Tony Romo Had A Kid



HEAR THAT JESSICA???!!! HAVE THE DAMN THING ALREADY!! Per Dallas Cowboys’ Twitter:

Congratulations to Tony Romo, proud papa of Hawkins Crawford Romo, born yesterday at 5:30pm. 8 lbs 8 oz

“Hawkins Romo” sounds like a gay pirate, but I just hope the baby is okay. Because there’s a good chance the nurse handed it to Tony Romo and he fumbled it.

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Tony Romo Got This Pregnant

This will turn out great. E! Online says:

So which former flame of Jessica Simpson is procreating and proud of it? It’s Tony Romo! The newlywed Dallas Cowboy, who tied the knot with Chace Crawford’s sister, Candice Crawford Romo, just five months ago, announced to a group of high school students, of all people, that he was about to be a papa. “I actually got one on the way,” he told students at Ceder Hill High when asked if he had any kids. “My wife’s pregnant.”

I’d congratulate them, but this is more frightening than celebratory. If Romo plans on ever holding this child, here’s hoping Candice lists “helmets” on her baby registry.

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Tony Romo Is All Man

[SinglePic not found]

When you marry a woman who looks exactly like her brother Chace Crawford in drag and your wedding registry includes a silver, 3-Tier cupcake stand and a heart-shaped waffle maker, some tough questions need to be asked. With those questions being, “Dude, are you a fag?” and “Your wife’s gender reassignment surgery. She all done with that?” Shutdown Corner reports:

What do you get a millionaire quarterback and a former pageant queen for their wedding? If you were invited to the Memorial Day weekend nuptials of Tony Romo(notes) and Candice Crawford, the question was easily answered on the two online registries the couple created at Macy’s and Crate&Barrel…

On the Crate&Barrel registry alone, Romo and Crawford had 150 items from which to choose. One five oh. In retrospect, it may have just been easier to send invitees the spring catalog along with a note saying “send us anything.”

• And Crate&Barrel? Really? Was Target closed that day? C&B is a fine store, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that if you make millions of dollars and are hosting a wedding with hundreds of rich folks in attendance, don’t you think you’d walk the extra few steps in the mall to get to a Williams-Sonoma?

• Romo and Crawford asked for cheese plates, cupcake stands, salad bowls, chip and dip holders, and an ice bucket. Those should work out perfect for the Super Bowl party both will be available to host.

• They registered for three tea lights that cost 50 cents each. Dez Bryant(notes) is going to get a talking to from his financial manager if he bought the couple the $230 toaster instead of those candles.

• By my count, there were 54 items on the registry that were under $10, including the tea lights, some dishtowels and a small condiment prep cup. Who’s so cheap that they spend under $10 on a wedding gift? Bill Bidwell and Mike Brown weren’t invited, were they?

• A french fry holder and candle holder were on the registry. Can’t say I’m surprised Romo asked for help in holding on to things.

So basically they made people cancel their Memorial Day plans and spend all day at fucking Crate & Barrel to buy them shit they’ll open, look at, then use once every 15 years. You know, much like Dallas Cowboys fans’ playoff tickets.

Related Posts:

Tags:
Tony Romo Completes A Successful Handoff

[SinglePic not found]

As TMZ so eloquently says, this is the only time Tony Romo could take a knee this year, and it happened to be the moment when he proposed to his girlfriend and drag show Chace Crawford, Candice Crawford. When asked for comment, Jessica Simpson said, “Why do I need to get a clean plate every time? I always lick off all the gravy, so I don’t really see the big deal. What’s wrong with you people?”

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Jessica Simpson Is Stress Eating Right Now

[SinglePic not found]

As is the case in all of her relationships, when Jessica Simpson was dating Tony Romo, she told anybody who would listen that she had found her “soul mate” and hinted that marriage was inevitable. Then Tony Romo dumped her ass two days before her birthday. Two months later, Romo started dating former Miss Missouri, Candice Crawford (sister of Gossip Girl star and prancing gaywad Chace Crawford). They are now engaged. Us Magazine reports:

Another ex-beau of Jessica Simpson has chosen his bride! Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is engaged to Candice Crawford, his rep confirms to UsMagazine.com exclusively. Dating since September 2009, Romo, 30, proposed to Crawford in Dallas on Thursday, her 24th birthday.

On the brightside, Candice Crawford is skinny and has actually won something without her daddy having to pay everyone off first, but unlike with Jessica Simpson, Han Solo can’t take Romo’s lightsaber and split open her stomach to keep Romo warm from the coldness of his 4-9 record. But as a sidenote, blondes aren’t really my thing. And blondes really aren’t my thing when they look EXACTLY like their brother in a wig and lipgloss. When I downloaded this picture, I actually had to double check that the file name didn’t include the words “Priscilla” or “desert.”

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
I Guess You Can’t Blame Jessica Simpson For This



Tony Romo should have broken more wishbones with Jessica Simpson, because after leading the Giants 20-7 last night, the Cowboys (1-5) once again imploded and lost 41-35. Oh, and Tony Romo is out for the season. I wonder if they can still make the playoffs? They better hurry, though. Online tickets go pretty quick. Shutdown Corner reports:
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo(notes) suffered a fractured clavicle on a crushing hit during the team’s Monday Night Football game against the New York Giants. It is unknown how long the injury will sideline the Cowboys signal caller, but if surgery is required the average recovery time is nine weeks. Early reports suggest Romo will be out 8-10 weeks. Romo was injured on the Cowboys’ first offensive snap of the second quarter. Giants linebacker Michael Boley(notes) ran through the line untouched and got to Romo a split second before the quarterback released a 14-yard completion to Miles Austin(notes). Romo’s shoulder hit the turf hard as Boley drove him into the ground. He lay motionless on the field for a few seconds before medical personnel attended to him.

I heard all preseason that this year’s Super Bowl was going to be a home game for the Dallas Cowboys, but hopefully they’ll draft Neo with the #1 pick next year to help them wake up from their world of delusion. That might help.

If you’re like me and find happiness in watching a stadium full of Mexicans choke on their Goya beans and dreams, you can watch the video here.

Don’t feel too bad for Tony Romo, he used to hit this like it was turf:

Related Posts:

Tags:
Tony Overthromo Has Moved On



Jessica Simpson can go cry in her Moose Tracks now, because less than two months after dumping her a day before her birthday, Tony Romo has found him a new piece. Us Magazine reports:
The Dallas Cowboys quarterback, 29, is dating Chace Crawford’s little sister, Candice, a 22-year-old beauty queen who looks strikingly similar to Romo’s ex Jessica Simpson, a source close to Romo confirms toUsmagazine.com. “She’s not happy that it’s out [in the media], but they weren’t trying to hide,” a source close to Candice tells Usthe day after CelebTV.com first reported the coupling. “They’ve gone out to dinner in Dallas a bunch.”

This blonde is way hotter, so sorry Dallas fans. Tony Romo is completely baffled and confused on the field during the playoffs anyway, and he looked like a caveman who was just teleported to Six Flags whenever Jessica Simpson was in the stands, so you can probably imagine what’s gonna happen now. More than likely an incomplete pass, but there’s a strong possibility he might try to light the ball on fire and launch it with a catapult.

Chace Crawford is in Gossip Girl. So are Blake Lively’s tits:

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
Jessica Simpson Got Dumped. Again.



Unlucky in lovefucking everything, Jessica Simpson got dumped by her boyfriend of almost two years, Dallas Cowboys quarterback(?), Tony Romo. A day before her birthday. Star Magazine reports:
Jessica Simpson didn’t get an engagement ring for her 29th birthday on Friday — instead she got dumped by Tony Romo! Tony, who dated Jess for a year and a half, broke up with her on Thursday, the night before her birthday. And, a source tells Star, Tony hit the party scene on what should have been Jessica’s big night. The Dallas Cowboys football player was spotted kissing a brunette girl in Hollywood on Friday. Jessica desperately tried to put a brave face on the situation, writing on her Twitter on Saturday that she had canceled her Barbie-and-Ken-themed birthday bash. “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!” she wrote. “Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you,” she Tweeted on Sunday.

Kissing on a brunette girl can solve any problem, but just as a reminder, it’s been 4,580 days since the Cowboys won a playoff game, so let’s not jump for joy over the 2009 season just yet Cowboys fans. Getting rid of Jessica Simpson doesn’t change the fact that your quarterback looks like a caveman who just saw an airplane every time he steps on field during the postseason. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a chance the Cowboys could win a playoff game this year, but there’s also a chance I could fly on a magical dragon to lands untold for adventures of wonder.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
Jessica Simpson is More Like It

At this point, anything is better than IDLYITW being the Thriller video it’s been for the past two weeks, so here’s Jessica Simpson and Tony Overthrowmo (get it?! haha) at the AT&T National in Bethesda, Md. yesterday where she sang something. The fact that Tiger Woods, one of the most dominant athletes in the history of sports (and one of my personal favs – vicious off the tee, married to a hot former model, etc.) had to condescend to take a picture with these two losers isn’t lost on me, but damn she’s squeezed into that damn dress. I never ever thought I’d say this, but if she kept that dress on, there’s a good chance I’d fuck her so fast my penis would look like a tuning fork.

Related Posts:

Tags: , ,
The Cleavage Of Fashion Week: Jessica “Fatty” Simpson

Fashion week is her for us New Yorkers, and that means all the annoying celebrities are gathering in the middle of town and going to our fancy restaurants and telling us that our suits made of burlap sacks are unfashionable. What do they want from me? Tweed?

The only good part of fashion week is recently bloated celebrities like Jessica Simpson finally remember why God allows weight gain and pushup bras to work together so nicely.

Here she is on a date with Tony Romo at the West Village’s Weaverly Inn, letting the tops of her bresticles reach for her devious smile. A smile that says: “Tonight, Tony is going to roofie me so I don’t cry during sex.”

Related Posts:

Tags: ,