Trump Said Tom Brady Voted For Him, Gisele Said He Didn’t
Trump Said Tom Brady Voted For Him, Gisele Said He Didn’t

 

I realize it’s hard trying to keep up with lies Donald Trump tells on pretty much a daily basis, but apparently he told a crowd in New Hampshire that Tom Brady voted for him. Not sure how that translates into him winning Miami.

 

 

Then almost immediately, Gisele took off her Uggs because Tom needed to borrow them and went on Instagram to deny her husband voted for Trump.

Gisele Bündchen — wife of NFL superstar Tom Brady — flatly rejected Donald Trump’s assertion that her husband had voted for the GOP nominee. “NO!” the Brazilian model told an Instagram user who asked if it were true that she and Brady were backing the brash billionaire.

Trump also claimed Bill Belichick wrote him a letter. Not that you need another reason to hate Belichick, but that’s actually true. Belichick did write Trump a letter. He used the word “tremendous” twice and “amazing” once. He didn’t give him tips on how to rig the elections, so that’s cool.

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Ben Affleck Went Full On #Deflategate


Bill Simmons’ new HBO show, Any Given Wednesday, premiered last night and the second guest of the evening was his fellow Boston sports homer, Ben Affleck. Naturally,  Tom Brady was the topic of discussion, because Boston bros would burn Larry Bird alive if Brady literally asked them to kiss his ass. In the 5 minute segment, Affleck said “fuck” or “fucking” 19 times. He also called Brady classy and wondered openly about Brady sexting.


As you can see, it takes about 30 secs to think Affleck is drunk off his ass. He wasn’t. This is just how grown men from Boston talk about Tom Brady. 

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Donald Trump Says Tom Brady Helped Him Win Massachusetts
Donald Trump Says Tom Brady Helped Him Win Massachusetts


Back in September, Barstool Sports writer John Feitelberg took a pic of a Donald TrumpMake America Great Again” hat in Tom Brady‘s locker. Less that two weeks later, Brady told ESPN that “it would be great” if Trump was elected President. Trump called Brady “my friend” and a “total winner” for the compliment, but mostly because his erection for Brady has lasted longer than four hours. He still had it during his interview with The Washington Post yesterday.

Hicks: Tom Brady says you never lose.


Trump: In Massachusetts, I’m at 48 percent. You know why? Tom Brady said Trump’s the greatest. He says it to anyone who asks him. You know, it’s hard for a guy like him to say that. When you’re a football player, you don’t want to be taking sides in campaigns and having the Hillary [Clinton] people now say you’re not as good as Bart Starr. You understand. So Tom Brady is great.


Thanks, Brady.


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Miss America 2016 Thinks Tom Brady ‘Definitely Cheated’
Miss America 2016 Thinks Tom Brady ‘Definitely Cheated’


Your new Miss America, Miss Georgia Betty Cantrell, knows what’s up.

(more…)

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NFL Is Investigating The Patriots For Illegally Deflating Footballs Yesterday
NFL Is Investigating The Patriots For Illegally Deflating Footballs Yesterday

 

How can a white, slow, 37-year old quarterback have a 65% completion percentage and a 100.6 QB rating? It’s pretty simple. #DEFLATEGATE.

WTHR’s Bob Kravitz is reporting the NFL is investigating whether the New England Patriots illegally deflated footballs during the team’s AFC Championship game against the Colts Sunday night. An NFL spokesman confirms to Newsday‘s Bob Glauber that the matter is under investigation. Deflated footballs are easier to throw and catch, especially in the stormy conditions that threatened the area. Officials caught USC illegally deflating footballs in 2012, and fined the school. Kravitz says officials took a ball out of play to weigh it, and that if the Patriots are found guilty of tampering with the balls they will lose draft picks—similar to the team’s punishment for 2007’s Spygate. 

The Patriots spied on the Panthers’ practice before the 2003 Super Bowl and still only managed to win by 3, but their cheating techniques have been honed to perfection since then. Bill Belichick constantly wears a hoodie, and if the media has taught us anything, anybody who does that is untrustworthy. I guess what I’m saying here is fuck the Patriots.

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Donald Trump Has Great Hair


The New England Patriots are beating the New York Jets like a GITMO prisoner right now, mostly because Tom Brady is throwing against defenders whose cleats were apparently made out of concrete. The commentators say it is due to Brady’s precision and pocket awareness, but Donald Trump‘s hair was just trying to wave and say hello. I think he’s a big fan.

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Tom Brady And Gisele Had A Boy



New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady welcomed his second child (the first that he didn’t leave while the mother was pregnant) with supermodel Gisele Bundchen. Page Six reports:

It’s a boy for Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. People is reporting the pair have welcomed their first child. Brady has 2-year-old son Jack with ex Bridget Moynahan. The New England Patriots quarterback and the Brazilian supermodel tied the knot during a private ceremony back in February and then held a reception in Costa Rica in July.

To reiterate, Tom Brady is prettier than your girlfriend, is a two-time Super Bowl MVP, and an international supermodel didn’t mind if he didn’t pull out. Awesome. In recognition of their special day, I would just like to say fuck you, Tom Brady.

NOTE: No, I don’t mean “three-time Super Bowl Champion”. I mean “two-time Super Bowl MVP”. Thanks, though.

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Sorry Ladies



After dating for almost three years, New England Patriots quarterback(?) Tom Brady and model Gisele Bundchen were married yesterday in Santa Monica. Us Magazine reports:

The bride, 28, donned a form-fitting ivory lace strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband, all by Dolce & Gabbana. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars….The ceremony — which began at dusk — was “very small and intimate,” a source tells Us, adding that guests mostly consisted of immediate family. Brady’s son with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, was also present.

Bridget Moynahan was pregnant when Tom Brady started dating Gisele, so I bet this wasn’t awkward. Not at all. When asked for comment, Bridget said, “So let me get this straight. I plug the hose directly into the tailpipe, right?”

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Gisele Bundchen Needs To Get Naked



After a perfect 16-0 regular season, the New England Patriots lost 17-14 to the New York Giants last night in Super Bowl XLII. So I guess that means Gisele Bundchen needs to get naked. The Sportsman’s Daily (satire) reports:

In the aftermath of their 21-12 victory over the San Diego Chargers, Tom Brady’s celebrated girlfriend startled onlookers by promising to run naked down Broadway in the unlikely event the Patriots lose to the Arizona-bound N.Y. Giants — unlikely until the very moment she parted her full lips and made the surprise announcement.”

Just so we’re clear, a naked Victoria’s Secret model running down the street will never happen. Never. Just like with everything else involving the Patriots this weekend, it’ll just turn out to be hype and a fucking tease. Wow, it must suck living in Foxboro today. An artists’ rendition of New England Patriots’ fans include a plane crashed into a side of a barn and a cat with a bowl of spaghetti on its head.

Victoria’s Secret Super Bowl stuff:

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