Unlike Chris Brown, there’s only one thing of Rihanna’s I want to punch, but I guess it’s because I’ve never really hung out with her and only know her from videos and pictures like aliens and Bigfoot. But nothing has really changed on my end after seeing her shoot for Esquire. A lot of abortion clinics will be closing soon, so I’ll have to rethink my long term Rihanna plan I had all mapped out. Lemme get back to you guys on that one.
Although she’s never received training in the art of self-defense, Rihanna went as Sexy Ninja Turtle for Halloween, because whatever Rihanna wears makes you want to have sex with her. I normally don’t like reboot movies, but if they can remake TMNT tomorrow with Rihanna and Megan Fox, then I’d actually pay to see that. I may even go by myself. And sit in the back. And wear a long coat. No, only because it’s fall and movie theaters are pretty cold. Don’t make this weird.
Rihanna attended the same even Miley Cyrus did, amfAR LA Inspiration Gala Honoring Tom Ford Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow, and please keep in mind, this was a charity event to stop AIDS. Last time I checked, unprotected sex is the best way to spread AIDS, so why is Rihanna wearing this? I would have unprotected sex with her is what I’m trying to say here. Like, right now if she asked. What, did she say something? Tell me exactly what she said word for word.
At least she’ll be able to do her own stunts.
The ‘Umbrella’ singer has been approached by producers to star in the upcoming James Bond film alongside Daniel Craig, according to The Sunday Mirror. Bond 24 is expected to begin filming on December 6, and is due for a November 2015 release. Director Sam Mendes’ follow-up to Skyfall, which will see Daniel Craig return for his fourth film as the spy, has recently been in the process of a rewrite by long-time franchise writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade.
Man, that was an overload of information, so I hope you were able to process it all. I was approached by a homeless man this morning. It was a followup to the Homeless Man Yesterday, when the same homeless man approached men. He is set to return as the star in Homeless Man Tomorrow. It is expected to begin filming at 7:30am tomorrow outside Starbucks. Man, this post sucks. Look at Rihanna’s boobs and sex hair in the banner pic though. That’s pretty interesting.
The NFL rightfully deserves any and every amount of criticism thrown their way for their complete mishandling and systematic failure on dealing with the domestic violence that is running rampant in their league, and from the beginning of the Ray Rice incident, it was pretty clear to everyone that it was a compromised process and their response was more about protecting the vague and ambiguous “integrity of the shield” than protecting the victim. You can’t see what you saw in that video, suspend Rice for two games, then react to the public reaction by trying to take some moral high ground by suspending him indefinitely hoping that will be enough to stem the PR tide long enough for people to forget about it and move on. But as it turns out, people aren’t forgetting about it and it’s not going away. Enter last week’s Thursday Night Football game between the Ravens and Steelers on CBS. Because they wanted to jump at the chance to have a “serious tone” and briefly give a Nicholas Sparks speech about domestic violence before their viewers got to see grown men get irreparable brain damage and Budweiser ads for three hours, CBS yanked a musical segment featuring Rihanna.
“CBS you pulled my song last week, now you wanna slide it back in this Thursday? NO, F*** you! Y’all are sad for penalizing me for this.”…She followed that up by writing, “The audacity …”
You can say what you want about Rihanna, but ever since her own experience with domestic violence in 2009, she’s clearly reclaimed her life on her own terms, but five years later, while all of a sudden trying to be the Domestic Violence Police, CBS just victimized a person who has worked extremely hard to reach a point in her life where she no longer has to identify herself as a victim. Great work, CBS. Maybe next time you can have a segment where Chris Brown walks through the stands and punches one lucky fan at random. Maybe Dr. Pepper or Capital One can be sponsors.
Not only is she really hot and talented, but Rihanna is the greatest Twitter World Cup troll of our generation. She has no love for the US soccer team, because they suck and have to wait four years to suck again, so here she is partying with the German team after they only had to score once to beat Argentina. I don’t know how Fox News is going to report on this. They can’t call her a slut because she can afford her own birth control.
brb. I need a moment.
Hey, remember when Scout Willis walked through NYC naked because Instagram wouldn't let her post titties so she turned it into some "no woman should be ashamed of their bodies" thing? Yeah. That's where she kinda lost me, because I've seen some of you. Yoga pants aren't for everyone. So keep that in mind when you see these pictures of Rihanna just basically walking around naked at the CDFA Fashion Awards yesterday. Rihanna simply gives no fucks, and that's way hotter than it should be. And this is what Chris Brown has see in his Google Alerts the day after he's released from jail. His forearm is probably a little bigger now, so he should be able to click through these pretty quickly.
Because Solange might kill her in her sleep at any given moment, Rihanna needs a dude who carries a gun and not a lint roller.
They may have found love in a hopeless place, but now it's over. After a few short months together, Rihanna and Drake are once again on the outs, a source confirms to Us Weekly. "Rihanna and Drake had another fight," a source tells Us. "He is too in love with her, which has always been the problem. They have been fighting, but that could all change any day now. It is how it always is with them."
If you've seen the pics he's taken with professional athletes, Drake looks like he would be a very supportive girlfriend, so I hope he can pull through. I don't what kind of sweater he's going to knit for the kitten he just bought, but I'm sure it will be nice. It might not be tear free, but it'll be lint free. And that's really all you want in a sweater.
After uploading happy pics with her and Solange this morning, Beyonce just posted a pic of her and Rihanna at the MET Ball. Annndddd Solange just deleted her most recent pic with Beyonce. Sorry, guys. I haven't had enough coffee to wade through all this subtext. But when CNN has breaking news today about an active shooter, just go ahead and assume it's Solange.