Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, Herself
Stacy Keibler Is Still Lying To Us, Herself

 

Oh, sweetie. No. Just no.

But someone came along who changed her mind – tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre, 39, who she started dating a few months after splitting from George Clooney last June and married in March. "When you're with the right person, everything changes," the pregnant 34-year-old told the June/July issue of Fit Pregnancy magazine, while showing off her blossoming baby bump on the cover. "Before we met, both Jared and I had told our parents we didn't think we'd ever get married or have kids," the model and former pro wrestler said. "My epiphany happened shortly after Jared and I started dating, and once we both knew, we didn't hesitate. I just knew I was ready and that there's no one else in the world I would want to do this with." In April, Us Weekly confirmed that the couple is expecting a baby girl.

In July of last year, George Clooney told Stacy Keibler over the phone to pack up her shit and move out after she decided to end things because, "She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that." Now, she's on the cover of a magazine telling everyone she's pregnant because she found "the right person". You know, the person that got her knocked up and married her less than a year after she split from Clooney. So when she says, "when you're with the right person, everything changes" she really means, "when I find a rich dude who is willing to impregnate me, I spread that shit quick, because I'm 34 and I really can't go back to wrestling" but feminism frowns on stuff like that.

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Stacy Keibler Is Already Pregnant

BREAKING: Stacy Keibler is not fucking around. People reports:

There’s more cause for celebration for newlyweds Stacy Keibler and Jared Pobre: they’re expecting a baby this summer, Keibler’s reps confirm to PEOPLE. “More blessings!! We’re an elated family-to-be!” the couple tells PEOPLE of their happy news. Keibler, 34, and Pobre, who married on a beach in Punta Mita, Mexico on March 8, are over the moon about becoming parents. “I’m extremely excited about starting a family and building a future with Stacy,” says Pobre, 39, CEO of Future Ads, a private interactive firm. Keibler shared the happy news on social media Monday. “Look what we’ve got cooking! A Bun’dle of love!” she wrote along with a photo of her baking bun.

Hey, remember when Stacy Keibler was dating George Clooney and all she really did for a while was show up at red carpet events and smile as she was getting strung along until she made the mistake of thinking the relationship was more than it was then got dumped? Stacy Keibler has already married and got pregnant by her very next boyfriend. I don't have time to sit here and psychoanalyze this, but feel free to draw your own conclusions.

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Stacy Keibler Married This Dude
Stacy Keibler Married This Dude

 

The last time we heard from Stacy Keibler, she got dumped by George Clooney after she sensed she was about to mouth the words, "hey, we should get married". And that was like what, two weeks ago? It seems like that happened two weeks ago. But the Asian recovering cancer patient (I think, haven't confirmed) above is her new husband. His name is Jared Pobre. Apparently he gets most of his points like Kevin Love: off rebounds. People reports:

Stacy Keibler married tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre in an intimate sunset ceremony on a beach in Mexico on Saturday, PEOPLE has exclusively learned. "My happiness is indescribable!" Keibler, 34, tells PEOPLE. "Marriage is the ultimate bond of love and friendship. It means putting all your faith and trust into a person that you can't help but believe is your soul mate. Someone who has all of your best interests at heart; someone handpicked for you, to help you grow and be the best person that you can be. Jared is all of this for me."

Dammit. I was all ready to make a joke, then Stacy had to be all sweet and shit. Good for her, but especially good for him. He probably couldn't have pulled this with a chain and a monster truck if the words before his name weren't "tech entrepreneur". Or maybe he could have. I don't know the dude. What makes you think I did? Are you saying all of us brown guys know each other? Is that what you meant? Because I don't rem…oh, no. Oh, no. Wait, hold up. What do you mean by "you people"?

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Stacy Keibler Is Going Back To Wrestling Because She’s Missing That Clooney Money

Since are taught at an early age that their vaginas are made of solid gold and velvet and that they're princesses who will one day meet her prince who will only speak in Drake lyrics while showering her with millions, Stacy Keibler is considering going back to wrestling mat where George Clooney founf her because she needs to "support her current lifestyle" that she doesn't have anymore. National Enquirer reports:

“Stacy is considering making a one-time appearance on the wres­tling circuit,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER. “But it’s got to be cash-heavy offer. She would like the dough.” The former World Wrestling Enter­tainment beauty’s two-year romance with Oscar winner Clooney ended in July, but during that time she apparently got used to the high life. “Stacy had it all,” said the pal. “Private jets, a mind-blowing wardrobe, whatever she wanted was at her beck and call. “I remember when she spent thousands on a high-tech tanning bed!” Even when work commitments separated them, 34-year-old Stacy lived at Clooney’s house with a full-service staff to wait on her, according to the source. “Since they split, Stacy’s had to give up a lot,” said the source. “But she still buys the best of everything and splashes out big bucks every week at the spa. She has two trainers, a health coach and a private chef. “She estimates she NEEDS over $50,000 a month to support her current lifestyle. A million-dollar appearance fee would cover her ex­penses for a year and leave enough left over for her to make a serious investment in something.”

Poor thing. I don't know about you, but I'll barely be able to sleep tonight not knowing whether if Stacy Keibler will be able to survive with less than $50K a month. You expect a 34-year old piece George Clooney banged for a few years until she mentioned the word "marriage" in his presence to just use any tanning bed? What kind of monster are you? She obviously deserves singing mice to make her clothes.

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George Clooney Pulled Out At The Right Time

 

If you're still confused as to why George Clooney would dump Stacy Keibler, maybe it's because she used "#BurningMan #LifeChanging" as hashtags on Instagram.

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George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff
George Clooney Dumped Stacy Keibler Over The Phone, Told Her To Pack Up Her Stuff

 

"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag on called Stacy Keible said what's up?"- George Clooney. Page Six reports:

George Clooney asked Stacey Keibler to move out of his Hollywood home, by phone, about three weeks ago, a source tells Page Six. While Keibler’s clueless publicist strongly denied this to us at the time, we’re told that the actor, who’s currently filming in Europe, asked Keibler to start moving her things out of his house last month. While some outlets reported Keibler decided to end things, our source tells us the opposite.

Stacy Keibler's camp already saying that she had planned to "move out eventually" and that she "never wanted kids". I assume it's the $10 million she made in the last two years by simply putting on a dress and standing next to Clooney at events. I can't do that. Where's my gender equality? This probably won't be covered in my Women's Studies class :(

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George Clooney And Stacy Keibler Broke Up

Stacy Keibler is almost 35, leaving George Clooney's penis no choice but to end their relationship. So sorry, future Clooney baby Keibeler thought she was going to get. George Clooney and Stacy Keibler has split. People reports:

George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have split. The couple, who began dating two years ago, apparently want different things in life. "Stacy called it quits. She wants to have children and a family someday. She knows where George stands on that," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE exclusively. "They talked and they quietly stopped being a couple several weeks ago." The source also says Clooney, 52, and Keibler, 33, will remain on good terms: "They talk every day. They were friends before they started dating and they'll be friends after. It was a friendly [breakup]."

It's always cute when women date George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio then are shocked to learn that no matter how many blowjobs they give that they will never win the financial security they covet that a marriage certificate and a baby will bring. I just want to give them a hug and tell them everything will be okay. Then I'll born them some wine and say "awww" to all the pictures of their cats. And then they gently touch my arm. We share a glance. Then we hump. Then I grow emotionally distant when they ask what I think our baby would look like.

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George Clooney Is Done With This



What should come as a surprise to nobody, George Clooney and Stacy Keibler will be breaking up any day now. Us Weekly reports:

Looks like George Clooney’s bachelor status is here to stay. The Argo producer’s year-and-a-half-long romance with girlfriend Stacy Keibler has run its course…Insiders say the pair have been increasingly butting heads in recent months. “They have little in common,” one source explains of the former wrestler, 33, and her 51-year-old beau. “She likes to go out and have fun. She’s been feeling the age difference.”…Clooney’s friends are a factor, too. According to one insider, the Oscar winner’s buddies aren’t wild about Keibler’s pals. Adds another source: “The end is near. It’s a matter of time.”

So it looks like Keibler’s PR people got to the gossip outlets first, because all of sudden, George Clooney is old and has douche friends and just wants to stay home and isn’t any fun except for the easily replaceable model that will bang him as soon as he call them.

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George Clooney May Have Had Cosmetic Surgery On His Balls

George Clooney gave an interview to Italy's Max magazine, and there's a 90% chance he's making this up, but here's two words you'll be saying all day: Ball ironing. The Sun reports:

“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ball ironing,”

This can't be a real thing, right? Ironing your balls sounds like what somebody does when they want the whereabouts of a terrorist. I'll just stick to Botox. My grandma gave me a groupon.

Photo credit = Getty

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Stacy Keibler Is Still Here



Despite rumors that they’ve split, George Clooney and Stacy Keibler are still very much together and looked pretty happy at the 26th Anniversary Carousel Of Hope Ball this weekend. Specifically, Stacy. She gets to dress up as George Clooney’s girlfriend for the second Halloween in a row.

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