Sandra Bullock Donated $1M To Help The Hurricane Harvey Relief
Sandra Bullock Donated $1M To Help The Hurricane Harvey Relief


While most of us are content to sit back and wait for the likes to pour in after we use a natural disaster as the framing device for every smug political hot take imaginable, Sandra Bullock poured some money into the Hurricane Harvey problem.

“This is an incredible gift. We’re so thankful. It’s times like this when we do receive such an incredible amount of support. Especially during times of disaster, people see what’s happening in Texas and our hearts all go out to them,” Elizabeth Penniman, Vice President of Communications for American Red Cross national headquarters, tells PEOPLE. “Having someone like Sandra Bullock make this kind of commitment, it helps bring people together and open their hearts and be even more generous.”….“There are no politics in eight feet of water,” says the star. “There are human beings in eight feet of water.”

Yeah. I’m not gonna be that liberal asshole who tells people trying to tread water in their house how they should have voted (you learned the most important societal lesson of all, Sociology Professor Kenneth) , I’ll just like Joel Osteen memes and donate money then go about my day.


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Jesse James Is Still An Asshole

Jesse James has a book to sell, so he spoke with Howard Stern. You’ll never guess what they talked about! From Us Weekly:

Set to marry for the fourth time, Jesse James isn’t afraid to compare his future wife to his most recent, and most famous, ex.

During a typically freewheeling interview on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM radio show Thursday, the motorcycle mogul, 42, didn’t shrink when the shock jock asked him the obvious.

“Who’s more fun in bed? Sandra Bullock or Kat Von D?” Stern, 57 asked.

“That one’s an easy no-brainer,” James replied.

“Kat von D?” Stern asked.

“Yes, sir. 100 percent. She’s a vixen,” James said of the L.A. Ink star (real name: Katherine Drachenberg), 29. “The way she gets in my head and makes me feel.”

After stepping out as a couple last August, James and von D (they met about six years ago when they were both Discovery channel stars) announced their engagement in January.

“It’s a mental thing,” James gushed of sex with his bride-to-be “We’re just connected on a whole different level.”

Fair enough, but there’s more.

James confessed to Stern that he never felt quite so secure with third wife Bullock, 46.

“I always felt like any moment that rug was going to be yanked out,” he said, and looked back on her emotional March 2010 Oscar acceptance speech, in which he watched teary-eyed in the audience. “Yeah, she could stand there in front of the world and say she loved me, but in my mind I was thinking, yeah bulls***…’You don’t love me.”

James didn’t cheat on the actress, whom he married in 2005, right away. “It took a couple years,” he explained. “It was like a very short bubble…It was hard. I married America’s sweetheart, and she’s one of the biggest stars in the world, but I’m still this f***ed up kid from Long Beach [Calif.],” he explained.

“I did really love her and I did really care for her,” James insisted to Stern “The stuff that I did that was bad I don’t think necessarily nullifies everything I felt…I really did have real feelings for her. The problem was me.”

Things unraveled when his mistress Michelle “Bombshell” McGee sold the story of their affair to a tabloid; Bullock’s publicist tipped off James about the incoming story, and he came clean with his wife. James’ name has since been taken off of Louis’ adoption papers, he confirmed.

“I’m angry with myself for not doing the right thing,” he admitted. “I should have just left her.”

The Monster Garage star said that being married to a beloved, blockbuster movie star forced him “in a certain type of box” that inhibited him. “I’m one of those dudes that like, ‘Hey, somebody owes me money. Cool, I’m going to knock their teeth out until they pay me.’ But all of a sudden I couldn’t do stuff like that before, because then it would become about Sandy. Everything would have a reflection on her…All of a sudden I had to kind of live in this certain perception so no one got embarrassed and no one’s movie was affected.”

Because Sandra Bullock wasn’t known for being covered in chintzy pin up girls, script, or Nazi symbolism, Jesse James didn’t believe she could really love him. Jesse James couldn’t handle the pressures of the public expecting him to act like a reasonable, responsible adult instead of racking up dental bills for everyone to whom he lent five bucks. Jesse James felt inhibited by the need to act civilized instead of like a Vanilla Gorilla. Boo fucking hoo. Hey, Kat von D? When he leaves you for wife number five, give him some parting ink. And borrow your tattoo needle from Tommy Lee.

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Scarlett Johansson Hates Sandra Bullock

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My soul needs to believe this. National Enquirer reports:

“You’re a man-hungry tramp!” SCARLETT JOHANSSON exploded in rage when her pal SANDRA BULLOCK betrayed her by cozying up to estranged hubby RYAN REYNOLDS — before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry. The blonde beauty, 26, wanted her bitter words to get back to Sandra “because she still has intense feelings for Ryan and feels Sandra isn’t respecting that at all,” revealed a friend. Scarlett is having second thoughts about her recent split and has been holding out hope of reconciliation – -but now Sandy has captured Ryan’s attention and has even gone out on the town with him. “Sandra may be known as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ but she’s NO sweetheart to Scarlett,” declared the friend.

Ok, here’s the deal. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, two former co-stars, ran into each other one night then talked and bonded over their recent divorces. That’s it. Nothing to see here. Scarlett tried to throw the pussy at Leonardo DiCaprio recently, so I really don’t think she’s sitting at home cutting out pictures of Sandra Bullock and taping them to her wall and drawing Xs over the eyes. But if Scarlett and Sandra really want to get in a fight, that’s cool. Oh, and can it involve pillows? And something double-sided? You have a pen? You writing this all down? C’mom, man. I gotta be somewhere.

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The Blindside
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Sandra Bullock has been virtually silent for over a month ever since the news broke that her white supremacist husband was banging anything with breast implants and a copy of Mein Kampf, but this morning I wake up to find that she filed for a divorce. People reports:

It’s official: Sandra Bullock wants out of her five-year marriage to Jesse James. “Yes, I have filed for divorce,” the actress, 45, tells PEOPLE in the latest issue, in which she also reveals she has adopted a son, 3½-month-old Louis. A rep for Bullock confirms the star filed legal papers seeking to end her marriage, but declines to specify in what jurisdiction they are filed. Says Bullock of her decision to divorce: “I’m sad and I am scared.”

Oh, and she adopted a black baby from New Orleans.

In public, Sandra Bullock has been through the best and worst of times this year – from winning her first Oscar to enduring the breakup of her marriage. In private, she was quietly keeping a joyful secret – his name is Louis, and he is her newborn son. “He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

I guess one way to quiet rumors that you knew your husband was a white supremacist when you married him is to adopted a baby that was floating on a dining room table in the 9th Ward. Wait, New Orleans is still under water right? I mean, it was a fun story a while ago, but I kinda stopped following it.

Thanks, mutterhals. Whoever you are.

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There Is No Sex Tape. Maybe.

There have been rampant rumors that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James made a sex tape, but Bullock has vehemently denied these claims. No Jesse James is denying it as well. Man, I just don’t know what to believe.

While Bullock denied an Internet report of such a sex tape, James has broadened the denial to also include an online story claiming he’s in at least a dozen sex tapes with other women featuring Nazi-themed paraphernalia. “The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James in an exclusive statement to PEOPLE.

Sandra Bullock has always carried herself with class and elegance, so it’s hard to believe that she would make a sex tape with The Cable Guy if he worked on motorcycles and worshiped Hitler. The (more…)

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Jesse James Is A Porn Star

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It’s a good thing Jesse James left sex rehab early. His 12 homemade sex tapes aren’t gonna sell themselves, you know.

The tapes Jesse made with other women are shocking. “Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia,” an insider tells “It’s all really quite disturbing.” A source who saw one of the tapes spoke to on the condition of anonymity and gave a partial description. “What I saw was a naked woman on her knees and Jesse in a Nazi hat waving his arm in a salute,” the insider said. “It looked like the woman’s hands were bound. “He was shouting and singing and appearing to swig from a bottle of bourbon every now and then.” Jesse has been linked to four mistresses so far, but as was the first to report, he admitted to Sandra that there were seven women total during the course of their marriage. Jesse is desperate to save his marriage, but Sandra is adamant on saving her career and divorcing the serial cheater. has learned that none of the sex tapes are up for sale but that they are also not in a completely secure location. “They could end up being made public just like the photo of Jesse giving the Nazi salute,” the insider said. “There’s no doubt some of these tapes could leak and end up on the Internet.”

Christ. Jesse James could car bomb a daycare or turn into a werewolf in the middle of a mall and it would be the best publicity he’s had all month.

Note: Since IDLYITW is under a strict “No Jesse James Pic” policy, the banner pic is of the good enough to eat, Rosie Jones. And my “good enough to eat”, I mean I would very much like to lick her vagina. Just thought I would clarify.

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Well, That Was Quick

Since he is so committed to saving his marriage, Jesse James checked into sex rehab last week. But what they don’t tell you in sex rehab is that you can’t post ads on Craigslist for tatted up Nazi whores. Star Magazine reports:

The source claims Jesse quietly checked out of Arizona’s Sierra Tucson Treatment Center within the last couple of days. His exit coincides with a moving van being spotted outside the Seal Beach, Calif., home he has shared with Sandra on April 2. “All of Jesse’s pals have been talking about it,” says the source. Though a rep stated that James had “realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family and help save his marriage” when he entered the facility on March 26, the source adds: “It seems Jesse just isn’t that serious about rehab after all.”

Man, this treatment center must use magic and sorcery, because Jesse James was only there a week and now he’s cured. I bet he’s at his friends house making a scrapbook for Sandra Bullock and spraying cologne on homemade cards. Because he’s so in love you see.

The banner pic and the pics below (taken in Miami this weekend) are of Swiss model and actress, Michelle Hunziker. They don’t have anything to do with this post other than the fact that they don’t have anything to do with this post:

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Sandra Bullock Is Having Second Thoughts

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Apparently the fact that Jesse James checked into rehab worked. Sandra Bullock might be considering taking him back. Popeater reports:

“Sandra and Jesse have been speaking a lot, and now that he is finally taking responsibility and taking positive action, Sandra is thinking about giving him a second chance,” a friend of the actress tells me. “Jesse is in really bad shape and she’s not the sort of girl to kick a dog when he’s down. At the very least, you can expect Sandra to put the divorce on hold until after he gets treatment.” And before you go judging Sandra’s decision, remember no one really knows what goes on in another person’s marriage — and the same goes for Elin Nordegren, the wife of Tiger Woods. As Sandra’s friend tells me, “a marriage is sacred and something worth trying to save.”

I’m all for marriage being sacred, but if one of the people don’t give a shit about it, then why should the other. At this point, Sandra Bullock is just prolonging the inevitable. Does she really think two weeks of friendship circles and trust falls are gonna make Jesse James stop posting Craiglist ads for tatted up, Nazi chicks? If my wife ever cheated on me, I’d fuck her mom. Then her sister. And all of her friends. Then maybe her dog. Then I’ll burn my damn house down. And you better bury Ned right!…Better not cut up, nor otherwise harm no whores…or I’ll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches!…Wait, what was I talking about?

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Jesse James Is In Rehab Now

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Because skanks are coming forward like a Spartan army to say he’s a douchebag and had sex with them, Jesse James finally realizes that he’s married to Sandra Bullock and has decided to do what his PR people tell him to do because wtf man? Your wife is a millionaire Oscar-winner and you’re banging these truck stop hookers? What the hell is wrong with you? seek professional help with his addiction.

The facility — Sierra Tucson — specializes in drug, alcohol and sex addiction, as well as other disorders. TMZ broke the story last night. Multiple law enforcement sources have told TMZ when a CHP officer stopped Jesse last Friday on the 10 Freeway near Blythe, CA. — for driving without a front license plate and driving with tinted windows — James told the officer he was going to Arizona to try to save his marriage to Sandra Bullock. We have now learned from our law enforcement sources that James was specific — that he was going to a rehab facility in Tucson. A TMZ producer called Sierra Tucson and spoke with a therapist, who told us Jesse was at the facility and in fact had a 6 PM treatment Tuesday night.

Please keep in mind that this treatment facility was his second choice. Why? Because Sandra Bullock is awesome.

He offered to go to the same rehab center that Tiger Woods went to if Sandra would support him and stick with him. She said ‘no,’ and that basically he’s the scum of the earth.” Bullock continues to live outside the family home. The source added, “[Jesse] is trying to show her he wants to recover. Sandra is tough and does not take humiliation well. It will take a lot more than Jesse going for a week to some clinic for her to even take him seriously.”

There’s no real rehab for Jesse James’ actual disease of being a piece of shit, so I’m not really sure what the point of this whole thing besides to garner sympathy where there is none. You fucked some skanks, you got caught, deal with it. Every woman in the world hates you and every man in the world wants to punch you in the throat because now we have to get interrogated by our women to see if we would ever do this. Well, yes, but to be fair, you don’t really have an Oscar now do you, sweetie?

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