I really didn’t want to write about Donald Trump or Bill Cosby or Demi Lovato’s puppy that was ripped apart by a coyote. Ok maybe I did want to write about the puppy. Then Charlotte McKinney posted this pic on Twitter, but she only posted one, so I had to find seven more to meet the minimum requirements for a gallery. Man, this job is hard. Netflix almost started the next episode of Bob’s Burgers by the time it took me to write this. Like, I almost had to pause. What kind of job asks you to do something like that?
If you have liked our Facebook page, you know all about my Investigation Discovery channel-like nightmare with Comcast. A month and three modems later, it finally came to an end about 30 minutes ago. Anyway, we’re good now. Also good? Selena Gomez dropped all that Lupus weight except all the weight Lupus gave her in the titties. This is really the point of this post.
In a shocking turn of events, Taylor Swift has a boyfriend and Selena Gomez does not, so Taylor Swift took Selena Gomez to the only place that would help: a restaurant. Selena is walking like twenty feet ahead, because I assume this place has free chips and salsa and/or breadsticks.
Monday mornings are for nip slips (NSFW) The Superficial
Minka Kelly looks cold (NSFW) Taxi Driver Movie
Margot Robbie‘s fitness plan is great Drunken Stepfather
A Magic Mike XXL float was at the L.A. Pride Parade Dlisted
Kate Harrison brought the booty show Hollywood Tuna
Miley Cyrus is wearing this Popoholic
Life comes at you fast Celebslam
I’m sorry if you’re eating, but Selena Gomez also went to the MET Gala and apparently has no friends. I was under the impression that after you go through a bad break up you lose weight. This obviously is not the case. I guess when we saw the bikini pictures we should have know that there would be more of this, but if your back looks like a shar pei face, maybe wear a dress with a back on it. This is something you’d see hanging up in the basement in Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
I didn’t even know Selena Gomez had broken up with DJ Zedd, but if I had to guess it’s because his name is DJ Zedd. So I guess know she’s in a phase where she’s fucking dudes with stupid names. Enter Haze Banga. I’m told he is a music producer but I think he also might be a character in Street Fighter 2.
‘In Touch’ has exclusively learned that following her recent split from DJ Zedd, Selena Gomez is already hooking up with a new man: music producer Haze Banga. “They started flirting online and it quickly became physical,” an insider exclusively reveals to ‘In Touch.’…“One of the reasons she’s hanging out with Haze is to make [her ex, Justin Bieber] jealous,” the insider reveals to ‘In Touch,’ explaining that Justin has been dying to work with the hit maker on a new track.
Haze Banga is black, so I kinda understand why she felt comfortable walking around in a bikini looking like this. Was that racist? I don’t know. I feel like it was more of a sweeping generalization and a stereotype. If she wanted to make Justin Bieber jealous, I’d probably suggest uninstalling her Grub Hub app that she uses seven times a day.
It’s Friday and spring, so it’s about damn time somebody put on a swimsuit and got in a pool and had somebody take their picture. So thanks, Selena Gomez. Sadly this isn’t a bikini, because I guess swimsuits are supposed to be high fashion and art and bikinis aren’t, I guess? I don’t make the rules. I do make rules about shies in the house. I used to live with a Korean girl and if you wore shoes in the house it’d be like that scene in Misery with the sledgehammer.
Selena Gomez is
fucking for tracksdating DJ and hillbilly rapist, Zedd, and here is the video for the song they made together. Videos are cool because you can have a girl with her boobs hanging out in slow motion to keep the song from sucking more than it should. This music sounds like it was made on an iPhone app, but if you have $70 a day to pay the people in the background, they’ll pretend to dance and like it. $70 goes a long way for new headshots and/or ramen.
Yesterday, V Magazine dropped some images of their upcoming issue claiming Selena Gomez was topless. That, of course, was bullshit. Selena Gomez was topless in the same way girls are topless when they go use your bathroom. Anyway, the backlash was immediate, with people calling it “Selena Gomez’s child prostitute shoot‘”. Ok, so here’s the thing. If you look really close at these pictures, you won’t see the fascist boot of the patriarchy stomping on her neck. Selena Gomez is a grown ass woman. If she wants to pose without a shirt for a magazine cover, then that’s what she’ll do. I’m sorry the first thing you thought when you saw these was “child prostitute” when you saw these in the town square of your Virginia settlement, but that that probably says more about you than it does about her. Damn. Why y’all gotta get me this mad this early in the morning? This is a holy day. A day where usually normal people starve themselves and draw targets on their foreheads for ISIS.
Her ankle. Selena Gomez showed her ankle. People are upset about this.
When the group and their pals visited the Abu Dhabi Grand Mosque on Dec. 29, they raised some eyebrows by posting goofy Instagram pictures. Gomez, 22, got the brunt of the hate when she posted a now-deleted picture of herself popping her leg out to show off her bare ankle — a sign of impropriety in the Muslim culture. “I was just thinking, why purposely go to a sacred place and do something considered disrespectful?” one commenter wrote.
You wanna know why I hate fundamentalist religions and organized religion in general? Because this is the type of shit they get mad about, so the full wrath of god has to come at Selena Gomez through Instagram comments, because if you just look around or flip on the news, you can see the full wrath of god isn’t coming from anywhere else. I mean, it’s stupid. Religion is stupid. Like, Mike and Kenny can’t adopt an orphaned child because you think Mike and Kenny can’t get married? Like you really want to kill a pregnant woman to save the life of her unborn baby then gonna tell me all life is precious? You want to cut off a man’s head and send the video to every news outlet because you’re in a holy war? You want to stone a woman to death for wearing a dress, because god can’t even with chicks wearing dresses? You want me to pray for your 18-year old son who you’re proud to go see die in a war that’s making a lot of people rich, and if he makes it back, those people might not want to be bothered with giving him the proper healthcare? If there’s a god, none of these are his plans. Let’s just take a minute to all agree on that. And no, tolerance is never going to happen. Sorry to say. Because how can you be tolerant of something that you think god told you wasn’t true? Nobody will ever get along. And if you’re a person who believes in god and you’re mad at me, what religion are you? I’m gonna guess you’re the religion that’s most popular in the country where you live. Ever thought how convenient that is? Man, you really lucked out on that one.