Drake Is Buying Toys For Taylor Swift’s Cat

Is that velvet?

A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on

 

We’ve reached peak Drake.

“Drake knows the way to Taylor [Swift’s] heart and he’s going for it in a big way,” an insider tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “He stopped into a PetCo and went buck wild on cat accessories for Taylor. He went all out. He’s also preparing to send her this sick designer bag that she can put her cats in when she’s traveling. It’s Drake being Drake and his way of letting her know that she’s good people and keeping her close to him. He knows how much she adores her cats and Drake wants her to know that he adores her just as much.” That is so sweet!

Drake falls in love faster than Taylor, so who knows how this is gonna turn out. He probably hasn’t even been allowed to sniff it yet. I assume if he had, he would’ve bought the whole pet store or invested technology to make her cat immortal.

 

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Taylor Swift Threw Lorde A Birthday Party

A photo posted by Lorde (@lordemusic) on

 

Hey, remember Lorde? She’s that chick that had that one song that one time. She’s also in Taylor Swift‘s cultsquad. Apparently she turned 20 despite looking 45. Here’s some pics from Instagram. before you ask,  Aziz Ansari was the only brown person in attendance. Gotta keep things diverse and such.
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Taylor Swift Might Be Pregnant And Doesn’t Know Who The Daddy Is

According OK!, Taylor Swift is pregnant with somebody’s baby. We don’t know who.  These pics are Taylor Swift at the 2016 CMAs last night. And since I had this story saved before I saw these pics, we’re gonna pretend like I didn’t and just roll with it anyway (via The Inquisitr)

“People are saying she’s pregnant,” the magazine’s insider continued. “While [Taylor Swift] has remained mum on the rumors, her recent behavior is leading some to believe it could be true. One pal describes the singer as ‘super emotional lately’ adding that she’s mostly been staying in at night and avoiding alcohol.”

Super emotional “lately”? I don’t think this insider even knows Taylor Swift. And I thought Taylor usually stays in at night anyway with her cat. I’m calling bullshit.

Continuing, the magazine’s insider claimed Taylor Swift’s alleged weight gain was totally out of character for the singer but suggested that a pregnancy “would make things add up.” Apparently, as the source explained, Taylor Swift has been eating twice as much as she normally does and has cut back on going to the gym. Meanwhile, sources claim the identity of Taylor Swift’s possible baby daddy was said to be unconfirmed.

I don’t know how this chick’s eating habits, but every day there’s pap pics of her going to the gym. Those stopped like three weeks ago. Draw your own conclusions from that. Maybe she’s pregnant or maybe she got some yoga DVDs.

“[Taylor Swift] friends aren’t even sure who the father would be, though their money’s on Calvin Harris. The timing fits for a late-summer reunion with him, which could have prompted her to dump Tom [Hiddleston]. That would put her a few months along,” the insider explained. As for Tom Hiddleston, he’s said to be a “dark-horse candidate to be [Taylor Swift’s] baby daddy.”

If she’s pregnant and Calvin Harris is the daddy, then that’s some Maury shit. Although I don’t really think she’s pregnant since her lawyers would stop any sperm before it hit anything and force it to sign its copyright and a NDA. I guess we’ll see. I’ve put too much thought into this so I’m just gonna hit “publish” now. Good day.

 

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Taylor Swift & Squad Were Non-Offensive
Taylor Swift & Squad Were Non-Offensive

 

Each time you get offended by a Halloween costume, a white person secretly votes for Trump, so good thing Taylor Swift and her squad spent Halloween like they spend their lives: being as bland and boring as possible. Unless there’s a think piece about the black girl with rollers in her hair, this is pretty much the least “offensive thing” I’ve seen this year. The only one who should really bee offended is Martha Hunt, since Taylor called her “Martha Brady” instead of “Marcia Brady”.

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Taylor Swift Is Coming For Drake

You knew it wouldn’t take long, but Taylor Swift showed up to Drake‘s 30th birthday party at Delilah in LA, and first she had to be Regina George.

“They were put on opposite sides of the room and didn’t even look at each other. Taylor came through the front door with Karlie Kloss and the Haim sisters while Perry entered through the back with a gang of friends, who were inappropriately dressed for the formal affair. Katy and John chatted, but Taylor avoided both of them,” a spy said.

But then….

We’re told after the dinner, Drake joined Swift in her booth, where they “were intimately flirting, talking closely and laughing. The only person he spent more time with other than his mom was Taylor,” the source said.

This is what Taylor Swift wore to Drake’s birthday, so can’t really say I blame them I guess. They’re both insufferable assholes and sinkholes of emotional neediness, so this should probably work out. Best of luck to them both.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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SF Giants Fans Blame Taylor Swift For Them Not Making To The World Series
SF Giants Fans Blame Taylor Swift For Them Not Making To The World Series

 

Baseball is pretty boring until October, so if it’s boring to you now, the Chicago Cubs are one game away from playing the Cleveland Indians for the World Series title if they can beat Los Angeles Dodgers on Saturday. As you can see, I didn’t mention the San Francisco Giants. That’s because of Taylor Swift. Sports are weird.

Taylor Swift released albums in 2010, ’12 and ’14. The Giants won the World Series in 2010, ’12, ’14. But 2016? Neither happened. A conspiracy theory of sorts circulated Twitter this week that the Giants’ playoff magic had more to do with Swift’s musical endeavors than whether it is an even year.

I really can’t get behind a conspiracy theory that is predicated on Taylor Swift not releasing a new album as a bad thing, so whatever. At least Giants players can afford a studio apartment in San Francisco. Shut the hell up.

 

#FBF Forever and always.

 

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Serena Willams Is Taylor Swift’s Black Friend Now

Taylor Swift was photographed with a black person last night. 2016 is full of surprises! Anything can happen!

Serving up some squad goals! Taylor Swift stepped out in NYC on Thursday night for another intimate show with her posse of ladies. The “Blank Space” singer hit up Bowery Ballroom for a concert from Sting’s daughter, Eliot Sumner. Swift was spotted entering the music venue with tennis pro Serena Williams, actress Dakota Johnson, actress Zoe Kravitz, and supermodel pals Cara Delevingne, Martha Hunt, and Karlie Kloss.

I assume Lena Dunham wasn’t there because Taylor didn’t want to raise the collective BMI average of the group. Also, how you doin’, Martha Hunt?


Sober

A photo posted by Martha Hunt (@marthahunt) on

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Taylor Swift Won’t Let Lady Gaga Get Away With This

I never thought to realize that Taylor Swift would take never being asked to perform during a Super Bowl halftime show as a slap in the face and a personal affront, but I guess we should have known. So in keeping with her passive aggressive life philosophy, Lady Gaga may be performing during the actual Super Bowl, but Taylor Swift will be performing all weekend.

Looks like Lady Gaga’s got some unexpected company for Super Bowl weekend. Taylor Swift on Tuesday signed a giant multimillion-dollar deal with telecom giant AT&T that will have T-Swizzle headlining a concert extravaganza on the eve of the big game. The concert, part of the DirecTV Super Saturday Night event, will give Swift one of the biggest stages in music. It takes place in the stadium hosting the Super Bowl — which this year is in Houston.

Then Swift’s PR team had this added to the article I assume.

It seems Swift is a paid endorser of Diet Coke and the Super Bowl halftime show is sponsored by rival Pepsi. “She always wanted to play Super Bowl halftime but she has a deal with Diet Coke,” the source said of the 10-time Grammy winner. But getting shut out of the halftime performance wasn’t going to keep Swift too far from the bright lights of the super-size marketing event. “Taylor Swift knows how to monetize everything,” said one branding expert, who mused that perhaps the 26-year-old songbird’s “future music goes to AT&T.”

I also should have known that Taylor Swift likes Diet Coke so much she has a deal with them. It’s every sorority girl’s dream.

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Taylor Swift Has Already Responded To Demi Lovato’s Squad Hate
Taylor Swift Has Already Responded To Demi Lovato’s Squad Hate



In the November issue of Glamour, Demi Lovato threw some shade at Taylor Swift and her “squad” because Swift’s brand of feminism doesn’t match Lovato’s brand of feminism, so that means it’s bad. Taylor’s brand just has skinny girls and videos that tear other women down, Demi’s brand gets coked up and punches chick backup dancers in the face and interviews where she project her body insecurities onto other women. Feminism is very intersectional in that way.


Then much like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato has a habit on Twitter of trying to call people out of paying attention to the thing she wanted then to pay attention to in the first place with the classic, “THERE’S OTHER THINGS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD!”

She also does this thing every time where she says she’s taking a break because she can’t handle the media, then she’s back like a day later with, “I just think it’s funny how…”, until the next time.


All this was yesterday. Taylor Swift has already responded:

“Taylor has a tight group of women in her life that all have her and each others’ back and sometimes people just want that. She thought it was unnecessary for her to make those comments. They both have never been really good friends.”

Man, they’ve never been really good friends? I wonder why. Ass too fat.


banner pic = Glamour Magazine

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