Happy Turkey Day, People
Happy Turkey Day, People


Hey there, lovely readers. It’s that time of year again. The day where we can all set aside our differences and agree that leggings and sweatpants are indeed pants. Regardless of what you think of the holiday, you got a day off and you don’t have to cook or spend money on food. Your crazy aunt will probably show you a Breitbart article that proves Obama will soon pass a law to decapitate Christians on Christmas Eve, but trust me, you’ll miss complaining about that when she’s dead. There’s always something to be thankful for, and right now, I’m thankful for all of you. Depending on the outcome of the Cowboys/Panthers game, I’ll either eat for a second time out of habit or for emotional reasons. Win/win. See ya Monday.

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Happy Turkey Holocaust Day, Everyone!

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I realize black people complain a lot about slavery and all that working for free stuff, but keep in mind, they got a free cruise to America. But what did my people get? Some blankets? What’s up with that? I dare you to go on Amazon right now and compare the price of a cruise to a blanket. Granted, you might have to adjust the cost when you add smallpox to it, but still. That doesn’t seem fair. I guess the whole point of this is to let you know we’ll be back on Monday, so you all can enjoy a day of thanks. And by “thanks”, I mean be thankful that you have a day off to watch football because we saved you from starvation to give you the energy to rape everybody and burn down shit. Also, I have Green Bay at -6 1/2.

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