Rumer Willis spent Memorial Day in a bikini and laughed in God’s face she let a dude take a picture of her ass. I put her in my Google Alerts to see if she had been raped, but so far so good. But let’s get something straight right now, Rumer. God is not one to be mocked. Keep flaunting your flesh and God’s wrath will come down on you for such a grave sin. Unless, Bruce Willis becomes a minister at some point. Oh, and you gotta get that tattoo removed. That’s probably why you can’t walk on that water, bitch. You are of unclean spirit.
I can appreciate Rumer Willis trying to get attention any way she can, and what better way than to wear a Bulgarian escort's dress to a celebration about women in music. But when your mom still has her episiotomy stitches because of your gigantic head, it really doesn't matter what you wear unless it's a helmet of some kind.
Rumer Willis and her freakishly large head were at the Launch Party for RAGE this weekend, and I still have a hard time believing this actually came out of Demi Moore’s vagina. I’m sure when she was in the recovery room, Ty Pennington was standing between her legs with a megaphone at some point.
There were only five pics in this gallery, so I had to add a sixth. Try to guess which one it is!
Ladies, if you’re still on the fence about the direct correlation between having huge breasts and how seriously you’re taken, please take a long look at Rumer Willis. She’s a pale, cellulite mess with a gigantic head that looks like Hellyboy raped Jimmy Neutron and Dane Cook, but she wore this shirt yesterday with her rack hanging out. And now she’s on this site today. So you can see…wait, what now? You see, she’s unattractive but she wore a sh..oh, JESUS CHRIST DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU PEOPLE?!?! TITTIES OKAY?!?! YOU HAPPY NOW?!?! You guys know how much I don’t like saying that word! Goddammit, you guys.
Tallulah Belle Willis, the 17-year-old daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, had a brush with the law last night over alcohol … law enforcement sources tell TMZ.
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … cops spotted three girls getting out of a car in Hollywood at around 11:00 PM, carrying what appeared to be two bottles of alcohol. The officers probed further and determined it was indeed the hard stuff. Here’s the problem … all three girls are underage.
Tallulah Belle and her cohorts were cited at the scene for underage possession — but since Tallulah Belle — who has appeared in “The Scarlet Letter” and “The Whole Ten Yards — is a minor, cops couldn’t just release her …. they needed to find an adult to pick her up .
So Tallulah Belle called Bruce … but a dutiful Demi did the hard labor, getting in a car and retrieving T.B.
I don’t know how much of this story I can buy. Her dad is John fucking McClane. You mean with all the cash at this chick’s disposal, she couldn’t afford a bigger purse?
There have been many parenting books, but the chapter on teaching your daughter how to pole dance in front of a room full of guys never gets included. Why is that? Oh yeah, that’s right. New York Post reports:
Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a pole-dancing lesson at a party at the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood. A partygoer told Life & Style that the “Striptease” star “even spun around the pole upside down.” Then Rumer gave it a whirl as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio cheered her on at the recent bash. “Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five,” the source added.
Please keep in mind that Rumer Willis looks like this and this, so hopefully she taught her some other stuff. Like giving a blowjob while she projects NFL Sunday Ticket in HD out of her ass and onto the wall. Oh, and if she could hold my beer that would be great, too. Because if she expects me to look at her afterward, she might need to find a magic lamp first.
I rather watch zombies serve my torso at a picnic than see House Bunny, but a lot of hot ass showed up at the premiere last night, and in case you missed it, scouring the Internet for pictures of “hot ass” is kinda my job description. That is, of course, until I can find a way to start getting paid to just think about hot ass. Toddco* has a solid business plan, but apparently potential investors fail to see how masturbating constitutes a core competency. Insolent fools!
* A division of Handsome Industries, Inc.
People Magazine released it’s 100 Most Beautiful People list today, so be prepared to feel good about yourself, Kate Hudson is #1. And Rumer Willis is on the list. Rumer Willis. At best, she should be top 5 on the list of male Demi Moore impersonators or a stunt doubles for Jimmy Neutron. But don’t take my word for it, just listen to Kate Hudson’s beauty secrets! They’re amazing!:
Hudson doesn’t owe her famous sun-kissed looks to thousands of hours logged at a spa. “I don’t even remember the last time I got a manicure,” says the 29-year-old mom to son Ryder, 4. “I even got to the point where I started waxing my own legs because I don’t have the time. I’d rather be home with Ryder sitting there waxing my legs. I haven’t gotten a facial in a million years. I don’t do those kinds of things.”
Wow, clogged pores and hit or miss hairy legs? Man, how did People find someone so beautiful?! Just lucky I guess!
Rumer Willis attended the premiere of something called The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep on Saturday and unanimously won the “Dumbest Outfit of the Night” award. Nice hat. I wonder what kind of alien technology made it to fit this chick’s gigantic head, because it can’t be from something indigenous to Earth. It’s like her head gets bigger in every picture. In ten years, NASA will send an expedition into deep space using only the power of Rumer Willis’ brain in a jar.
Note: The other chick in the pictures is Brooke Burns, Bruce Willis’ ex-fiancee.
Dressing up for The Children Affected by AIDS Foundation seems like a noble gesture, but right now I’m trying to figure out what Rumer Willis is wearing. Is this supposed to be a costume? Did she pick it out during a fire? If she didn’t, this is the stupidest costume I have ever seen. I wish she’d tell me who she’s supposed to be, because I’m having a hard time deciding between Cleopatra or Rocky Dennis in drag. Yeah, Rocky Dennis. I’m gonna go with that one.