Tom Hiddleston Is Successfully Fulfilling His Contractual Obligations


Anybody want to know how Tom Hiddleston is doing besides suffering in silence with nowhere to turn after Kim Kardashian slayed the Boss Becky? Let Taylor Swift’s team of PR staff writers spin you a third act of a Garry Marshall movie. 

 “Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with,” the insider dishes. “They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”

“Writing during her travels” like she’s Cheryl Strayed hiking the Mojave Desert instead of flying in a private jet having Gigi Hadid take dictation while Tom drinks to feel nothing. You’re not selling me on this, guys. Not selling me at all. But this next part. I hope you’re sitting down. 



Are you sitting down? Please tell me you’re sitting down.
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Taylor Swift Has Already Threatened To Sue The Dude Who Painted The Mural
Taylor Swift Has Already Threatened To Sue The Dude Who Painted The Mural


So, remember the last sentence from this post  yesterday? Taylor Swift had already Taylor Swifted before we all went to sleep last night. 

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Taylor Swift Still Plans To Go After Kanye
Taylor Swift Still Plans To Go After Kanye


Even though California law doesn’t include conversations that can be overheard as “confidential communication”, Taylor Swift still wants Kanye West and Kim Kardashian prosecuted for recording the call she said she didn’t know about but did. And much like her response for being called out for straight up lying then playing the victim, Swift is obsessing over technicalities while playing the victim. Hard to believe, I know. 

Taylor sources say she had NO IDEA Kanye had her on speaker. Although she could hear other voices she assumed they could not hear her, so she believes Kanye had a legal duty to ask permission to record her, and by not doing so he violated the criminal law. Taylor is still deciding whether she’ll file a police report. What’s more … we’re told Taylor wants them to bring it on … the call lasted a full hour and Kim was very selective in what she posted. Taylor wants the entire conversation released, because everyone would hear — Kanye never said he’d call her a “bitch” in the song.

Taylor had no idea Kanye had her on speaker. No idea. None. I guess she just assumed Rick Rubin’s voice was a ghost and Kanye called her while on the wing of an airplane. But, of course, here’s why she really wants them prosecuted. Hint: the most Taylor Swift reason of all. They were mean to her. 

We’re told she’s also upset Kanye made the song sound lighthearted, when in fact it’s mean-spirited. Taylor’s rep said in a statement ..  Kanye never asked Taylor for approval — which the tape proves — but she believes he was deceptive. 

Taylor Swift is mad because someone was “mean-spirited” and “deceptive”. Huh. Okay. But to make a claim under the California’s Invasion of Privacy Act, Swift will have to prove she didn’t know the call was recorded, and the letter her lawyers already sent Kim and Kanye might not play in front of a judge, since lawyers can’t bring criminal charges against anyone even though they represent the fairest maiden in all the land who is used to people bowing to her usual legal coercion. Also, an artist in Australia painted that mural you see in the banner pic. I assume her legal team has already deployed black ops mercenaries to deliver a strongly worded letter.


Hey, here’s Camilla Belle. The actor Taylor Swift called a whore on an album that sold over 4M copies, but has yet to apologize.


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Joseph Kahn And Taylor Swift’s Other Friend Aren’t Helping Anything
Joseph Kahn And Taylor Swift’s Other Friend Aren’t Helping Anything


You see, Kahn love Taylor long time.”


So, Joseph Kahn and Abigail Anderson really went there, huh? Let’s break this all the way fuck down. Join me, won’t you?

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Taylor Swift Threatened To Sue Kanye West Months Ago If The Video Was Made Public
Taylor Swift Threatened To Sue Kanye West Months Ago If The Video Was Made Public


“That moment when Kanye West records your phone call that you you knew was being recorded, but you thought you’d use this as a narrative to get back at Kanye so you threatened a lawsuit like you always do thinking that would shut it down and force his silence to allow you to publicly drag him at the Grammys without recourse, then Kim said she had the tapes, so you started Hiddleswift to divert attention, then Kim posts it on the Internet.”

Taylor Swift threatened Kanye West with criminal prosecution months ago for secretly recording her phone conversation with him … TMZ has learned. TMZ has a copy of a letter Taylor’s lawyer sent to Kanye’s attorney back in February. The lawyer made it clear, under California law, anyone who secretly records a telephone conversation with someone in the state commits a criminal offense … and it’s a felony. A source connected with Kanye told TMZ the conversation was recorded in an L.A.-area studio. The letter threatens … “Demand is hereby made that you immediately destroy all such recordings, provide us of assurance that this has been done, and also assurance that these recordings have not been previously disseminated.”

If you think Kris Jenner didn’t have a  team of lawyers sign off on this prior to its release, then I don’t know what to tell you. There’s a reason why this was this was dropped on Snapchat instead of TMZ or E! News. If Swift sues, Kanye and Kim will countersue for defamation. If Swift sues, she runs the risk of even more coming out. If Swift sues, it proves this was a calculated attempt to strong arm the recording out of existence. If Swift sues, she will, once again, prove to be a bitter and petty asshole who wants to take everyone down with her. If Swift sues, this will give me more posts to write, so either way I’m cool. 


Hey, look! It’s these pictures again. I like these because Taylor Swift doesn’t give you many opportunities to spot the fake. 


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RIP Taylor Swift (2009 – 2016)
RIP Taylor Swift (2009 – 2016)


Woo boy. Pour yourself some tea, and PLEASE JOIN ME BELOW AS WE WATCH THE CARNAGE BURN TO THE GROUND.

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Tom Hiddleston Says His Love For Taylor Swift Is Totally Real And Not Fake At All
Tom Hiddleston Says His Love For Taylor Swift Is Totally Real And Not Fake At All


Look at Tom Hiddleston‘s face. He knows he’s Taylor Swift‘s special boy. Taylor’s sweet, fancy boy. He’s currently in Australia filming Thor: Ragnarok, and Taylor followed him there because the device she implanted in his heart will explode if he’s more than 20 yards away. Here’s a candid shot of the couple immediately after he witnessed a live demonstration: 




Since he’s in Australia and just got nominated for his first Emmy, The Hollywood Reporter gave him a call and talked about the Emmy then asked this question not knowing Taylor Swift was holding flash cards. 

You’re in the middle of a cultural frenzy right now dating Taylor Swift. How would you respond to people who claim that you’re involved in some sort of publicity stunt?

(Laughs.) Well, um. How best to put this? That notion is — look, the truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we’re very happy. Thanks for asking. That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt. 

This definitely sounds like true love. Because when you’re in love, you use your girlfriend’s full name as it specifically states on the contract and you have to use the word “truth” twice  in your answer because this is what you rehearsed and if you fuck up the wording or use a word that might be taken as an insult, your girlfriend will bathe in the blood of your career and scatter your ashes on some rocks in Rhode Island. 

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BREAKING: Taylor Swift Is Overly Sensitive, Insanely Petty
BREAKING: Taylor Swift Is Overly Sensitive, Insanely Petty


So, I guess the big news today is that Taylor Swift co-wrote Calvin Harris‘ hit with Rihanna, “This Is What You Came For”.  She used a Swedish pseudonym (?) because she wanted to keep it a secret. Well, until Calvin Harris decided to respect her wishes. Why? Because Taylor Swift is an unhinged sociopath. 

The problem in the relationship came the day the song was released. Calvin appeared on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show and Ryan asked, “Will you do a collaboration with your girlfriend?” Calvin responded, “You know we haven’t even spoken about it. I can’t see it happening though.”

You know what happened next.

…and their relationship fell apart because he disrespected her when the song was released … this according to sources connected with Taylor. We’re told Taylor was hurt and felt Calvin took it too far. It was a quick downward spiral from that point. One source called it “the breaking point in the relationship.”

But what happened next WILL SHOCK YOU.

The Met Gala was several days later, when Taylor danced with Tom Hiddleston.

To recap, Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift wrote a song together, he respected her wishes to keep it a secret by answering a question in an interview that would shut down any rumors, she took it as disrespectful, she then cheated on him a week later, threw the guy she cheated on him with in his face at every turn, and when she had a break from traveling the world with the guy she cheated with, she decided to tell the world, “HEY I’M THE ONE WHO CO-WROTE HIS SMASH HIT HES NOTHNG WITHOUT ME SO THERE HAHA TOM LOVES ME FOR REAL HONEST WE HAVE THE STAGED PICS TO PROVE IT.’ 


In his defense, Calvin Harris is on Twitter right now and he’s not here for this bullshit. Anyway here’s the song. 



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Taylor Swift Wants To Have Tom Hiddleston’s Baby Now
 

Taylor and Tom out to dinner at Gemelli Italian in Gold Coast, Australia!

A photo posted by Taylor Swift Updates (@taylorswift.updates) on



It’s hard to keep up, so you can catch up on Tom Hiddleston’s cry for help here. You need to catch up, because there’s new shit. The she shit being Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are talking about having a kid after dating a month.

“This is the kind of a man she would want to marry,” the source said. “She has said he would make a great dad. They have talked about what they want in the future and kids are something that they would both like down the line. They have very real and serious conversations about life.” 

I like how this source makes a point to tell us Taylor Swift has very serious and adult conversations instead of making Tom Hiddleston help her shop for pajamas for her cat. What a good friend. Also, apparently this is Taylor’s criteria for her eventual baby daddy. 

“She has told me that she loves his accent and thinks he is so sexy,” the source said. “He acts very English. He is also a big tea drinker.”

Taylor Swift’s relationship history has basically forced her to scratch a lot of criteria off her list, so you can understand how this makes sense because she after she turns 30 it’ll probably be too late to be a fair maiden in a castle who can talk to animals and be married to a dude who can show her the world on a carpet or whatever delusional fantasy she has written in blood in her diary. 


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Tom Hiddleston Is Moving In With Taylor Swift, She Also Followed Him To Australia
 

Taylor and Tom arriving in Sydney, Australia today!

A photo posted by Taylor Swift Updates (@taylorswift.updates) on


Tom Hiddleston, seen here praying for the sweet release of a quick death, is moving into Taylor Swift‘s mansion so her prayers to the Barbie gods for her very own real life Ken can finally be answered. 

Taylor asked Tom to move into her oceanfront Malibu mansion,” an insider tells Life & Style, adding that the conversation went down over a romantic dinner during the couple’s trip to Rome. “He loves the idea because they can’t bear to be apart from each other.”

Dude. Christ. Pull yourself together, man. Also, remember when I said Hiddleston’s only hope for escape was Thor: Ragnarok filming in Australia? So much for that.

The couple were seen arriving at Sydney International Airport on Thursday. The evening before, there was a Hiddleswift sighting at Los Angeles Airport where they landed from Rhode Island, the location of the singer’s “Taymerica” Fourth of July weekend bash.

For the past month, Tom Hiddleston’s had to wear Taylor Swift like a colostomy bag, so either she has the greatest pussy that’s ever existed, or his lawyers failed to get him the best contract. After he moves in, there’s no way he won’t have to wear one of those collars that explodes if he wanders off the property if he manages to get past the guards and dragon moat. 


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