There’s A Few Things Wrong With Taylor Swift

 

Man, Taylor Swift is cute, isn’t she? All hot legs and her Holy Grail-like quest for love. But mostly the legs. You know what’s not cute? Her 2014 MTV VMAs performance of “Shake It Off” with her vocals isolated. Christ. Instead of moving in across the street from 17-year old Kennedy boys, maybe she should, I don’t know, move in across the street from a vocal coach. Scratch that. Ask the vocal coach if she has a spare bedroom then move into that. If you’re busy, I can look around Craigslist and shoot you some links.

 

 Also, attended an award show, and every time she does, it just further explains why she can’t keep a man. Because at award shows, Taylor Swift dances. Here’s a Vine of Taylor Swift dancing last night. Now imagine that naked. It’d be like fucking a epileptic on a waterbed.

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Ferguson Would Be Fine If Taylor Swift Didn’t Make A Music Video
Ferguson Would Be Fine If Taylor Swift Didn’t Make A Music Video

 

Taylor Swift released her video for “Shake It Off” earlier this week, and since it dropped during the Ferguson riots, and since  it contains :45 of people twerking and Taylor dressed as a breakdancer, obviously you can tell by not watching it that it’s “inherently offensive and ultimately harmful” and it is ripping the bandage off our nation’s collective healing process by being yet another example of a white artist appropriating “black culture”. I mean, obviously.  Speaking of stereotypes, the “feminist” blog  Jezebel jumped in, and they weren’t satisfied to just fire off a tweet, they systematically ripped the pretty girl to shreds. Yay for girl power and all that. Anyway, director Mark Romanek (the guy who directed all your favorite video from the 90s  that weren’t directed by Spike Jonze or Michel Gondry) sat down with Vulture to address the controversy.

We simply choose styles of dance that we thought would be popular and amusing and cast the best dancers that were presented to us without much regard to race or ethnicity. If you look at it carefully, it’s a massively inclusive piece. It’s very, very innocently and positively intentioned. And — let’s remember — it’s a satirical piece. It’s playing with a whole range of music-video tropes and clichés and stereotypes.

I don’t know about you, but what’s more “inherently offensive and ultimately harmful”? A dorky white girl with no real perspective on herself or love life trying to be funny and endearing, or a black artist in a thong rapping about giving up the ass to a coke dealer? I wonder which one young, impressionable black girl will pay more attention to? But if we want to argue this while martial law and racial tensions that have nothing to do with a skinny white girl in a ballerina outfit burn Ferguson to the ground, I guess we can. Let me go grab another coffee right quick. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.

 

 

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Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer Again
Taylor Swift Is Probably Banging John Mayer Again

 

Since Taylor Swift has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder,  she writes songs calling out all her ex-boyfriends where nothing is ever her fault even though she’s always the common denominator. Usually she’s cool with being passive aggressive, but she specifically wrote a song called “Dear John”. A song that was clearly about John Mayer. People say “Shake It Off” is about John Mayer, but I don’t know, I’ve never heard it. However, John Mayer likes vagina, so none of this really matters either way.  Anyway, they hung out last night and Taylor had her blowjob lipstick on.

OMG! Taylor Swift was spotted leaving Chateau Marmont on Aug. 20 — at the same time as her ex, John Mayer! This is the same ex that Taylor dissed in not one, but two songs, including her latest hit, ‘Shake It Off!’ Are they back together? This is a little too much to be coincidental! John Mayer, 36, and Taylor Swift were both dining at LA hotspot, Chateau Marmont. New photos have surfaced of them leaving and the 24-year-old singer looks happy, regardless of the fact that she was just at the same spot as the ex who really hurt her! Did they eat dinner together? Taylor Swift & John Mayer Back Together In the pics, John is dressed in a bright blue suit and is sporting very Johnny Depp-like glasses, while Taylor looks cute in black and her signature red lips — perfect for a date!

Are Taylor Swift and John Mayer secretly having sex? ISIS should hold Justin Bieber captive until we as Americans have some answers. I’m not really sure what this will accomplishment exactly, but if nothing else, Bieber gets his head cut off.

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Taylor Swift Is Like A Lesbian Now Or Something
Taylor Swift Is Like A Lesbian Now Or Something

 

Taylor Swift and Victoria’s Secret model Karlie Kloss (this piece) have been hanging out a lot recently, and by “recently”, I mean “24/7 love you long time”, and it has a lot of blogs with dreams of scissoring all in their heads. Those dreams might be real, or not. Who knows.

Victoria’s Secret model Karlie, 22, moved in just a few weeks ago, with sources close to the singer telling me that the duo have since been “completely inseparable.” “Taylor and Karlie have grown very close,” the source told me. “They are inseparable. Taylor wanted someone to live with her, to have some company, and Karlie jumped at the chance to move in with her friend. They spent a lot of time together before Karlie moved in but now they are rarely apart. They do everything together, from visits to the gym to going on road trips.” “It seems the 24-year-old country singer has found her soulmate,” wrote columnist Charlotte Griffiths, relying on anonymous sources with (apparently intimate) knowledge of the pair’s relationship.

Seems like typical gossip blog bullshit, right? DUN-DUN-DUUUNNNN

On Monday, however, her report was nowhere to be found. It had disappeared from the Daily Mails site without explanation. So what happened to Griffiths’ column? Sean Walsh, a spokesperson for the Daily Mail’s New York office, explained that the column—and later, the orders to delete it—originated from the paper’s sister publication in Britain, The Mail on Sunday, which has a special section on The Daily Mail’s website. “They asked us to spike it,” Walsh told Gawker, “and we have no idea why.”

What does this mean? Is this some kind of cover up? They kinda look a like and if they’re hanging out this much together, then they’re periods have probably synched by now, so it would make sense. But I’m not going to believe this until Karlie moves out then Taylor moves across the street then writes a song about her then buys another cat.

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Taylor Swift Is Too Turned Up
Taylor Swift Is Too Turned Up

 

I was hoping this video was from the first stop on the Taylor Swift/Karlie Kloss Scissorfest 2014 tour, but as it turns out, Taylor and Karlie were just at the Ingrid Michaelson show in NYC last night. Which involved a lot of dudes in vests and white people dancing. Specifically, Taylor Swift. Karlie Kloss must be a leg man.

 

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Sup, Taylor Swift

 

Sometimes Taylor Swift looks hot, sometimes she doesn’t. This is a time she does. Because any chick looks fantastic in all black. Not sure where Taylor got the inspiration for this, but her cats emailed me and said she’s been watching Grease a lot, so maybe that’s it. I don’t want to speculate. Cats are known liars.

 

 

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It Has Begun
It Has Begun

 

Taylor Swift got a new cat yesterday. Her name is Olivia Benson and this is Swift's second cat. Her other cat, Meredith, has her own Twitter account. And Taylor Swift writes it like she's Meredith. Can somebody give Taylor Swift an orgasm please? Or let her maybe just look at it? This is getting pretty weird..

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Justin Bieber Hit That, Selena Gomez No Like. Also Hates Taylor Swift
Justin Bieber Hit That, Selena Gomez No Like. Also Hates Taylor Swift

 

Last time the maid checked on Selena Gomez, she unfollowed everybody on Instagram then started posting weird selfie videos. Most sites believed she was headed for some kind of meltdown, but as it turns out, its just your basic chick drama.

It looks like we may have found the reason for Selena Gomez, 21, recently unfollowing Kylie and Kendall Jenner on Instagram! Word is that Selena is suspicious of something having gone on between her on-again (and now possibly off-again) boyfriend Justin Bieber, 20, according to a report from The Sun. Read on for all the details! “Selena is convinced something has gone on between Justin and Kylie,” The Sun‘s source claims. “At Coachella, [Justin and Selena] looked to be back on track. Selena was hanging out with Kylie too and they were behaving like best friends.” It’s true — they were even sharing clothes! “Then [Selena] heard stuff about Justin and Kylie and felt totally betrayed. She went berserk and called it all off again,” their source added. “Selena is in a really bad place at the moment — she’s on the edge and now overcome with jealousy. She really needs to wash her hands of Justin for good.”

If you're gonna bang a Jenner, why hit up Kylie when Kendall was like three feet away? Bieber should have stayed in school. He also seems like the kind of douche who would bang his girlfriend's best friend, so yeah, no surprise. Moving on.

Taylor has reached out to Selena a couple of times, but Selena isn’t ready to be friends with her again. When Taylor heard she was going through a tough time, and stopped following all her friends on Instagram, she called her and emailed her, but Selena is not in the mood,” an insider tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY. Taylor let Selena know exactly how she felt about her getting back together with Justin, but that hasn’t stopped her from trying to be a friend. “She feels like Taylor is going to say ‘told you so.’ But Taylor is truly concerned. There’s not much more she can do. It’s a two way street and Selena needs to make an effort too,” the source explains.

Can't really believe Selena isn't taking Taylor's calls, because if there's one person you should take relationship advice from, it's Taylor Swift. She practices on her cats.

 

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This Is Taylor Swift In A Bikini
This Is Taylor Swift In A Bikini

 

Taylor Swift posted this pic on Instagram yesterday, and as much as I'm a fan of her legs, I'm not really a big fan of seeing every vertebra of her spine. I want to have sex with you, I'm not a first year med student. I have a t-shirt you can wear if reverse cowgirl is your thing.

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