Spider Man Is In The New ‘Captain America: Civil War’ Trailer
Spider Man Is In The New ‘Captain America: Civil War’ Trailer


So the new Captain America: Civil War trailer dropped today. Spider-Man is at the end there. Or the CGI that’s supposed to be Spider Man. Either or. There he is. Neat or whatever. These movies are dumb. 


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Spider-Man Is Contractually Obligated To Be White And Straight

The leaked licensing agreement between Sony Pictures and Marvel lists a bunch of “mandatory” traits for Peter Parker and his alter ego, Spider-Man. Among those, Peter Parker must be white and not like catching dicks. I mean, obviously. The last thing we need is a sassy dude in a full body leotard who flicks his wrists a lot to turn our kids gay. Also, Captain America’s suit has a Puerto Rican flag on it. Might want to check into that.

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The New Spider-Man Might Be A Gay Porn

The new Spider-Man reboot starring The Social Network‘s Andrew Garfield was filming in LA yesterday, and I hate to jump to conclusions based on one set of pictures, but I don’t think I remember Spider-Man capturing criminals with the power of the Kama Sutra.

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