Simon Cowell Is Paying $3M A Year In Child Support For 21 Years
Simon Cowell Is Paying $3M A Year In Child Support For 21 Years

 

The stories about vaginas opening like the Red Sea when a wealthy man passes by is nothing really new, but Simon Cowell is now on the hook for $3M a year because of that one time he didn't pull out of his best friend's wife. I really hope I never lose my job, because I don't have a vagina and a healthy uterus to fall back on. Hollywood Scoop reports:

The former "American Idol," now "X Factor" judge/ringmaster has a net worth of $330 million, a large portion of which will be diverted into child support payments: $97 million. It was revealed last week that the music mogul had an affair with the estranged wife, Lauren Silverman, of his close friend Andrew Silverman, and that she’s also pregnant. It’s a messy situation, so after seeking legal and financial advice on how to smooth it all out, Simon’s pledged to give $3 million a year to Lauren until the child turns 21, the Daily Star reported.

I don't think there's any vagina on Earth worth $3M, but I guess diapers and formula costs have been ravaged by inflation I don't want to sit here and point out the obvious loophole in the gender equality debate, but if all men were required to have vasectomy's at 18, there would be a lot more women in the workplace.

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Simon Cowell Knocked Up This Chick (She’s His Best Friend’s Wife)
Simon Cowell Knocked Up This Chick (She’s His Best Friend’s Wife)

 

Damn, son. This is some next level douche. Us Weekly reports:

The notoriously prickly Brit, 53, is expecting a baby with New York socialite Lauren Silverman, multiple sources reveal exclusively in the new issue of Us Weekly. "She's around 10 weeks along," the insider shares. And that's only part of the story. Silverman, 36, is technically still married — to Cowell's close friend Andrew Silverman, a real estate mogul in NYC. She plans to leave her estranged husband to be with the father of her child. "Lauren and Andrew have been unhappy in their marriage for some time, and their divorce has been in the works for a while," a source tells Us. "As their marriage deteriorated, she and Simon became close."

Ah, the classic "here's my shoulder to cry on during your time of need and also surprise here's my penis in your vagina" move. Nice one, Simon Cowell. This should be pretty good ratings boost for Nancy Gracce and the eventual Lifetime movie and Investigation Discovery special.

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Demi Lovato Will Be A Great Judge On X-Factor


In case you didn’t already know, Demi Lovato and Britney Spears were hired to be judges on The X-Factor. Again, Demi Lovato and Britney Spears were hired to judge a singing competition. So it’s pretty easy to see why this happened. The only thing that’s missing from this video is that the guy on stage didn’t go to the next level to fight Rayden.

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Simon Cowell Had Sex 11 Times In One Night



Because whores like to talk, some chick and ex-model, Alicia Douvall, claims she dated Simon Cowell in 2001 and on the fourth date they banged 11 times. Also, whores are good with numbers. Metro UK reports:

‘On the third or fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night,’ she claimed. ‘We started having sex and went on through the night. We slept a little bit in between but only for a few minutes.’ Despite the marathon session, Cowell was apparently eager for her to develop her skills in the bedroom. Douvall explained: ‘Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time.’

Whatever. I banged Ashley Greene 11 times in one night last month. It would have been 12, but my grandma came in and said she had to use the computer.

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Paula Abdul Wanted To Bang Simon Cowell, Got Shot Down

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This seems like news, but in the back of you’re mind you probably already knew it happened. Sort of like when Sarah Jessica Parker reveals she’s really been dead for ten years. Us Magazine reports:

“I mean, the truth was, on the first two seasons, we couldn’t travel on the same plane together. We really disliked each other that much,” Cowell told Walters, arguing that they clashed due to “sexual tension…on her part.” Asked by Walters if Cowell thought Abdul, 49, wanted a relationship with the reality mogul, the acerbic Brit replied “a million percent.” “I considered it, but then I thought, ‘I don’t think the after would be as good as the before.’ I’d let her stay for a few hours, but then it would have to be goodnight,” he joked.

The after is never as good as the before, especially when the chick is clinically insane. Like Paula Abdul. She just seems like she’d give me a season tickets to Panthers’ games tucked inside a case of microbrew just to warm me up so she could casually introduce the idea of a bear trap on my dick during sex.

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