Sup, Vanessa?



Based on her leaked, nude pics from a few years ago, it was obvious that Vanessa Hudgens does not use the Schick Quattro for Women. It’s four ultra-thin blades allow for an incredibly close and long lasting smooth shave. With Schick Quattro for Women, you and your vagina are ready for anything. If only I knew of a place where she could find one oh wait there’s one. Anyway, here she is at the Los Angeles Premiere of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island yesterday. I could go on I guess but the whole point of this post is to say that I would have sex with her. It’s Friday. Let’s keep our expectations low okay?

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Vanessa Hudgens Looks Great



Apparently trying to prove to the world that she’s not just a Disney face and a vagina that needs a landscaping crew, here’s Vanessa Hudgens on the set of Gimme Shelter. She plays a pregnant teen who gets kicks out of her house after she refuses to get an abortion. I guess this movie takes place in an alternate universe where Teen Mom doesn’t exist and you can’t get free implants and your own television show after your boyfriend forgets to pull out in his car after his shift at Taco Bell.

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Vanessa Hudgens Is A Stereotype


Vanessa Hudgens
isn’t known for her ability to carry a movie or a tune. She’s known for her tendency to strip down and get her picture taken. And since she’s part Asian, she’s also known for her ability to do laundry. She may actually be too dedicated to her craft, because it looks like she ironed her chest.

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Vanessa Hudgens Looks Happy At Coachella, Probably Didn’t Just Eat



Vanessa Hudgens attended Coachella this weekend where a lot of people think she was doing blow in broad daylight. Who knows? Maybe she was. She cashes checks from Disney and agreed to star in Beastly, so there’s a pretty good chance. I’m just more concerned with all the hipster chicks who are there. They’ll probably think I’m deep because I have “BE” tattooed on my penis. That’s before they see it actually says “BEAST MODE”. They’re still right about the deep part of course, but not for the reasons they initially thought.

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Vanessa Hudgens Contacted The FBI

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Yeah, sooo…I’m glad I didn’t post those pics. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources confirm with TMZ … it was none other than the FBI that met with Vanessa Hudgens yesterday about the nude photos that were hacked from her Gmail account. The FBI went to Vanessa’s lawyer’s office to meet with her in Century City, CA. The meeting lasted more than an hour and agents got info that we’re told leads to one individual who may have hacked 50 A-list celebs. We’re told Scarlett Johansson was hacked by the same individual, who leads a ring of hackers.

I got a takedown notice from her lawyers last night from pics we posted over TWO YEARS AGO, so it looks like they’re serious about this whole thing. But once something hits the Internet, well…it’s there to stay. No matter how many threatening emails you send. Trust me. That picture of me dressed as Peter Pan and riding a pink pony was meant for the girl I’m seeing not for you perverts!

UPDATE: Teenage girls are pure evil.

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Vanessa Hudgens Does Shape



I didn’t post the nude Vanessa Hudgens pics that were leaked yesterday, because 1.) I didn’t know how old she was at the time, 2.) a few were obvious fakes, and 3.) her vagina looks like SWAT had to kick it in a some point. But if you’re into possible underage porn that was made in Photoshop, you can check the pics out here (NSFW). However, since I’m a classy gentleman, I will post her pictures from the April issue of Shape. Specifically, the pictures from the April issue of Shape that show off her insane stomach. Christ, look at those abs. Jessica Simpson could wear those as thigh pads if one day she ever decided to do any physical activity besides following her Hot Pockets’ microwave instructions.

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Vanessa Hudgens Does Details



To promote her new movie Sucker Punch and proper blood flow to my penis, Vanessa Hudgens is in the February issue of Details. In case anybody was wondering, I’d get her pregnant and let her keep the baby. Not only because I’m a gentleman, but because brown babies are selling pretty high right now. To make a good investment, it’s really all about allowing market trends to dictate your decisions.

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I Want Candies

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Vanessa Hudgens is the new face of Candies, but do we really need to say “the new face”? That’s not really why she was hired, right? She could have a pumpkin or an anvil for a head and I’ll still try to hump the computer screen before I realized what I was doing.

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Zac Efron Stopped Shaving

Our boy is back to bearding. Page Six reports:

Zac Efron has reunited with his ex, Vanessa Hudgens. They split in December, and Efron was then linked to Rumer Willis. But he and Hudgens arrived together at the opening of Hollywood hot spot Eden on Friday night. Spies said Hudgens, in a tight black dress, and Efron “were inseparable all night, dancing, drinking vodka and canoodling.”

Zac Efron wears more makeup than RuPaul and went from a conveniently documented relationship with his Disney costar to potentially banging some chick who looks like a supporting character in Toy Story, then back. Is he back in the closet? Did he get temporarily blinded after a rent boy maced him? Or did Vanessa finally return his Body Shop Passionfruit lip gloss and make amends? And will The Bachelor really find love this season, or is he just out for a taste of fame? God. I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

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Vanessa Hudgens Is 22, Still Single



Vanessa Hudgens and her hot little ass celebrated her 22nd birthday and split from Zac Efron at PURE in Las Vegas this weekend, and I don’t want this to sound crass or degrading in any way, but I would do so much damage to this chick’s anus our sex tape would have to be filmed by Abraham Zapruder.

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