Robert Shapiro Dumped Lindsay Lohan

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In June 1994, O.J. Simpson drove to his ex-wife’s, Nicole Brown, Bundy Drive condominium and fatally stabbed her and her then boyfriend, Ron Goldman. Brown was stabbed multiple times in the throat (which left her nearly decapitated) and had her vertebrae severed. During the 1995 trial, the prosecution presented the following evidence: DNA showed that blood found at the scene of Brown’s murder was O. J. Simpson’s. The odds it could have come from anyone but Simpson were reported to be about one in 170 million. DNA analysis of blood found on a pair of Simpson’s socks found in his bedroom identified it as Nicole Brown’s. The blood had DNA characteristics matched by approximately only one in 9.7 billion, with odds rising to one out of 21 billion when compiling results of testing done at the two separate DNA laboratories. DNA analysis of the blood found in, on, and near Simpson’s Bronco revealed traces of Simpson’s, Brown’s, and Goldman’s blood. Hair consistent with Simpson’s was found on Goldman’s shirt. The left-hand glove found at Nicole Brown’s home and the right-hand glove found at Simpson’s home proved to be a match. The bloody footprints were identified by FBI shoe expert William Bodziak as having been made by a pair of extremely rare Bruno Magli shoes, of which it has been reported that only 299 pairs were sold in the US. The large size 12 prints matched Simpson’s shoe size. Robert Shapiro, O.J.’s defense attorney, looked at that said, “Fuck that. We got this.” At 10:07 a.m. on October 3, 1995, after only four hours of deliberation the previous day, the jury returned a verdict of not guilty. This man just walked away from Lindsay’s case. TMZ reports:

It is unclear who will represent Lindsay tomorrow when she will turn herself in. We do not know why Shapiro has left the case. He said publicly he would represent Lindsay only if she agreed to jail and followed his instructions. Interestingly, Shawn Chapman Holley never signed the substitution of attorney form last Friday to get out of the case. So Shawn may be on the hook.

Murdering psychopath? Check. Delusional, spoiled cokewhore? Can’t handle it, man. I don’t know if Legal Zoom sells nooses that have both style and function, but Lindsay might want to check into that. Then choke herself with it.

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Robert Shapiro Is Lindsay’s New Lawyer

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With Lindsay due to turn herself in on Tuesday, she has officially hired famous defense attorney, Robert Shapiro. TMZ reports:

Sources say Shapiro, who was part of the team that successfully repped O.J. Simpson, will try to convince Judge Marsha Revel to put Lindsay in a rehab facility and either eliminate or minimize jail. Shapiro, whose son died of a drug overdose in 2005, has a lot of experience with rehab facilities and we’re told he has a specific plan for Lindsay, and a specific place in mind — a live-in rehab facility in which Shapiro is involved. Shapiro created a foundation to help people deal with drug and alcohol problems, named after his son — The Brent Shapiro Foundation. Shapiro was hired in a nick of time. Lindsay is supposed to turn herself in on Tuesday.

Thanks to Robert Shapiro, I just made a living will at Legal Zoom. It not only ensures my wishes will be heard, but also protects my loved ones from having to make these difficult, deeply personal choices for me. Speaking of which, you know who doesn’t need a living will? Brent Shapiro. He’s dead. The article says it’s because he had a drug problem. But since his dad defended a guy who chopped his wife’s head off, I think karma is the one who had the problem. And yo it solved it. Check out the hook while my DJ revo….oh, nevermind.

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