Just grow a vagina already. Radar Online reports:
Rob Kardashian has taken the advice of his older sister Kim: If he’s unhappy about his looks, there’s a plastic surgeon right around the corner. “Rob was complaining about his face drooping and that he’s starting to look old,” an insider the National Enquirer. “Kim told him to stop whining and put his money where his mouth is. “She turned him on to her trusted plastic surgeon and convinced him to go for a Botox treatment. Rob was all for it and made an appointment right away.” The insider said that following the procedure, Rob “walked out of the Beverly Hills office feeling like a new man and more confident than ever”.
Yes, because nothing says “feeling like a new man and more confident than ever” like a Botox appointment that your older sister made for you. Maybe if this douche stopped breastfeeding and moved out of his sister’s guest bedroom, he might actually feel like an actual man. Hopefully after his appointment he went to buy some candles and posted some recipes on Pinterest to fully drive the point home that his balls are probably bedazzled.
Apparently finding the time to tweet while running his international sock conglomerate, the majority of the world found out yesterday that Rob Kardashian
was dating British singer, Rita Ora
(this lovely creature
). The when also found out that she allegedly cheated on him with 20 guys while they were together (seems excessive) and that he got her pregnant while she also let other dudes “hit (it) raw”. However, the purpose of this Twitter rant was apparently to tell young women to respect themselves and not be whores as he typed it in a house full of whores and their female pimp and the neutered guy who was on a Wheaties box once.
Rob Kardashian‘s 25th birthday was this weekend, and what better way for his mother to celebrate the eventual cancer that will ravage her son (that was in his inheritance, too maybe) by making it all about her? Wait, you didn’t think Kris Jenner would do anything different, right? You did? You should probably check out blog then.
Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!
As you read that blockquote, please keep in mind that Rob Kardashian just turned 25 and recently got off his sister’s couch to realize his life’s passion is socks. So he wants to start a sock company. A sock. Company. Socks. That’s good, because Rob is one of these douches who were born rich so that makes him think he’s a business man, so he’ll start 25 companies in the next five years that will immediately fail, but if you look at his Wikipedia in 2017, it’ll say “entrepreneur”. Because entrepreneurs start sock companies. Now read that blockquote again. Any way somebody can invent time travel so I can go back and kick that banner picture in the stomach? I’ll be sure to wear my special socks.
“Hey, come take my picture, guys! Look at all the stuff I bought with my allowance!”
When Lamar Odom
was traded to the Dallas Mavericks, Odom and Khloe Kardashian
whined, but then quickly realized they’d still get to film their “reality” show, so they got excited about the move. A move that would allow a young couple to grow and cultivate their relationship without the constant involvement of Khloe’s family oh wait no Rob Kardashian
is moving in with them again. Celebuzz
“I’m definitely going to move there, especially in the initial run to help Khloe pack and be with her. Khloe is going to be alone for the majority of the time because half the time Lamar will be on the road. We’re going to be filming and I’ll be keeping her company,” Rob dished to Celebuzz at Duracell’s Holiday Insurance Program event in New York. The 24-year-old reality star isn’t sure what to expect from Dallas, as he’s never been there, but he is ready to take the city by storm. “Dallas should be a fun city. I definitely want to catch some games and support my brother-in-law. I’ll be in and out but for the most part, I’m down to be there for a few months. There is no reason for me to be in LA. I can do anything from anywhere,” he added. “I’m ready to start experiencing the lifestyle and seeing what it’s all about.”
To reiterate, Rob Kardashian is 24-year-old fuck up who would rather make up any excuse to move to Dallas than get a job and find his own place. At least it’s near Houston and the Space Center. The episode where he wakes up at noon and tells Khloe that he wants to go to astronaut school while she’s driving him to meet a girl at the movies should be wrought with drama.
Considered a lock to win Dancing With The Stars due to his sisters’ incessant begging and cheating on Twitter, Rob Kardashian‘s dream of finally achieving something in his life were washed away like the 9th Ward last night because people hate his sister and his whole family. People reports:
After Ricki Lake, 43, was eliminated earlier in the show, Rob Kardashian, 24, the reality TV brother often overshadowed by his famous – and infamous – older sisters went against J.R. Martinez, 28, the soldier-turned-actor whose triumph over severe burns received in Iraq brought raw emotion to the ballroom. For their final dance, a samba which both couples had to choreograph on the fly, each earned perfect scores, leaving Kardashian with a one point lead after two nights of competition. But the judges’ scores make up only half the final results. Once the viewers’ votes were tabulated, the winner was determined. It was J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff!
And like any good Kardashian, Rob was gracious in defeat and didn’t at all make it about him.
Runner-up Rob Kardashian, who was paired with Cheryl Burke, echoed Martinez’s celebratory sentiments. “I’m super thankful,” he said, after the results were announced. “This is such a crazy experience. I’m definitely not sad. I won in my book.”
I’m sure you’re right, Rob. When your mom writes another book she’ll say you won, so don’t worry. Look, Rob Kardashian is a 24-year old fuckup who lives with his sister and is only famous because he happens to share the last name of his other sister who took a load in the mouth on camera. So he’s on TV a lot. The people occupying Cairo’s Tahrir Square are on TV a lot too, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I should be texting in my vote because I enjoyed their foxtrot.
When you’re a grown man and live in your older sister’s guestroom then go get a mani pedi when you’re on a break from competing in a ballroom dancing show, I’m pretty sure the tattoos and the wigger hat are more to convince yourself than it is to convince others.
As if her wedding being funded by her network didn’t cause enough skepticism about her engagement, Kim Kardashian‘s brother Rob says he doesn’t really believe it, either. From Popeater:
Earlier this week, reality TV star Kim Kardashian announced her engagement to NBA pro Kris Humphries–and while her sisters were super excited, it seems her little brother, Rob, just doesn’t think a wedding will actually happen.
“I just don’t feel confident because Kim has always been so like, you know, she’s, how old? She’s just been through a lot of relationships and she always gets hurt or never finds the right dude, but Kris is a really good dude,” he said to radio hosts Kidd Kraddick and Hyla on the Hollywood 5. “They’ve had their own personal, private relationship a long time now and I feel like they are a really good match for each other.”
Rob also described the scene when Kim told the family she was engaged. We were having a family dinner and we didn’t know what it was for, we just thought everyone was in town, we were at my mom’s,” he said. “She had a ring on and we didn’t believe her and we thought it was a joke, no one really, like, did anything, and it was like, oh wait, then it got crazy and there were ponies, it was really bizarre!”
But even though Rob isn’t so sure his sister will walk down the aisle with Humphries, he did admit that he likes the NBA star. “I spent like a family vacation with him and he’s a cool dude from Minnesota and like normal, and I’m about being normal and chill.”
In his own inarticulate way, Rob Kardashian did all the work for me. He already called his own sister out for being completely fake, old, and damaged goods. I wish he’d have just made a point or two about urinal cakes and the Amistad so I could get back to drinking.