Miley Cyrus Is Definitely Going To Be An Aunt

This kid’s more fucked than Noah. E! Online reports:

Miley Cyrus is gaining a sister-in-law! That’s right, they may not be confirming anything else, but they are confirming this: Trace Cyrus and Brenda Song are engaged! The couple, who began dating in spring 2010 and who, at least at last check, are expecting their first child together, revealed the happy news on (where else?) Twitter this afternoon. “I am very excited to say, last week I asked my girlfriend Brenda Song to marry me and she said YES! We are both very excited to be engaged!” the 22-year-old fiancĂ© announced… No wedding date has yet been announced for the couple, which makes two unknowns for the young duo. Though a source confirmed to E! News back in August that Brenda was pregnant, last month her mother Mai Song reportedly (grain of salt alert) spoke to Star, and adamantly declared that her daughter is “actually not pregnant.” For her part, Song has taken pains to maintain a low profile (save for today’s bling-baring excursion), and when she has appeared in public, it’s always been under the protection of some pretty baggy clothes.

I don’t have the energy to go into what the kid’s going to look like or how damaged one’s relationship with her father has to be for her to have sex with something that looks like Trace Cyrus, so I’ll just say this. They don’t need to confirm the pregnancy at all, because everyone knows that the only way to get a 22-year-old man to marry you is by “missing” a pill or blaming it on antibiotics. Or by promising him citizenship, but I’m pretty sure Trace Cyrus doesn’t hang dry wall for a living.

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