Will Smith Is The Genie In Disney’s Live-Action ‘Aladdin’, Is Racist Or Something
Will Smith Is The Genie In Disney’s Live-Action ‘Aladdin’, Is Racist Or Something

 

When we first heard about the casting for Disney’s live-action Aladdin, it was about how they couldn’t find actors to play Aladdin and Jasmine. They finally settled on a Middle Eastern dude and a half-Indian to play Jasmine. Awesome! Two non-white people as the leads in a big budget movie! That’s great, right?! It’s 2017, so of course not lol. Aladdin set in a fictional place in the Middle East so Jasmine being half-Indian is PROBLEMATIC OMG. It’s imperative to cast real Arab actors in a movie live-action remake of a cartoon about a dude and a chick flying on a magic carpet if you want to be truly woke. Think of the children! Anyway, none of that matters, because they might as well cast my Starbucks cup as Aladdin and Jasmine, because Aladdin is gonna be the Will Smith Show.

Disney has officially found its Aladdin, Jasmine, and Genie for the live-action “Aladdin” remake. The three cast members were announced at the D23 Expo on Saturday. The House of Mouse may have been having problems finding its titular Aladdin for the remake of the 1992 animated classic prior to D23 this weekend, but the same cannot be said for Jasmine and Genie. Naomi Scott has officially been cast as Princess Jasmine, while Will Smith will be taking on the Genie. Relative newcomer Mena Massoud has also joined the cast as Aladdin.

Man, I big budget movie that’ll have a wide release that has a brown man, a brown chick, and a black man as the three leads. Let’s pop the champagne for representa—oh wait, no, the movie’s still racist. Everything is racist.

While the prospect of having a person of color star in this film seems enticing, it really is not doing much for us. Aladdin strung together a few generalizations about North Africans, South East and South Asians, and blurred out our distinctions. The movie takes place in the fake city of Agrabah—combining together “Agra,” the historical city in northern India, with “Bah” to make it sound more Middle Eastern, I guess. The lack of specificity and care that went into the story is also the reason it doesn’t matter who the lead of this movie is, as long as he’s vaguely brown and maybe Muslim.

Exactly, that’s all little Arab, Middle Eastern, and Indian girls and boys will be thinking about when they go see this. The actual history of the Middle East and Central Asia instead cheering about all the sick ass carpet flips. If you need  movie to validate your existence, there might be some self-loathing involved there. Sorry you had to hear it this way.

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Will Smith Isn’t Going To The Oscars
Will Smith Isn’t Going To The Oscars


In an interview with GMA this morning, Will Smith confirmed he will not be attending the Oscars this year for basically the same reasons his wife won’t be attending. Stacy Dash is probably on Twitter right now. I usually don’t keep up. 

“I heard her words and was happy to be married to that woman,” he told ABC’s Good Morning America this morning. “If we’re not part of the solution then we’re part of the problem.” He added that it’s not about him or any person in particular, “It’s about children sitting down and seeing this show and not seeing themselves represented.”

In the interview, Will Smith says that each time he’s been nominated for an Academy Award, he’s lost to a black actor (Denzel Washington and Forest Whittaker), but sees the recent shift in America politics has now become reflective of the Academy and understands the complexities of what he’s doing. Makes sense. In other news, Ice Cube doesn’t really deal in nuance and said, “maybe we shoulda put a slave in Straight Outta Compton“. To be fair, they did have slaves in Mad Max:Fury Road, but they were white. Kinda goes with this year’s theme.

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Alexis Arquette Is Coming For Jada Pinkett Smith And Will Smith Now
Alexis Arquette Is Coming For Jada Pinkett Smith And Will Smith Now



Uhhh…ok, then. Wait, what just happened here?  If you’re wondering what being has to do with anything Jada Pinkett Smith said, I guess you’ll have to ask Alexis Arquette and whatever medications she needs to double up on right now. Dude, needs to relax sorry chick needs to relax. Bette Midler just got cast in Hello Dolly, go pop a Xanax read about that. 


I was gonna post recent pictures of Alexis Arquette, but there’s no need to make this worse than it is. Here’s her sister instead. Slight improvement. 


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Here’s Will Smith In A Gas Mask Dancing On A Segway At Burning Man
Here’s Will Smith In A Gas Mask Dancing On A Segway At Burning Man

 

Burning Man is a music festival where rich people go to stand in the desert and do a bunch of drugs to feel connected back to the Earth or the cosmos or something.. With that in mind, here’s Will Smith in a gas mask doing some sort of synchronized dance on a segway. Michael Jackson didn’t even have access to the kind of drugs that would make someone want to do this. And Michael Jackson was on some pretty good shit.

 

 

 

pic source = Facebook

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‘After Earth’ Is Basically A Scientology Propaganda Film

Speaking of unchecked mental illnesses, if you haven't read the Vulture interview with Will and Jaden Smith, it is now your required reading of the day. If you ever wanted to know what somebody's head looks like in that's so deep up their own ass that they can see their own brain, Vulture is allowing you to see it in print form. In the interview, despite being on a quest to discover a new mathematical equation, that may or not be multidemensional, Will Smith says he is a student of all "world religions". However, Smith being a Scientologist is probably one of the worst kept secrets in Hollywood, so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that he has been dispatched to indoctrinate you into Scientolgy without your knowledge. Matt Patches, the Movie Editor for Hollwood.com will fill you in.

In After Earth, Smith’s character Cypher Raige (ha!) is a commander in a human society that fled Earth 1,000 years ago. They escaped their ecologically-ravaged homeworld to a new planet that was picture perfect… minus a race of blind aliens with a thirst for the pheromones produced by fear. Convenient! What makes Cypher special is that he’s capable of “ghosting,” the ability to abandon fear and become invisible to the aliens. As we’ve seen in the trailers, circumstances eventually take Cypher and his son Kitai (Jaden Smith) back to Earth with company — a fear-hungry alien. Kitai ends up having to cross the terrifying forest land of Earth and his biggest problem is that he’s a total pussy. He is bubbling over with fear. He’s too fucking emotional and that makes him a huge target for the alien.

 

This struck me as Scientology 101. Cypher spends most of the movie guiding his son through the dangerous environments of evolved Earth, coaching him to drop his emotions and believe in his self. Fear is imaginary, a construct of the mind that can be abolished if you believe in your own abilities. To me, After Earth is all about cleansing the body’s “thetan,” or soul. If Kitai can leave behind the physical dangers of the world and invest in self-determinism, he’ll be triumphant. He’ll be a hero because he’s entitled to be one.

 

Scientology is all about personal survival — the the “first dynamic”— and that’s the key to Katai’s mission. Washing away the past, any bad decision he’s made, in order to come out on top. It’s the way his father has lived and it’s basically gone unpunished, even when he has massive mistakes on his record to show for it. Unlike many Hollywood science fiction movie’s, After Earth has an emphasis on self that I don’t believe is coincidence.

 

The auditing process also comes up. Kitai is stricken with memories of an ill-fated day back home, where he witnessed a love one perish at the hands of an alien invader. He was only a kid, but it kills him inside. This works like Scientology’s engrams, albeit a bit more overt. Through flashbacks, M. Night Shyamalan tortures his lead character with memories. The only way to make it to the end of his mission is to wash them away. So Cypher is giving Kitai his free stress test, one-on-one sessions between father and son that teach the emotionally involved child to put aside his feelings in favor of making the world a better place. The only thing missing is a 31st century E-meter.

 

So in this adaptation of Scientology, the bloodthirsty beast pursuing Kitai is psychiatric consideration. It’s destructive and murderous, preying on emotion and standing in the way of being a great soldier of the universe. But the spectacular world around Kitai during his multi-day trek through the jungle, and even the physical manifestation of Scientology’s anti-psychiatry stance, seems inconsequential in comparison to his own internal battle. After Earth is about the personal quest — the science fiction padding is just to make it appealing to the masses.

So there you have it. When you buy a ticket to see After Earth, David Miscavige is in an underground bunker petting a Persian cat while Tom Cruise almost jerks his chain out of the wall from sheer delight and Jenna Elfman rubs her nipples with an auditing machine. "Silence! Silence, my children! Let's wait until the new box office numbers come out, " L. Ron Hubbard's floating head will then say.

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Hey, Look. We’re Totally Bros, You Guys

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In the wake of their separation rumors due to the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith may or may not have banged Marc Anthony in Will Smith’s house, Marc Anthony invited Will Smith to his luxury suite during the Patriots/Dolphins game last night to help celebrate his birthday. Where they hugged a lot and Will Smith gently caressed Marc Anthony’s neck a lot. I don’t know. I’m beginning to think some of the facts of this whole separation story might be wrong.

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Will Smith And Jada Pinkett Smith Plan To Drag This Out For A While

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After reports surfaced yesterday that they were separating, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith released a joint, carefully worded statement to let everyone know that their marriage is completely wonderful and filled with love. I think that’s what “intact” means.

“Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false.” The two add, “We are still together, and our marriage is intact.”

Man, I’ve never read anything so romantic. They must really love each other. Or, you know, they could be lying. There’s also that. TMZ reports:

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are having significant problems in their marriage, but they have NOT made a decision to separate … at least not yet — this according to sources connected with the couple. Reports have been swirling that the couple has separated. We’re told it’s “definitely a possibility” but they haven’t pulled the trigger. In fact, we’ve learned Will, Jada and their kids are going away together soon — as a family. Our sources would neither confirm nor deny if the trip is a last ditch effort to save the relationship. We also asked our sources about the somewhat curious statement from Will and Jada, that their marriage is “intact.” Specifically, why didn’t they go the more traditional PR route and say they’re still in love and committed to each other? Our sources privately said, the language was carefully constructed.

In the last two weeks, Will Smith has been seen in clubs all over Miami without his wife. Why? Oh, because she may have fucked Marc Anthony. I wish I was joking. Will Smith might as well give up now, because Jada looks like she’s lost for good. Because once you go Mexican you don’t come back unless you have a coyote or can climb fences pretty good as the saying goes.

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Will Smith And Jada Pinkett Smith Might Be Separated

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I blame Scientology. iNTouch Weekly reports:

After 13 years of marriage, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have decided to separate, an insider tells In Touch Weekly exclusively. They have two children, Jaden and Willow, together. And Jada is stepmother to Will’s son, Trey, from a previous marriage.

There’s a widely believed rumor that Will Smith is gay and Jada Pinkett Smith is a lesbian and that they’re only together to further each others careers and the fact that you can’t be a leading man if you’re openly gay or bi (i.e. Jake Gyllenhaal/Bradley Cooper/possibly every actor you’ve ever heard of). It is also widely believed that the remake of Karate Kid with Jaden Smith was a horrific mistake. Wait, the karate kid looks like a girl and had cornrows? I’m not following.

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Toby Keith Racist. Allegedly.



Since the entire world is oversensitive babies who can’t laugh off a harmless joke, the Asian American Justice Center is outraged that Toby Keith made an “insensitive gesture” at the Nobel Peace Prize after party earlier this week. TMZ reports:

The insensitive gesture occurred during Will Smith’s rendition of “Rapper’s Delight,” when Toby slanted his eyes as Will rapped the word “yellow” — but according to Toby’s rep, “No one at the concert thought Toby was out of line.” Toby Keith may think his Nobel Peace Prize party eye gesture wasn’t a big deal — but TWO Asian organizations are furious about it, claiming the “racist” maneuver wasn’t just offensive, it was an embarrassment to his country….A rep for the Asian American Justice Center tells TMZ, “Toby Keith embarrassed himself and his country, denigrated the Noble Peace Prize and offended Asians and Asian Americans by using a crude, racist hand gesture.” Another group — the Media Action Network for Asians — also took offense with Toby, telling us, “By doing this, he is telling his Asian fans ‘you don’t matter, you’re not on my radar.'”

Not to get on a soapbox here, but isn’t having an Asian American Justice Center by definition separatist and racist? You’re Americans who happen to look Asian. What’s the big deal? And here’s the thing, when you go around being a Debbie Downer at an after party because some drunk redneck made a slant eye gesture, you give importance to what he did. Meaning it will never go away and the same people you want to stop doing this will keep doing it just to piss you off. It’s not like he told every Asian person in the audience that they had to go build a railroad, so chill out. Look, I’m Native American and I can spew all the righteous indignation about the Washington Redskins all day if I wanted to, but I littered twice already today, I’m allergic to horses, and I need a Garmin to find my way across the street. If I was teleported back to 1792, I wouldn’t have to wait for smallpox to kill me because I’m pretty sure my tribe would feed me to a bear.

Machine Girl‘s Minase Yashiro. I’d eat it like my mama made it:

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Will and Jada Are Freaks



If you’re friends Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, sorry to break this to you dude, but they probably fucked in your house. The Sun reports:

Sharing sex tips, Jada told RedBook Magazine: “Be sneaky… your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom.” Talking of other places they like to get down to business, the actress added: “Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. “Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road… Just switch it up. “Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive.”

Even though they’re Scientologists, it’s good to have a chick who will do anything to make your relationship work, even if that means doing reverse cowgirl on her best friend’s sink. In all honesty, that’s what every man wants. So, I don’t know if any of you ladies want to bookmark this, because the next time I take applications for a girlfriend, this might be a good reference for the “Special skills” portion.

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