Taylor Swift Screwed Herself Out of More Grammys Because She’s Petty
Taylor Swift Screwed Herself Out of More Grammys Because She’s Petty

 

Earlier this month, Taylor Swift was nominated for six MTV EMAs and didn’t win shit. Her fans whined and asked why. I guess now we do. The Grammys are coming up, so we probably won’t see Swift feigning surprise when she wins, because she’ll be seething with hate in her seat while somebody else gives their acceptance speech.  Page Six reports:

“A lot of people on the voting committee are not liking ‘Reputation’ at all. Taylor wants to win as many awards as possible but has rubbed so many people up the wrong way in the last couple of years. A lot of the jury members have worked with Katy, Calvin and Kanye so when Taylor has tried to humiliate them, it has left a bad taste. Ultimately she may pay for that when it comes to winning awards.”

Hey, remember when Swift dropped all her music on Spotify the day Katy Perry released her new album, Witness? Pepperidge Farm remembers (look it up, kids).

“Taylor has to understand that the industry is small, and moves like ­sabotaging Katy’s album hurt people behind the scenes who work hard to make an album happen. How Taylor thinks the industry is going to give its full support to her after she’s tried to damage so many people is mad.”

It’s not that people wanna hate Taylor Swift, she just makes it really easy. Much like Lena Dunham. Aliens could arrive on Earth tomorrow and Taylor Swift would honestly think they came to see her, because that’s what her inflated sense of self-importance demands.  Then she might start dating one of the aliens then it would break up with her, then it she would write a passive aggressive album about it, then it would come back to Earth to colonize us and use our bodies as fuel. Is that what you want, white women? Stop defending her, please.

 

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Taylor Swift Dropped The ‘Reputation’ Track List After It Leaked
Taylor Swift Dropped The ‘Reputation’ Track List After It Leaked

 

Hours after the track list of Reputation leaked online, Taylor Swift posted the track list of Reputation online. Not sure what “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” is about, but I assume it isn’t about sex. Taylor Swift seems like she needs throw pillows and to control the thermostat before she has sex. In other Taylor Swift news, her lawyers are sending out takedown notices to people posting album artwork. She also thinks Joe Alwyn “could definitely be the one“. So when they eventually break up, Joseph Kahn will send a “wyd?” text that’ll be left on read and she’ll release a new album.

 

3 days until #reputation

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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Taylor Swift Is Suing A Blog With 225 Twitter Followers
Taylor Swift Is Suing A Blog With 225 Twitter Followers

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Taylor Swift unleashes her massive legal team to remove a post or story that paints her in a negative light. I know. Hard to believe. This time, it’s the site PopFront and their article, “Swiftly to the alt-right: Taylor subtly gets the lower case kkk in formation“. A tad too long for my tastes, but you get the idea. PopFront has 225 Twitter followers.

 

The article basically says Taylor Swift is an idol of the alt-right and white supremacists, then it goes completely off the fucking rails talking about eugenics and WWII, then it says Taylor Swift needs to denounce white supremacy and stuff like that. Anyway, her lawyers sent a letter to the site calling it “defamatory” and if the article wasn’t removed, “Ms. Swift is prepared to proceed with litigation”.  The ACLU posted the letter, so you can read it in full there.

 

I mention the ACLU, because apparently the owner of PopFront contacted them then they fired a response back to Swift’s lawyers:

Ms. Herning and PopFront will not in any way accede to your attempt to suppress their constitutionally protected speech. The blog post is a mix of core political speech and critical commentary; it discusses current politics in this country, the recent rise of white supremacy, and the fact that some white supremacists have apparently embraced Ms. Swift, along with a critical interpretation of some of Ms. Swift’s music, lyrics, and videos. Much of the blog post is devoted to a discussion of the current resurgence of white supremacy and the fact that at least some white supremacists have tried to co-opt Ms. Swift and her music to serve their own ugly, racist purposes. Another section of it discusses the history of the eugenics movement in this country and that movement’s continuing ill effects. All of this is core political speech that cannot possibly be defamatory because it is not even about Ms. Swift.

Then they dropped this pettiness that even Taylor Swift had to appreciate on some level:

Criticism is never pleasant, but a celebrity has to shake it off, even if the critique may damage her reputation.

As expected, the worst Taylor Swift stan and her period panty sniffer, Joseph Kahn, went to great lengths to show Taylor Swift how much he wants to put it in her butt.

 

 

LOL, bro. Chill. It’s not that serious. You’re never gonna get up in there. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is refusing to stream “Reputation”. And ONTD has compiled a list of bloggers and journalists who shared their “I too received a letter from Swift’s lawyers over some dumb shit” stories. What a fucking nightmare this chick is. Wait, no. I’m sorry. She seems like a sheer delight with plenty of self-awareness and isn’t crushing the tiki torch that’s stuck up her ass as we speak.

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Taylor Swift Is A Robot And Rides A Robot Horse In The ‘Ready For It?’ Video
Taylor Swift Is A Robot And Rides A Robot Horse In The ‘Ready For It?’ Video

 

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Taylor Swift writes a song where she projects her fantasies onto an unnamed man and warns him that if that if he doesn’t reciprocate, he’s in for a bunch of crazy. If he texts her back, she’ll love him forever. The song titles are really interchangeable, but this time it’s for “…Ready For It?“. I guess she saw Ghost In The Shell and Blade Runner 2049 recently. And Westworld. This is dark Taylor Swift or whatever. Shout out to her legs though. Still would, God help me.

 

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Taylor Swift Dropped ‘Gorgeous’
Taylor Swift Dropped ‘Gorgeous’

 

Taylor Swift dropped the third single off her album Reputation at midnight. It’s called “Gorgeous“. You’re gonna be blown away by this, but it’s Swift’s 47,953th song about a man. But which type of Taylor Swift Song About A Man is it you might ask? Is it the Man Who Is Completely Idealized But Bad For Her? Is it the Man Who Can’t Handle Her? Is it the Man Who Ruined Her Life? Is it the Man Who Said Something Nice To Her Once Then She Thought They Were Dating But He Didn’t Know And He’s Horrible For That? I think that mostly covers the Taylor Swift Song About A Man template. I’ll let let you decide.

 

Anyway, here’s some of the lyrics: “Guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats, alone, unless you wanna come along.”  I wouldn’t do it, man. Tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don’t…don’t come in here. Whatever you hear, stay away! John Doe has the upper hand!

 

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Taylor Swift Wants You To Know Why She’s Been Hiding Or Whatever
Taylor Swift Wants You To Know Why She’s Been Hiding Or Whatever

 

It seems like only 6 months ago that Taylor Swift would call the paparazzi to take pictures of her walking out of her apartment in her OOTD or posting something on Instagram with a group of white women. A “source” tells People why we haven’t seen this lately and have been forced to live in darkness and existential dread awaiting the return of the savior of girls who are at Target right now.

Between a messy breakup with ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris, a subsequent high-profile fling with Tom Hiddleston and a very public feud with the Wests, “she felt like her personal life was spinning out of control,” a source close to the star, 27, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “It was draining her and she needed to disappear to reinvent herself. It was time to change things up and take another approach.”

Man, this source seems really concerned about Tay-

Taylor is very talented and wants the focus to be on her music,” says the source of the entertainer, who’s been quietly dating actor Joe Alwyn, 26, since late last fall. “She is a master at reinventing herself.”

Oh. The source is her PR team. Or somebody in her squad who just cashed a from Taylor Swift’s PR Team LLC. We probably should have expected that. I’m digging the CGI boobs in the video though. Good stuff.

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Here’s Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” Video, Guys
Here’s Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” Video, Guys

 

Taylor Swift debuted her music video for “Look What You Made Me Do” at the MTV VMAs last night, because of course she did. I guess you could make the case that Taylor Swift has suddenly become self-aware and is saying that she has killed off her constant cycle of passive aggressive victims of situations she could have easily avoided versions of herself to reveal the true Taylor, but then you realize the true Taylor is just an unhinged, paranoid, 27-year old white woman hellbent on revenge against anyone who slightly wronged her or called her out in any way. Cool?

 

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Taylor Swift’s New Song Is Psychosis
Taylor Swift’s New Song Is Psychosis

 

So, Taylor Swift dropped her new single, “Look What You Made Me Do“, and before you say who cares, please don’t pretend that you won’t be forced to hear this song 10 times a day until November no matter what you do. I’m not going to speculate who this song is about, it’s Taylor Swift. It could be about an Uber driver who looked her directly in the eye once. Here’s the song and lyrics. Brace yourself.

 

 

So much for “shaking it off”, amirite? Haha no but seriously these lyrics read like a notebook a school shooter left behind for the police.

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Taylor Swift Drops A New Single Tonight
Taylor Swift Drops A New Single Tonight

 

As expected, Taylor Swift announced her new album, Reputation, yesterday. The album comes out in November (all Taylor Swift albums come out in the fall because she is basic as fuck), but the single comes out tonight at midnight or whatever. So technically it comes out Friday. As the cover art tells us, Taylor Swift is wearing a choker and I assume black nail polish, so you know this album is gonna be EDGY. So edgy.  Like Lemonade, except it’ll be coconut water. The cover art tells us that she’s under the delusion that the media constantly lies about her. She’s really doing a “fake news” album, guys. Anyway, it’ll fun to hear Swift play the victim on 13 or tracks while using feminism as a commodity to sell albums. White girls are gonna eat this shit up driving to and from Target.

 

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Taylor Swift Won Her Ass-Grabbing Lawsuit, Asked For $1.00
Taylor Swift Won Her Ass-Grabbing Lawsuit, Asked For $1.00



You can read Taylor Swift’s brutal/hilariously passive aggressive testimony at her ass-grabbing trial, or you can skip it and just know that’s probably why she won.

After nearly four hours of deliberation, a jury ruled in favor of pop star Taylor Swift in her countersuit against former radio host David Mueller for alleged assault and battery. Swift accused Mueller of groping her at a meet-and-greet event in June 2013. He will be required to pay $1 in damages to Swift….In a statement, Swift thanked the judge and her legal team for “fighting for me and anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault.” “I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this,” Swift added in the statement, obtained by CNN. “My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organizations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.”

It’s been a really bad week for white dudes. They’ve taken so many L’s it’s hard to keep up. Like, Taylor Swift countersued this dude who stuck his whole hand up her ass, not for monetary damages, but just to savagely humiliate him in front of everybody for putting her through emotional hell. She’s probably gonna light some incense with that dollar he’s gotta pay her even though that dollar is figuratively priceless. Respect. I really want to grab her ass now if she says it’s okay.

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