Tomi Lahren’s Immigrant Ancestor Forged His Citizenship Documents
Tomi Lahren’s Immigrant Ancestor Forged His Citizenship Documents

 

Jennifer Mendelsohn over at Wonkette describes herself as an “avid genealogist” and she says she has proof that Tomi Lahren‘s immigrant great-great-grandfather was indicted was indicted for forging his citizenship documents. *spins around in chair, strokes cat*

I bring this to light not to shame or embarrass Tomi Lahren.

Haha, yeah ok. This story of pulled receipts is hilarious, but you really have to appreciate the level of petty it took to do this.

It means it’s pretty damn ironic that she continues to claim the moral high ground on this one, throwing stone after stone at illegal immigrants, unaware that she’s been living in a proverbial glass house all along.

Why she gotta do my boo like this? You can’t get her out until I grudge bang her to death. She’s a child who also contributes to the economy (still trying to figure that argument out), it’s not her fault her ancestor immigrated here illegally. He was just an undocumented citizen. This country is all Tomi knows. It doesn’t matter he broke the law, where is your compassion and empathy? Humans cannot be illegal or something. Man, I hope I’m doing this right.

 

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Here’s Tomi Lahren’s Boyfriend
Here’s Tomi Lahren’s Boyfriend

 

Not sure if the person who took this picture knew to take it with the flash on, but here’s Tomi Lahren‘s boyfriend. A lot of you have told me that you don’t see color, but if you look hard enough, you can kinda make out that he’s black. When Conservative Barbie is out here getting plowed by black penis, I guess average white men have no choice but to get in big group together in a college town on a Friday night and carry tiki torches. I think that’s probably it. Tomi Lahren will probably make a video about how much she’s on their side as soon as her boyfriend unpins her knees from her temples.

(more…)

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Tomi Lahren Uses Her Parents’ Obamacare
Tomi Lahren Uses Her Parents’ Obamacare

 

Tomi Lahren is my boo in the sense that I’d like to bend her over a couch just so she’d shut the fuck for like 30 or so minutes, but I recently saw her without makeup so the whole “bend her over thing” would be more of a necessity now. Anyway, she squared off against noted Affordable Care Act expert, Chelsea Handler, at some kind of summit where she admitted she uses Obamacare.

“I believe it’s my right to purchase health care, I don’t believe it’s my right to pay for it for other people,” Lahren told Handler. “We need to find alternatives — what we have now is not working. What we had before Obamacare wasn’t working.” Lahren repeatedly argued against the law, which President Obama signed in 2010. But she did say at one point that she was still on her parents’ insurance plan because of it. “Do you have a health care plan or no?” Handler asked Lahren. “Well luckily, I’m 24, so I am still on my parents’ [plan]” Lahren replied…”That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Lahren said. “To say there are things from Obamacare that are not positive, that’s not true.”

I guess this would be news if everybody wasn’t forced to use Obamacare, but if you’re reading this, there’s a chance you’re fighting to save Obamacare while your parents pay for it. That’s cool. Usually when you don’t have to pay for stuff it’s easy to see it as an inherent right. Also, have you guys seen Tomi Lahren without makeup? Sorry to stress this again, but it’s very concerning to me.



 

banner pic = Instagram

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Tomi Lahren Is Being Oppressed
Tomi Lahren Is Being Oppressed

 

In this, THE AGE OF WOKENESS, everybody is being wired to be triggered at every turn, but people saying words have never really bothered me. Tomi Lahren doesn’t really bother me, because she was basically a paid troll who got fired for having a mind of her own on a specific issue. Now she wants all her social media accounts back from the bitches at The Blaze so she can’t keep saying words.

“Let me go. Let me move on,” Lahren said, during an appearance on Nightline. “I’m deeply hurt by what has happened, I’m disappointed in what has happened. But if this is the way that it is, let’s just part ways, cleanly.” “I just want to work and have the freedom to put my voice out there and I want to interact with my fans and my followers, that’s all I want out of this,” she added. “It’s my job, this is my life. Without that, I feel lost. When your outlet is taken away from you, when your catharsis is stripped from you and you don’t understand why and you’re so disappointed and you’re so blindsided by it—it hurts.”

I literally agree with nothing that comes out of her mouth except the pro-choice thing, but I like how losing the ability to tweet and Facebook has turned her into Moses and MLK. But I also understand she’s in weird and vulnerable place right now and that might mean she’s be open to banging a brown guy. Hit me up, boo. You can talk all you want into the pillow if you catch my meaning. I feel that you do.

 

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Tomi Lahren Got Fired

 

Last week Tomi Lahren got “suspended” from The Blaze for saying on national television that women should have autonomy over their own bodies. Obviously, that’s a fireable offense at a place run by a conservative old white dude. This weekend they fired my hot, grudge fuck fantasy boo.

Tomi Lahren won’t be appearing on Glenn Beck’s multiplatform network, TheBlaze, anymore. Sources say Lahren — who was suspended last week after flip-flopping on abortion and declaring herself pro-choice — has been banned permanently. “Glenn is reminding the world of his conservative principles by sidelining Tomi after she insulted conservatives by calling them hypocrites,” one Beck insider told me.

Yes. Calling conservatives hypocrites is what got her fired. Yeah, ok. But it is great to see that conservatives and liberals have a lot in common. Like taking money out of anyone’s wallet who doesn’t believe every issue of their political ideology works for every single person on the planet. It’s almost like every human has their own mind and priorities. Weird. I have my own mind and one of my priorities is to have unprotected sex with Tomi Lahren then supporting her decision to have an abortion. This is something I firmly believe in, so I feel we should practice a few times.

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Tomi Lahren Got Suspended From The Blaze For Being Pro-Choice
Tomi Lahren Got Suspended From The Blaze For Being Pro-Choice

 

Much like all of Twitter aspires to be, Tomi Lahren is a paid professional troll who only gets attention because my fellow liberals love to set outrage hose to self-righteous indignation and blast everything with the blood of a Slate article. Last Friday, the went on The View and said she was pro-choice. She works for The Blaze, so obviously that’s heresy and they suspended her.

Leon Wolf, the managing editor of The Blaze, told CNNMoney only that “Tomi’s show will not be in production this week.” Reached by email late Monday, Lahren said she couldn’t address the matter. “Wish I could comment but I can’t,” she said.

After this happened, I hoped on Twitter and waited for the “support all women” Twitter takes, but lol that didn’t happen because you should only support women who agree with you politically on every single thing or they are harlots who should be shunned and forced sit in a corner to think about their white privilege or internalized misogyny or the show they like that uses coded racist music or whatever deem the moral high ground at the time. What you shouldn’t do, under any circumstances, is say “hey, she agrees on a topic I care about, maybe this is a chance to understand that everyone is different and won’t agree on everything all the time like I imagine in my peaceful liberal, Nordic utopia that I have planned for America right after I firebomb this Starbucks.” You shouldn’t do that. You should burn her alive at the stake for other things she said. It’s the only way we can come together as one. What you don’t want to do is find out what else you and Tomi Lahren have in common. Like, Tomi and Bernie Sanders. Both like to yell and hear themselves talk. Imagine the possibilities. Sidenote: My penis has no political affiliation, so knowing Tomi Lahren is pro-choice, make me happy for two reasons. How you doin, boo?

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