Tom Hiddleston Is In Grave Danger
Tom Hiddleston Is In Grave Danger


I think if you stand still long enough, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston might show up, because in the last 13 days, they’ve been in to Rhode Island, NYC, Nashville, UK, and Rome. 13 days. Thirteen. And each time, Taylor Swift knew exactly were the camera was pointed and what matching outfits she and Tom were gonna wear the next day.  What would you think happens next? You know. 

Taylor even told her best friends some big news recently. “She texted her close friends and said, ‘I think I am in love and I never felt this way before!'”

But I don’t think that one went through the proper chain of command and made Taylor  look like a death row dog whenever a person walks by, so they changed it up the next day. 

They have fallen for each other very quickly,” says the source. “They’re very close for people who have only been dating for a couple of weeks.”

Whew. Glad they cleared that up. Also glad they added that last sentence to continue to push the THEY’VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS SERIOUSLY SHE DID’NT CHEAT ON CALVIN HARRIS AND ALL THESE TRIPS WERE JUST SPUR OF THE MOMENT ADVENTUREs LIKE THOSE QUOTES ON INSTAGRAM WHERE THE GIRL IS HOLDING THE DUDE’S HAND AND THE DUDE IS ALSO HOLDING THE CAMERA SO HE CAN TAKE A PICTURE OF THEIR HANDS WHILE THEY WALK AND IN NO WAY WERE THESE TRIPS PLANNED AHEAD OF TIME IN MAY WHEN THEY WERE TEXTING EACH OTHER WHILE CALVIN WAS IN THE BATHROOM. 


We get it. It’s true love. People are also saying Tom Hiddleston is using Taylor Swift for the James Bond role, you wouldn’t date a chick that would temp for James Bond’s secretary. James Bond would’ve left Taylor Swift’s ass in Nashville with some Uber credits and a bento box. Tom Hiddleston is just stuck in a 15-year old girl’s post right now that’s being reblogged until he dies. 


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Lena Dunham Needs A Safe Space After Kanye West’s ‘Famous’ Video
Lena Dunham Needs A Safe Space After Kanye West’s ‘Famous’ Video


Hey, remember when Lena Dunham heard Justin Bieber’s “What Do You Mean?” once and immediately thought it was about date rape? That was fun. Get ready for some more fun, because she’s now using her tenth wave feminism degree from Tumblr to write about dissertation the dangers of the “disturbing”  Kanye West “Famous” video.  Man, Taylor Swift must pay by the word. 


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Taylor Swift Took Tom Hiddleston To The UK So She Could Meet His Mother
Taylor Swift Took Tom Hiddleston To The UK So She Could Meet His Mother


Trying super hard to push the narrative that Taylor Swift was heartbroken and single until Tom Hiddleston showed up on a white horse instead of the more likely scenario of Swift cheating on Calvin Harris with Hiddleston at the MET Gala (then taking a month to formulate a plan that ended with her breaking up with Harris over the phone), Taylor Swift flew to fucking the UK to meet Tom Hiddleston’s parents (after he met hers) because it’s obviously true and everlasting love after two months. 

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Calvin Harris Said Taylor Swift Cheated On Him And Controlled The Media
Calvin Harris Said Taylor Swift Cheated On Him And Controlled The Media


Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston were seen Disney kissing on a rock less than a month after she broke up with Calvin Harris. According to the story her team fed Us Weekly, Tom Hiddleston must have bugged her house, because “he really courted her” and  “she was suddenly single, and he went for it”. Uh huh. But they had to reiterate she was single again, just so everyone is clear: “she’s single, so of course if a cute guy reaches out who she likes, she would talk to him”.


That scenario makes the most sense, I think. Taylor was sitting around heartbroken, then Tom was romantic and courted her like she was a Duggar, and I bet they fell asleep on the phone with each other because neither of them wanted to hang up. He reached out and yanked her three weeks later back to her house in Rhode Island, and they’re love was so instant and perfect, The Sun couldn’t help but write prose for their pictures that Taylor doesn’t allow paparazzi to take except this one specific  time. And when they kissed they knew this was it, so six days in, all this was happening without any planning or forethought, because bluebirds and love and meadows. 


Oh wait, here’s another scenario we should probably throw out there even though it seems pretty implausible!

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Wait, That Can’t Be Taylor Swift’s Butt
 

These two amazing souls @selenagomez @taylorswift•Captured by @alfy2trill

A photo posted by Romeo Miller (@romeomiller) on


I have no idea what’s going on right now, but Romeo Miller posted this pic of him and Selena Gomez and whatever mutation happened to Taylor Swift‘s butt. You guys told me that this was butt pads. Is this butt pads? I need to know if my thoughts on Taylor Swift should change or not. I’m gonna have a sit in until you guys tell me. #NoTaylorAssBreak


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Taylor Swift Already Has A Kim Kardashian Diss Song Locked And Loaded
Taylor Swift Already Has A Kim Kardashian Diss Song Locked And Loaded


Taylor Swift is a noted feminist who supports other women only if they support her unconditionally, so you knew it would only be a matter of time before she took out her rustic wood burn book with recycled paper and wrote a song about Kim Kardashian once Kim dared to open her mouth to GQ and ruining Taylor’s Nicholas Sparks movie poster

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Tom Hiddleston’s In A Waking Nightmare From Which There Is No Escape
Tom Hiddleston’s In A Waking Nightmare From Which There Is No Escape


Less than a month after ending her “magical relationship” with Calvin Harris, Taylor Swift created magic again with staged photos to tell everybody she was dating Tom Hiddleston. Immediately, Tom Hiddleston was summoned to NYC in Taylor’s private jet and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere unless her chauffeur took him. As part of the promotional clause in his contract, he was forced to pose in his underwear for W Magazine. And we’re only 6 days in. 

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Amber Rose Said Taylor Swift Doesn’t Need Time To ‘Let Her Pussy Rest’
Amber Rose Said Taylor Swift Doesn’t Need Time To ‘Let Her Pussy Rest’


Amber Rose was almost charged with Kanye West’s murder, but he came back to life. Kanye’s wife did an interview with GQ and tried to call out Taylor Swift for constantly playing the victim, but Taylor Swift’s PR made sure to bury that with staged pics to announce she was dating Tom Hiddleston. Amber Rose saw those pics. 

I did see that and I think she’s fucking awesome,” Rose said of Swift. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s staged—but that’s how it is! I was on a private beach in Maui—you literally had to drive three hours from the airport to get to this beach—and paparazzi still caught me. I saw it on TMZ the next day and I couldn’t even believe it. I thought that was a safe place, and it was not. I can’t go anywhere in the world. It’s ridiculous.”

THEN THIS:

“I love Taylor, for sure. Absolutely. And I feel like guys do that all the time—they break up and the next day they’re with another girl and nobody really says anything. But with Taylor it’s, you know what, I’m done with Calvin [Harris] and it didn’t work out, so on to the next,” said Rose. “It is because it’s unheard of, and she’s acting very ‘slutty’ and for some reason needs time to ‘let her pussy rest,’” added Rose of Swift. “That’s how people look at it, and it’s just like, hell no! If I’m done, why do I have to sit in the house and be lonely?”

I pretty much agree with every Kardashian/Kanye narrative combo breaker Amber Rose does at all times, and this ain’t no different. Taylor Swift might be more controlling and calculating (and petty) than Satan, but if Calvin Harris was hitting it right she wouldn’t be test driving Tom Hiddleston. That being said, this is a Taylor Swift relationship. Tom Hiddleston has about three months to decide on a table setting until Swift put on ad for a hitman on Tumblr. 


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Kanye Got Taylor Swift On Video Approving ‘Famous’, Wants Him To Destroy It
Kanye Got Taylor Swift On Video Approving ‘Famous’, Wants Him To Destroy It


“We’re all innocent until proven guilty. But who’s going to prove it? And to whom?”


So remember when Life Of Pablo dropped and everybody freaked out over the “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous” line off “Famous”? The Taylor Swift’s PR team said she warned him not to say it and called it a “strong misogynistic message. Then Kanye tweeted it was all Taylor Swift’s idea? Then Taylor Swift had a prepared speech at the Grammys where she used the biggest possible stage to passive aggressively call out Kanye? Good times. Well, Kim Kardashian‘s GQ interview hit online today, and she has some words about that. Lots of words. Lots of words that you will enjoy. Yasss lawd.

“She totally approved that. She totally knew that that was coming out. She wanted to all of a sudden act like she didn’t. I swear, my husband gets so much shit for things [when] he really was doing proper protocol and even called to get it approved … Totally gave the okay. Rick Rubin was there. So many respected people in the music business heard that [conversation] and knew …  I don’t know why she just, you know, flipped all of a sudden … It was funny because [on the call with Kanye, Taylor] said, ‘When I get on the Grammy red carpet, all the media is going to think that I’m so against this, and I’ll just laugh and say, ‘The joke’s on you, guys. I was in on it the whole time.’ And I’m like, wait, but [in] your Grammy speech, you completely dissed my husband just to play the victim again.”

We  should probably see it soon. Why? Kanye has it on video.

“But Kim says Taylor’s deep emotional wound is nonsense — okay, she says it’s a lie — and that there’s video proof, because a videographer was actually filming their phone call. Why? Because Kim’s husband commissions videographers to film everything when he’s recording an album, for posterity (and possibly, one day, a documentary). And this is where it gets sticky.”

It got “sticky”, because Taylor Swift does one thing better than playing the victim – getting her lawyers to send a letter.

“And then they sent an attorney’s letter like, ‘Don’t you dare do anything with that footage,’ and asking us to destroy it.” She pauses. “When you shoot something, you don’t stop every two seconds and be like, ‘Oh wait, we’re shooting this for my documentary.’ You just film everything, and whatever makes the edit, then you see, then you send out releases. It’s like what we do for our show.”

Now, I don’t wanna be a conspiracy theorist and whatnot, but this article was published today. Remember what news broke last night? This. We didn’t know shit about about Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston dating until we saw their YA book cover pics last night. Taylor Swift is Satan. That’s all we need to learn from this. 

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Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Are Dating
Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Are Dating


Taylor Swift has started a new chapter in her own princess, fairy tale book by announcing to the world that she’s dating Tom Hiddleston with some of the most ridiculously staged photos I’ve ever seen. Like, just read the article. 

The pictures were taken on the rocky stretch of Misquamicut beach by her £12m mansion in Watch Hill, Rhode Island…Dressed casually and both wearing black sunglasses, they walk hand in hand to a group of rocks overlooking the water.  They sit down and chivalrous Tom takes off his jacket and puts it around chilly Taylor’s shoulders. They then passionately kiss before documenting the moment in a series of selfies on their mobile phones. Afterwards, they appear to re-create a dance move as Taylor helps the heartthrob climb down the rocks. She then grips her new lover around the waist as they continue their romantic afternoon.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. How many drafts did this go through before Taylor Swift dipper her unicorn hair quill in some glitter ink and signed off? Anyway, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston danced at the MET Gala on May 2, the she announced her breakup with Calvin Harris a month later. As for Calvin? 

We’re told, “He’s pissed and feels betrayed by her.”

So either Taylor stayed wet for the whole month of May and couldn’t take it anymore, or she and Calvin were having problems that Calvin didn’t know about. (Tip to all you young fellas: women break up with you in their heads months before they actually break up with you). Either way, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are now dating, I guess. They couldn’t be more white and stiff if they were buried together. 


Again, I will post these until I’m told to stop. 


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