First 5 Minutes of Watchmen

Of course, Watchmen was the #1 movie at the box office this weekend, taking in $55 million on Friday and Saturday, so sorry if that offends anyone. I know that semester of film school mommy and daddy paid for until you flunked out and entered the exciting career of making designs in my coffee made you have exacting tastes in movies, but nobody cares if you stamp your feet and throw your scarf over your shoulder and refuse to see it. Hopefully, Netflix will have that one black and white movie about the improbable love of an amputee Nazi and her gay dyslexic housekeeper. You know, or whatever boring shit you watch because you think the chick behind the counter at Barnes & Noble you asked out will let you touch her bra because she thinks you’re cool.

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Vanessa Hudgens Watches the Watchmen

Vanessa Hudgens attended the Los Angeles premiere of Watchmen last night, and if somebody could tell me why Miley Cyrus is a famous billionaire and this chick isn’t that would be awesome. Vanessa Hudgens is skinny, hot, likes to get naked, likes to get really naked, and you know, she actually has talent. If the universe was fair, Miley Cyrus would be competing in a talent show on the back of a flatbed truck trying to win a raccoon pelt and a carton of Marlboro’s.

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New Watchmen Trailer is Online

The second trailer for Zac Snyder’s long-awaited adaptation of the legendary graphic novel, Watchmen, hit online last night and it will play in front of Quantum of Solace starting today. Jesus, this thing looks awesome. Starring Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Jackie Earle Haley, and Matthew Goode, Watchmen takes place in an alternate reality 1985 where “Batman can’t get it up, Superman doesn’t care about humanity, and the bad guy wants world peace.” I’m a huge nerd, so I’ve read this three times, so I could sound smart and say Time Magazine voted it one of the 100 greatest English-language novels since 1923 (which it did), but instead, I’ll tell you that it has a giant blue guy who split himself in two to give his girlfriend a threesome and a vigilante in an ink blot mask who burns a child molester alive. Yeah. Suck on that X-Men.

Watch the original Smashing Pumpkins-tastic trailer here

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