Victoria Silvstedt Is At The Office



Hey, remember when Victoria Silvstedt was Playboy’s 1997 Playmate of the Year? You do? Awesome. So if you’re wondering what kind of job you can get with that on your resume, I bet you’d never think “escort” or “prostitute”. Haha, I know right? I wouldn’t have thought of that either, but please keep in mind that Victoria Silvstedt is an actual prostitute. No, seriously. I’m only saying this to prepare you for this, this, and this. You don’t need to look at those pictures to know the guy in them is unattractive, because when you’re paying $30K a day to play Marco Polo with a 36-year old prostitute, I guess that’s just already assumed.

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I Guess You Can Do Outcall In The Park



In 1993, Victoria Silvstedt was crowned Miss Sweden and was immediately signed by a modeling agency in Paris where she modeled for such prestigious fashion houses as Chanel, Christian Dior, Giorgio Armani, Givenchy, Loris Azzaro and Valentino. Hugh Hefner wanted her to blow him, so in 1997 she was named Playmate of The Year and became the spokesmodel for Guess? soon after. That’s why she charges $30,000 a day to fuck guys in Dubai. As far as prostitute resumes go, this is like Abraham Lincoln running for President of the P.T.A.

Silvstedt in Central Park yesterday:

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St. Tropez Just Got More Fun

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Since I was given no guidance as a child and was led to believe that the world revolved around me, I throw out the word “whore” a lot on the site. My bad. But today is a good day, because Victoria Silvstedt is an actual whore. Seriously. For legal reasons, Victoria Silvstedt can’t hang a neon sign on her vagina and advertise her price list, but if you want to hit it, I assume all you need is a current passport and a certified check.

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Hey There, Loverboy



Playboy Playmate and whore (no seriously, like a real whore) Victoria Silvstedt was in St. Barts for New Years, and I’m pretty sure that she just asked that guy if he wanted to have sex. Mostly because he’s probably rich. That helps, because the new card swipe reader installed in her vagina is protected for the consumer with no surcharges or arbitrary security procedures. Although many banks charge over-limit fees or non-sufficient funds fees based upon pre-authorizations on debit cards.

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Victoria Silvstedt Dresses Appropriately



If the Tiger Woods drama has taught us anything, it’s that Swedish models are violent sociopaths who will beat you with a golf club if you cheat on them, but that doesn’t really matter. To my penis. Mostly because they’re blonde and stacked. Victoria Silvstedt could stab me in the neck during sex and I’d still ask her if she had any plans later.

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