Demi Lovato And Wilmer Valderrama Broke Up Too, Because Why Not?
Demi Lovato And Wilmer Valderrama Broke Up Too, Because Why Not?


I don’t know how many breakups this makes this month (not counting that Blue Angels’ plane), but Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama after dating for six years. Lovato will turn 24 in August, and sources close to Valderrama say she got too old. Lol I’m kidding, I have no idea. But we can’t rule that out. Demi posted whatever this on Instagram.


 

A photo posted by Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) on



That doesn’t sound like a poem. They supposedly broke up because neither of them wanted to get married or have kids. I don’t know, dude. That seems like a perfect reason to stay together to me, but I don’t hold an advanced degree in relationship psychology. You should probably know that I don’t hold an advanced degree in anything. Why do you even read this? Where are your parents?


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Wilmer Was Lying To You, Demi

So, before we get into this, remember in 2001 when Wilmer Valderrama dated Mandy Moore when he was 22 and she was 17? Or remember the time he dated Lindsay Lohan when she was 17 and he was 24? Oh, and remember when it was announced he dating Demi Lovato almost immediately after she turned 18 and he was 30? Ok, just checking. Demi can explain it better than I can:



Ok, so maybe she can’t. Demi is 23, so she probably won’t see the emotional manipulation coming util he dumps her for Bella Thorne or a Fanning sister that hasn’t been born yet, because a 30-year old dude doesn’t have “hesitations” about dating 17-year old girls since they’re usually banging chicks who are allowed in a bar. And by “waiting for you to get older” he meant “waiting for you to decide if you were gonna give up the ass or not so he can cancel his plans to hang out in the Nickelodeon parking lot later”.  I hope this helps. 

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The 2015 Teen Choice Awards Were Last Night

Teens voted for stuff and whatever they voted for won an award at the 2015 Teen Choice Awards last night. Furious 7 and The Big Bang Theory won awards, so that’s pretty much all you need to know abut the results of a process that allows teenagers to vote. Here’s the pics anyway. Charlotte McKinney was there. Bella Thorne was there. Of course, Wilmer Valderrama was there, because the scent of a freshly dropped first egg is too powerful for him to resist. Nina Dobrev was also there. I only mention her because I saw her once in a Starbucks on Ponce in Atlanta about four months ago. She was in workout clothes and looked like she weighed about 75 pounds. She drove off in a white Mercedes. That’s my Nina Dobrev story. Hope you enjoyed it. The majority of this gallery is Britney Spears, because just look at her face. She might as well be a recently adopted shelter dog or an 8-month old. She’s just happy to be here. She has no idea where she is. You could have told her she was at a screening of Straight Outta Compton on Mars and she would have just nodded and asked if martians have surfboards.

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Demi Lovato Just Basically Admitted To Leaking Her Naked Photos
Demi Lovato Just Basically Admitted To Leaking Her Naked Photos

 

Hey, did any of you remember who Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama were last week? Then they had some sex selfies leaked and you were like, "oh, yeah. Those people." Demi wants to keep doing that.

Demi Lovato is “livid” that naked photographs, allegedly of her and boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama, leaked online on April 4. But the worst part about her sexy selfie scandal is not knowing whether more pics — or possibly even a video – will be leaked, HollywoodLife.com is EXCLUSIVELY reporting…“Demi has definitely come to the realization that more pics and even video might be released in the future,” a source close to the singer EXCLUSIVELY reveals to HollywoodLife.com. “She thinks that it will be released around a time that she has something to sell like a song, book or something that goes with her career.” It’s terrible that those intimate pics of Demi were leaked but luckily she’s got a trick up her sleeve. The singer’s 2010 stint in rehab has left her well-equipped to deal with crises like this, and she’s bent on turning this awful situation into a positive, our source says. “It is a very frustrating situation and she is figuring out the best process to deal with it. It is not consuming her day though. Thankfully, she is using some of the things she learned in rehab as a guide for how to handle things so far.”

Uh, did Will Graham give her a psychological profile of the made up person who leaked these pics? They seem to know a lot about when more naked photos will be leaked. It doesn't sound like a hacker, it sounds like a publicist. Oohh, naked pics right before something you really want to sell comes out? Does this hacker have any decency?! No, wait, it's more like when Jake Gyllenhaaal has a girlfriend right before he has a movie coming out then they break up two weeks after the premiere. You gotta subconciously remember he's a leading man, after all. I hope this clears everything up.

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Demi Lovato And Fes Have Leaked Naked Pics

As the headline clearly points out, Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama took pics of themselves sexin and now they're online. Sucks for them, cool for all of you I guess. Demi Lovato is a violent cokehead and a cutter, but at least she understands how to keep her man happy. Gold star for Demi. I could lie and say these aren't kinda hot, but I just want to tell the girl in Santa Monica who stopped me for my autograph because she thought I was Wilmer Valderrama, that this isn't me. I wasn't Wilmer Valderrama that time either, dummy.

 

Note: The last pic is very NSFW (i.e. titties)

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Wilmer Valderrama Proposed To Demi Lovato
Wilmer Valderrama Proposed To Demi Lovato

 

Wilmer Valderrama has pounded so much Disney ass he gets a free park hopper pass for life, but it looks like he's finally found one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The cutter who will do butt stuff if you have coke. Hollywood Life reports:

Sounds like things are getting hot hot hot between Wilmer and Demi! After we told you he had been ring shopping, a new report claims that they had a serious talk about the future — and now he’s ready to pop the question! Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama have had a roller coaster of a relationship, but it sounds like they’re going strong! Right before Thanksgiving, Tiffany & Co. confirmed to HollywoodLife.com that he bought a ring for his girlfriend. However, he had to make a change before proposing, according to a new report…This doesn’t come as a surprise. When HollywoodLife.com spoke to employees at Tiffanys, they said he was super excited buying the ring….“We all talked about it afterwards because he was so darn nice!” the employee said, but couldn’t confirm it was an engagement ring. “He chose a really classic, beautiful ring. Demi is going to be a happy girl when she gets it. He didn’t say what it was for but he was really excited and happy — he seemed like any other guy getting ready to pop the question.”

I was in Santa Monica two years ago, and on the same day, two seperate white girls came up to me and asked for my autograph. One thought I was Wilmer Valderrama, and the other said, "oohh, you played Kristin Dunst's boyfriend in that one movie!". I still have no idea who I was supposed to be there. Long story short, if you're a brown guy in Santa Monica without a leaf blower, people will think you're famous. Anyway, that's all I got. Congrats to the happy couple, I guess.

 

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Demi Lovato Is About To Start Cutting Herself Again

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Wilmer Valderrama has reportedly dumped Demi Lovato after banging her for a while after she got out of rehab. Because emotionally unstable girls will give up the ass for a little while. Anybody have a kitchen knife and some cocaine lying around? Demi might be interested. People reports:

Although the duo never officially confirmed their relationship, sources tell Us Weekly that the pair “are no longer hooking up.” In November, Lovato, 19, and Valderrama, 31, were spotted making out in front of the 70’s Show star’s L.A. home. Sources tell Us that the pair reunited on several occasions after Lovato was released from a treatment facility in January 2011.

Hey, you know when chicks get dumped then they suddenly become strong, independent women overnight and tell everybody on Twitter and Facebook how they don’t need a man while they’re crying and holding their cat and eating ice cream and pizza oh hey look at this People says:

Lovato, 19, went from Tweeting her excitement about People’s Choice Awards rehearsals to posting about staying independent from the opposite sex. “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left,” the former Disney starlet, quoting Marilyn Monroe, re-Tweeted one of her followers early Tuesday morning. Just minutes after the Tweet that appeared to come out of nowhere, Lovato then posted, “The smartest thing a woman can ever learn, is to never need a man.”

Have you ever seen those movies or read those books where a poor village is besieged by a dragon then they offer their best crops and furs to Wilmer Valderrama to slay the dragon? Yeah, Wilmer Valderrama’s life is just like that except replace “dragon” with “teen Disney pussy”.

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