Scarlett Johansson Took The ‘Rough Night’ Premiere Literally
Scarlett Johansson Took The ‘Rough Night’ Premiere Literally

 

Scarlett Johansson is in a new movie called Rough Night  (“Things go terribly wrong for a group of girlfriend’s who hire a male stripper for a bachelorette party in Miami”) that looks like a gender swapped remake of  Very Bad Things  (“A prostitute is killed during a bachelor party and the attendees turn on each other as the wedding approaches”) but with more jokes and zany characters! Characters like the hot one, the funny fat one, the sexy black one, the racially ambiguous crazy one, the lesbian! All boxes checked! There is no trans representation so I feel this movie might be problematic. Anyway, Scarlett Johansson looked pretty rough at the premiere. That’s a weird kind of promotion.

 

 

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Scarlett Johansson Is Banging SNL’s Colin Jost
Scarlett Johansson Is Banging SNL’s Colin Jost

 

Scarlett Johansson’s divorce was five months ago, but a woman got needs. In Scarlett’s case, that means another basic white guy.

Scarlett Johansson’s appearance on “Saturday Night Live” was such a hit, she ended up making out with “Weekend Update” co-host Colin Jost at the afterparty, multiple sources exclusively confirmed to Page Six. A witness told Page Six, “Scarlett and Colin were making out at the bar at the ‘SNL’ season finale party at 30 Rock . . . They would make out a bit, then go back to talking,” says the source. “They were at the bar in front of everyone . . . they made out at least twice . . . Then they went back to talking and hanging with other people. Another source confirmed, “Scarlett and Colin were flirting and canoodling in full view of everyone at the afterparty, including the ‘SNL’ cast and crew. They were laughing and seemed to really hit it off.”

Obviously, this article doesn’t say they banged, but if Colin Jost couldn’t close this, then maybe he should pass it off to Michael Che.

 

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Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Premiere
Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Premiere

 

Scarlett Johansson is a far left liberal and far left liberals hate her now, but loved her back in January. Much like with their genders, the far left’s acceptance tends to be fluid (haha nailed it!).  She’s was in NYC last night promoting the movie white people in NYC will boycott, because they think will help solve racism or whatever they read on Slate. She wore this dress.

 

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Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity Chef
Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity Chef

 

Scarlett Johansson is going through a shitshow of a divorce right now, but she also has needs. The need to be banged then fed.

When Howard Stern attempted to play matchmaker with the “Ghost in the Shell” star, 32, on Tuesday, she nixed his suggestions of potential suitors like Brad Pitt or Louis C.K. before revealing who she believes is the hottest man in the world — celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. “Gordon Ramsay! Honestly, I’m like somebody who likes Gordon Ramsay,” she said, before adding, “or Anthony Bourdain!” “There’s a running theme,” she joked.

I can cook and like yelling at people, so if Gordon doesn’t work out, just letting Scarlett know we might be able to work something out. Maybe we can talk about her new haircut before we proceed. How about switching that up a bit? Try something different? That would be really cool.

 

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Here’s The First Five Minutes Of ‘Ghost In The Shell’ If You’re Interested
Here’s The First Five Minutes Of ‘Ghost In The Shell’ If You’re Interested

 

Who wants to see the first 5 minutes of Ghost In Shell? I sat through it. I feel you should suffer too.

(more…)

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Scarlett Johansson Is Single Again
Scarlett Johansson Is Single Again

 

Scarlett Johansson and Romain Dauriac, have split after two years of marriage and one kid.  Us Weekly says:

 Johansson, 32, and the French journalist first went public with their relationship in November 2012…The private couple, who are parents of daughter Rose, 2, secretly tied the knot at the Ranch at Rock Creek in Philipsburg, Montana, in October 2014.

There’s no official word on why they split, but this announcement did come less than a week after Scarlett gave a speech at the Women’s March on Washington. Unnamed sources reached out to me and said when she came back home Romain was saying stuff like “well actually that’s not” and “if I may play devil’s advocate for a second” and “not all men” and “maybe it’s because” and “please consider both sides” and “not all men” and “you know this really isn’t fair” and “slut whore bitch”. Stuff like that. You know, the usual.

 

 

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Nice Hair, Scarlett

The UK premiere of Avengers: Age Of Ultron was yesterday, and this is what Scarlett Johansson‘s hair looks like now. Remember when she was hot and didn’t look like the keyboard player in an 80s band or anybody in Decatur who has really strong opinions about organic tea?

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Scarlett Johansson Says John Travolta Isn’t Creepy

John Travolta is gay, so when people freaked out over him smelling Scarlett Johansson‘s essence at the Oscars, I didn’t really pay attention to it, because John Travolta is gay. I just want to make that point clear that everyone seems to forget. John Travolta is gay. Anyway, I guess is got so bad that Johansson felt the need to release a statement.

“There is nothing strange, creepy or inappropriate about John Travolta,” Johansson told the Associated Press on Thursday, in an apparently unprompted statement in which she referred to her former co-star as a “class act”. The statement continued: “The image that is circulating is an unfortunate still-frame from a live-action encounter that was very sweet and totally welcome. That still photo does not reflect what preceded and followed if you see the moment live. Yet another way we are misguided, misinformed and sensationalised by the 24-hour news cycle. I haven’t seen John in some years and it is always a pleasure to be greeted by him.”

I really have nothing to add to this story except that dress is white and gold. It’s also ugly as hell. Let’s move on.

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Scarlett Johansson Had A Baby, Didn’t Give It A Dumb Name
Scarlett Johansson Had A Baby, Didn’t Give It A Dumb Name

 

Good job, Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson is a first-time mom. A spokesman for the 29-year-old actress told The Associated Press Thursday that Johansson and her fiance, Romain Dauriac, have welcomed a baby girl, whom they’ve named Rose. Marcel Pariseau says mother and daughter are doing well.

Since she’s a celebrity, it was hit or miss on whether or not this kid was going to be named Helicopter Sage or some other dumb shit, but luckily for the kid, her name is Rose. Despite maybe avoiding passenger liners that claim to be unsinkable, Rose should have a pretty okay life. But ya’ll really need to stop giving your kids these stupid names. Seriously. If I was black, my name would probably be Catoddre, and if I was white, my name would probably be Theongreyjoy . None of these look particularity good on a resume.

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Scarlett Johansson Is 5 Months Pregnant
Scarlett Johansson Is 5 Months Pregnant

 

"Shit's about to get real, son."  – Scarlett Johansson's boobs

 

Question: why did this take so long? I mean, dem titties. But yeah, Scarlett Johansson is pregnant by a dude named after a type of lettuce is the point of this post.

Scarlett Johansson is going to be a mom! The 29-year-old Her actress is expecting her first child with fiance Romain Dauriac, a source confirms to Us Weekly. Johansson's pregnancy news comes six months after her rep confirmed to Us back in September that she was engaged to French journalist Dauriac. The couple first went public with their romance in November 2012.

TMZ is reporting that she's five months pregnant, and they seem pretty excited about (YOU CAN READ THE HEADLINE HERE OMG!!!), so congratulations. I really have nothing bad to say about this, but if you're her friend on Facebook, you might want to hide all her posts for a while. Nobody wants to see your ultrasound, Scarlett. I can't even tell what that is. Is that…a tail? That's totally a tail. And are those claws? Looks like claws. Scarlett, I love you, I do, but to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to be looking at here.

 

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