Victoria Beckham Has A Tough Life

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Victoria Beckham bitched to Us Weekly about how hard it is to be a working mom.

“Look, if people want to say I’m miserable then so be it,” she told the Daily Mirror. “I’m really not. I have a lot on my plate. I’m not going to lie about it, I’m tired. I’m really tired but I’m also very happy with my life.”Beckham, who lives in Los Angeles with her L.A. Galaxy soccer star husband David Beckham and their four children, Brooklyn, 12, Romeo, 9, Cruz, 6, and Harper, 7 months, has spent the past few weeks jetting to New York and her homeland, England. Along for the ride? Baby Harper. “I’m not getting much sleep at all,” she continued to The Mirror. “Harper’s not sleeping that great, and I’ve been taking Skype business calls throughout the night, too, because of the collections. I’m up with the baby as all mums are, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s not a team of people doing it for me.”

I can’t help but imagine she’d have more energy if one of the things on her plate was, you know, food. In any case, it must be really hard living off the money she earned lip syncing to really deep lyrics like “zigazig ha” and having sex with David Beckham all the time. I’m sure the millions of other mothers who also don’t have nannies (nor assistants nor mansions nor sex with David Beckham) feel really, really sorry for Victoria Beckham. Or just really, really want to set her on fire.

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Victoria Beckham Has Replaced Paula Abdul

Apparently content to continue searching the record store’s bargain bin for judges, Victoria Beckham has been named the temporary replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. Sky News reports:

The former Spice Girl has agreed to make a “one-off appearance” on the hit US talent show, according to her publicist. Posh will join fellow judges Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi on the panel. The announcement comes just a day after Paula Abdul announced on Twitter that she was leaving American’s most popular show after eight seasons. The role is a massive coup for Posh, who has been keen to make it big in American since arriving with husband David two years ago. But it is understood she can not commit to anything other than a guest role as she wants to focus on her fashion range. The singer has made in roads into the world of fashion since her collection of dresses debuted at 2008’s New York Fashion week and received rave reviews.

Man, this seems like a pretty good choice. Because, if you’re an aspiring music star, who better to get advice from than an untalented, irrelevant chick who hasn’t had a hit in 15 years? I’m not even sure why they bothered. The only people that make any sense on that damn show are Simon and Randy. The panel could be those two and a framed picture of Victoria Beckham and nobody would know the difference.

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Victoria Beckham Got Her Boobs Deflated

Tired of looking like a WAG (whatever the hell that means), Victoria Beckham underwent her third boob job last month to shrink her ridiculous looking 34DD bolt-ons to 34B’s. Mail Online reports:

The former singer-turned-fashion designer is believed to have had the procedure done last month. She saw a Los Angeles surgeon for her third boob job and had a set of implants removed to reduce her assets from a busty 34DD to a less obtrusive 34B. Victoria is now said to be recovering in France with husband David, 34, and their sons Brooklyn, ten, Romeo, six, and four-year-old Cruz. A source told The Sun: ‘Victoria has wanted her implants taken out for a while. ‘She felt that was part of her old WAG image – the big hair, big boobs and fake tan – and that she has moved on since those days. ‘She had the op three weeks ago and is very pleased with the results.

So to recap, Victoria Beckham was born a 34A, went to a 34D, then to a 34DD and now down to a 34B. I appreciate the fact that she keeps trying so hard, but when you look like something off Antz, it doesn’t really matter how your boobs look. Victoria Beckham is basically Miss Piggy with bulimia and a plastic surgery obsession. It’s amazing that she’s been able to hang on to David Beckham as long as she has. Sure, he sounds like a 10-year old 1896 paperboy when he talks, but he could walk in to a sorority house right now, and at worst, be the third prettiest one there. This is gonna sound way gayer than it should, but I’d probably let him hit it. Besides, who are we kidding? I’ve had worse.

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Posh Might Be Thin

I know there’s a lot of people who think Victoria Beckham is hot, but she sorta looks like a mummy and her nose belongs on something winning a blue ribbon at the State Fair. I don’t get it. Besides she weighs like 40 pounds. I might as well have sex with a Lego Posh Spice. I’ve done some research on this, and I can’t seem to find any evidence to tell me it wouldn’t feel like the same thing.

Photo credit: Splash

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See You This Weekend

Just thought I’d clarify here: we do post on weekend these days. Not that you’d know it because I sucked it up during weekend one and we were down, server side for weekend two, but the third time is the charm, or so they tell me. Probably to make me feel better.

Saturday 01/17 and Sunday 01/18: posts. Unless Megan Fox shows up at my house. If that happens, I’m probably going to end up dead – orgasmed to death.

Or so I hope.

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Macy Gray Got Drunk On Our Links

Macy Gray is right about one thing: “Drink water.” It’s very important.

This post of sad Jessica Alba doesn’t have a title, which makes it all the more puzzling, and awesome. [Hollywood Gossip]

If Megan Fox can’t get Brian Austin Green to care, I’m sure we’re all in line to replace him. [LaineyGossip]

Hayden Panettiere squished her boobs for the Golden Globes. There wasn’t that much to squish in the first place. [Bastardly]

Odette Yustman is going to be in Esquire, and one picture has leaked. One picture of Odette Yustman deserves a link. [Popoholic]

Romana from South Carolina like to drink to Thunderstruck by AC/DC. We might be compatible. [CollegeHumor]

Lucy Pinder is some British woman who was first to get voted off Celebrity (more…)

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Victoria Beckham is Insecure

David Beckham is hotter than most of the chicks I’ve dated, so you can see how Victoria Beckham must feel knowing she looks like a leather cricket. In case you don’t know, David Beckham was scheduled to do an interview with Italian television host, Ilaria D’amico (this chick). Then Victoria typed her named into Google. The Sun says:

“The Italian media is claiming ILARIA D’AMICO was set to interview Becks tomorrow when he is officially unveiled as AC Milan’s new signing. But “at the request of the Beckham camp”, the interview has been scrapped after Posh apparently “researched Ilaria on the Internet”. Instead, Becks will be presented to the media in a standard press conference. Italian newspaper La Repubblica claims Victoria’s “jealousy” was the reason why the interview with Sky Sports presenter Ilaria was dropped.”

Since I’m committed to hard-hitting investigative journalism, I also researched Ilaria on the Internet. Who knows why Posh freaked out and cancelled the interview? Could it have been because of this? Or this? Or maybe this? I don’t really know her reasons. Although I think it has something to do with tits.

Ilaria D’Amico:

Beckhams and Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes on a dinner date together last month:

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Jozin Z Blinkzin

Posh Spice is a pig nosed elf on the stroll [Hollywood Tuna]
Salma Hayek is a breastfeeding addict [Dlisted]
Shauna Sand is ridiculous [Hollywood Rag]
Amanda Bynes panty upskirt (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Sarah Jessica Parker is doing something blah blah I don’t care [Popsugar]
Ari Gold is king douche [City Rag]
Shania Twain is back [Lainey Gossip]
Miranda Kerr does Ocean Drive [Popoholic]
Lydia Hearst gets naked for magazines (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Jennifer Garner is still pregnant [Just Jared]
Gemma Arterton is a Bond Girl [Egotastic]
Michael Jackson’s pedo palace gets sold [Socialite Life]

About the video: That song has been stuck in my head since last week, so you’re welcome for sharing my torture with (more…)

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Victoria Beckham Has Been Warned

Victoria Beckham is reportedly ready to have another child, but doctors have told her that she can’t have another C-section (it would be her 4th) or she will cause damage to her body. Herald Sun reports:

The former Spice Girl – who has three sons, 9-year-old Brooklyn, 5-year-old Romeo, and 3-year-old Cruz with husband David Beckham – is determined to have a little girl, but has been told she could damage her body if she has a fourth caesarean. “She wanted to try for a baby after the Spice Girls finished touring,” a source said. “But she’s put her plans on hold while she sees what can be done to help her. She knows she is putting her health at risk if she dismisses the advice of her doctors and has another C-section.” Doctors are concerned the 34-year-old could need an emergency hysterectomy if the op goes wrong.”

I guess “damage” is relative, because her tits look like she owed money to the mob one time and her nose, for all intents and purposes, looks like something from Charlotte’s Web. It’s safe to say that she could have this baby by squatting near an oak tree with a stick in her mouth and not look any worse.

Photos: Splash

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Link Spice

Christina Aguilera is drunk again [Dlisted]
Sarah McLachlan is in a bikini (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Supernanny offers Britney Spears advice [Hollywood Rag]
John Mayer’s vacation away from Jennifer Aniston [Popsugar]
Josie Maran his a hot mess [Hollywood Tuna]
Mila Kunis has gas [Just Jared]
Angelina Jolie’s nanny tells all [City Rag]
Aisleyne Horgan Wallace is topless (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged [ASL]
Kim Kardashian is all ass [Egotastic]
Loads of Laughter [College Humor]
Grace Park does Complex magazine [Popoholic]

Posh Spice in terrifying new Marc Jacobs ads:

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