Sean Penn, who once heroically tried to save the victims of Hurricane Katrina with a red cup, is more than likely a CIA informant now. Long story short, Penn and Mexican actress Kate del Castillo (who might be dead by the time you read this) went to some jungle in Mexico, met up with El Chapo and said, “hey, can we interview you?”. El Chapo was like, “nah, like I can’t stand around too long and stuff like that, but if you wanna shoot me an email with the questions, I can change into one of my good shirts and maybe a hat then send you a video with the answers, cool?” That apparently cool. You can check the 17-minute interview below, and I have to say it’s pretty informative. Did you know that El Chapo used to sell oranges and marijuana? I know, right?! I hardly believed it myself.
Sean Penn and Charlize Theron are both insufferable assholes in their respective private lives (yes, Charlize is a huge bitch. Look it up), so I’m surprised they made it year and half. Sorry, I’m still angry about this Charleston shooting.
Sean Penn and his fiancee Charlize Theron have a called it quits after nearly a year and a half together, multiple sources exclusively confirm to Us Weekly. One insider tells Us that the high-profile pair, who got together in December 2013, decided that their romance was over following their most recent jaunt to the Cannes Film Festival in the south of France. The source tells Us that Theron, 39, was the one to break things off with the fellow Oscar winner.
Sean Penn tried to be Liam Neeson in The Gunman, yet the woman he wanted to marry was the bigger action star this year in Mad Max: Two Hour Chase Scene. Was this the reason? Or did Charlize realize Sean Penn’s face looks like something a Native American tribe plans to use later? Possibly to carry tobacco in.
Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson broke up because she wasn’t intellectual enough for him. From The National Enquirer:
“It was the last straw when Sean disparaged [Scarlett’s] lack of education about politics and urged her to go to school. Scarlett loves him, but she had to end the romance because she felt she had no breathing room.” The May-December romance began to unravel when [Johansson] felt a little out of her depth intellectually when she recently attended a White House gala. That convinced Penn, 50, that the pillow-lipped beauty — who never attended college — needed to get more education. Back in 2003, she had applied for New York University’s arts program but was rejected. “Sean suggested Scarlett take a political science course,” revealed an insider, “and it rubbed her the wrong way. She’s a free spirit and just became fed up with him trying to take over every aspect of her life – from career choices and work habits to people she associated with.”
Sean Penn fellates Hugo Chavez at every opportunity and hires photographers to follow him around in Haiti, so he’s probably as qualified to lecture anyone else on politics as Lindsay Lohan is to be an AA sponsor. In addition, it’s Scarlett Johansson. As long as she never gets a breast reduction, the rest of the world couldn’t give a shit less if she confuses Richard Marx with Karl Marx. And if she never releases a cover of “Hold On To The Nights,” that’d be cool too.
Surprise! E! Online reports:
We went from thinking Scarlett Johansson was preggers with Sean Penn’s baby just two short months ago to this week’s news that couple are already kaput.
Despite their 24-year age difference, we thought these kids could have had a shot at making it last, well at least for another few months or so, what with their shared love of Cuban food, humanitarian work, jogging and snogging in public places.
So after ScarJo had just moved into Sean’s Malibu pad, what went down to make the couple go their separate ways?
Nobody in Camps Penn or Johansson is saying, but we have a few goodies:
The first being that despite Penn’s gruff outward appearance, the guy is actually a family man/mama’s boy at heart (Mother Penn does live less than a mile away) and that some members of the fam urged him to purge the young starlet, who is just a few years older than his children.
We doubt the private Penn clan enjoyed the media frenzy and stalkerazzi that came out of the woodwork when ScarPenn united forces.
And besides, we secretly think (and hope) that Sean still loves ex-Robin Wright, who recently called it quits with her boyfriend, so perhaps she influenced her former hubby to give the new blonde the boot?
Or she might not, depending on the day and what you’re reading, but whatever. Continuing today’s theme of blonde divorcees, Scarlett Johansson is rumored to be dating Sean Penn. What, did you expect her to somehow upgrade from Ryan Reynolds? E! Online reports:
You gotta admit, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn make a pretty sultry pair, especially when you line up their gossipy pasts! But are they, in fact, a real item, as Us Weekly attests?
And sure, that’s some age gap—she’s 26, he’s 50. Not even Ashton and Demi are that far apart!
But all this scandalous talk about older love finding newer adoration is all crap, according to Scarlett’s reps:“Scarlett and Sean are not dating—they have been friends for years,” he insists. “Nothing more, nothing less. They have been talking over the last few months regarding Haiti Relief and Scarlett’s upcoming trip to Haiti as Oxfam’s Global Ambassador.”
Sean’s side hasn’t been so quick to deny the dating scuttlebutt, but, we expect a denial…soon?
For the record, for those of you confused about Sean and Scarlett having other partners right now, it’s perfectly understandable—both sexy stars are freshly out of their marriages (Robin Wright for him, Ryan Reynolds for her).
Also, you might be thinking you’ve heard this younger-thing about Sean before? Well, don’t worry, you’re not imagining things, you did. Mr. Penn has a way of getting pretty girls to act all come-hither with him, and, well, people do like to notice.
Maybe it’s because he’s got an Oscar, is a great humanitarian and he’s actually trying to help the world heal, particularly in Haiti!?
Perhaps. I think, certainly in the case of Ms. Johansson, it has more to do with eligibility: Who in the world is going to fill stud-muffin Ryan’s shoes, now that Scarlett seems to be done them, and him?
Sean Penn was married to Madonna and Princess Buttercup and banging supermodels the whole time, so I wouldn’t put anything past him. Scarlett banged Benicio del Toro in an elevator, so going from the future Deadpool to someone old enough to be her dad isn’t that shocking either. I’d rather her deal with her divorce by rebounding than by recording another album. Save all that for Ryan’s other ex. The one with smaller boobs and bigger talent.
Sean Penn was filming This Must Be The Place in Central Park New York, a movie that IMDb says is about “Cheyenne, a wealthy former rock star (Penn), now bored and jaded in his retirement embarks on a quest to find his father’s persecutor, an ex-Nazi war criminal now hiding out in the U.S.” However, IMDb does not go on to mention the scriptwriter’s obvious heroin problem.
When he’s not blowing Hugo Chavez or talking a red plastic cup to help with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Sean Penn spends most of his time self-aggrandizing and rambling sanctimonious nonsense from his mansion about the poor and the needy. And because since he thinks he owns Haiti, Sean Penn is very concerned about Wyclef Jean’s bid to be the country’s next president.
“The last thing in the world that Haiti needs—and I’m not accusing Wyclef Jean of being an opportunist, I don’t know the man,” he said. How’s that for an opening gambit? Penn also questioned Jean’s motives for running for office, speculating that corporate interests that are “enamored” of the singer have pushed him into campaigning with promises of support—in the form of underpaid yet much-needed jobs in the country—which shields their own opportunism. “Right now, I worry that this is a campaign that is more about a vision of flying around the world talking to people, it’s certainly not about the youth drafting him,” Penn said. “I would be quite sure that this was an influence of corporations here in the United States and private individuals that may well have capitalized on his will to see himself flying around the world doing that.” As a result, Penn wants the media to keep an extra close eye on his campaign donors. “This is somebody who’s going to receive an enormous amount of his support, if he continues this campaign, from the United States. I have to say, I’m very suspicious of it, simply because he, as an ambassador-at-large, has been virtually silent. For those of us in Haiti, he has been a non-presence.”
Words cannot describe how much of a pretentious douchebag Sean Penn is with his self-important, delusional ramblings about politics and his confusingly high sense of self -worth, but as it turns out, I hate Madonna more. Team Penn!
The Sun says:
BEST Actor winner Sean Penn sniped at ex-wife Madonna when they met at an after-show party. Madonna, 50, praised 48-year-old Penn’s winning performance in Milk. But Penn gestured at the singer’s new love, model Jesus Luz, 22, and said: “Thanks. Another kid already?”
Madonna looks like a wax mummy, so if she thought a 22-year old model standing next to her would make people think she’s still got it, sorry sweetie. It doesn’t. You’re green spray paint away from looking like you should be sending flying monkeys to capture Dorothy.
Sean Penn, Madonna, and Jesus Luz at the Oscars:
Sean Penn dated supermodel Petra Nemcova four months ago after he split from his wife, Robin Wright Penn. Sean and Robin have since then reconciled. Maybe somebody should tell Petra that. Rush & Molloy report:
Petra Nemcova has been turning a lot of heads at the Cannes Film Festival – but Sean Penn’s isn’t one of them. “She was flirting heavily with him at the Chopard party Friday,” says a spy. “Later, they went to party on a private yacht. Petra was dirty-dancing with a guy who works for Bono, but it looked like she was trying to get Sean’s attention.”…Penn was talking at the time with Penelope Cruz. But his crinkly eyes seemed fixed on Robin, who appeared to be captivated by whatever Petra was telling her. It wasn’t long before we saw Penn march over, take Robin by the elbow and lead her away, saying, “Come and meet my friend.”
Robin Wright Penn is pretty, but she always looks like people in Zoloft commercials before they take Zoloft. Whenever people talk to her, I get the feeling they have to make sure she’s still alive at some point.
Petra Nemcova at Cannes:
Robin Wright Penn now a distant memory, Sean Penn is now reportedly dating supermodel Petra Nemcova. The pair were spotted at 3:10 a.m. yesterday morning leaving the L.A. club, Villa. It was their second date in two days. PageSix.com reports:
The pair followed up an appearance at a CAA event two days ago with a full-on assault of coupledom tonight at Elton John’s Oscar Party (above). Sean, 47, and Petra, 28, posed on the red carpet at the singer’s AIDS Foundation fete and danced to his many hits before heading to Villa, where they sipped cocktails with Penelope Cruz and Oscar winner Javier Bardem…”
I honestly thought it was impossible for me to hate Sean Penn more, but it looks like he’s proved that was pretty much just a theory.
Classic (NSFW) Petra Nemcova (2004 London Fashion Week):