Remember when Nicki Minaj got upset because “Anaconda” didn’t get nominated for Video Of The Year at the year’s MTV VMAs because of racism even though it’s a shitty song, then Taylor Swift got mad then they made up? Then remember when Miley Cyrus was announced as the host then called out Swift in an interview with Marie Claire, then said she had more shade planned for Swift at the actual VMAs, then Swift got paranoid that Miley and Katy Perry are conspiring against her, because she’s so super fantastic feminist awesome and they’re just jel? Well, Miley Cyrus did an interview with The New York Times where she said Nicki Minaj is a bitch pretty much all the time to everyone. It was announced yesterday that Nick Minaj would open this year’s VMAs with, well, ‘Anaconda”. What a wonderful time to be alive.
Miranda Kerr is dating Evan Spiegel, the billionaire CEO and co-founder of Snapchat, and since 2 out of 4 white men in America and Europe have dated Taylor Swift, Spiegel apparently had a fling with Swift then dumped her via text. Taylor Swift called Miranda Kerr to let her know that.
After Miley Cyrus said her titties were better than Taylor Swift’s fake guns in her Marie Claire interview then reports of Miley planning to throw more shade at Taylor Swift at the VMAs, Taylor Swift has been backstage during her tour frantically trying to find the right gif to accurately express her innermost thoughts and emotions. Those innermost thoughts and emotions being that Miley and Katy Perry have entered an unholy alliance to destroy her.
“Taylor is very suspicious that Katy’s behind Miley’s attack on her, she blames her,” a source told HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “She knows Miley and Katy hang out and she knows Katy still talks so much trash about her, she knows she tries to turn people against her. She thinks Miley is just a pawn in Katy’s game, she feels sorry for her.”
I don’t know if this is true or not, but Taylor Swift does look like the kind of person who would say, “aww, I feel sorry for you”. She probably says that to homeless people then gives them a cardigan made out of Tegan and Sara’s hair.
In the September 2015 issue of Marie Claire, Miley Cyrus did a photoshoot and was asked some questions. She somehow managed to talk about doing LSD when asked about sexism, but most importantly, she was asked about Taylor Swift. In response, Taylor has a Tumblr post saved in drafts and is actively searching Etsy for the most passive aggressive stamp she can use to mail her hand-written letter to Miley. The stationery, I assume, has a matte printing of a girl kissing a horse in a meadow in the lower right hand corner. Taylor also wrote the letter in Burgues Script calligraphy font and is probably laced with lilac-scented arsenic.
On Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” video: “I don’t get the violence revenge thing. That’s supposed to be a good example? And I’m a bad role model because I’m running around with my titties out? I’m not sure how titties are worse than guns.”
I mean…chick has a point. When your whole girl power image is built on songs dragging dudes who didn’t want to date you anymore, the image kinda collapses on itself. Then when you get a group of women together just to bash another woman, then you just look kinda petty and dumb. Like when you report a Paul Walker meme to Facebook. Thanks for that btw, Paul Walker fan.
Real life burn book, Taylor Swift, is on the cover of September 2015 issue of Vanity Fair, and as you’d expect, her interview follows the Taylor Swift Talking Points script pretty close. GIRL POWER! MEN! HERSELF! I LOVE MY FRANSS! SISTERHOOD! OTHER MEN! INDIRECT SHADE AT KATY PERRY! FALSE MODESTY! She also says that “girls in our group have dated the same people”, so shout out to those dudes. Also, shout out to her legs. Goddamn. Katy shouldn’t feel bad though. She did Vogue Japan. That’s basically the same thing, right? lol no Katy’s been Meek Mill for like two years now.
Apparently Lucky 13 is some kind of clothing brand that is suing Taylor Swift for selling merch that kinda looks like their stuff. (more…)
Nicki Minaj, seen here being a “certain kind of artist”, performed on Good Morning America this morning where she let everybody know that she and Taylor Swift talked on the phone so Taylor could apologize more instead of texting like normal humans.
During a Friday appearance on Good Morning America, Minaj, who made headlines this week when she fumed over her “Anaconda” video being passed over for a Video of the Year VMA nomination, said she and Swift, 25, aired their differences in a phone call after the “Bad Blood” singer’s Twitter mea culpa. “She was super, super sweet and she apologized,” Minaj, 32, confirmed. “She said, ‘Look, I didn’t understand the big picture of what you were saying, but now I get it.’ We’re all good.”
The call probably ended when Taylor asked Nicki to FaceTime so it could read her zodiac chart, but more importantly, Nicki Minaj performed this morning in see through pants so America could see her ass. Which is pretty much how this whole thing started.
While I was editing these pictures of Pascal Craymer doing whatever it is she’s doing here, my correspondents in the field sent word that the dark cloud of faux feminism and slighted grinding asses has finally been lifted from our nation. In an emergency Twitter summit, Taylor Swift was the first to call for the laying down of arms. Although critics of this proposed truce say it’s a bad deal and Taylor said sorry just for show.
Nicki Minaj, battle weary and tired of the bloodshed and her mentions, gracefully accepted her enemy’s unconditional surrender.
I’ve always loved her. Everyone makes mistakes. She gained so much more respect from me. Let’s move on.
Although this is cause for celebration, it is also time for reflection. Reflection for those brave souls that we lost. Katy Perry, this war’s Pat Tillman, dove thumbs first into the fray with no regard for herself or punctuation, and was immediately KIA by friendly grammar fire. Then Nicki poured gas over the body and cleansed it in a ceremonial fire. In closing, let’s all heal as a nation. Get on board. Do your business around the country. Fly and enjoy America’s great destination spots. Get down to Disney World in Florida. Take your families and enjoy life, the way we want it to be enjoyed. And keep the events of 7/21 close in your mind. Stay vigilant. Because some dumb ass Twitter shit could pop off at any time. #neverforget
Hey, remember the other day when Nicki Minaj acted like she Sandra Bland because “Anaconda” didn’t get a Video Of The Year nomination at the MTV VMAs then Taylor Swift thought it was about her then got smacked down by think pieces who failed to mention that “Anaconda” sounded like a Fischer-Price My First Song? That was fun. Then, well, the whole Katy Perry response that read like she typed it with her feet. But have no fear, Ed Sheeran is here. A dude who would swim in nuclear waste if it he thought it would give him super powers to break out of the friend zone Taylor has him in so he could sniff her high-waisted floral panties. Instead of nuclear waste, he said some words to Australia’s The Daily Telegraph.
“I think everyone knows that Taylor has done nothing wrong in that situation. She didn’t nominate herself for the awards. It’s not her fault, she just made some good videos and people think they’re good. And I think the Minaj point is a bit redundant, her point is that you have to be skinny and white to get a video of the year nomination but Beyonce’s 7/11 is in there and that is celebrating the female figure in every form.”
Wait, did that sound like Ed shrugged and said, “well, they already have a black lady in there so I don’t see the problem”? It did, right? Ok, good. Because he tweeted Buzzfeed this whilst jerking it to “Bad Blood”.
“That’s taken out of context and not what I was saying was redundant at all. I was making a point about body image and not race, whilst sticking up for a mate, I definitely said it wrong though, apologies.
Taylor, look. Just let Ed lick it one time. That’s all the boy wants. Just let him taste it. You can still post on Tumblr and order custom stationary while he’s down there. Jump on Netflix. He’ll be done before you get to “Created by Dick Wolf”.