Victoria’s Secret Angels Are Here To Ruin Your Valentine’s Day

Josephine Skriver, Sara Sampaio and Taylor Hill showed up to the Victoria’s Secret Valentine’s Day Gift Picks event, and I was hoping they’d get fat injections in their legs so none of you don’t get triggered, but I assume they spend a lot of time on Tumblr.

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Justin Bieber Got Barbara Palvin’s Number

Justin Bieber performed at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show, and as previously reported, he was walking up to all the models and tugging on their robes. Then when the models looked down, they would give him a piece of candy or a nickel then he would give him his phone number. But apparently Barbara Palvin bounced Justin on her knee a little too long backstage, because she had to tweet a “OMG U GUYS EWWW GROSS”.

She shouldn’t have put that smiley face at the end, because now Selena Gomez will have to cut her. We’re all praying for you, Barbara.

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Karlie Kloss Upset Native Americans, Easily Offended White People

At the 2012 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, Karlie Kloss wore a feather headdress, suede vest, skirt and turquoise jewelery. You know, as white girls call “sexy Indian” during Halloween. And as usual, this has sparked “controversy” caused outrage and righteous indignation from some uptight Native Americans and white people who can’t wait to get offended for others to prove they aren’t racists. So, or course, Victoria’s Secret has apologized and will remove the outfit from the December 4th broadcast.

“We are sorry that the Native American headdress in our fashion show has upset individuals. The outfit will be removed from the broadcast.”

Even Karlie has apologized, but I’m not sure for what. Did she slaughter Native Americans and steal their land and we just don’t know about it? And don’t Native Americans still wear this stuff? Yes, yes they do (ever been to a Pow-Wow?). Exactly what would be an accurate representation of Native Americans to appease these people? Maybe Karlie should have came out in a bolo tie and a green poker dealer’s visor.

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Justin Bieber Gets an A for Effort
Justin Bieber Gets an A for Effort

Now that we all know Selena Gomez is just staying with the Biebs to enhance her “brand,” the teen hearthrob is looking for a new pair of boobs to feel up. And he set his sights really, really high. It’s adorable when you think about it. The New York Post reports:

Justin Bieber performed at the VS show on Wednesday, and attended the after-party at Lavo on East 58th Street, where models including Karlie Kloss, Alessandra Ambrosio and Doutzen Kroes celebrated.

Bieber also popped up at Avenue later, where the teenage heartthrob was spotted at a table with his entourage and VS Angel Miranda Kerr.

According to several sources, Bieber was “asking for phone numbers from the girls” throughout taping of the show and at the party.

“He was hitting on the girls all day,” added one witness. “He was asking for their numbers.”

Bieber, 18, may have had limited success because some of the ladies are married with children and came to the party with their significant others.


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The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Was Last Night

I could spend a lot of time writing text you won’t bother reading, so instead I’d just like to wish all the ladies out there Happy Eating Disorder Day!

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The Victoria’s Secret Angels Are Selling Stuff, Links

Anna Faris is pregnant, had a wardrobe malfunction [The Superficial]
Jessica Alba got her groove back [Popoholic]
Arianny Celeste is in a bikini [Hollywood Tuna]
Shauna Sands gives no shits that there are cameras around (VERY NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are still together [Dlisted]
Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are still on vacation [Celebuzz]
Reese Witherspoon‘s dad is a bigamist [Celebitchy]
More shots from Octomom‘s porn shoot (NSFW site) [The Nip Slip]
The reviews for Dark Shadows are in [COED Magazine]
Have you ever seen your mother naked? [College Humor]
35 photos for a trip down memory lane [The Chive]
Brooklyn Decker disappoints at her latest premiere [Moe Jackson]
Rihanna is trying to make Chris Brown jealous [Celebslam]
Natalie Portman looks amazing [The Blemish]
Kanye is rapping about marrying Kim Kardashian now [Evil Beet Gossip]
Dita Von Teese is sad she’s straight [Amy Gindhouse]
Johnny Depp is still with his baby mama [Lainey Gossip]
Howard Stern says what we’re all thinking [Popcrush]
Man stabs his computer with a samurai sword because it was full of child porn [Film Drunk]
Oprah Winfrey‘s OWN network is screwed [Popbytes]
Playboy’s latest PMOY has a twitter account [Heyman Hustle]
Bruce Willis‘s new baby has more hair than he does [Allie Is Wired]

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Happy National Eating Disorder Day, Ladies!

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show aired last night, and if you’re unsure what that is, it’s when female physical perfection prance around in lingerie while you stab yourself in the leg with your keys because you really want to finish that tray of cupcakes. Because you don’t look like them. And you probably never will. It’s ok, though. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you in sweatpants and doesn’t think about Miranda Kerr when he’s having sex with you. I’m sure of it.

Miranda Kerr, Lily Aldridge, and Alessandra Ambrosio at the VS Viewing Party. I get a lot of comments saying they’re not real women. I didn’t know that. They must be some kind of sexy robots.

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Good Morning

I could talk about Penn State and the disproportionate number of cars flipped for the elementary school kids who got raped in their bathroom, but the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was last night. Everyone wins!

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The Jets Won Last Night

Imagine waking up to Candice Swanepoel. Multiply that by fifteen. That’s how I feel about beating the Colts last night, and I wanted to share that joy with you. You’re welcome.

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Lady Gaga Is A Mean One

Lady Gaga, who swears she lives for her “little monsters,” showed her appreciation for their support this weekend. The Toronto Sun reports:

The Poker Face star returned to the U.K. capital with her Monster Ball tour and was at her controversial best when a fan threw a doll of Father Christmas onto the stage.

Gaga accepted the gift – but then stunned the audience by biting into it with her teeth before finishing it off with the heel of her shoe.

She told her victim, “I hate the holidays. I’m alone and miserable you f**king stuffed little toy.”

But Gaga made up for her aggression later in the set, by reading segments of a book another devotee handed to her.

Attacking a stuffed animal that some poor soul with poor taste gave you? Now that’s metal. Though in Gaga’s defense, she probably thought it was a chew toy. Just like this guy did. Except, you know, with a live fucking bat.

Here’s Erin Heatherton in the fitting room at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. If you’re upset that there aren’t more Lady Gaga photos here, you should probably be reading Perez instead.

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