Hey There, Selena Gomez
Hey There, Selena Gomez

 


So, Selena Gomez posted this pic on Instagram last night and I double tapped it (also would in irl), and I think we can all agree that this will get better reviews than American Ultra. It’s also worth mentioning that if you elect Donald Trump, he will deport Selena Gomez. He’ll also cancel the NFL regular season and make the possession of pumpkin spice a felony. This is all true, look it up. You guys should be taking this more seriously. Educate yourselves.

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Charlotte McKinney Posted This And Some Other Stuff

I really didn’t want to write about Donald Trump or Bill Cosby or Demi Lovato’s puppy that was ripped apart by a coyote. Ok maybe I did want to write about the puppy. Then Charlotte McKinney posted this pic on Twitter, but she only posted one, so I had to find seven more to meet the minimum requirements for a gallery. Man, this job is hard. Netflix almost started the next episode of Bob’s Burgers by the time it took me to write this. Like, I almost had to pause. What kind of job asks you to do something like that?

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Selena Gomez Isn’t Comcast

If you have liked our Facebook page, you know all about my Investigation Discovery channel-like nightmare with Comcast. A month and three modems later, it finally came to an end about 30 minutes ago. Anyway, we’re good now. Also good? Selena Gomez dropped all that Lupus weight except all the weight Lupus gave her in the titties. This is really the point of this post.

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Taylor Swift And Selena Gomez Went On A Date

In a shocking turn of events, Taylor Swift has a boyfriend and Selena Gomez does not, so Taylor Swift took Selena Gomez to the only place that would help: a restaurant. Selena is walking like twenty feet ahead, because I assume this place has free chips and salsa and/or breadsticks.

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Selena Gomez Says Good Morning, Links

Monday mornings are for nip slips (NSFW)   The Superficial

Minka Kelly looks cold (NSFW) Taxi Driver Movie

Margot Robbie‘s fitness plan is great   Drunken Stepfather

A Magic Mike XXL float was at the L.A. Pride Parade  Dlisted

Kate Harrison brought the booty show  Hollywood Tuna

Miley Cyrus is wearing this Popoholic

Life comes at you fast  Celebslam

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I Forgot About Selena Gomez’s Back Fat At The MET

I’m sorry if you’re eating, but Selena Gomez also went to the MET Gala and apparently has no friends. I was under the impression that after you go through a bad break up you lose weight. This obviously is not the case. I guess when we saw the bikini pictures we should have know that there would be more of this, but if your back looks like a shar pei face, maybe wear a dress with a back on it. This is something you’d see hanging up in the basement in Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

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Selena Gomez Is Banging Haze Banga Maybe I Guess
Selena Gomez Is Banging Haze Banga Maybe I Guess

I didn’t even know Selena Gomez had broken up with DJ Zedd, but if I had to guess it’s because his name is DJ Zedd. So I guess know she’s in a phase where she’s fucking dudes with stupid names. Enter Haze Banga. I’m told he is a music producer but I think he also might be a character in Street Fighter 2.

‘In Touch’ has exclusively learned that following her recent split from DJ Zedd, Selena Gomez is already hooking up with a new man: music producer Haze Banga. “They started flirting online and it quickly became physical,” an insider exclusively reveals to ‘In Touch.’…“One of the reasons she’s hanging out with Haze is to make [her ex, Justin Bieber] jealous,” the insider reveals to ‘In Touch,’ explaining that Justin has been dying to work with the hit maker on a new track.

Haze Banga is black, so I kinda understand why she felt comfortable walking around in a bikini looking like this. Was that racist? I don’t know. I feel like it was more of a sweeping generalization and a stereotype. If she wanted to make Justin Bieber jealous, I’d probably suggest uninstalling her Grub Hub app that she uses seven times a day.

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Here’s Selena Gomez In A Swimsuit
Here’s Selena Gomez In A Swimsuit

It’s Friday and spring, so it’s about damn time somebody put on a swimsuit and got in a pool and had somebody take their picture. So thanks, Selena Gomez. Sadly this isn’t a bikini, because I guess swimsuits are supposed to be high fashion and art and bikinis aren’t, I guess? I don’t make the rules. I do make rules about shies in the house. I used to live with a Korean girl and if you wore shoes in the house it’d be like that scene in Misery with the sledgehammer.

Selena Gomez Swimsuit Instagram

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Selena Gomez Has A New Video
Selena Gomez Has A New Video

Selena Gomez Zedd Video

Selena Gomez Zedd Video

Selena Gomez is fucking for tracksdating DJ and hillbilly rapist, Zedd, and here is the video for the song they made together. Videos are cool because you can have a girl with her boobs hanging out in slow motion to keep the song from sucking more than it should. This music sounds like it was made on an iPhone app, but if you have $70 a day to pay the people in the background, they’ll pretend to dance and like it. $70 goes a long way for new headshots and/or ramen.

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People Say Selena Gomez Topless In V Magazine Is A “Child Prostitute”
People Say Selena Gomez Topless In V Magazine Is A “Child Prostitute”

Yesterday, V Magazine dropped some images of their upcoming issue claiming Selena Gomez was topless. That, of course, was bullshit. Selena Gomez was topless in the same way girls are topless when they go use your bathroom. Anyway, the backlash was immediate, with people calling it “Selena Gomez’s child prostitute shoot‘”. Ok, so here’s the thing. If you look really close at these pictures, you won’t see the fascist boot of the patriarchy stomping on her neck. Selena Gomez is a grown ass woman. If she wants to pose without a shirt for a magazine cover, then that’s what she’ll do. I’m sorry the first thing you thought when you saw these was “child prostitute” when you saw these in the town square of your Virginia settlement, but that that probably says more about you than it does about her. Damn. Why y’all gotta get me this mad this early in the morning? This is a holy day. A day where usually normal people starve themselves and draw targets on their foreheads for ISIS.

Selena Gomez V Magazine

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