People (Buzzfeed) who knew that Usher has a Snapchat posted about Usher posting a dick pic on Snapchat. He kinda did. I’m not calling this NSFW because it has an emoji on it. Possible loophole in your office’s internet usage policy. If you don’t work at an office, check it on your phone or whatever. If you don’t work at all, text your parents and thank them for paying for the thing you’re holding. They might get you a nicer one you never know. Today could be the day. (more…)
Slow news day.
Someone is shopping an Usher sex tape around town, and what the guy may or may not know … it’s stolen property that could land him in jail. TMZ broke the story … someone broke into Usher’s car in ATL back in 2010 and stole 2 laptops, 2 video cameras and a million bucks in jewelry. Turns out … a sex tape featuring Usher and wife Tameka Raymond was on one of the laptops. Someone tried selling the tape shortly thereafter but no one would touch it. But in the last few days the tape has resurfaced and someone is trying to hawk it.
Look, Usher discovered Justin Bieber, so whatever happens with this sex tape I’m comfortable with, but the only thing I really learned from this story is that whenever I see Usher’s car unattended in Atlanta that I should break into it. A million dollars in jewelry could pay for like, what? Two weeks of downtown parking?
Kyle Glover, the son of Usher’s crazy, estranged wife, Tameka Johnson, was on a inner tube in Atlanta’s Lake Lanier on Friday when he was hit in the head by a jet ski. Apparently that doesn’t give you superpowers or make you a psychic. TMZ reports:
Usher’s 11-year-old stepson has been declared brain dead by doctors following the accident Friday when he was struck by a jet ski … TMZ has learned. According to our sources, Kyle has not experienced any brain activity since he was admitted to the hospital. We’re told there has been no decision yet as to whether or not to take him off life support. Our sources say Usher arrived at the hospital last night and Tameka has not left the hospital since she got there. As TMZ first reported, Kyle was struck in the head by passing jet ski while riding on an inner tube on Lake Lanier in Atlanta, GA.
I mean, this sucks, but just like white people always end up missing because they fell down a cave or died from hypothermia because they tried to climb a mountain, black people should really stop going near bodies of water. Nothing good ever comes from that. Even when they made it across a large body of water safely, they had to work off the free cruise for a while.
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Because celebrities are better than law-abiding citizens and people in wheelchairs, Usher parked in a handicap spot this weekend. This really pissed off some white woman. TMZ reports:
Usher was bull-rushed in the middle of a crowded parking lot in ATL last weekend — by an angry woman looking to fight the singer for parking in a handicap spot … and TMZ has the footage. Eyewitnesses tell us .. Usher had just arrived to the Little 5 Points Halloween Parade (hence the guy in the Elvis costume) when the woman saw U’s SUV parked in a handicap spot. We’re told the woman demanded the singer move his car — but Usher refused and she went ballistic … screaming, flailing her arms, and grabbing Usher’s hoodie. At one point, she screams, “You don’t belong here!” Sources say the woman’s husband eventually dragged her away from the scene — and Usher drove away not long after.
It’s hard to tell in the video whether or not his car has a tag, but I’d let him stay there. This is the same guy who made Justin Bieber famous, so it’s safe to assume he’s retarded. The incident took place in Atlanta, so it’s also safe to assume that when she said “You don’t belong here,” the woman meant “off of the cotton fields.”
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A sex tape featuring Usher and his ex-wife, Tameka Foster, was allegedly found on a laptop that Usher reported “stolen” in 2009. After he works out a backroom deal with Vivid, you’ll be able to see the screencaps on this site. Hey, look a there! We’re all winners! TMZ reports:
TMZ was approached several days ago by someone claiming to have the sex tape. The person sent us a short video and two photos. We’ll keep this PG-13 and just say … the people in the video are both givers. The video and photos are clear — it’s Usher and Tameka. Sources close to Usher — without specifically admitting the existence of a sex tape — tell us they believe this video could have been among the things Usher had stolen out of his car back in December 2009. Usher reported more than $1,000,000 worth of jewelry and electronics taken — including two laptop computers.
Ooh, a married couple going down on each other?! Man, I can’t wait. I bet the bored indifference, dress socks, and weave cap are sure to make this a big hit.
Usher joined Beyonce and Nelly Furtado in their shame at performing for Moammar Gadhafi. E! Online reports:
Usher is the latest star to express regret for ever taking money from coffers connected to the Libyan dictator, who has been engaging his supporters in a bloody battle against rebel forces who are trying to expel him from power.
The R&B star joins Nelly Furtado and Beyoncéin the never-again pool of artists who say they unknowingly performed for six-figure fees at private events involving Gadhafi’s family and are now passing their paychecks along to good causes.
Actually, Beyoncé’s rep confirmed that the pop-R&B superstar donated her $1 million to earthquake relief efforts in Haiti last year, immediately after learning of the Gadhafi connection.
“I am sincerely troubled to learn about the circumstances surrounding the Nikki Beach St. Bart’s event that took place on New Year’s Eve 2009, ” Usher said in a statement issued Friday. “I will be donating all of my personal proceeds from that event to various human rights organizations.”
According to his rep, Usher has already donated to Amnesty International and will continue to give to other human rights charities throughout the year.
Furtado admitted last week to taking $1 million for a private performance in 2007 and vowed to donate the same amount to charity.
If Usher really wants to repent, he needs to send Justin Bieber to perform in Libya. Ideally, Bieber would get caught in the crossfire. If not, we can still bet that Gadhafi will either surrender, kill himself, or die laughing the first time this kid says “shawty.”
I hope Usher has a prenup. From TMZ:
Usher — who filed the papers today in Fulton County, GA — married Tameka back in August of ’07. They have two kids together: 18-month-old Usher Raymond IV and 6-month-old Naviyd Ely Raymond. A hearing is set for July 15…
Marrying someone old enough to be your mommy (or daddy; I’m an equal opportunity hater) is never a good idea. Ashton and Granny, I’m looking at you. There comes a time when the most exciting part of wifey’s day is taking their teeth out to gum some corn on the cob, when all you want them to do is bob on your knob. It’s best to get divorced before you start getting urges to smother them with a pillow, or add arsenic to their fiber supplements.
So here is Usher with some Victoria’s Secret models, including Heidi Klum and Karolina Kurkova (she has no belly button!!! :-O).