Selena Gomez Is Back With Bieber Because Of Jesus
Selena Gomez Is Back With Bieber Because Of Jesus

 

LOL

The wild hitmaker was reportedly seen attending bible study with former girlfriend Selena Gomez on Wednesday night, at the City Church, in Los Angeles. The 20-year-old born-again Christian is thought to have arrived after the service had started, before sharing a photo of the pair looking loved-up on his Instagram page. A source told the Daily Mirror: ‘The pair sat next to each other while partaking in Bible study and seemed very close. They then left together in Bieber’s car. ‘Justin looked really comfortable with Selena as he still thinks their bond is unbreakable and knows that Selena will always love him.’ He took to Twitter later to post: ‘God is good’, which was retweeted by his fans 68,000 times.

If Justin Bieber is a “born-again Christian”, I guess he was stillborn, because well, you read this site. I don’t need to tell you. And I thought God had a thing about premarital sex. And wasn’t the New Testament basically Jesus saying, “Hey, you. You over there being a dick. Don’t do that, bruh.  Not cool.  Look, uhh, anybody know a place I can crash for a like a few days? I’m kinda in between places right now”?  Anyway, maybe it is some kind of miracle, or Justin Bieber had his penis removed and bought another one that was perfectly molded to Selena’s vagina, because I refuse to believe she’s this dumb.  If she is, she could probably pass the Ferguson PD exam.

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Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom
Selena Gomez Says She Never Banged Orlando Bloom

 

Selena Gomez understands that when you pull the pin on a grenade, you don’t hang around to watch it blow up, so she’s now distancing herself from this Bieber/Bloom thing. Also, “Bieber Bloom” sounds like a shitty law firm.

Selena Gomez says she’s never done the nasty with Orlando Bloom … and she has absolutely zero to do with his raging battle against her ex-BF Justin Bieber. Sources directly connected to Selena tell us … the reason she was with Orlando back in March is because their manager organized an event for his clients at We Day in Oakland. As for the widely-circulated photo of Orlando and Selena at a Chelsea Handler show in L.A. a few weeks later … it was nothing more than a smoke break. They were actually with their respective groups of friends and happened to be next to each other when the pic was snapped.

Selena seems really defensive, because the picture in question (here) looks like Selena regrets letting Orlando talk her into anal and letting him wait with her while her Uber driver tries to find an alternate route through traffic. “Your driver will arrive in 4 mins”?! You said that 5 mins ago!

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Selena Gomez Has Thoughts On The Israel/Palestine Thing
Selena Gomez Has Thoughts On The Israel/Palestine Thing

 

When your misinformed political opinion clashes with another person’s misinformed political opinion,  shit gets real on social media. So you can understand when Selena Gomez asked for prayers for all of humanity, including Gaza,  that people who believe they know what God thinks had to set her ass straight. (Also, God doesn’t exist).

After Selena Gomez‘s Instagram feed became rife with comments debating about the humanity of Israel’s attacks on Gaza, the singer posted a follow-up photo to let her fans know what she’s really thinking. “And of course to be clear, I am not picking any sides. I am praying for peace and humanity for all!” she captioned a photo of a serene seaside sunset. Gomez’s original Instagram post with “Pray For Gaza” polarized some of her fans, who threatened to unfollow her for seemingly supporting Gaza’s side. 

OMG, you guys! ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO EXIST!! I guess where they’re at is the best place they could find, because they get chased out of every other place they try to live. Except, of course, Hollywood. Israel is basically if the Pilgrims set up Jamestown then didn’t get any further then spent the next 70 years wondering why everyone who was already there wanted to kill them. But as usual, God’s plan is for Israel to have squatter’s rights and to ignore notices from their landlord because of some Biblical Stand Your Ground bullshit. Yes, shooting missiles over a wall because you think you deserve to live in a place that belongs to somebody else sounds pretty much in keeping with what the Bible says. And that really is faith in action. Shooting missiles and what not.  The Bible is cool, because you can interpret what is says either literally or symbolically depending on what narrative you’re trying to push. But just know, that when I come to your house, walk around it seven times, then say it’s mine because God told me I could live there, you’re gonna have to pack your shit and move out, because it’s God’s plan. You can’t argue with God’s plan, you guys.

 

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Selena Gomez Got Some New Ink
Selena Gomez Got Some New Ink

 

Didn’t know she was a big fan of Arabic, but Selena Gomez got a new tattoo that translates to “Love Yourself First”.  Does this mean that masturbating is better than having sex with Justin Bieber? We don’t know. Does it mean she found this on Tumblr? Probably. Does this mean I’m finished writing this post? Yes. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty boring so far. Let’s just all move on with our lives.

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That’s Probably Selena Gomez’s Nipple
That’s Probably Selena Gomez’s Nipple

 

There’s lots of speculation out there that Selena Gomez got breast implants recently, but keep in mind that she’s really rich and Mexican. She could either have breast implants or just be pregnant. So let’s hold off until we know for sure. But I will speculate that Selena posted her nipple on Instagram. That’s a nipple, right? I think that’s a nipple. I’ve never seen one up close. :(

 

pic source = Instagram

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Selena Gomez Is Getting A New Rack For Justin Bieber
Selena Gomez Is Getting A New Rack For Justin Bieber

 

I approve this message.

Selena Gomez, we’ve learned exclusively at HollywoodLife.com that you are considering getting a boob job so you can be even sexier than you already are — and it’s all for Justin Bieber! Unfortunately, we hear from a source close to you that you are feeling less than confident about yourself, and it’s because you are so afraid of losing Justin again. Your roller coaster relationship with Justin has definitely been a self-esteem-killer for you and we understand that, but we don’t want you to make a regrettable, permanent decision because of it. “Selena is putting a huge amount of pressure on herself because she’s afraid of losing Justin,” an insider reveals exclusively to HollywoodLife.com. “She feels like she needs to be the hottest girl in the world to keep his attention. She’s studied every girl that he hooked up with while they were broken up, at least the ones she knows about, and compared herself to them down to every last detail."

No disrespect to HollywoodLife, but let's calm down to see how this all plans out, because bigger boobs is never a bad idea. And I'm not sure what's happening, but this makes the second time I've kinda defended Justin Bieber. He's a douche and an idiot, but good job on emotionally manipulating a hot chick into thinking she's not. That's becoming a lost skill. Like most NBA GMs, I tend to draft on potential. Selena Gomez is a raw prospect with plenty of upside.

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Hi, Selena Gomez
Hi, Selena Gomez

 

For all intents and purposes, Selena Gomez is pretty dumb and has horrible taste in "men", but she's in pigtails and a bikini here, and those are two things that are important to me. The only issue I have is that she captioned this picture "soy valiente", and I don't know what that means. It's either a foreign language or her favorite order at Starbucks.

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Cops Busted Up A Selena Gomez Party
Cops Busted Up A Selena Gomez Party

 

They did not find undocumented workers.

Selena Gomez had a rager at her house Tuesday night … and it got so out of hand cops were called. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Selena's Hidden Hills, CA neighbors were so pissed off at the loud noise coming from her house at around 11:30 PM … they called police. The cops responded and warned Selena and company to turn down the volume or else. One neighbor tells TMZ … the noise was so ear-crushing her windows were rattling. Sources connected with Selena and her family tell us … the singer has told her kinfolk she's back with Justin Bieber because he's cleaned up his act. But they tell us … they don't think it's coincidental at all that in the last few days … she's spent a late, late night at a Hollywood club with Bieber and had an out-of-control party on a Tuesday night. Short story … Selena's family and close friends don't think Bieber is safe territory.

11:30? Do house parties even start that early? Or did they just have the Frozen soundtrack playing too loud while Selena was making the salsa? And how fucking boring have the last two days been? Celebrity news, not my life. Yesterday I bought a new kind of bread that doesn't have crusts. That should hopefully save my mom a lot time.

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So Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez Are Back Together Again I Guess

 

Selena Gomez is 21 and her boyfriend treats her like shit and is a douche, so when you add all that up in a female mind, Justin Bieber is obviously the love her life. You need to quit hatin.

Selena Gomez is back on the Bieber train … clutching and grabbing onto him on Monday night after a day of Malibu fun. Our video tells the story … Justin and Selena partied together at Bootsy Bellows –at a birthday celebration for a friend — and it appears she never left his side. Earlier in the day … Selena was riding bitch with Justin on his Can-Am Spyder 3-wheeler as they cruised along the beach with a group of friends.

Selena Gomez is dumb, but Selena Gomez won't know she's dumb until it's over, so whatver. I just want to publicly state that if they have a kid, I'm calling it "Beiner". Go ahead and make a mental note of that.

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