The Sony Hacker Was Probably A Chick Employee Who Got Laid Off In May
The Sony Hacker Was Probably A Chick Employee Who Got Laid Off In May

 

By now, it should be pretty clear to everyone that North Korea wasn’t responsible for hacking Sony, so that $5.99 you spent to ensure America’s freedom by buying The Interview, was because a chick who got laid off in May was still pissed at Sony.

Security firm Norse claims it has evidence that shows the Sony hack was perpetrated by six individuals, including two based in the U.S., one in Canada, one in Singapore and one in Thailand. Norse senior vp Kurt Stammberger told the Ledger, a security industry news websitethat among the six was one former Sony Pictures employee, a ten-year veteran of the company with a very technical background who was laid off in May following restructuring. Norse used human resources documents that were leaked as part of the hack to first identify and then track the former Sony employee’s online activity at least since May, when the person left the company The Ledger writes: “Researchers from the company followed that individual online, noting angry posts she made on social media about the layoffs and Sony. Through access to IRC (Internet Relay Chat) forums and other sites, they were also able to capture communications with other individuals affiliated with underground hacking and hacktivist groups in Europe and Asia.”

Sorry. I know you tried to do your part to keep America safe between opening presents and taking shots. Like most Americans, your not-quite sacrifice and blind patriotism was highly lauded with Facebook likes. Rest easy know that you did your job to fight an unseen enemy and make Sony richer. Go forward with this knowledge and have a blessed day.

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You Can Buy A ‘The Interview’ Poster on eBay For $1k
You Can Buy A ‘The Interview’ Poster on eBay For $1k

 

Merry Christmas to the bro on your list.

They range in price from 99 cents to over $1,000. There are nearly 500 of them available on eBay. We’re talking posters from the ill-fated The Interview the most talked-about film that may never be officially released. The movie was scheduled to open Christmas Day, but Sony pulled the release after major distributors decided not to show the film. They were reacting to terrorist-style threats from the Guardians of Peace cyber group which hacked Sony’s servers. Within minutes of that decision on Thursday afternoon, people started selling and buying The Interview Christmas Day premiere posters, banners and paraphernalia on eBay. At first, the highest bids were around $40 — but within 24 hours, some of the double-sided, 27 in. by 40 in. posters were receiving bids in the hundreds of dollars.

I mean, as far as movie posters go nowadays (“here’s the two stars’ giant faces and some stuff in the back and some words!”), this is a pretty decent poster. The movie is eventually gonna come out and suck, so either the resale value for these probably won’t be as much or it’ll be triple. You never really know with people. The only reason you’d want this poster in your house is for somebody to come over then ask you about it so you can tell your little story, but I try to get people out of my house as quickly as possible. That’s why I have a Cannibal Holocaust poster.

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Seth Rogen Got A Special Forces Bodyguard Because Of North Korea

By now, you’ve probably read on Facebook that Sony has completely scrapped The Interview, therefore causing my prediction to come true. These colors never run! Especially when we have moral stands to take like standing in line at Chick-Fil-A to support a rich guy’s interpretation of a book that was written buy a bunch of other dudes. Or by illegally downloading The Interview. But that’s pretty much all we do, because all it really takes is an anonymous threat and somebody to mention “9/11” and we’ll piss ourselves. The terrorists won in 2001, because you’ve been living in fear ever since. But I assume you’re not as scared as Seth Rogen yet, because he just hired an ex-SF bodyguard. Say what you want about North Korea, but they indirectly just saved millions of Americans from potential torture. Kudos to them.

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Nobody Is Promoting ‘The Interview’ Anymore

Just in case Sony needed something else to make it crumble to the ground, James Franco and Seth Rogen are no longer promoting The Interview and the NYC premiere has been canceled. Sony is also allowing theaters to decide if they want to play the movie with no financial penalty.

On the same day the Sony hackers made a 9/11 scale threat against theaters showing “The Interview” — the New York premiere of Seth Rogen and James Franco‘s movie has been scrapped. A rep for the Landmark Sunshine Cinema confirms Thursday’s scheduled premiere is cancelled. It’s unclear if the event will be rescheduled. This is the first cancellation for an event surrounding the controversial movie. The Hollywood premiere went on as planned last week, but they didn’t do any red carpet interviews.  As TMZ first reported … the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security doesn’t view the latest threats as credible. Sony is letting theaters decide whether to play the movie — leaving the door open for big financial losses.

Kirk Cameron probably wishes he made this movie instead, because you know who is gonna line up down the street like they’re at a Chick-Fil-A eating chicken untouched by homo semen? Conservatives with raging America boners. Because this is America. And we don’t back down from terrorist threats. lol jk they probably won’t go because North Korea has nukes and our swinging balls stop swinging when the terrorists have matching uniforms. We don’t fuck with matching uniforms. We want our terrorists in sandals and cut off jeans. But, I mean, if your home base is a cave and part of your military transport includes a camel, we’ll shoot a remote controlled missile so far up your fucking ass that Hank Williams, Jr. will fly out of your mouth riding a majestic eagle that soars until he lands on a McDonald’s drive thru speaker. Don’t fuck with us. I mean, you can fuck with us if you have a goat, but if you’re good with computers and stuff like that, we’ll just write you a strongly worded yet polite letter. So if this thing is North Korea, and something does pop off, just keep in mind that we as humans spent our time on Earth building Wal-Marts and fighting over imaginary lines on a map. Congrats.

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N. Korea Is Gonna Bomb Us If ‘The Interview’ Isn’t Banned
N. Korea Is Gonna Bomb Us If ‘The Interview’ Isn’t Banned

 

Thanks, Obama.

James Franco and Seth Rogen's upcoming film The Interview is continuing to cause international controversy. In the comedy, Franco and Rogen play a talk show host and a producer who score an interview with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and are asked by the U.S. government to assassinate him during their visit to the controversial nation. Now, the Korean Central News Agency reports that the North Korean government is prepared to retaliate if the film is released as planned. "Making and releasing a movie on a plot to hurt our top-level leadership is the most blatant act of terrorism and war and will absolutely not be tolerated," an unnamed spokesperson for the North Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs said Wednesday, referencing The Interview. "If the US administration allows and defends the showing of the film, a merciless counter-measure will be taken," the spokesman was quoted as saying.

A nuclear war to stop James Franco and Seth Rogen from making movies wouldn't be my first choice, but if that's what it takes, then go for it. There's another singing competition that's about be on cable, so if Jong-un could hit that button before it airs that would be pretty cool. Is nuclear winter the same as regular winter? Because I look pretty good in sweaters.

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