ATTENTION CHRISTIANS AND MIDDLE AMERICA: If you’ve noticed your child has been acting weird lately, its because you allowed him to watch the Super Bowl 50 halftime show and now they’re gay and want to kill police officers or something.
The first gay hot take was by, of course, Matt Walsh. If you don’t know who that is, he’s the “cool Christian” who smokes and has tattoos and hates gross gay stuff almost as much as he hates women’s rights and minorities. Almost. It’s hard to tell, really.
Is it at all fathomable that the halftime producers decided to make “love,” rainbows and flowers into the theme for a football halftime show but it never occurred to them that the whole thing would seem pretty gay? How did that conversation go? “Hey, let’s turn the stadium into a rainbow flag with a slogan about love in the middle!” “Why?” “Because it will be pretty!” And that was it? A few silly Christians were the first ones to connect the gay dots? Come on.
Oh, damn. Sorry your narrow world view was slightly inconvenienced for 15 minutes because you couldn’t find the remote to change the channel. That must have been pretty difficult. The good news for people who read Matt Walsh is that if your child is gay, they probably won’t tell you, because 1.) you think that the “gay agenda” includes more than Googling Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl eye makeup and calling in sick to work to watch Grease: Live., and 2.) your child is statistically more likely to commit suicide after you kick them out of the house since God’s grace apparently only extends to those who extend their dicks to procreate instead of love. Whew. Then you won’t have to be embarrassed at the next worship service since this is what all your concern is about anyway. Also, it couldn’t be a Matt Walsh article without a hyperbolic scenario where Christians are chased and persecuted to the ends of the Earth for believing in Jesus. Take it away, Matt!
The halftime show was a black liberation-gay rights sermon set to music, nothing more. And those who say “big deal” probably wouldn’t be that dismissive if the stadium was adorned in crosses and crucifixes while a gospel choir sang about Jesus and the audience held up placards reading “One Man One Woman.” If the NFL did something like that, the outrage would be deafening. There would be boycotts and probably acts of terrorism at NFL headquarters in New York. Millions of progressives would file lawsuits claiming emotional trauma. Roger Goodell would be brought up on hate crime charges. The NFL would cease to exist. And we’d never hear the end of it. Seriously, never.
Although I can appreciate the power he thinks some pieces of wood nailed together wields on society, but if the NFL decided to air games at 9am, there’s a 95% chance churches would cease to exist. Maybe preachers could start panhandling outside NFL stadiums instead of their own? Just spitballing here.
But probably the most Satanic ritual was Beyonce’s blatant disregard for the police. Keep in mind, this is somehow different than the blatant disregard that police show for minority lives. This did not sit well with Rudy Giuliani.
“This is football, not Hollywood, and I thought it was really outrageous that she used it as a platform to attack police officers who are the people who protect her and protect us, and keep us alive,” Giuliani told Fox News. “And what we should be doing in the African-American community, and all communities, is build up respect for police officers, and focus on the fact that when something does go wrong, okay, we’ll work on that. Giuliani added that Beyonce is “probably going to take advantage of” this political position. “You’re talking to middle America when you have the Super Bowl. So if you’re going to have entertainment, have decent, wholesome entertainment and not use it as a platform to attack people,” he told Fox News. Giuliani called the entire halftime show “ridiculous.” “I don’t know what the heck it was. A bunch of people bouncing around and all strange things. It was terrible,” he said. “Actually don’t even know why we have this. I mean, this is football.”
At first, it was hard for me to believe this was a Giuliani quote because it doesn’t include something about 9/11, but I think probably the best way for your child to become anti-cop is to make him off-white then encounter one. Or be in the vicinity of one. Or don’t obey every explicit command with exacting detail because, well, they’ll shoot you after they forget to turn on their body camera. Not surprisingly, Republican Rep. Peter King is so scared of a strong black woman that he wrote a 5-page letter. I guess the Republican “overreaching, oppressive government” and “corrupt union” narratives somehow stop at police. Probably because the video evidence was destroyed, who knows? Fortunately, the old white man who played in the Super Bowl gets to go out a hero and a winner (despite 1 interception, 5 sacks, and a lost fumble) because all the black guys around him made sure he gets the credit. I’m not sure what you’d call that. What is that called again? Gimme a minute, it’s coming to me.