Tyra Banks Is Great

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In 2009, Tyra Banks did a show on teen sex addicts in which a 15-year old girl appeared to talk about how much she likes sex. So imagine her mother’s surprise when she found out where she went. Then imagine Tyra Banks surprise when got hit with a $3 million lawsuit. For what you might ask? Oh, no reason. Popeater reports:

In a lawsuit filed Oct. 8 in federal court in Atlanta, Beverly McClendon claims the show contacted the teen on her cell phone after she responded to a request on the show’s website seeking “sex addicts.” The girl was then picked up from her home in Georgia in a limo and flown to New York, where she was put up in a hotel, all without her mother’s knowledge, the lawsuit says. McClendon filed a missing person report with local police when she realized her daughter was gone. The teen has never been diagnosed as a sex addict, the lawsuit says. The lawsuit also names Warner Bros. Entertainment and the executive producers of the show as defendants. McClendon says her daughter suffered damages because the 2009 show “was undoubtedly watched by sexual deviants, perverts and pedophiles.” The lawsuit seeks a jury trial and asks for $1 million in compensatory damages and $2 million in punitive damages. It also asks the court to bar the episode from ever being aired again on television or online.

Teen sex addicts? Really? What’s next, a show about leprechauns who are addicted to pots of gold? Dogs who are addicted to barking? Whatever. Tyra Banks makes every show about her, so I assume she came out in pigtails while sucking on a lollipop at some point.

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Tyra Banks Hates America’s Next Top Model



It looks like Tyra Banks is pretty much over “America’s Next Top Model” and will bail on it in favor of spending more time on her stupid talk show. MSNBC says:

OK! magazine reports that Banks isn’t getting along with photo shoot creative director Jay Manuel, and her days on the show could be numbered. “It’s gotten so bad that Tyra and Jay aren’t speaking,” an insider told OK! magazine. The selective silent treatment isn’t limited to Manuel, either. “Tyra barely interacts with the contestants and only wants to show up on judging day,” the source told the magazine.”

I wouldn’t get along with that bitch Jay Manuel either. His head looks like it was dipped in papier mache paste. I used Jay’s head as “Wilson” in my Cast Away diorama this year and my 8th grade teacher gave me a C minus. So that’s why I’m all, fuck Jay Manuel.

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Tyra Banks Needs a Diaper



You probably don’t know who Fabian Basabe is, which is good, but in case you care, he’s one of those spoiled New York socialite brats who you’ll find on shows like “Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive” and quite possibly in public restrooms having anonymous sex with other men. Anyway, heterosexual and married Fabian is reporting for Paper magazine on fashion week which he says is, “by far my favorite assignment.” and the only reason I’m posting about this is because he said Tyra Banks thinks her clothes are a toilet.

…i arranged to do it backstage at the tents in the w suite. Just when I start getting comfortable and ready, a group of madmen and madwomen storm in and take possession of the suite because… ready?… Tyra Banks messed herself and needed to change. Now, let’s break this down: messing oneself should not happen if you are older that 5 or younger than 90. if it happens and in fact you are older than 5 or younger that 90, then it should be one, single, very unfortunate episode which will bound you to be made fun of forever and you can’t complain about it. Now I would like to bring to your attention that Tyra’s people carried a change of clothes for her at NYC fashion week. Hmmmh… could it be that Tyra messed herself before? or just that her entourage is so organized that in case tyra would ever, maybe, possibly mess herself that one time, they have a change of clothes? I don’t know…”

In case you need a translation, Tyra soiled herself, and her entourage reacted as though they’re so used to Tyra’s accidents that they were very well prepared for the clean-up and wardrobe change. All I can picture is Steve Martin as “Ruprecht” filling his pants at the dinner table as he maintained a thoroughly retarded and relieved look on his face. I like to think that’s how it went down with Tyra. Now all she’s missing is an eye patch and a tire swing.

Thanks to Michelle for the heads up!

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Tyra Banks Talks About Vagina



Apparently there are women in the world who have never actually seen a vagina, so Tyra Banks dedicated an entire show to “What’s Up Down There.” As usual, Tyra completely talks down to everybody and treats her audience like 1st graders. My penis should’ve hosted this show. He’s licensed. Although, I have to admit, his presentation wouldn’t have included a sock puppet or Tyra Banks telling a story about guess who? Tyra! Man, I didn’t see that one coming!

Tyra when she knew less about her vagina:

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Tyra REALLY Wants You to Watch Her Crappy Show



Tyra Banks is set to devote an entire hour-long show to discuss the vagina. During the show, the audience will take an anatomy quiz and direct questions to guest gynecologists. She says,

I have wanted to do this show for two years…We should be able to talk to our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends about our bodies and not be embarrassed. I hope after this show women will not be ashamed about what’s up down there.”

Every episode of The Tyra Banks Show ends up being about Tyra Banks and how great she is, so this should be fun. Probably by the second commercial break, a great velvet curtain will be pulled back to unveil an artist’s rendering of Tyra’s vagina surrounded by doves and Jesus holding a tiger cub on a giant rainbow.

Source

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