Verne Troyer Was The Prom King

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Today in “There’s No Way In Hell” news, I have just found out that Verne Troyer was crowned the Prom King at his high school. I may have missed something here, but was this dude’s high school surrounded by a moat and guarded by a wise, elderly dragon? Is he a sorcerer? Did he protect the child who grew to bring an end to the evil queen’s rule as foretold in the ancient prophecy? He must have, because that would be the only way that this picture would make any fucking sense.

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Mini-Me Isn’t Golfing



This isn’t Verne Troyer at the Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Skins Classic. This is a shorter, whiter Tiger Woods. Tiger is a T-1000 constructed of mimetic poly-alloy. He touched Verne Troyer before this tournament and then proceeded to shame everyone else who played. Afterward, he tried to hit on a group of Swedish bikini models. When that didn’t work out, he turned back into Tiger Woods and spent the evening flossing his teeth with blonde hair and G-strings.

Photos: Splash

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Verne Troyer is Suing



Verne Troyer filed a $20 million lawsuit against TMZ for posting a portion of his sex tape. Troyer is asking for attorneys’ fees and an injunction prohibiting further circulation of the video. He is also claiming violation of privacy, copyright infringement, trademark infringement, violation of right to publicity and misappropriation of name and likeness. TMZ reports:

In the suit, filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in downtown L.A., Troyer claims TMZ violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape on TMZ TV and TMZ.com. He also alleges TMZ violated his right of publicity and misappropriated his name and likeness. Troyer says the tape was stolen and ended up in the hands of Kevin Blatt, the guy who distributed “One Night in Paris.” Blatt is also named as a defendant.”

It’s unclear why Verne Troyer is so pissed, because this tape proves he actually has sex. That probably can’t hurt. When he wasn’t doing movies, I assumed he lived in a forest cottage and worked in a diamond mine.

Ranae Shrider (the girl(?) in his sex tape):

Photos: Splash

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Mini-Me Has a Sex Tape

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This looks like The Crying Game 2. Because the original wasn’t fucked up enough. I’d like to thank Verne Troyer, his lizard tongue, and his … partner … for my anticipated nightmares tonight. I feel like I’m 8 years old again and just saw Poltergeist for the first time. So now I’ll sleep with the light on for a month, have Mommy come over and check the closet for monsters before I go to sleep, and will have a 6 foot “safe zone” on the perimeter of my bed which I’ll jump over and around so whatever lurks beneath the bed won’t pull me underneath it and try to kill me. Thanks again, Mini-Me.

Click here for TMZ’s short clip of the full video that SugarDVD is trying to sell for 100 grand.

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