Rob Kardashian And Blac Chyna Got Engaged Last Night, This Should Be Fun
Rob Kardashian And Blac Chyna Got Engaged Last Night, This Should Be Fun


Blac Chyna is about to be a Kardashian. Tyga is gonna be an uncle to his own child. What a time to be alive. 

Blac Chyna is one giant step closer to getting jumped in to the krew — Rob Kardashian popped the question Monday night, and they’re engaged to be married. Blac Chyna was sporting a massive diamond ring as she and Rob went out last night to celebrate. Sources close to the couple tell us Rob asked last night and as expected, she said yes. Chyna’s mom is still in town … and all 3 hit up Ace of Diamonds strip club to toast their engagement — which comes after about a little over 2 months of dating.

What wonderful news for the whole family! Such an exciting time!

Interestingly, all of Rob’s family … his mom, sisters and brother-in-laws all boarded a plane and flew out of town yesterday for a family vacay.

Ok, maybe not. At least White Chyna had something on the Internet yesterday. Oh, and the other Kardashian who can have kids had something, too. I guess Kris is gonna have to text Kim to tell her to get naked again soon to mitigate this news. Or have Khloe leak a video of her nightly feeding in woods. Not sure how Mexicans feel about this, but  “African-Armenian” looks to be the largest demographic in Los Angeles by 2150.


White & Blac


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Blac Chyna & Rob Kardashian Got A Porn Offer From Hustler



Khloe Kardashian has been doing everything she can to make Nat Geo bite on her sex tape, but instead, her brother-in-law, Kanye West, has dick pics on the way and got trapped into saying he likes fingers in his ass. To make matters worse, her brother, Rob Kardashian, is now dating her half-sister’s boyfriend’s baby mama, Blac Chyna. Khloe tried to keep Nat Geo’s attention by tweeting shade about Blac Chyna’s arrest on Friday, then Blac Chyna’s mom posted Khloe’s mugshot. It was a bad week all around, and to be honest, I don’t think Nat Geo plans to move forward with this. Somebody who is going forward though is Hustler. Not with Khloe though. Maybe Kris Jenner can pull some strings so Khloe can play the bear in The Revenant 2.

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna are getting the chance to star in a brand new Kardashian sex tapewith an earning potential of 7 figures. TMZ obtained the letter sent from Hustler honcho, Larry Flynt, to Rob and Blac — asking them to consider shooting a video for the company’s celebrity sex tape division. Flynt says Hustler is looking to be a major player in celebrity porn … and thinks R&B’s fan base will benefit all involved. He promises they could be looking at earnings of a million dollars or more.

If you missed that, TMZ just nicknamed Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna “R&B”.  I think that stands for “ribs & biscuits”. From a business standpoint, it’s unclear how this make sense, because it will probably be expensive to have an ambulance on standby for Rob in case he stands up too fast to reach for the KFC bucket they’ll have to fill up in between takes. From a pure cinematic standpoint, look at Blac Chyna’s butt. Now imagine Rob Kardashian’s fat ass. That cuts out about like, what? 45 positions right there. They won’t be able to use candles, because no insurance company is gonna allow open flames around Rob’s oxygen tank. Seems like there’s too many issues to work out. If I ran Hustler, I’d be camping outside her house until she signed or I was confident enough in my ability to forge her signature.


Our greatest weapons against the Kardashians:


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Rob Kardashian Refuses To Leave His Bedroom Unless You Have Food
Rob Kardashian Refuses To Leave His Bedroom Unless You Have Food


Last month it was revealed that Rob Kardashian was given the gift of diabetes, and so far he seems to be following my advice

….the 28-year-old recluse not only remains hidden away in his older sister Khloe‘s Calabasas home— he refuses to leave his room! Sources told the magazine that Rob has food delivered to his bedroom door. And the meals are far from healthy. “He’s been eating everything fattening and unhealthy in sight‑ burgers, fries, pizza, fried chicken, potato skins, burritos, enchiladas and chips,” an insider said.

Good for you, Rob. Stay strong, my brother.  Don’t let a little numbness and tingling in your hands and feet keep you from living your best life if that life includes playing Star Wars Battlefront all day in between Cook-Out trays. Dude, your fat sister is calling you fat on a show with your last name it. Keep eating until that diabetes is worth at least half a mill. 


Hey, Rob. Remember this? What was that all about?


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Kris Jenner Can Finally Make Money Off Rob Kardashian
Kris Jenner Can Finally Make Money Off Rob Kardashian


Congrats on the diabetes and welcome to the family, Rob! You make your mom and I so proud! So proud.

Rob Kardashian is getting a sweet offer to change his life for the better in TWO ways — get healthy AND get a job at the same time. Kardashian was sent an offer to be a spokesperson for “Five Hour Diabetic,” which designs specialized meal plans for people with type 2 diabetes. We’re told the company wants to use Rob’s face on social media and advertising campaigns. The deal comes with a sweet $100,000 payday, plus profit sharing … as well as a lifetime membership for meal plans, and medical consultations.

$100K?!  Shit. That would’ve funded the affordable hooker clothes factory for at least 30 years instead of Sears having to burn leopard print evening gowns for insurance money. In-N-Out’s only had bacon for two years, so I feel you might be limiting your business plan’s full growth potential here if you accept this deal. Imagine the check you’d get if you held out for type 4 diabetes? I’m not an agent, but it’s something to think about. 


Here’s Kendall Jenner at the VS Fashion Show. She’ll probably die of something not food related.


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Rob Kardashian Caught The Diabeetus
 

#tbt Me just chill-zoning in Malibu eating a pulled pork sandwich.

A photo posted by ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) on



I mean, how else is Rob Kardashian gonna make TMZ? Not sure if anybody is on the Lakers is gay and likes ’em thick. 

Rob Kardashian was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with diabetes … TMZ has learned. We’re told Rob wasn’t feeling well over the weekend and as his condition worsened, his family became alarmed and Rob was taken to an L.A. hospital. Doctors performed tests and diagnosed the condition … and it was news to Rob. He had no clue he was diabetic. Doctors stabilized him and as of this post he’s still in the hospital. Sources close to the Kardashians say this was a wake up call and Rob wants to start 2016 healthy. Rob was last seen in public on an In-N-Out run this past June.

Rob Kardashian is the only Kardashian who was born without a vagina, so his marketability pretty much came down to a sock line. But Kris Jenner probably already knew that socks can’t be photoshopped and exploited for monetary gain, so she just put him in a room with a bunch of In-N-Out coupons and let nature take care of the rest. But I’m really concerned about In-N-Out being his last public appearance. Do they deliver now? Is there a delivery fee? Lemme know.

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Fat Rob Is Hooked On Sizzurp
Fat Rob Is Hooked On Sizzurp

 

Fat Rob has the sads and instead of just drinking pizza sauce, he's also been sipping on sizzurp, because he was born without a vagina and still has the haunting memory of his mom trying to drown him at birth, because there is no money to me made with 14-year old penises because Michael Jackson is dead and the Jenner family isn't Catholic. WHAT DRAMA!

Rob Kardashian's family wants Rob to get help for what they say is a very bad drug problem … sources directly connected with the family tell TMZ. Our sources say the family is well aware of what has been going on with Rob, depicted by these photos during a drug-fueled party a few days ago. You can see Rob holding a double cup … the container of choice for Sizzurp. The cup on the table actually has the words, "Codeine Boys" emblazoned on it. He's also seen smoking weed. We're told the Kardashians have been calling rehab facilities, but Rob refuses to go. They feel desperate because they don't know what to do and hope pictures like these may change Rob's mind. The Kardashians have stepped up before … attempting an intervention for Lamar Odom's drug problem.

Man, this is a pretty interesting storyline. Great job, E! writers and TMZ. If you play this right, he can propose to a bottle of codeine. That's a two-hour primetime special right there.

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Rob Kardashian Is In Rehab For Being Fat, Drugs
Rob Kardashian Is In Rehab For Being Fat, Drugs

 

Rob Kardashian has been in rehab for a month. Not sure how much of that time has been spent on reshoots.

Last week, Star reported that Rob Kardashian is being treated for depression in a wellness center. Now, sources reveal that the reality star has been at the Meadows Trauma and Addiction treatment center in Wickenburg, Ariz for about a month. The 27-year-old has been struggling with weight gain recently, but as Star previously reported, it’s not just from overeating. He’s also packed on the pounds from weed, alcohol and prescription cough syrup, and is currently seeking help for substance-abuse issues. “He’s been feeling stronger and more relaxed without the incessant berating form everyone,” a friend tells Star. “I would love to see him show up a changed man at Kim [Kardashian]‘s wedding and gain some independence.”

I mean, you really can't blame this guy for being a fuck up who just sits around all day and smokes weed and draws socks. It's not really his fault. He was born with the severe birth defect of not having anything Kris Jenner could whore out the moment he hit puberty. To be honest, I'm surprised we even know he exists. After his father died, I assumed Kris Jenner would just keep him chained up in a shed in the backyard. And  maybe once a week the gardener would come and read to him from th

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Rob Kardashian Got Botox. He’s 25.



Just grow a vagina already. Radar Online reports:

Rob Kardashian has taken the advice of his older sister Kim: If he’s unhappy about his looks, there’s a plastic surgeon right around the corner. “Rob was complaining about his face drooping and that he’s starting to look old,” an insider the National Enquirer. “Kim told him to stop whining and put his money where his mouth is. “She turned him on to her trusted plastic surgeon and convinced him to go for a Botox treatment. Rob was all for it and made an appointment right away.” The insider said that following the procedure, Rob “walked out of the Beverly Hills office feeling like a new man and more confident than ever”.

Yes, because nothing says “feeling like a new man and more confident than ever” like a Botox appointment that your older sister made for you. Maybe if this douche stopped breastfeeding and moved out of his sister’s guest bedroom, he might actually feel like an actual man. Hopefully after his appointment he went to buy some candles and posted some recipes on Pinterest to fully drive the point home that his balls are probably bedazzled.

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Rob Kardashian Wants Women To Respect Themselves That’s All



Apparently finding the time to tweet while running his international sock conglomerate, the majority of the world found out yesterday that Rob Kardashian was dating British singer, Rita Ora (this lovely creature). The when also found out that she allegedly cheated on him with 20 guys while they were together (seems excessive) and that he got her pregnant while she also let other dudes “hit (it) raw”. However, the purpose of this Twitter rant was apparently to tell young women to respect themselves and not be whores as he typed it in a house full of whores and their female pimp and the neutered guy who was on a Wheaties box once.

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Kris Jenner Is A Great Mother



Rob Kardashian‘s 25th birthday was this weekend, and what better way for his mother to celebrate the eventual cancer that will ravage her son (that was in his inheritance, too maybe) by making it all about her? Wait, you didn’t think Kris Jenner would do anything different, right? You did? You should probably check out blog then.

Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!

As you read that blockquote, please keep in mind that Rob Kardashian just turned 25 and recently got off his sister’s couch to realize his life’s passion is socks. So he wants to start a sock company. A sock. Company. Socks. That’s good, because Rob is one of these douches who were born rich so that makes him think he’s a business man, so he’ll start 25 companies in the next five years that will immediately fail, but if you look at his Wikipedia in 2017, it’ll say “entrepreneur”. Because entrepreneurs start sock companies. Now read that blockquote again. Any way somebody can invent time travel so I can go back and kick that banner picture in the stomach? I’ll be sure to wear my special socks.

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