described him as “handsome” and “charismatic”.  He was electrocuted into the shadow realm in 1989 at the age of 42. Anyway, Zac Efron is playing him in a movie.

Zac Efron has come on board to star as serial killer Ted Bundy in the independent drama “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile”.  The project follows the dysfunctional relationship between Bundy and his long-time girlfriend Liz. Bundy, a killer and rapist of young girls and women who was notoriously charming, was executed in Florida in 1989.

A relation drama about a serial murderer and rapist and the woman who loved him? Ok then, guy. Sure. I guess this role needed a person who is trying to act like a human person so this seems like perfect casting.  They’ll probably have to add a subplot where Ted Bundy gets super into steroids.

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Taylor Swift Is Already Lining Up Zac Efron To Victimize Her Next, Guys

Taylor Swift has been single for a whole 9 days and is passing the time by inviting herself on her friend’s dates, but her heart yearns for third dude in this calendar year. So, who is the lucky man to be painted by her PR team and Gigi Hadid as an evil douche who refused to climb Taylor’s hair up the tower by Christmas? Zac Efron

She’s been talking about him nonstop since her breakup with Tom. She’s always said she feels a strong connection to Zac, but could never act on it because they’ve always been dating other people. Taylor and Zac have always been pretty flirty with each other.”

Efron split from Sami Miro back in April, and it’s unclear at this time if Selena Gomez forwarded Swift the Google alert or not. In any case, Swift is already texting him with viable marketing solutions for his brand. 

“She’s reached out to Zac and told him that they should hang out and maybe go to dinner together, and he’s into it. It just hasn’t happened yet because of their schedules.”

The last two men Swift has dated have been British, and obviously Zac Efron is American. With all this Facebook mandated patriotism lately, this is a brilliant move by her PR team. Her eventual song “Brexit” will just write itself and is sure to be a huge hit. 

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Zac Efron Has Been Banging Michelle Rodriguez Since 2011
Zac Efron Has Been Banging Michelle Rodriguez Since 2011

 

On Monday, we learned that Zac Efron has a very specific type, and since there’s not a lot of famous brown women in Hollywood, it was only a matter of time before he got to Michelle Rodriguez. That happened in 2011.

Not too long after Zac and his longtime girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens broke up in 2010, he fell into the arms of Michelle, literally. “”Whenever they’re together and both single, they hook up,” a source tells us. But just recently, Michelle was linked to model, Cara Delevigne, so why the sudden change? “They’re just having fun on vacation,” adds the source. It looks a bit more than just a hook up if you ask us, at one point on the yacht, Zac was spotted being ever so chivalrous and covered Michelle with his beach towel.

We all have that one emergency vagina and/or penis we get to use when neither of us has anything else going on, but unlike Zac Efron’s emergency piece, yours probably won’t stab you and carve Cara Delevigne’s name in your chest.

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Here’s Zac Efron Dancing To ‘Wiggle’

 

I told you guys this week was gonna be boring. That being said, here's Zac Efron dancing to Jason Derulo's "Wiggle" on top of a table. The weekend really can't get here fast enough.

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Zac Efron Got Beat Up By A Homeless Guy
Zac Efron Got Beat Up By A Homeless Guy

 

"Guurrll, like, it was so scary. I almost died, because I was all like, 'I can't with this right now.'"

 

Zac Efron hasn't had the best year so far, and it looks like he's doing more dumb shit. Specifically, going to LA's Skid Row for some reason (drugs) and getting curb stomped by a homeless guy.

Zac Efron mysteriously ended up in a very bad area of downtown L.A. just after midnight Sunday … and ended up getting violently socked in the mouth by a sketchy transient … law enforcement sources tell TMZ. We're told cops were on patrol under the Harbor Freeway when they saw Zac and a man he identified as his bodyguard.  Cops saw Zac and the other guy in a full-blown melee with at least 3 other people.  After breaking up the fight, cops questioned Zac. He told them they had run out of gas and were sitting in the car.  Zac said while waiting for a tow truck they threw a bottle out the window — he never said what was in the bottle — and it smashed on the pavement near a group of transients. Zac said the transients confronted him and the bodyguard because they believed the pair hurled the bottle at them. Zac says 2 of the transients attacked the bodyguard and when Zac got out of the car to help, he got cold cocked in the mouth. Zac said, "It was the hardest I've ever been hit in my life."
You'll recall … Zac mysteriously broke his jaw in November, saying he slipped on a pool of water in his home.  Zac was in rehab twice last year for cocaine abuse. The area where this occurred is rough. Cops are on high alert for drug deals and gangs.  One source says Zac was "obviously intoxicated." Law enforcement tells TMZ … no one was arrested because they viewed it as "mutual combat."

Everything about this story seems weird, but all of my LA storie seem weird too, so who am I to judge? But, I'd like to make it clear that I've never been beaten up by a homeless person before no matter what you've heard. Wait, you said that? She did? What else did she say? Be specific.

 

Also, did somebody say "Skid Row"? Awwww yeaaahhhhh, son.
 

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Zac Efron Broke His Jaw By Being High And Falling On A Coffee Table
Zac Efron Broke His Jaw By Being High And Falling On A Coffee Table

 

Zac Efron has been having a lot of fun with drugs lately, so when he broke his jaw, many people thought he took acid and tried to swallow a car whole because he thought it was a cronut. Ok, many people didn't think that. They thought he broke his jaw because he slipped in a puddle, because that's what his publicist said. Nope. Radar Online reports:

“Zac was alone at home, and he leaned forward and fell into his coffee table,” an Efron source tells this week’s STAR. “He broke his jaw on the table and was afraid to call an ambulance, so his friend took him to the ER.”

I took a Benadryl once and drooled on myself while watching Cake Boss, so I totally understand where Zac is coming from here. We live on the edge and you people just have to accept that.

 

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Zac Efron Had Sex With Nicki Minaj
Zac Efron Had Sex With Nicki Minaj

 

HollywoodLife is reporting that Zac Efron banged Nicki Minaj one night. The last thing we heard about Efron is that he has a raging coke habit. Not sure if these two are related.

Are Zac and Nicki Hollywood’s latest secret hookup? It appears so, in a new report that claims they had sex in July! “Zac and Nicki shared a steamy night together. Nicki took Zac to her house in West Hollywood. She said he was the best lover she’s ever had,” a source told Star magazine. Wow! Talk about an explosive report. If it’s true, we wonder if it was a one-time affair — and if it happened in the throes of Zac’s alleged drug addiction?

I don't do cocaine and I'd probably bang Nicki Minaj and I'd even buy a penis extender of she's really into doggy. And since most chicks are, do they sell these on Amazon? I think I might need to 12", so I'll need to find one in the 9"-10" range. If I can get it in pink that would be cool, too.

 

Pic source = Instagram

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Zac Efron Spent ‘A Lot Of Time’ At Charlie Sheen’s Mansion

Earlier this week, people were shocked to learn that Zac Efron went to rehab for a blow addiction and many questioned how a clean cut, boring actor could become a raging cokehead seemingly overnight. He went to Charlie Sheen's house. Mystery solved. Radar Online reports:

During Zac Efron‘s downward spiral into the world of drugs, he was partying it up with the notoriously fast-living Charlie Sheen, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. According to a source close the situation, Sheen and Efron were introduced by a mutual friend. “Zac was in Charlie’s inner circle for a few months. The two became very good friends. Zac was spending a lot of time at Charlie’s Beverly Hills mansion and they were definitely partying together,” the insider revealed. “There were a lot of very good looking women hanging around.” The source says Sheen’s friends were shocked to see the former Disney star partying with him — but he held his own. “Some of Charlie’s friends were very surprised to see Zac hanging around Charlie because he looked like such a clean cut guy,” the source told Radar. “However, he could party with the big boys.”

Charlie Sheen is now denying this, because I guess he's not a fan of winning anymore. TMZ reports:

Charlie Sheen says the media outlet that's reporting he had Zac Efron over for drug-fueled parties is totally making it up. Sheen tells TMZ … he hasn't even seen Zac for nearly a year … specifically when Efron showed up to the set of "Anger Management" 11 months ago.  Charlie says he showed up not to see him … Zac was there because they share the same publicist who happened to be on the set. The report claims Zac visited the set at least a dozen times.  Charlie says it's all made up … Zac was there that one time only. As for the claim Zac spent a lot of time partying at Charlie's house and then strongly insinuating they were on cocaine binges … Charlie says, "ridiculous."

I'm not really sure who to believe here. Is Zac Efron just a struggling addict or is he now an invincible warrior who hears voices in his head with powers granted to him through tiger blood and banging whores? I don't know about you, but I'll be thinking about this weekend.

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Zac Efron Loves Cocaine And Molly

News hit last night that Zac Efon completed rehab five months ago, for alchol. Except he wasn't there for alcohol, because that's a poor person's addiction. Bro was a raging cokehead. TMZ reports:

Zac Efron did NOT go to rehab for alcohol abuse — it was far more serious, because multiple sources tell TMZ he had a serious cocaine addiction. Zac completed his stint in rehab earlier this year.  We're told the problem spiraled out of control during the filming of Seth Rogen's movie "Neighbors," which was shot during a narrow time frame beginning in April. Sources tell us Zac — who also starred in the movie — was a no-show on a number of days.  As one source connected with the film tells us, "It was common knowledge he was struggling with cocaine." Three other sources confirm … Zac's problem was rooted in cocaine, but say he also dabbled in Molly — a pure form of Ecstasy, and a popular drug in clubs and raves. We're told … early this year, Zac and some friends went on a coke rager in a room at the SkyLofts at the MGM Grand in Vegas … and caused around $50k in damage. No word on who took care of the bill.

At what point will Disney be investigated by CPS? I mean, it has to be soon, right? Does Mickey Mouse molest these kids or something? The American people would like some answers.

 

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Ryan Gosling Might Be Luke Skywalker’s Son In ‘Star Wars VII’

Stars Wars VII, which will reportedly take place 30 years after Return of the Jedi, and in 2015, your girlfriend will finally want to see a Star Wars movie. What a special day! Latino Review reports:

The studio is working to produce a Star Wars: Episode VII and continue the story of where 1983′s Episode VI: Return of the Jedi left off. Production on the seventh film in the series will start next year in the UK….A little while ago I was told that two names have been thrown around a lot, and that another star went in last week. The two stars are none other than…RYAN GOSLING and ZAC EFRON. As for what role Efron would be playing, we don’t know. He could be a Solo kid. But what I was told for sure is the Gosling went in for Skywalker’s son. Yes, that’s right Luke’s kid.

The last three Star Wars movies were the unwashed taint that I was forced to lick three times as I cried for my childhood, so hopefully JJ Abrams can give me mouthwash and therapy in exchange for a $15 movie ticket and some magic. The magic that explains how Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher boned and made a Zac Efron.

 

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