Taylor Swift Isn’t Passive Aggressive At All

Hey, remember this dress that Taylor Swift looked kinda hot in at the 2013 AMAs on Sunday? As it turns out, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley looked very hot in the same dress when she grinded on Harry Style's lap during a Glamour photoshoot this summer. E! News reports:

Taylor Swift made for one very glam golden girl at Sunday night's 2013 American Music Awards in her Julien Macdonald mini dress, but she wasn't the first leggy lady to rock the sexy look. Yep, before Swift walked the red carpet at the annual awards show in the glittering design, model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley stunned in the teeny-weeny number—with Swift's ex, no less! The British babe posed alongside Tay-Tay's former flame Harry Styles and the rest of the One Direction boys in the pages of Glamour's August 2013 issue in the strapless metallic number. Huntington-Whitely flaunted her cleavage with the frock's plunging neckline, but the singer took a more modest route, having a sheer illusion lining added that was sure to aid in the prevention of any unwanted wardrobe malfunctions.

Man what are the odds that Taylor Swift would wear the Puritan version of the dress that Harry Styles went home and masturbated to at the same event where she was sure Styles would see her? The only problem with Taylor Swift's master plan is that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's body look like THIS. Taylor Swift's body looks like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's body after it's been donated to science for two weeks.



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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Says Good Afternoon

I realize most of you will tell me that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley isn't a "real woman" and that she "needs to eat a hamburger", but here's some pictures of her hot ass in this dress anyway. Because as logic would dictate, "real women" have vaginas. Curves are pretty much optional. A good way to tell if you'll be mad at that last sentence is if a man has to lift with his legs when he picks you up. Glad we could clear this up!

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Is Topless

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is famous for banging Jason Statham and not being Megan Fox. And I guess for doing (nsfw) stuff like this. I’d expound further, but I keep falling asleep.

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Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Is Friendly

I never write about Rosie Huntington-Whiteley because it takes too long to type her damn name, and magazines and websites tell me she’s the hottest woman on earth. I mean, the body looks how it’s supposed to look I guess, but can someone explain the face to me? What’s up with that? Seriously. Was she held underwater for an extended period of time as a child? I would say more but I ‘d rather Jason Statham not rip my spine out of my back. It’d be cool if he didn’t do that.

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Replacement Megan Fox Does Maxim

Because she understands that putting ice on her nipples and licking her lips are the only qualifications it takes for a woman to be in a Michael Bay movie, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley replaced Megan Fox in Transformers 3. I don’t want to say this is a downgrade, but I think her face in the banner picture accurately conveys how we all feel. We feel that she was born with a dick.

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Shia LaBeouf Got Beat

A drunk Shia LaBeouf got into a fist fight when another guy at a bar called him a mean name. Radar Online says:

Shia LeBeouf got into a bar brawl early Saturday morning after another patron called him a “f**king fagot,” RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

The incident occurred at 1 am at Mad Bull’s Tavern in L.A.’s Sherman Oaks district, and ended with the Transformers star in handcuffs.

Shia is a regular at Mad Bull’s and eyewitness Mikey Dee tells RadarOnline.com that LeBeouf was in the popular bar with about 14 of his friends.

Shia and his entourage had been at the tavern for several hours when he began having words with another patron on the outdoors patio, Dee says.

“The guy was laughing at Shia and called Shia ‘a f**king fagot’. Shia shot back that he was going to ‘kick is f**king ass’.

“Shia then lunged but the other guy got the first punch in. He hit Shia hard in the face and split his lip.”I saw him get hit, everyone did,” Dee says. “It caught him in the mouth. He punched him good.”

Just at that moment, a police officer was driving past and looking directly into the bar, Dee says. The patrolmen called for back up and “suddenly nine cop cars were there.

“They handcuffed both of them and asked Shia if he wanted to press charges. He said no.Then they asked the other guy and he said no too, so they let them go and they went on their separate ways.”

Shia LaBeouf doesn’t want to press charges because then the whole world will have more evidence that he’s a drunk bitch if he does. It’s the same reason I don’t press charges every time I wake up in a strange bed next to a Mariachi band and an empty bottle of Stoli: it’s expected, it’s my own fault, and we all know it’s going to happen again in a week.

I could’ve posted pictures of Shia here, but he looks like he belongs in a junior varsity Jewish basketball league, so here’s his new Transformers costar Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. I hope you’re not too upset.

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Rosie Huntington Will Replace Megan Fox

Yeah, what the title said. Sun reports:

MOVE over MEGAN, there’s a new FOX in town. Jaw-droppingly gorgeous ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY will take over as the leading lady in upcoming blockbuster Transformers 3. The British Victoria’s Secret model, 23, has been offered the role in the sequel – after Megan sensationally quit the franchise last week. Director MICHAEL BAY reportedly came to blows with the actress over her plummeting weight. Her slender physique sparked concern and “unhealthy” Megan was ordered to put on weight, sources claimed. Rosie – who has notched up the bedpost with OLIVIER MARTINEZ and JASON STATHAM – has NO acting credentials to date.

They should have really replaced Megan Fox with an actual script, but whatever. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will be a hot chick replacing a hot chick. Problem solved. I just want to point out that Jason Statham has banged Rosie Huntington and Kelly Brook. So let me be first to say fuck you, Jason Statham.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley:

What is the color of love? What do you see? Is it warm? Is it tender, when you think of me?:

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