‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is The Highest-Grossing Movie Of All Time
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is The Highest-Grossing Movie Of All Time


It’s official: James Cameron has just announced plans to direct Star Wars 10-45

At the end of the day on Tuesday, Star Wars: The Force Awakens had earned $758.2 million and earned the remainder it needed to pass Avatar’s $760.5 million domestic box-office record on Wednesday morning. Avatar and The Force Awakens are the only two movies to ever gross more than $700 million in North America. While this is an incredible success for Lucasfilm and Disney, Star Wars has a long way to go if it wants to beat Avatar’s worldwide box-office record of $2.78 billion. Star Wars: The Force Awakens currently has $1.54 billion, but still has yet to open in China.

The only way it doesn’t make $1.2B in China is if the math I just did in my head is wrong. 


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We Have A Winner
We Have A Winner


My Chemical Sith


Hey, remember when I said I was working on a Star Wars: The Force Awakens review then I said I wasn’t because my heart was sad? Turns out I didn’t have to, because these guys did it for me in the video below. Thanks, these guys who did it for me in the video below.


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‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Made $1B
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Made $1B


I was going to write a Star Wars: The Force Awakens review last week, but I had way too many issues with it, then I changed my mind about those issues, then I had some more issues, so I just skipped it. Anyway, Rey isn’t Luke’s kid. Stop with that nonsense. But you know who doesn’t have an issue? Disney. Disney has no issues. Except maybe trying to figure out how to clone dragons to guard all this money. 

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” has reached $1 billion at the box office, achieving the milestone with record-setting hyper speed. The Walt Disney Co. said “The Force Awakens” crossed the billion-dollar mark Sunday, accomplishing the feat in just 12 days. The previous movie to reach $1 billion the fastest was Universal’s “Jurassic World,” which did it in 13 days in June.

This movie is currently sitting at $1,090,573,329, but please keep in mind, it doesn’t open in China until January 9th, so it might break $2B before the next one comes out. Disney is gonna get all that $4B back. I think it’s already made $54B in Kroger. Probably from the Yoda Kraft Mac ‘N Cheese and the Chewbacca Coffee Mate.  If you stand still for too long in Kroger they put a lightsaber up your ass and add you to the inventory.


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‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Has Already Made $100M
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Has Already Made $100M


Like we talked about yesterday, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is projected to make $210M by Monday morning. It’s already halfway there.

Year-end holiday advance ticket sales for J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: The Force Awakens have crossed $100 million in North America, an unheard-of number, sources tell The Hollywood Reporter. …The previous record-holder for advance ticket sales was The Dark Knight Rises in 2012 with $25 million. Sources say Force Awakens sales could even be north of $120 million. On Tuesday, online ticketing service Fandango reported that Force Awakens has become the company’s top-selling title in the company’s 15-year history in terms of advance ticket sales, outpacing such record-setters as Avengers: Age of Ultron and this summer’s Jurassic World, which debuted to a historic $208.8 million domestically.

Some dude in Indonesia has already tried to sell some Star Wars leaked footage of the “OMG moment in the flick” to TMZ. Who says Muslims don’t like capitalism? We’ll probably never find out who this guy is since Disney already dropped him in one of those volcanoes over there that I just learned about by reading about Indonesia on Wikipedia. Did you know their most popular sport is badminton? Pretty interesting stuff!


Oscar Isaac covering Bill Murray’s Star Wars theme will play you out.


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‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is Projected To Make $210M+ By Monday
‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Is Projected To Make $210M+ By Monday


.Jurassic World did an absolutely horrible job. Horrible. Jurassic World should be ashamed of itself. Now, I like Universal Studios. Good people there, but they’ve got a lot of problems. Strictly third rate. Not a good look for Universal Studios. But, Star Wars: The Force Awakens? It‘s gonna be huge. I’m telling you. Huge. Not even close.  JJ Abrams is a total winner. Disney will have so much winning that they’ll get bored with winning.

Disney, the company that plunked down $4 billion and change for the rights to George Lucas’ brainchild, is in the enviable position of downplaying expectations, but rival studios and industry analysts believe that “The Force Awakens” will open to $210 million or more, establishing a new high-water mark.

You take China. Big league. People think I don’t like China, I love China. I have people that I know in China. They love me. But let me tell you about China. When was the last time we won a box office war with China? So don’t tell me about China, I know China. You wanna buy a movie ticket in China, that’s fine. Buy from China. 

It will also be in most of the known world. The one major exception being China, where “The Force Awakens” lands on Jan. 9. That massive distribution campaign also has some predicting that the latest excursion to a galaxy far, far away will top “Jurassic World’s” record-setting $525.5 million global bow.

Long story short, it’s gonna make a shitload of money. Also, buddy Dave over at Forbes and Geek has already seen it. Here’s his Star Wars: The Force Awakens review. Read it. It’s spoiler free. Unlike Facebook right now.


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The ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ World Premiere Was Last Night
The ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ World Premiere Was Last Night


Look, I’m not gonna bullshit you here. If someone told me I only I had to do was behead a relative then post the severed head on Facebook to attend last night Star Wars: The Force Awakens world premiere in LA last night, I would have made a list then made a quick trip to Home Depot. Hatches cost about as much as I’d spend at the concession stand. That being said, enjoy the pictures from the premiere after the jump! Except the pictures of Harrison Ford. He looks embalmed.

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The New ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ International Trailer Is Batshit
The New ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ International Trailer Is Batshit


At some point, somebody needs to figure out why international trailers for things are better than the American trailers for things, but until then, the second international trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens dropped last night and fuuucck. This is the best trailer for this movie yet. By far. It’s pretty safe to say that Kylo Ren has hate in his heart (“I will finish what you started” makes a lot more sense now)  and that the Millennium Falcon will continue it’s long tradition of needing immediate repairs. Anyway, watch it. It’s crazy. Not “warrior for the babies crazy”, but crazy like “wow, this is crazy. I’d love to see it. Possibly a few days after opening night so the mass shooting will have happened already .”


 


While you’re still here, Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy says they planned the stories for the next four movies before we even knew about this one. Oh, and Carrie Fisher’s daughter, Billie Lourd, is in this one. That’s it. That’s all the Star Wars news I know. You’re free to go.


banner image = YouTube

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The Chinese ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Poster Took The Black Guy Out
The Chinese ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Poster Took The Black Guy Out


As you can see in the UK Star Wars: The Force Awakens poster, the Chinese went to some great Photoshop lengths to make John Boyega‘s character smaller. They also completely took out Chewbacca for some reason. Maybe they thought it would make people think this was a movie about a restaurant in outer space with glowing chopsticks. That would be cool. Not really sure why they’d shrink Boyega other than the fact that every Chinese person I know is terrified of black people. They also could have looked up the lightsaber crime statistics in Chicago. lol how are those lightsaber laws working our for you? smh


I’ll put you in the picture, John.


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Carrie Fisher Was Pressured To Lose Weight For ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’
Carrie Fisher Was Pressured To Lose Weight For ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’


In the January 2016 issue of Good Housekeeping, Carrie Fisher says she was pressured to lose 35 pounds for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I was not, I just had to pre-order some tickets.

‘They don’t want to hire all of me – only about three-quarters! Nothing changes: it’s an appearance-driven thing. I’m in a business where the only thing that matters is weight and appearance. That is so messed up. They might as well say get younger, because that’s how easy it is.’…‘We treat beauty like an accomplishment, and that is insane. Everyone in LA says, “Oh you look good,” and you listen for them to say you’ve lost weight. It’s never “How are you?” or “You seem happy!”’

Mark Hamill was also “pressured” to lose weight. Harrison Ford wasn’t because he generally has other movies to do. I guess I could just end this here, but I just feel bad for Fisher. She didn’t have to audition for a movie that’s projected to make $2.7B. What’s more insulting is that Disney actually paid for her nutritionist and trainer. I’m not trying to tell her what to do, but I’d sue. I’d definitely sue. 

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There’s A ‘Star Wars 7’ Boycott Because It Promotes “White Genocide” And “Race Mixing”
There’s A ‘Star Wars 7’ Boycott Because It Promotes “White Genocide” And “Race Mixing”


Because white people are afraid of everything now, #BoycottStarWarsVII is currently trending on Twitter, because racist nerds don’t want a black guy in a movie where a white guy wanted to bang his sister once. Ready for some hot takes?!

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