Ed Sheeran Says He’s Banged Most Of Taylor Swift’s Friends
Ed Sheeran Says He’s Banged Most Of Taylor Swift’s Friends

 

I always thought Ed Sheeran defends Taylor Swift at every opportunity because he’s hoping that will make her let him sniff it at least once. I was wrong. Ed Sheeran defends Taylor Swift at every opportunity because she supplied him with a never-ending stream of pussy.

His next tour was considerably bigger: a 66-date run opening for Swift…..Offstage, this was his most romantically prolific period. He says he hooked up with some of Swift’s famous friends. “Taylor’s world is celebrity,” says Sheeran. “I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. … I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, ‘How the fuck did that happen?’ ”

I used to live in the same duplex as three chicks in a sorority, and I can attest to the power of your sorority chick neighbors saying you’re cool to their sorority sisters then their sorority sisters wanting bang you. It was a glorious time. I can’t really speak on Ed Sheeran’s time. He looks like Emo Baggins, so Taylor Swift’s power of suggestion must border on the supernatural.

 

 

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Karlie Kloss And Taylor Swift Aren’t Friends Anymore Because Of Tom Hiddleston

A post shared by Karlie Kloss (@karliekloss) on

 

What was once slumber party scissoring and herbal tea, has turned petty for once-friends Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss. It was all Tom Hiddleston’s fault. Wait no, it was Taylor Swift’s psychosis.  Star Magazine reports: (via Cele|bitchy)

Another day, another squad member who’s ditched Taylor Swift. Once joined at the hip, Taylor and Karlie Kloss have fallen out, and it’s all because of Taylor’s embarrassing fauxmance with Tom Hiddleston. “Karlie actually warned Taylor that it was a bad, distasteful idea,” snitches a mutual friend. “Taylor slipped out and accused Karlie of being jealous, and they haven’t really spoken since.” Indeed, Karlie isn’t up for talking to – or about – her ex pal. She went so far as to cancel an Australian interview that had planned to ask about their friendship because “she didn’t have anything nice to say,” explains the source. “Things between them were never balanced: it was always Taylor calling the shots. Eventually Karlie was going to get tired of being her little minion.”

Even if this isn’t remotely true, it feels true, because Taylor Swift seems like the kind of chick who would scream, “YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS!” to friend she’s had for years if that friend points out an issue with her new dick. Milo kinda seems that way too.

 

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Taylor Swift Is Coming For Conor Kennedy Again Because His Mugshot Was ‘Hot’
Taylor Swift Is Coming For Conor Kennedy Again Because His Mugshot Was ‘Hot’

 

Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy broke up in 2012 just in time for her new album and his trigonometry test, but all that’s changed now, because Conor got arrested in Aspen and apparently his mugshot got her wet. I was unaware that she was capable. Let Radar Online let the moisture in below.
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Taylor Swift Escapee, Connor Kennedy, Got Arrested For Aspen Bar Fight
Taylor Swift Escapee, Connor Kennedy, Got Arrested For Aspen Bar Fight

 

I really can’t think of anything more rich and white than “disorderly conduct at an Aspen bar”, so it makes sense that Connor Kennedy would get arrested for that. Here’s what happened or whatever.

Authorities tell us the 22-year-old was arrested on local charges of disorderly conduct related to a fight. “At about 1:40 a.m. Aspen PD officers were dispatched to Bootsy Bellows…for a report of a person who was refusing to leave the premises,” Aspen Assistant Chief Bill Linn said in a press release. “While officers were on scene dealing with that situation, they witnessed a fight occurring on the street in front of the bar. Officers tried to separate the two men, who were ‘rolling around on the ground.'”  Witnesses told officers that they saw “Kennedy throwing approximately four or five punches to the head of the other party. Kennedy was charged with disorderly conduct and was issued a court summons for Feb. 22, 2017, at 9 a.m. He was released without bond.” Kennedy apologized to the officer after he was arrested, the report states (according to local reports). “Kennedy then said, ‘He called my friend the f-word.'” A municipal charge of disorderly conduct carries a possible penalty of up to a year in jail and up to $2,650 fine.

The “f-word”? We must get to the bottom of this. Freemason? Fajita? Or was it fag? It was probably be fag. It seems Connor is prone to violent outbreaks due to some deep psychological issues. I wonder if it has anything to do with a grown woman buying a house across the street from you when you’re a junior in high school after you dated her for three months. Somebody should look into that.

 

#FBF

 

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DirectTV Is Launching A 24/7 Taylor Swift Channel Because God Is Dead
DirectTV Is Launching A 24/7 Taylor Swift Channel Because God Is Dead

 

Taylor Swift is getting her own channel. It’s still 2016. Haven’t we all suffered enough?

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Drake Is Buying Toys For Taylor Swift’s Cat

Is that velvet?

A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on

 

We’ve reached peak Drake.

“Drake knows the way to Taylor [Swift’s] heart and he’s going for it in a big way,” an insider tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. “He stopped into a PetCo and went buck wild on cat accessories for Taylor. He went all out. He’s also preparing to send her this sick designer bag that she can put her cats in when she’s traveling. It’s Drake being Drake and his way of letting her know that she’s good people and keeping her close to him. He knows how much she adores her cats and Drake wants her to know that he adores her just as much.” That is so sweet!

Drake falls in love faster than Taylor, so who knows how this is gonna turn out. He probably hasn’t even been allowed to sniff it yet. I assume if he had, he would’ve bought the whole pet store or invested technology to make her cat immortal.

 

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Taylor Swift Threw Lorde A Birthday Party

A photo posted by Lorde (@lordemusic) on

 

Hey, remember Lorde? She’s that chick that had that one song that one time. She’s also in Taylor Swift‘s cultsquad. Apparently she turned 20 despite looking 45. Here’s some pics from Instagram. before you ask,  Aziz Ansari was the only brown person in attendance. Gotta keep things diverse and such.
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Taylor Swift Might Be Pregnant And Doesn’t Know Who The Daddy Is

According OK!, Taylor Swift is pregnant with somebody’s baby. We don’t know who.  These pics are Taylor Swift at the 2016 CMAs last night. And since I had this story saved before I saw these pics, we’re gonna pretend like I didn’t and just roll with it anyway (via The Inquisitr)

“People are saying she’s pregnant,” the magazine’s insider continued. “While [Taylor Swift] has remained mum on the rumors, her recent behavior is leading some to believe it could be true. One pal describes the singer as ‘super emotional lately’ adding that she’s mostly been staying in at night and avoiding alcohol.”

Super emotional “lately”? I don’t think this insider even knows Taylor Swift. And I thought Taylor usually stays in at night anyway with her cat. I’m calling bullshit.

Continuing, the magazine’s insider claimed Taylor Swift’s alleged weight gain was totally out of character for the singer but suggested that a pregnancy “would make things add up.” Apparently, as the source explained, Taylor Swift has been eating twice as much as she normally does and has cut back on going to the gym. Meanwhile, sources claim the identity of Taylor Swift’s possible baby daddy was said to be unconfirmed.

I don’t know how this chick’s eating habits, but every day there’s pap pics of her going to the gym. Those stopped like three weeks ago. Draw your own conclusions from that. Maybe she’s pregnant or maybe she got some yoga DVDs.

“[Taylor Swift] friends aren’t even sure who the father would be, though their money’s on Calvin Harris. The timing fits for a late-summer reunion with him, which could have prompted her to dump Tom [Hiddleston]. That would put her a few months along,” the insider explained. As for Tom Hiddleston, he’s said to be a “dark-horse candidate to be [Taylor Swift’s] baby daddy.”

If she’s pregnant and Calvin Harris is the daddy, then that’s some Maury shit. Although I don’t really think she’s pregnant since her lawyers would stop any sperm before it hit anything and force it to sign its copyright and a NDA. I guess we’ll see. I’ve put too much thought into this so I’m just gonna hit “publish” now. Good day.

 

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Taylor Swift & Squad Were Non-Offensive
Taylor Swift & Squad Were Non-Offensive

 

Each time you get offended by a Halloween costume, a white person secretly votes for Trump, so good thing Taylor Swift and her squad spent Halloween like they spend their lives: being as bland and boring as possible. Unless there’s a think piece about the black girl with rollers in her hair, this is pretty much the least “offensive thing” I’ve seen this year. The only one who should really bee offended is Martha Hunt, since Taylor called her “Martha Brady” instead of “Marcia Brady”.

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Taylor Swift Is Coming For Drake

You knew it wouldn’t take long, but Taylor Swift showed up to Drake‘s 30th birthday party at Delilah in LA, and first she had to be Regina George.

“They were put on opposite sides of the room and didn’t even look at each other. Taylor came through the front door with Karlie Kloss and the Haim sisters while Perry entered through the back with a gang of friends, who were inappropriately dressed for the formal affair. Katy and John chatted, but Taylor avoided both of them,” a spy said.

But then….

We’re told after the dinner, Drake joined Swift in her booth, where they “were intimately flirting, talking closely and laughing. The only person he spent more time with other than his mom was Taylor,” the source said.

This is what Taylor Swift wore to Drake’s birthday, so can’t really say I blame them I guess. They’re both insufferable assholes and sinkholes of emotional neediness, so this should probably work out. Best of luck to them both.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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