Black Eyed Links

Brad Pitt is so artsy [Dlisted]
Hugh Jackman sells his six pack stomach [Just Jared]
Tara Reid has a happy mouth [Hollywood Rag]
Holly Madison’s implants are up for grabs [Hollywood Tuna]
Jennifer Lopez and the zombie got married again [Popsugar]
The Best of LOL Cats [City Rag]
Carmen Electra does TRL Italy [Popoholic]
Miley Cyrus hearts British blokes [Socialite Life]
Colin Farrell is too skinny [Lainey Gossip]
Audrina Patridge gets Photoshopped for Maxim [Egotastic]
Gracefully Hallmarkian (The Express) [Pajiba]
Serena Williams is a big giant monster (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Denise Richards has a serious mom ass (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Fergie looking like hell this weekend:

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Fergie is Fun For Kids

The audience outside The Today Show this morning was apparently an elementary school, so Fergie thought it would be a good idea to flail around in a pair of skin tight leather pants and hump the stage. As a special treat for the smaller kids, she also pretended to go down on her guitar player. It’s just like an episode of Barney except with way more inappropriate sexual tension. What fun!

Note: Be sure to check out what happens at :28 – :32. Uncomfortable? Oh my, heavens no!

There’s no pics from this yet, so here’s Fergie at Sunfest on May 2nd:

Video via TMZ

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Fergie Should Probably Stop

Ann Wilson’s voice is a freight train of awesomeness that’s coming to run over your ass, so imagine what would happen if Fergie got on stage to help her sing the Heart classic, Barracuda. Instead of showing Fergie trying to sing with Ann Wilson, they should have just let Ann Wilson finish while they dropped Fergie in a giant piranha tank. The audience would have appreciated the symbolism, I bet.

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Fergie is Pregnant

It turns out Fergie hasn’t started sleeping in vats of ice cream lately. She’s pregnant. Page Six says:

Fergie and her fiance, Josh Duhamel, are moving up their wedding date because the “Glamorous” songbird is pregnant, according to gossips at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammys bash at the Beverly Hilton. “She picked up a wedding dress while she was in New York for Fashion Week and wants to move the wedding up so she is married before the bump becomes too obvious,” one insider said. “At Clive’s, she just drank water.”

This would normally be the part where we would say Fergie looks like a cartoon ninja turtle then play “guess the baby’s species,” but I’m just more concerned that there appears to be no end to the pregnancy epidemic going on in Hollywood. Everybody is pregnant. To be honest, that’s why I canceled my trip. I don’t trust myself. After two glasses of wine and some intimate conversation with a cute guy, I lose all self-control. Calm down boys!

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More Grammy Stuff

Either she was hooked up to an air pump right before these pictures were taken or Fergie is pregnant. I’m not sure how they’re able to do that on Fergie’s home planet, but hey, congratulations.

Beyonce was nominated for several awards, and for good luck she rubbed the corpse of Yoko Ono, who now works as a doorman.

When asked who she was excited to see perform Amy Lee said, “Quiznos. You see, every sandwich is toasted and…um, uh…I meant to say Beyonce. Yeah, that’s what I meant. Beyonce.”

Carrie Underwood gets points for looking hot, but I don’t think I understand the big ass vein on her head. Is she trying to read my mind? Levitate a car? Throw a bookcase? Somebody might want to investigate that.

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Fergie is a Freak

Blender magazine must hate women because they have just named shemale Fergie their 2007 Woman of the Year. From Page Six and Blender:

Whether you love her or hate her (“I’d like to meet the people who really hate me,” she says. “I bet we’d get along if we hung out) there’s no denying that Fergie’s making the music that people want to shake their humps to.

On her overly sexual persona:
“Those songs are about the larger-than-life Fergalicious. It’s a part of me, but expanded. I am a very sexual person, behind closed doors. I’m a freak. Flirty, sexual but not promiscuous. I’m basically a tease – take it or leave it.

Reacting to her infamous pant-wetting incident:
“It’s like there’s one or two things the public knows about every famous person. With Ashlee Simpson, everyone knows she had a nose job. With me, everyone knows I wet my pants onstage and had a crystal-meth addiction; that sucks. You have to laugh.”

Wait, you mean to tell me that Fergie pisses on herself in public and is a cock tease? Oh, baby. The only question now is whether I should go pear or princess cut, because I think it’s pretty obvious I’m in love.

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Fergie is a Mess

Fergie performed the Wings’ classic “Live and Let Die” at the first annual Movies Rock on Friday night, and some critics are calling it the greatest performance in the history of music. With her perfect pitch and sexy dance moves, boy, it’s easy to see why. They should erect a monument of Fergie in a bejeweled crown riding a great stallion, or parade her down the streets on that thing Xerses had, because it’s obvious she’s a musical legend.

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Fuggie is at the Airport

Here’s Fergie arriving at the Sydney airport today. The handsome fellow to her left is wearing a shirt which reads “I’M PROBABLY LYING,” so I can only assume this is her stylist, or someone she hired to tell her she’s gorgeous all the time. “Yes, girl, those boots look hot!” “Honey, you look even more beautiful without makeup!” “No, that’s not why Josh Duhamel wants the lights off all the time.” “No one thinks you have a penis!”

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