Robin Thicke Has Come To Terms With Reality
Robin Thicke Has Come To Terms With Reality

 

After years of countless threesomes and being able to grab randoms’ asses in public, Robin Thicke is now left without a wife, because his wife realized that’s probably not the key to a happy marriage.

Robin Thicke is… telling people in his camp his marriage to Paula Patton has collapsed. Thicke certainly gave a strong sign the union is over by listing his L.A. home Monday. Paula has not lived in the house since their separation in February, after that grab-ass pic became public. Sources connected with Robin tell TMZ … an attorney is already working on a financial settlement — separating assets. Our sources say, however, neither side has hired a divorce lawyer. Thicke is saying he will NOT be the one who files for divorce … she’ll have to do it. But he says he’s done begging and is moving on.

They put their house up for sale, but Paula was probably waiting to see how much Thicke’s new album was gonna gross before pulling the trigger. But I guess there’s sense in getting lawyers involved to divide $42.89. It’s best to keep things civil.

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Robin Thicke And Paula Patton Split
Robin Thicke And Paula Patton Split

 

I have really no new, important information to add here, except that all of you should stop with the all the "Blurred Lines" jokes. Seriously. They're dumb. Good morning! Us Magazine reports:

Paula Patton and Robin Thicke are parting ways after two decades together. The couple, who met as teens and have been married since 2005, have decided to separate, reps for the stars confirm to Us Weekly. "We will always love each other and be best friends," the singer and his actress wife tell Us in a statement. "However, we have mutually decided to separate at this time."

A lot of people were outraged over the pic of Robin Thicke grabbing that random chicks ass, but it's one of the worst kept secrets that Paula Patton and Robin Thicke are swingers. They've been banging each other for 20 years, so naturally that gets old after a while. So either this lifestyle just wasn't working for them anymore or we can speculate about the marriage of two people we don't know who have no bearing on our lives at all. I'll leave you to make this tough decision for yourself.

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Robin Thicke And Paula Patton Are Perfectly Fine

As Lana Scolaro (nice tan lines, bro)  fades into obscurity as the socialite (that's a NYC slang term for "I have rich daddy")  who got her ass grabbed that one time by Robin Thicke then sold her story Life & Style only to never be allowed in a club or backstage again because she can't keep her fucking mouth shut, it's marital bliss as usual for Paula Patton and Thicke. People reports:

Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton looked worry-free while indulging in a date night this week at Hakkasan inside Miami Beach's Fontainebleau hotel. The pair – vacationing at the Florida hot spot with 3-year-old son Julian – took a break from the beach, sitting back and splitting a dim sum platter, sesame prawn toast and lobster and Chinese chive soup, plus a bottle of sake. "They seemed to be really enjoying themselves and having a great time, and were definitely affectionate with each other," a witness tells PEOPLE, adding that the stars "were extremely nice to everyone."

They're in Miami, so we all know where this going. Paula probably picked a Puerto Rican model because there's a good chance she would mispronounce the safe word. Press 2 all you want, darling. Nobody is gonna hear you.

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Everybody Relax About Robin Thicke And The Butt Grab Pic
Everybody Relax About Robin Thicke And The Butt Grab Pic

 

I've avoided this non-story for a while because chicks have been cutting their own bangs shorter in protest because Miley Cyrus has been crucified for being "the object in Thicke's sexy sex dream" but OMG ROBIN THICKE IS A MARRIED MAN WHO GRABBED A WOMAN'S ASS!!! WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE IS IT BECAUSE HE HAS A PENIS IT'S BECAUSE HE HAS A PENIS ISN'T IT?? The woman, of course, being, Lana Scolaro. And anytime there's a married man and another woman involved, the woman sells her story to a tabloid. Just another woman crushed under the boot heel of the patriachy while she counts her money. Page Six reports:

Robin Thicke did more than just grab blonde Lana Scolaro’s derrière as shown in a photo taken at 1Oak’s VMA party last week, the 20-year-old claims in the latest issue of Life & Style. Scolaro says she hooked up with the “Blurred Lines” singer, 36, while his wife, Paula Patton, was just a few feet away and that he approached using the line, “I just love the fact that you’re so young.” “His hands were everywhere,” Scolaro, who says she met Thicke at a party a week earlier, tells the magazine. She also claims Thicke told her Patton was “chill” and encouraged Lana to talk to her. Scolaro says she later accompanied the couple to a bash at a suite in the Greenwich Hotel, where Thicke followed her to the bathroom. She tells the mag, “He turned off the lights so no one could see us, and he started making out with me. He was grabbing me. He was like, ‘I want to get you into bed!’ ” But an insider tells us Thicke and Patton were together all night and that neither is concerned about the story.

Ok, I'm gonna to explain this whole thing for you. You ready? Paula Patton picked this chick out. Paula Patton instructed her husband to go talk to this chick. So you can chill now. Take a deep breath. Let it out. I have a friend who lives in NYC, and a few months ago, Thicke approached her in a bar and grabbed her ass and pretty much ran the same game then said, "Hey, I want you to introduce you to my girl, Paula." She looked at Paula, Paula looked back at her like, "you DTF or what I haven't got all night." So, in conclusion, they're a married couple who loves banging hot chicks together. Sometimes the chick is down, somethimes they're not. But that's what they do as a married couple. They should teach a damn class. Oh, and why is everyone saying Thicke's pickup line was creepy? It was better than what I would have said. "Hey girl, did you know your name backwards spells 'anal'? What are your thoughts on that?"

 

Pic source = Instagram (it's been deleted of course because you people)

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Robin Thicke’s Mom Gets It
Robin Thicke’s Mom Gets It

 

"I just keep thinking of her mother and father watching this. Oh, Lord, have mercy. I was not expecting her to be putting her butt that close to my son. The problem is now I can never "unsee" it.'"Him? Loved it. I love that suit, the black and white suit. I don't understand what Miley Cyrus is trying to do. I just don't understand. I think she's misbegotten in this attempt of hers. And I think it was not beneficial." - Gloria Loring

 

I'd like to take this time to inform Miley that Pharrell invented twerking in the 90s:

 

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Wayne Gretzky Found Out He Was Traded To The L.A. Kings While Babysitting Robin Thicke

Let that headline sink in. Breathe it in. Wayne Gretzky used to babysit Robin Thicke. Fox Sports (via an interview Gretzky gave in 2012) reports:

Thicke, who is most known for his career as an actor, game-show host and songwriter, was in Norway while Gretzky watched over the house with Thicke’s youngest son, Robin, who is now a famous R&B singer. Thicke picked up the Oslo newspaper in the morning, and saw Gretzky’s face adorning the cover. Since he could not understand the text, Thicke called home to learn of the news. He later found out that Gretzky had been traded from Edmonton to Los Angeles, and that Gretzky had left the house to join his new team. Thicke had to find a replacement nanny for the house and Robin immediately.

Robin Thicke thinks he's black now, but in 1998, he was a rich kid of a dad who was on Growing Pains and the greatest hockey player of all time was his babysitter. I can't wait until they base Precious 2 off this story.

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Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’ Got Banned By YouTube



Robin Thicke is basically Justin Timberlake after Justin Timberlake grows up and stops hijacking black culture, marries Paula Patton, and is injected with an actual soul. Basically every track on Justified was written for Michael Jackson, but Jackson turned them all down, so they taught the little white boy some dance moves and a star was born. Anyway, Thicke didn’t need any of that, and is pretty much enjoying success without having to perform at every award show. So keep all that in mind when you watch Thicke’s video for “Blurred Lines”. A video that got banned from YouTube because everybody is naked. Meanwhile, “Mirrors” has 17M views, because apparently people like videos where two old people get dementia then do tai chi.

In case what I just said didn’t sink in, EVERY chick in this video is naked. Seriously, bro. I’m not even joking. What? Well, fine! Watch it at work! See if I care! (NSFW):

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