This Thing Identifies Itself As “Renee Zellweger”


The 21st Annual ELLE WOMEN IN HOLLYWOOD AWARDS were last night (WENN has it in all caps for some reason), and they must have used biometric hand scanning, because whatever this is, was let in under the name “Renee Zellweger”. Bitch looks like Robin Wrong Penn.

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Renee Zellweger And Bradley Cooper Aren’t Engaged

Because they broke up. Us Weekly reports that Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger have called it quits. Oh, Bradley Cooper also has a movie out this weekend.

Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger have reached their limit.

After less than two years together, the couple have split, multiple sources confirm to Reps for both Cooper and Zellweger had no comment.

Limitless star Cooper, 36, first met Oscar winner Zellweger, 41, six years ago on the set of their thriller Case 39 — but romance didn’t bloom until summer 2009.

In the interim, both stars had short-lived marriages: Cooper to actress Jennifer Esposito, Zellweger to singer Kenny Chesney. Both unions petered out in less than six months.

After being photographed dining together in NYC in July 2009, the duo were spotted kissing in Spain in early August; the next week, he took her to his Philadelphia home town…

Doing press for his new movie Limitless, Cooper stayed typically mum on his love. On the Howard Stern Show on Monday, Howard Stern grilled the Hangover star about Zellweger; Cooper simply denied any engagement plans.

No reasons have been reported for the split just yet, but I suspect it has something to do with Bradley Cooper turning the lights on or getting a new prescription for his contact lenses, because these were the best pictures I could find of Renee Zellweger. Seriously, can someone explain her appeal? Her movies are lame and she always looks like she just sucked on a lemon or something. Oh, wait. “Or something.” This explains everything. Carry on.

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Jennifer Aniston Got Dumped Part 5,763

Can Jennifer Aniston please just kill herself? Kthx Us Magazine reports:

Jennifer Aniston feels rejected and upset after Bradley Cooper ditched her for Renee Zellweger, reports the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands now. “She wanted to turn her date with Cooper into something…she honestly feels screwed over,” a pal tells Us of Aniston, who dined at NYC eatery Il Cantinori on June 18 with her He’s Just Not That Into You costar — a few weeks before he began dating Zellweger. Aniston “doesn’t see what Renee has that she doesn’t,” continues the pal…Despite Cooper’s diss, Aniston will eventually bounce back, her friends insist. “She had a major crush on him and she let him know. He didn’t reciprocate. She is fine,” her friend tells Us. “She’s used to being single and in work mode, and she’s used to rejection.”

I realize the media likes to paint Jennifer Aniston and all the other bitchy hags in Hollywood as “unlucky in love”, but there comes a point where you have to take a step back and ask yourself what the common denominator is in all these relationships? Why would guys rather throw themselves in a lion pit than be on a date with Teri Hatcher for thirty minutes? Why does Cameron Diaz have a better chance of being exposed to gamma rays than being engaged? What’s up with Jennifer Aniston’s chin? Christ, it’s huge. Like my model train collection. What up, ladies?!

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