Scarlett Johansson Is Back With Colin Jost Again
Scarlett Johansson Is Back With Colin Jost Again

 

Scarlett Johannson maybe banged SNL’s Colin Jost back in May, then definitely banged her lawyer in June, now she is probably banging Colin Jost in July. I don’t think we need to be reminded of this fact, but Scarlett Johansson doesn’t have to hunt for dick. It’s been readily available since like 2001.

Page Six has learned that Johansson and the “Weekend Update” co-host, who turned 35 on Thursday, were spotted at the Palm at the Huntting Inn in East Hampton, NY, the next evening, “looking cozy on a love seat,” says a spy….“They seemed very into each other,” says our witness at the Palm.

If Colin Jost did bang Scarlett in May, I could understand why he needed a whole month to recover. Like, have you seen that mirror scene in Under The Skin? I need electrolytes just thinking about it.

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Scarlett Johansson’s Lawyer Is Banging Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson’s Lawyer Is Banging Scarlett Johansson

 

One good thing about representing Scarlett Johansson in her divorce is that you could possibly bang Scarlett Johansson four months later. Shout out to Kevin Yorn.

The Rough Night star was first photographed holding hands with her high-profile entertainment lawyer, Kevin Yorn, a couple of weeks ago in New York City, but a source tells PEOPLE exclusively their new romance has been a long time coming. “They’ve known each other for a very, very long time and genuinely liked each other outside of their working relationship,” says the source. “Romantically, things developed organically. There’s always been an attraction there.”“Kevin’s always been really great with Scarlett’s daughter,” says the source. “He loves kids and she’s very family-oriented, so it goes without saying they are connected on that level.”…While the relationship is still new, both Johansson and Yorn are looking forward to seeing where it goes. Says the source: “Their relationship has been a little on-and-off, but it’s definitely on right now given that they can both stick to one place for the moment and actually be together.”

I assume “things just developed organically. there’s always been an attraction there” is easily translated as “wow I’m Scarlett Johansson’s lawyer, I’d totally like to bang her holy shit Scarlett Johansson is sitting across from me and damn that ass tho let me get n good with her kid and be supportive at on of the lowest points of her life so I can get in between them titties damn”. Something like that more or less?

 

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Scarlett Johansson Took The ‘Rough Night’ Premiere Literally
Scarlett Johansson Took The ‘Rough Night’ Premiere Literally

 

Scarlett Johansson is in a new movie called Rough Night  (“Things go terribly wrong for a group of girlfriend’s who hire a male stripper for a bachelorette party in Miami”) that looks like a gender swapped remake of  Very Bad Things  (“A prostitute is killed during a bachelor party and the attendees turn on each other as the wedding approaches”) but with more jokes and zany characters! Characters like the hot one, the funny fat one, the sexy black one, the racially ambiguous crazy one, the lesbian! All boxes checked! There is no trans representation so I feel this movie might be problematic. Anyway, Scarlett Johansson looked pretty rough at the premiere. That’s a weird kind of promotion.

 

 

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Scarlett Johansson Is Banging SNL’s Colin Jost
Scarlett Johansson Is Banging SNL’s Colin Jost

 

Scarlett Johansson’s divorce was five months ago, but a woman got needs. In Scarlett’s case, that means another basic white guy.

Scarlett Johansson’s appearance on “Saturday Night Live” was such a hit, she ended up making out with “Weekend Update” co-host Colin Jost at the afterparty, multiple sources exclusively confirmed to Page Six. A witness told Page Six, “Scarlett and Colin were making out at the bar at the ‘SNL’ season finale party at 30 Rock . . . They would make out a bit, then go back to talking,” says the source. “They were at the bar in front of everyone . . . they made out at least twice . . . Then they went back to talking and hanging with other people. Another source confirmed, “Scarlett and Colin were flirting and canoodling in full view of everyone at the afterparty, including the ‘SNL’ cast and crew. They were laughing and seemed to really hit it off.”

Obviously, this article doesn’t say they banged, but if Colin Jost couldn’t close this, then maybe he should pass it off to Michael Che.

 

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Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Premiere
Scarlett Johansson Did Another ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Premiere

 

Scarlett Johansson is a far left liberal and far left liberals hate her now, but loved her back in January. Much like with their genders, the far left’s acceptance tends to be fluid (haha nailed it!).  She’s was in NYC last night promoting the movie white people in NYC will boycott, because they think will help solve racism or whatever they read on Slate. She wore this dress.

 

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Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity Chef
Scarlett Johansson Wants To Bang Gordon Ramsay, Basically Any Celebrity Chef

 

Scarlett Johansson is going through a shitshow of a divorce right now, but she also has needs. The need to be banged then fed.

When Howard Stern attempted to play matchmaker with the “Ghost in the Shell” star, 32, on Tuesday, she nixed his suggestions of potential suitors like Brad Pitt or Louis C.K. before revealing who she believes is the hottest man in the world — celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. “Gordon Ramsay! Honestly, I’m like somebody who likes Gordon Ramsay,” she said, before adding, “or Anthony Bourdain!” “There’s a running theme,” she joked.

I can cook and like yelling at people, so if Gordon doesn’t work out, just letting Scarlett know we might be able to work something out. Maybe we can talk about her new haircut before we proceed. How about switching that up a bit? Try something different? That would be really cool.

 

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Here’s The First Five Minutes Of ‘Ghost In The Shell’ If You’re Interested
Here’s The First Five Minutes Of ‘Ghost In The Shell’ If You’re Interested

 

Who wants to see the first 5 minutes of Ghost In Shell? I sat through it. I feel you should suffer too.

(more…)

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Scarlett Johansson Is Single Again
Scarlett Johansson Is Single Again

 

Scarlett Johansson and Romain Dauriac, have split after two years of marriage and one kid.  Us Weekly says:

 Johansson, 32, and the French journalist first went public with their relationship in November 2012…The private couple, who are parents of daughter Rose, 2, secretly tied the knot at the Ranch at Rock Creek in Philipsburg, Montana, in October 2014.

There’s no official word on why they split, but this announcement did come less than a week after Scarlett gave a speech at the Women’s March on Washington. Unnamed sources reached out to me and said when she came back home Romain was saying stuff like “well actually that’s not” and “if I may play devil’s advocate for a second” and “not all men” and “maybe it’s because” and “please consider both sides” and “not all men” and “you know this really isn’t fair” and “slut whore bitch”. Stuff like that. You know, the usual.

 

 

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Nice Hair, Scarlett

The UK premiere of Avengers: Age Of Ultron was yesterday, and this is what Scarlett Johansson‘s hair looks like now. Remember when she was hot and didn’t look like the keyboard player in an 80s band or anybody in Decatur who has really strong opinions about organic tea?

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Scarlett Johansson Says John Travolta Isn’t Creepy

John Travolta is gay, so when people freaked out over him smelling Scarlett Johansson‘s essence at the Oscars, I didn’t really pay attention to it, because John Travolta is gay. I just want to make that point clear that everyone seems to forget. John Travolta is gay. Anyway, I guess is got so bad that Johansson felt the need to release a statement.

“There is nothing strange, creepy or inappropriate about John Travolta,” Johansson told the Associated Press on Thursday, in an apparently unprompted statement in which she referred to her former co-star as a “class act”. The statement continued: “The image that is circulating is an unfortunate still-frame from a live-action encounter that was very sweet and totally welcome. That still photo does not reflect what preceded and followed if you see the moment live. Yet another way we are misguided, misinformed and sensationalised by the 24-hour news cycle. I haven’t seen John in some years and it is always a pleasure to be greeted by him.”

I really have nothing to add to this story except that dress is white and gold. It’s also ugly as hell. Let’s move on.

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