Hey, remember when Selena Gomez wore this dress with her boobs hanging out? Awesome. Good times. Well, this weekend she wore a pant suit type thing with her boobs hanging out at the 3rd Annual Unlikely Heroes Awards Dinner and Gala to Benefit Child Victims of Sex Slavery (3AUHADGAGTBCVOSS for short) . I really like Boobs Hanging Out Selena. I feel like we would be great friends. Friends who occasionally bang and go furniture shopping together. And maybe go to a music festival or to the park. Or maybe take a brewery tour or something like that. But mostly the occasionally banging stuff. Hey, she said sex slavery not me. I wasn’t even invited.
I hoped it seemed like I was busy looking for Halloween pics to post this week, and if it did, that’s awesome. Because I forgot to post these pics of Selena Gomez in this dress at the 2014 LACMA Art + Film Gala on November 1st, so I’m posting them now. I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s just 23 pics of her standing still with her rack hanging out. Some of the pics are or her walking with her rack hanging out, but mostly she’s standing still with her rack hanging out. I don’t think it’s ever too late to see something like that.
Bruh. Today is really boring. So boring that I’m posting a video of Selena Gomez on Ellen talking about walking around naked her in new house and politely telling Taylor Swift to stop calling her. Maybe Ellen could give her some scissoring tips and Selena can go visit Taylor and just see what happens. No pressure. Just see what comes naturally. I could really use the post if it’s not too much trouble.
I guess Selena Gomez is in a movie called Rudderless or something, because the VIP screening was in LA last night. The movie is probably not about boats, but that doesn’t really matter because Selena Gomez looked so good that even Taylor Swift wants to bang her. And Taylor Swift doesn’t really bang anybody. Her vagina is cold and desolate. And smells like cotton candy. At least that’s who I’ve always envisioned it. Anyway, here’s some pictures of Selena with her rack hanging out. Let’s focus on what’s really important.
While Selena Gomez slowly morphs into a Kardashian, she’s still pretty hot, and like most women, she’ll wake up on her 30th birthday and realize she wasted her 20s on a random string of douches who she thought she could change because the oxytocin clouded her judgment and she’ll find out too late that she wasn’t in love she was just dickmatized. Then she’ll have her own reality show where she looks for love from a “real man”, because she’ll suddenly have super high standards and would “rather be alone than settle”. That will probably be the first chapter in her self-help book for single women in their 30s who find themselves having to bring their money to bars and scrolling cat adoption agencies for the first time. Because they’ll convince themselves that they’re strong women who don’t need a man at that point, but most of their friends are guys because they just can’t deal with “girl drama”, and they don’t get along with people at their job, because she’s a “boss bitch who tells it like it is” and people just can’t handle a strong woman who knows what she wants. Except what she really wants is to go home and pin stuff to her Pintrest dream wedding board and watch Scandal.
When a woman has gone temporarily insane due to a bad relationship or a break up or just standard women stuff, there is always one visual cue they provide: bangs. Since only preschoolers and Asian girls should have bangs, you don’t need a psychology degree to know if a woman is about to drown her kids or cut off a penis and throw it on a field, because the recent bangs will tell you. So please keep Selena Gomez in your prayers during this difficult time.
pic source = Instagram
The wild hitmaker was reportedly seen attending bible study with former girlfriend Selena Gomez on Wednesday night, at the City Church, in Los Angeles. The 20-year-old born-again Christian is thought to have arrived after the service had started, before sharing a photo of the pair looking loved-up on his Instagram page. A source told the Daily Mirror: ‘The pair sat next to each other while partaking in Bible study and seemed very close. They then left together in Bieber’s car. ‘Justin looked really comfortable with Selena as he still thinks their bond is unbreakable and knows that Selena will always love him.’ He took to Twitter later to post: ‘God is good’, which was retweeted by his fans 68,000 times.
If Justin Bieber is a “born-again Christian”, I guess he was stillborn, because well, you read this site. I don’t need to tell you. And I thought God had a thing about premarital sex. And wasn’t the New Testament basically Jesus saying, “Hey, you. You over there being a dick. Don’t do that, bruh. Not cool. Look, uhh, anybody know a place I can crash for a like a few days? I’m kinda in between places right now”? Anyway, maybe it is some kind of miracle, or Justin Bieber had his penis removed and bought another one that was perfectly molded to Selena’s vagina, because I refuse to believe she’s this dumb. If she is, she could probably pass the Ferguson PD exam.
Selena Gomez understands that when you pull the pin on a grenade, you don’t hang around to watch it blow up, so she’s now distancing herself from this Bieber/Bloom thing. Also, “Bieber Bloom” sounds like a shitty law firm.
Selena Gomez says she’s never done the nasty with Orlando Bloom … and she has absolutely zero to do with his raging battle against her ex-BF Justin Bieber. Sources directly connected to Selena tell us … the reason she was with Orlando back in March is because their manager organized an event for his clients at We Day in Oakland. As for the widely-circulated photo of Orlando and Selena at a Chelsea Handler show in L.A. a few weeks later … it was nothing more than a smoke break. They were actually with their respective groups of friends and happened to be next to each other when the pic was snapped.
Selena seems really defensive, because the picture in question (here) looks like Selena regrets letting Orlando talk her into anal and letting him wait with her while her Uber driver tries to find an alternate route through traffic. “Your driver will arrive in 4 mins”?! You said that 5 mins ago!
When your misinformed political opinion clashes with another person’s misinformed political opinion, shit gets real on social media. So you can understand when Selena Gomez asked for prayers for all of humanity, including Gaza, that people who believe they know what God thinks had to set her ass straight. (Also, God doesn’t exist).
After Selena Gomez‘s Instagram feed became rife with comments debating about the humanity of Israel’s attacks on Gaza, the singer posted a follow-up photo to let her fans know what she’s really thinking. “And of course to be clear, I am not picking any sides. I am praying for peace and humanity for all!” she captioned a photo of a serene seaside sunset. Gomez’s original Instagram post with “Pray For Gaza” polarized some of her fans, who threatened to unfollow her for seemingly supporting Gaza’s side.
OMG, you guys! ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO EXIST!! I guess where they’re at is the best place they could find, because they get chased out of every other place they try to live. Except, of course, Hollywood. Israel is basically if the Pilgrims set up Jamestown then didn’t get any further then spent the next 70 years wondering why everyone who was already there wanted to kill them. But as usual, God’s plan is for Israel to have squatter’s rights and to ignore notices from their landlord because of some Biblical Stand Your Ground bullshit. Yes, shooting missiles over a wall because you think you deserve to live in a place that belongs to somebody else sounds pretty much in keeping with what the Bible says. And that really is faith in action. Shooting missiles and what not. The Bible is cool, because you can interpret what is says either literally or symbolically depending on what narrative you’re trying to push. But just know, that when I come to your house, walk around it seven times, then say it’s mine because God told me I could live there, you’re gonna have to pack your shit and move out, because it’s God’s plan. You can’t argue with God’s plan, you guys.
Didn’t know she was a big fan of Arabic, but Selena Gomez got a new tattoo that translates to “Love Yourself First”. Does this mean that masturbating is better than having sex with Justin Bieber? We don’t know. Does it mean she found this on Tumblr? Probably. Does this mean I’m finished writing this post? Yes. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty boring so far. Let’s just all move on with our lives.