Tom Hiddleston Was An Empty Husk Of Self-Serving Interests At The Golden Globes
Tom Hiddleston Was An Empty Husk Of Self-Serving Interests At The Golden Globes

 

Despite Taylor Swift‘s vision board saying she would attend the 2017 Golden Globes with Tom Hiddleston then be carried off in a unicorn carriage to her afterparty in Rhode Island once he accepted his award for The Night Manager, Tom Hiddleston went by himself and won Best Actor in a Limited Series then proceeded to make everyone in the audience aware that he and Taylor Swift were made for each other.  If you want to feel second hand embarrassment for him again or watch everybody who had to listen to this shit look like they rather die in Sudan, here’s the video:

 

 

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Tom Hiddleston Needs You To Stop Asking Him About Taylor Swift
Tom Hiddleston Needs You To Stop Asking Him About Taylor Swift


In the October 2016 issue of Interview Magazine, Benedict Cumberbatch (for some reason) interviewed Tom Hiddleston. Because you need interviews in your magazine if you’re called “Interview Magazine”. Besides being the most British interview ever, Cumberbatch ironically mentions Taylor Swift the way Taylor Swift will eventually mention Tom Hiddleston on her next album.

CUMBERBATCH: I agree. How could you deny that impetus, having witnessed it firsthand? I can’t even imagine what effect that must have on you. And there’s another weight of us being in the public eye, which is this presumption that, because your work and your promotion work is very public, your private life should be, too. And, without getting into a huge debate, I just want to say that I’m not going to ask questions about my friend’s personal life just because there are unsolicited photographs of him and a certain someone, in a relationship or together. I’m not going to get into that. So that door is closed, dear reader.

HIDDLESTON: [chuckles] Thank you.

 

Benedict Cumberbatch wanted to bring the drama, but was unable dude to the overly polite British bro code. I would type more, but I’m trying to figure out way gay fetish fantasy this photographer was trying to live out.


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Taylor Swift Wants To ‘Destroy’ Calvin Harris & Tom Hiddleston On Her New Album
Taylor Swift Wants To ‘Destroy’ Calvin Harris & Tom Hiddleston On Her New Album


You might want to sit down for this, because you’re not gonna believe it, but Taylor Swift is planning to write horrible shit about Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston on her next album. I know, right?! So unlike her. 

“Taylor’s been left fuming and is going to use her next album to restore her reputation and set the record straight,” says one insider. “She says she’ll destroy Calvin and Tom – she’s determined to get payback revealing details which, until now, she’d promised to keep secret.” 

Buy why though? For the most Taylor Swift reason possible: she’s a petulant child with only pettiness to keep her heart beating (her petty fire mixtape of the last calendar year track listing: Track 1, Track 2, Track 3, Track 4). 

Apparently it’s not so much the breakups that have outraged Taylor, but the way both Hiddleston and Harris seemed to welcome the attention that followed their respective splits: “Taylor’s blood was boiling when Tom’s camp waded in with stories slamming her,” the source says. “This was made worse by Calvin’s comments, which felt like another dig, as she said Calvin was twisting the knife when her reputation was already at an all-time low.”

Ugh, why can’t they just let her PR team answer with her usual victimization auto-responder and let her get all the attention? Why do these men always have to tell their side of the story even though she implicitly made them sign the NDA? Maybe the crochet pattern she got off Etsy was hard to read. It might not even be a legal document. 


#fbf 


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Calvin Harris Arranged A Meeting With Tom Hiddleston, Is Banging Jennifer Lopez
Calvin Harris Arranged A Meeting With Tom Hiddleston, Is Banging Jennifer Lopez


Calvin Harris reportedly reached out to Tom Hiddleston so they can meet up and “trade war stories about their rough times with Taylor Swift“. Yes, please. 

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Tom Hiddleston Tried To Bang Priyanka Chopra At The Emmys
Tom Hiddleston Tried To Bang Priyanka Chopra At The Emmys


Taylor Swift‘s vision board had Tom Hiddleston proposing before the Emmys so she could flaunt her rock on the red carpet to an international audience for maximum exposure, but turns out she was boring. So instead of the publicity fairy tale that she dreamed, the guy she took on a plane with a camera crew to meet his mother less than two months ago, was trying to bang Quantico star Priyanka Chopra the whole night. 

When The Night Manager star and Priyanka Chopra presented an award Sunday night at the 2016 Emmys, viewers couldn’t help but notice the pair participating in a little twirl as they made their way to the microphone. Multiple eyewitnesses tell E! News that the pair was “openly flirting with each other” at the Emmys after-party in between snapping selfies and mingling with guests. “Tom had his arm around her and held her close. Afterwards, Tom and Priyanka talked closely and were holding hands at one point for a few moments,” our insider said. “Priyanka fixed Tom’s bow-tie and then the two kissed on both cheeks.”

Keep in mind, Tom Hiddleston had Taylor Swift grinding on his dick at the MET Gala in front of Calvin Harris, so he gives zero fucks about collecting your girl if you’re not protecting your girl. As I was saying:




I would say Taylor Swift is gonna kick all the Indian chicks out out of her squad, but there aren’t any.  Not sure she even knows what would look like. Maybe she can hide behind a dumpster with Lena Dunham and Lena can point one out. 


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Tom Hiddleston Allegedly Dumped Taylor Swift Because She Was Boring
Tom Hiddleston Allegedly Dumped Taylor Swift Because She Was Boring


Earlier this week, Taylor Swift‘s team actually wanted you to believe that she was the one who put the brakes on the relationship” with Tom Hiddleston. Yeah, ok. Now Tom Hiddleston’s friends say he broke up with her because she was boring. 

But now friends of Tom Hiddleston have come forward to claim it was in fact he who decided to give Taylor Swift the boot as he had grown ‘tired of her.’ The 35-year-old Thor star is said to be so fickle with women that he dumps them all with monotonous regularity, a development which led his associates christening the time frame as ‘the three month rule.’  A theatre producer who worked with the wannabe James Bond on Coriolanus told Heat Street: ‘The reports are wide of the mark and come as news to all Tom’s friends. ‘He grew tired of Taylor, it wasn’t the other way round.’

Like, I want to believe this, but then I remember that he used to date this. And she had him dying of thirst. Anyway, this whole story is also boring now.  Just like their eventual sex tape that will leak which will basically be Taylor giving him handjob and stopping every 30 seconds because Tom isn’t maintaining eye contact. 


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Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Split
Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Split


In news that will come as a shock no one, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have split after three months. So whose PR team got out in front of this first to explain the ending of the greatest love story of our time? That was rhetorical btw. 

“She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship,” a source close to the couple tells Us. “Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn’t listen to her concerns when she brought them up.” Now that they’ve split, the source says, Hiddleston is “embarrassed that the relationship fizzled out.”

Too public. Taylor Swift was concerned this relationship was too public. You said Taylor Swift said this. I mean, what else is her PR team gonna say at this point? Probably that her next album is gonna be a double album then.  Gotta fit Calvin, Kim, Kanye, Tom, and a Lupus awareness ballad for Selena in there. Or she could just finally come out and get it over with. I don’t think anybody has ever tried to convince themselves they love dick this much. 


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Taylor Swift Wants Tom Hiddleston To Propose Before The Emmys
Taylor Swift Wants Tom Hiddleston To Propose Before The Emmys


Tom Hiddleston got an Emmy nomination for The Night Manager, but Taylor Swift needs to find a way to make it about her, so she is pressuring him to propose before September awards ceremony for the most Taylor Swift reason possible. Star (via Cele|bitchy ) reports:

As Taylor Swift’s picture-perfect world lies in shambles, thanks to Kanye West’s secret recording, Swift is clinging to the one person sticking by her side: Tom Hiddleston. “Taylor and Tom talk about spending the rest of their lives together,” shares a pal, “but if he’s serious about settling down then he needs to propose.” Hiddleston is no stranger to Taylor’s demands. Per reports, Tom flew all the way out to LA to console the singer after she failed to score a single VMA nomination. “Tom was hoping to buy some time, but it sounds like Taylor wants to announce their engagement soon,” says the source, who suspects the pop star has set her sights on the 2016 Emmy Awards in September. “Taylor will want all eyes on them, and what better way than to walk down the red carpet with a rock on her ring finger.”

It doesn’t matter if this is true or not, it just matters if it sounds true. Which it does. Taylor Swift suing a photographer who takes a pic of the ring at the wrong angle will also sound true. Tom Hiddleston shooting himself in the head in the middle of a field will also sound true. Or that’s what Taylor Swift’s PR team will have you believe. Wake up, sheeple.


[  Banner pic = Instagram  ] 

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Tom Hiddleston Is Successfully Fulfilling His Contractual Obligations


Anybody want to know how Tom Hiddleston is doing besides suffering in silence with nowhere to turn after Kim Kardashian slayed the Boss Becky? Let Taylor Swift’s team of PR staff writers spin you a third act of a Garry Marshall movie. 

 “Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with,” the insider dishes. “They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”

“Writing during her travels” like she’s Cheryl Strayed hiking the Mojave Desert instead of flying in a private jet having Gigi Hadid take dictation while Tom drinks to feel nothing. You’re not selling me on this, guys. Not selling me at all. But this next part. I hope you’re sitting down. 



Are you sitting down? Please tell me you’re sitting down.
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Tom Hiddleston Says His Love For Taylor Swift Is Totally Real And Not Fake At All
Tom Hiddleston Says His Love For Taylor Swift Is Totally Real And Not Fake At All


Look at Tom Hiddleston‘s face. He knows he’s Taylor Swift‘s special boy. Taylor’s sweet, fancy boy. He’s currently in Australia filming Thor: Ragnarok, and Taylor followed him there because the device she implanted in his heart will explode if he’s more than 20 yards away. Here’s a candid shot of the couple immediately after he witnessed a live demonstration: 




Since he’s in Australia and just got nominated for his first Emmy, The Hollywood Reporter gave him a call and talked about the Emmy then asked this question not knowing Taylor Swift was holding flash cards. 

You’re in the middle of a cultural frenzy right now dating Taylor Swift. How would you respond to people who claim that you’re involved in some sort of publicity stunt?

(Laughs.) Well, um. How best to put this? That notion is — look, the truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we’re very happy. Thanks for asking. That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt. 

This definitely sounds like true love. Because when you’re in love, you use your girlfriend’s full name as it specifically states on the contract and you have to use the word “truth” twice  in your answer because this is what you rehearsed and if you fuck up the wording or use a word that might be taken as an insult, your girlfriend will bathe in the blood of your career and scatter your ashes on some rocks in Rhode Island. 

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