George Clooney is Single Again

In the most shocking news since I pushed the on button and found my rabbit dildo dead again, George Clooney dumped his latest whore. How much was the slut settlement, I wonder? ITW reports:

George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating. According to a friend of Sarah’s, the Leatherheads star recently moved out of his LA home while the 29-year-old former Las Vegas cocktail waitress removed her belongings. “George is relieved to be single again,” says an insider. “He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her.” As In Touch previously reported, George, 47, and Sarah struggled to make their relationship work because of their different backgrounds. “The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn’t want to be tied down,” explains the insider. George’s rep told In Touch: “I can only confirm that we have never commented on George’s personal life.”

Yeah, yeah, blah blah. She was outed as the gold digging skank she is, so Georgie scooted her ass to the curb on some Moving Men. And stop saying she’s from Las Vegas because she’s not. Vegas natives, like me, don’t want to be associated with whore imports like Sarah who move here looking for a quick buck. If she was from Vegas we’d accept her as a classy whore, but she’s not. She came here to get paid under the table (or on the nightstand), and contribute nothing to the local economy. If that transient, carpetbagging nobody had a prettier face, then I’d say take that droopy eyed one trick pony George Clooney for all he has, but this seems more like Clooney charity work. Bitch looks like she chews tree bark and eats other animals’ fur mites.

Note: I loved O Brother, Where Art Thou?, so that’s a Clooney get outta jail free card. Everything else is cheesy and played, other than The Facts of Life, natch.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
George Clooney’s Girlfriend is Always Naked

In an interview in this week’s New Yorker, George Clooney says he hired his driver, a policeman, to track a mysterious caller who left a voicemail at his house, telling him to dump Sarah Larson. Page Six says:

On the voice mail, which Clooney plays to the mag’s Ian Parker in front of Larson for the first time, a calm, middle-age male voice is heard saying: “Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you’re sorry!” ‘”Before you’re sorry’?” a surprised Larson parrots, before launching into a diatribe about how she’s been raked over the coals in endless gossip over her relationship with Clooney. “They say that I’m a stripper. There’s a ton of stuff about that. I’ve never been a stripper. You know, just because I’m from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I’m a cocktail server, that means I’m an escort.”

Meanwhile, Larson’s ex-boyfriend, Tommy McKaughan, says Larson is always naked. He tells The Sun:

Sarah’s a total hippy at heart, heavily into all the spiritual, mystic stuff – crystals, tarot cards, healing. “And along with her witch-like charms she’s a brilliant fun girl with NO inhibitions. She loves nothing more than getting NAKED in a forest. “Some of our wildest nights were out in the woods romping in the grass and under canvas.” “Some of my favorite memories are of walking into Sarah’s cramped bedroom and finding her naked, surrounded by candles. “She’d tell me to lie on the bed as she mixed together all manner of oils and then slowly rub them all over me.”

I think the only question at this point is, does George Clooney still have to pay in cash? I hope not, because they seem so close.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
George Clooney’s Girlfriend is a Slut Pt. 2

Last night, George Clooney and Sarah Larson attended the L.A. premiere of, Leatherheads, where Sarah Larson continued to pretend all this never happened. Lucky for us new pictures have been released. The Daily Mail says:

She certainly has a raunchy past, but last night George Clooney’s girlfriend looked a picture of demure sophistication as she walked the red carpet at the Hollywood premier of Leatherheads. With her strapping man by her side, Sarah Larson, 28, worked her charm in an elegant little black dress, peep toe heels and a high-wattage angelic smile. If Larson was embarrassed by the string of racy pictures that have emerged in recent times, she certainly did not let it show.”

Sarah Larson shouldn’t worry. That’s right, girl. Hold your head high. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Last year you were being paid to lick a girl’s ass, now you’re in a whirlwind romance with an A-list Hollywood star. Congratulations. Historians will later marvel at how you accomplished this feat with only a hot ass and seemingly no breast tissue or any other attractive feature. “How did she do it?”, they will write. “Blackmail?” “Unlimited anal?” Only time will tell, I’m afraid. As we hope the secrets of this great mystery will someday be revealed to us.

George and Sarah at the Leatherheads premiere last night:

Photos: Splash

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
George Clooney’s Girlfriend is a Slut

Reports that Sarah Larson, George Clooney’s girlfriend, had a successful runway and print modeling career prior to meeting the actor seem a little less than accurate. Clooney met her when she served him drinks at Las Vegas’ Palms Hotel Casino and up until 2007, Larson was paid by club and radio station promoters to attend events and slut it up. Star Magazine reports:

Sarah is outgoing and fun and loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out – but hey, that’s what Vegas is all about!”…”That’s our Sarah!” says the source. “She’s not shy in the slightest. She loves hamming it up and is never embarrassed. That’s the Sarah everyone in Vegas remembers, not the girl dressed in Valentino minding her manners for the cameras with George at the Oscars!”

Man, it sure is amazing what the power of love can do. One day this chick doesn’t mind getting dry humped on camera, the next she’s a demure flower on the red carpet. Why the sudden change? Was it true love’s first kiss? Did George Clooney fill her empty heart? “Oh, and he’s really rich and famous,” Sarah Larson added. “Don’t forget rich.”

Related Posts:

Tags: ,
George Clooney is Getting Married

Long-time Hollywood bachelor, George Clooney, is reportedly planning to marry Sarah Larson, his girlfriend since mid-2007. A Fear Factor winner, Larson met Clooney when she served him drinks at the Palm Casino Hotel in Las Vegas. Marie Claire says:

One restaurant worker in Laglio, the town where Clooney has a villa, said: ‘They haven’t made any announcement yet, but there are people in this town who know more than me. They say the couple are already engaged.’ Since Sarah met George she has ditched her £100,000-a-year job to join the jet-set, and has since enjoyed romantic trips to Venice, Dubai, Miami and his Lake Como hideaway. But it was the Oscars destination that really set tongues wagging: Sarah was the first woman to be invited to walk the red carpet with Clooney. George previously enjoyed romances with Renee Zellweger and Lisa Snowdon but, the source says, he’s finally found someone ‘he wants to really give it a go with’.”

Wow, Italian villas, romantic getaways to exotic locations, and the Oscars? I wonder why a cocktail waitress would agree to marry George Clooney? It’s because of the way he communicates with her and never undervalues her feelings, I bet.

Related Posts:

Tags: ,