Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom Now
Selena Gomez Is Doing The Same Thing To Orlando Bloom Now

 

Continuing in her phase of banging efeminate white dudes, Selena Gomez is now reportedly banging Orlando Bloom. Sources say Justin Bieber is so mad he threw his Barbie Princess Unicorn against the wall. Every princess needs the perfect pet, and what could be more perfect than the enchanting unicorn? Barbie Princess doll's unicorn has a gorgeous wavy mane that girls will want to brush and style! A glittery saddle and tiara of its own make it the perfect riding companion for Barbie princess! An enclosed brush lets girls beautify the unicorn's mane!

Justin Bieber, 20, is furious over Selena Gomez, 21, allegedly flirting with Orlando Bloom. The Biebs is used to being “king of the hill” when it comes to his lady-love’s affections, so this latest interaction between Selena, and Orlando must be a huge slap in the face to the troubled pop bad-boy.  Selena and Orlando recently participated in the We Day California conference on March 26. The 21-year-old singer gave a moving speech and later, backstage, posed with Orlando and Seth Rogen — who has been one of Justin’s biggest haters. The picture  was posted to her Instagram account, and was probably the reason for Justin’s alleged  jealous accusations. Additionally, Seth has openly expressed his disdain for the “Never Say Never” singer, which could have also triggered a reaction in Justin.

I don't know why Justin Bieber is so upset, because Orlando Bloom is the real loser in this whole thing. Because, uh, up until last year, he had his own table and an open reservation in Miranda Kerr's vagina. Now a waitress is telling him the drink specials at a Taco Mac.

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Selena Gomez Got Naked On Instagram
Selena Gomez Got Naked On Instagram

 

While Miley Cyrus was stuffing money down her pants and forgetting to apply sunscreen, Selena Gomez said fuck it and got naked on Instagram. I appreciate the fact she's naked, but why is she jumping into a curtain? Is she trying to kill a bee? This is more distracting than it should be.

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Selena Gomez Doesn’t Need A Bra

Selena Gomez had Japanese for lunch in Woodland Hills on Friday, and as the title of this post points out, she wasn't wearing a bra. Man, how exciting! Can you even beilieve it?! A girl didn't wear a bra and you kinda see her boobs and stuff! Somebody should totally do a post on that! Use part of your day at work to look at these! Also, go get laid, you weirdo. You can't even see anything.

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Taylor Swift Cut Off Selena Gomez Because Of Biebs
Taylor Swift Cut Off Selena Gomez Because Of Biebs

 

Side eye game too strong

 

I guess it's hard to leave a dude who pisses in mop buckets and got you pregnant then forced you to have an abortion, because Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are now apparently back together. And Taylor Swift no like. She no like at all (see pic above).

If Justin Bieber is your boyfriend, Taylor Swift would let you go! The "Red" singer, 24, has distanced herself from former best friend Selena Gomez after the Disney star reconnected with her infamous ex-boyfriend, 20, sources confirm to Us Weekly. Swift is disgusted that the pair are back together, cutting off her bestie after tweeting just last July that Gomez was "the closest thing I've ever had to a sister." 

If Selena Gomez is the closest thing she's ever had to a sister, then I don't think she knows what sister means. I could see if "Justin Bieber" was street slang for heroin or Selena tried to get Taylor to sell Amway, but she's just dating a douche. Not need to be a bitch about it, just give it time and let is pass because it eventually will. Or maybe Taylor is mad that her friend has a boyfriend. Chicks are like that. Seriously. Some guys were talking about it my Magic: The Gathering party last night. I made some lemon cookies everyone seemed to enjoy. Pretty wild night.

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Here’s Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Dancing

 

There's rumors going around that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back on, mostly because they've been seen together a lot recently and this video that Bieber posted on Instagram. Its supposedly a video of them dancing, but I'm not really sure what you're supposed to call this. I wouldn't call it dancing. Selena looks like the roofies are about to kick in and Justin looks like he's trying to do math in his head. I've seen more sexual chemistry on the periodic table.

 

Note: If they get back together, can we call them "Biener"? I say we call them Biener.

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Justin Bieber Says Selena Gomez Is “Always The Drunk At The Party”

Selena Gomez secretly checked into rehab last month, because I assume rehab is the once place Justin Bieber wouldn't be. She then blamed the stint on Bieber because he's a douche wigger who only cares about himself and weed and stripper titties. But according to Bieber, Selena can outdrink Nemo. TMZ reports:

Justin Bieber is scoffing at Selena Gomez, telling friends she has no one to blame but herself for her addictions … TMZ has learned.
Sources with daily Bieber contact tell TMZ … Bieber and his friends are laughing at Selena's "bad influence" claims, because they say she's always the drunk at the party.  Bieber acknowledges he gets wasted, but whenever he had parties Selena was downright competitive … smoking as much weed as the guys and sometimes outdoing them.  They say she was also HEAVY into booze. We're told Justin believes Selena's parents are behind the blame game, because they HATE him.  He thinks they are fueling Selena's anger and making him a scapegoat.

It's really hard for me to take Bieber's side on anything, but I know a lot of 21-year old girls, and if they're not doing shots, they're shopping and thinking about doing shots. Because all their shots are free. Always. Until they hit 30. 30? Ewwww. Nobody wants to see that.

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Selena Gomez Is Confused

These pictures are supposed to be of Selena Gomez leaving a tanning salon, but isn't she a Mexican who lives in a city with permanent sunshine and an average year round temperature of 75 degrees? In theory, she should get a tan when she opens her door to sign for a UPS package. so why is going to a tanning bed? Bieber like black chicks now. No, that can't be right. He's black now so he's really into Asians.

 

 

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Selena Gomez Got A New Piece

Selena Gomez is at the Sundance Film Festival to promote some movie that's not Spring Breakers, and while she was there, she hooked up with some dude that's not Justin Bieber. Looks like my prayer circle worked. E! News reports:

The 21-year-old singer was seen looking cozy with an as-yet unidentified new guy at a party celebrating her new film, where Gomez also treated fellow revelers to an intimate performance of "Come and Get It." But while sources tell E! News that the guy was likely just a friend and Selena is single, an eyewitness says that she and the mystery man stayed close throught the evening. "He didn't leave her side," the insider said. "The pair hung out in a corner. Selena was in good spirits and was seen dancing to music as he watched her admirably."

Cool, good for him. For her sake, let's hope he's not a douche who orders seduction manuals online and is actually the exact opposite of Bieber. You'd be amazed how many chicks get that backwards. Also, I'd really like a pizza. Huh? Oh, it's not really pertinent to this conversation, just saying I want a pizza. What, my feelings don't matter to you?! How are you my dad?

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Selena Gomez Is Really Smart

 

Last time we checked, Selena Gomez had broken up with Justin Bieber, canceled her tour, and revealed she had Lupus. I think that's something that turns you into a werewolf. I was starting to feel sorry for her, theennnn…..here she is riding Segways with Justin Bieber around his neighborhood. Can you punch a person with Lupus? I checked online and haven't been able to find anything.

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