[SinglePic not found]
10. BLAKE LIVELY
She made a crackhead the hottest character in The Town and she has legs that make you want to commit a hate crime against your penis. The only way she won’t be on this list next year is if The Superficial Writer finally finds out where she lives. I’m not gonna lie, I’m worried about that boy.
9. OLIVIA WILDE
Nothing on this chick should work, but dear God it does. Every time I see her I want to use her to repopulate California. What? Yeah, I know there’s already people there. Sorry, Olivia Wilde comes in on page 2 of my plan.
8. MEGAN FOX
Sorry. She’s hot. Get over it. if I have to convince you of that, you might want to take another test in Cosmo. Because you’re gay you see.
7. SOPHIE TURNER
Funny, a law degree, and a body like a deluxe pleasure model on a off-world colony. If I got any where close to this I’d feel pressured to dress my penis up in a top hat and tails.
6. ASHLEY GREENE
She’s a talentless ice queen who is dating an effeminate singer of a Disney band. And?
5. BAR REFAELI
The only way she could be any more perfect is if she really did have a bag of Jew gold.
4. KELLY BROOK
America finally found out who Kelly Brook was in 2010 thanks in part to Piranha 3-D. Or in spite of Piranha 3-D. Whichever.
3. CANDICE SWANEPOEL
There’s a reason why the world’s hottest chicks are born in South Africa or Brazil. You could put Candice Swanepoel in a room with 1,000 other chicks and at least half of those would die from sheer embarrassment.
2. ROSIE JONES
By far the most requested chick on the site. She could have hooves and talons for hands and I’d still cum at least twice before I noticed.
1. SOPHIE TURNER’S ASS
Not since Secretariat has an ass so captured the hearts and minds of the world. I realize Sophie Turner has a lot of movies lined up, but her ass really needs to be cast as the central character in a episode of Law & Order SVU.