Taylor Swift Does Things

Taylor Swift is still doing the platinum blonde thing and the “these are my legs” thing. We know that because she was doing those things yesterday with Lily Aldridge in LA. She didn’t do the butt pad thing since that’s just for special occasions and this was just lunch. Do they make Becky Barbies? Pin these pics to your board. 

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Taylor Swift Says She’s ‘In A Magical Relationship’ With Calvin Harris
Taylor Swift Says She’s ‘In A Magical Relationship’ With Calvin Harris


Ok, so we can talk about how Taylor Swift looks like her ex-scissoring friend Karlie Kloss here or we can discuss what she said in the new issue of Vogue. Both, I guess?

Calvin Harris is magic or something:

“I’m just taking things as they come,” Swift says. “I’m in a magical relationship right now. And of course I want it to be ours, and low-key . . . this is the one thing that’s been mine about my personal life.”

Calvin Harris is magic in the sense that he can get a handjob in a massage parlor and still force Taylor Swift to get a butt like this

People say mean things about her, but she has a plan or whatever:

“I’ve had people say really hurtful things about me, and so I’ve kind of learned how to gauge it: ‘This is, like, low-to-medium-level hurtful.’ There are a lot of really easy ways to dispel rumors. If they say you are pregnant, all you have to do is continue to not be pregnant and not have a baby. If the rumor is that you have fake friendships, all you have to do is continue to be there for each other. And when we’re all friends in fifteen years and raising our kids together, maybe somebody will look back and go, ‘That was kind of ridiculous what we said about Taylor and her friends.’”

I mean, it’s not like Taylor Swift says mean things about her ex-boyfriends in all her songs or anything like that. Or use the biggest platform she can find for sympathy. Nothing like that. Taylor Swift would never do anything like that. It’s hard to tell why people are so mean to her. 


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Kanye West Is Talking Shit About Taylor Swift Again
Kanye West Is Talking Shit About Taylor Swift Again




Kanye West headlined the Paradise International Music Festival in Manila, Philippines where he Kanyesplained why he made “Famous” the first single off Life Of Pablo. If you were somehow unaware, “Famous” includes the line “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.” You can watch the video or read what he said below. This may come as a shock to some, but Kanye spent 2:26 talking about himself. I don’t think that beats his high score. Judges?
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Hey There, Taylor Swift Butt Implants

This story about Calvin Harris wanting Taylor Swift to get a bigger butt came out while she was on tour (this is what her ass  looked like then), but her tour ended in December. It’s April now. This is Taylor Swift at the iHeartRadio Music Awards last night. Where she thanked Calvin Harris for being an “amazing person“. It’s also where we saw the newly purchased Taylor Swift butt implants. Congrats to Calvin Harris. 

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Taylor Swift Approved Pics To Be Posted Of Her Vacation With Calvin Harris
 

A photo posted by Calvin Harris (@calvinharris) on


Taylor Swift (real name: Taylor Swift) and Calvin Harris (real name: Adam Wiles) are on vacation somewhere and this is the stuff Taylor and her team approved to be posted on social media. Which weird, because Taylor Swift doesn’t really go public with relationships since they usually only last a semester. She might be pregnant and supposedly has already given him a wedding ultimatum, so if this relationship ends, you could probably bid on the copy of her next album that has Calvin Harris’ autographed severed head in it. 


On a scale of “Watch, watch!” to “You watching?!”, how annoying is Taylor Swift here?



 

A video posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on




[ pic source Taylor Swift/Calvin Harris ]

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Taylor Swift Is Scared Of Rita Ora’s New Album Because Of Calvin Harris
Taylor Swift Is Scared Of Rita Ora’s New Album Because Of Calvin Harris


First of all, Rita Ora naked. Second of all, Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris recently celebrated their 1 year anniversary. Third of all, Rita Ora used to date Calvin Harris. Fourth of all, Rita Ora has a new album coming out. Fifth of all, it will have songs about Calvin Harris. 

“Taylor is worried about Rita Ora’s upcoming record, because there’s a couple of tracks that paint Calvin in a bad light,” a source tell HollywoodLife.com. “She doesn’t want any negative comments about her man affecting their relationship because of the public conception of how perfectly suited to each other they are, and how squeaky-clean he appears to be.” Of course, Taylor doesn’t want a repeat of the Kanye incident all over again too, claims the source.  “Plus, after being the subject of an attack by Kanye it’s the last thing she needs to have her name dragged up in public in someone else’s music,” the insider adds.

Sixth of all, Rita Ora recently talked about break up songs with The Sun:

“Yeah, I’ve got about two of those records. But the thing is I get angry first then I get emotional. I hate hate hate hate hate that person and then I’m like, ‘Wait a minute, hold on …’” she told the tabloid. “It’s amazing because it is a big transition in my life. It’s definitely the most emotional album I’ve ever done, but not in a sad way. It’s angry, it’s happy, it’s love – it’s everything in one.”

Now we really don’t need to discuss the irony of Taylor Swift being scared about an entire album dedicated to throwing shade at a past relationship do we? We’re all smart people. Seventh of all, Taylor Swift looks like a Nazi secretary now. Eighth of all, this concludes this post.


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Taylor Swift’s Ex Wrote A Song About Her
Taylor Swift’s Ex Wrote A Song About Her


Before Taylor Swift met Calvin Harris, there was a good chance you’d end up dating her if you just sat still long enough for her to eventually get around to you. One of those people was Matt Healy, the lead singer of 1975. He wrote a song called “Change Of Heart” which pretty much sums up Taylor Swift. 

Lyrics describing a cruel, shallow woman include: “You said I’m full of diseases/Your eyes were full of regret/And then you took a picture of your salad/And put it on the Internet.” A source close to Healy told us, “She may have inspired some of it,” but [the song] “is about more than one girl.”


Whether it is or not, Taylor Swift will make sure we all think her relationship with Calvin Harris is Instagram perfect, so her next album will probably about a barista who forgot the whip or a person on Etsy who got her order wrong. 


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Taylor Swift Had A Speech Prepared For Kanye West At The Grammys
Taylor Swift Had A Speech Prepared For Kanye West At The Grammys


There’s really no realistic scenario where Taylor Swift‘s 1989 should have beaten Kendrick Lamar‘s To Pimp A Butterfly for Album Of The Year, except the scenario where Taylor Swift and the Grammys planned this ahead of time so she could use her perfected surprise face to walk on stage and deliver the prepared speech her team wrote for her to passive aggressively talk shit about Kanye West for this. Roll that calculated, focus group tested footage!



In typical Taylor Swift fashion, she doesn’t mention anyone by name when she shits on them, because she’s classy like that. If you don’t respond to one of her texts within ten minutes she’ll write an entire album about you with clues about your identity that can be easily solved with Google. Oh, sorry. I meant, GIRL POWER! Or whatever delusion and shared psychosis this continues to be.


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Taylor Swift Wore This To The Grammys
Taylor Swift Wore This To The Grammys


Hey, what’s up? Everything good? Awesome. Glad to hear it. I’m starting the Grammys stuff early, so here’s Taylor Swift in the outfit she picked out. Not sure what’s up with her hair. Or whatever she’s wearing. I’m posting these because Taylor Swift has those legs and I couldn’t just post the legs. I mean, I guess I could but then I’d have to put them on ice, then there would be a trial, so this just seems like the easiest option. 


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Katy Perry Invited Taylor Swift To A Party, Taylor Swift Didn’t Go

On Saturday night, Spotify did this party thing called “An Evening to Celebrate the Creators”, which was apparently Katy Perry‘s idea so she hosted it.  In an interview with the New York Times, the spelled out the criteria to get an invite. 

Well, you have to be a creator — it’s artists, producers and songwriters. And it’s a mixture of new and familiar artists, a combination of the past two years’ Grammy nominees and also [acts] from the Spotify Discover playlist. It’s Kacey Musgraves, Karen O, Miguel, Tove Lo, Shirley Manson, Max Martin. Then up-and-coming songwriters like Blood Pop and Bonnie McKee all under the same roof as Diane Warren. In some ways, I’m trying to start the Met Ball of music.

I guess it’s good Katy Perry was the host or she wouldn’t have been invited.  She also invited Taylor Swift, but Taylor Swift declined. Mostly because Taylor Swift will hold a grudge like it’s the last crop top at Forever 21. Also, Katy Perry wore this outfit to that Spotify party. It’s dumb. It’s a dumb dress. I bet that party was dumb. You’re dumb. 

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