The Royal Cousins Had Another Inbred Kid

Kate and her cusband, William, had another kid. This time it’s a girl who is bald like her dad-cousin.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have introduced their daughter to the world, as they left hospital to take her home to Kensington Palace. The princess, whose name has yet to be announced, slept in her mother’s arms during her first public appearance outside St Mary’s Hospital, in London. The princess – who is fourth in line to the throne – was delivered at 08:34 BST on Saturday after a short labour. The Duke of Cambridge was present for the birth of the 8lbs 3oz (3.7kg) baby.

Unnamed Female Baby is fourth in line to the throne, which basically means Unnamed Female Baby might as well be four millionth in line to the throne, so who really cares. She’ll grow up, pose for pictures, be super into horses, go to college, be forced to do something for a charity then die never having had a job. Maybe she’ll get addicted to heroin or marry an Asian guy. Who knows. The most important thing to remember here is that nobody gives a shit and we won the Revolutionary War and could nuke Britain any time we wanted because we have a lot of missiles and like blowing shit up since our national anthem has the word “bomb” in it and that’s not a reference to burritos.

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Kate Middleton’s Financial Security Has A Name



So far, Kate Middleton has been hospitalized three times for morning sickness and her pregnancy is already responsible for a suicide and two people losing their jobs. So it should be obvious to everyone that her unborn child is the Devil. Now this evil has a name. Hollywood Life reports:

Kate and William, who have yet to publicly announce the gender of their baby, have referred to the royal baby as their “little grape.” But with increasing speculation that the royal baby is a girl — Kate hinted she was having a daughter on March 5 at an appearance — an insider has revealed the name they have selected! The name of their little girl will be (drumroll please…) Elizabeth Diana Carole, in honor of William’s grandmother Queen Elizabeth! The middle names will also be in tribute of their parents, William’s late mother Princess Diana, and Kate’s mom Carole. Carole is also the Latin variation of the name Charles, and Elizabeth is Kate’s mom’s middle name!

Man, I totally wasn’t expecting this. Especially since if you’re in England and name your daughter anything other than Elizabeth, Catherine, Victoria, or Emma, the child will be thrown off a mountain.I saw that on the Discovery Channel once.

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Kate Middelton’s Nurse Who Was Prank Called Was Found Dead



Earlier this week, two Australian DJs prank called King Edward VII Hospital pretending to be Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles and got a nurse to tell them private information regarding Kate Middleton’s condition. The nurse’s name was Jacintha Saldanha. She was found dead this morning. AP reports:

King Edward VII hospital says a nurse involved in a prank telephone call to elicit information about the Duchess of Cambridge has died. The hospital said Friday that Jacintha Saldanha had been a victim of the call made by two Australian radio disc jockeys. They did not immediately say what role she played in the call. Saldanha was found dead early Friday. Police say her death is unexplained.

This family of cousin fuckers love control, so I’m not going to say that they had her killed like they had Princess Diana killed, but I’m not going to not say that either. In a more likely scenario, the nurse killed herself, because she’s been brainwashed to believe that Kate Middleton isn’t just Kim Kardashian with a better blowout.

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A Nurse Tells A Queen Impersonator Everything About Kate Middelton



Apparently England doesn’t have HIPPA regulations, because two Australian radio DJs from Sydney’s 2Day FM called King Edward VII Hospital pretending to be Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles. And Kate Middelton‘s nurse told them everything. Gawker (via USA Today)

…..two Australian radio DJs were busy getting first-hand intel straight from the nurse’s mouth. Mel Greig and Michael Christian, hosts of The Summer 30 program on Sydney’s 2Day FM radio station decided to phone up King Edward VII Hospital and ask to speak with the Duchess while pretending to be her in-laws, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Charles. Much to their surprise, and despite their admittedly terrible accents, the prank worked like a charm, and they were patched through to Kate’s private nurse, who was more than happy to spill every last detail on the mother-to-be’s “tummy bug.” After news broke that King Edward VII had been played for a right fool, the hospital released a statement confirming that a hoax call had been made, and that it deeply regrets the incident. “This was a foolish prank call that we all deplore,” hospital chief executive John Lofthouse said in the statement. “We take patient confidentiality extremely seriously and we are now reviewing our telephone protocols.”

Everybody with an English accent sounds gay or like they work at the Death Star to me, but even I can do a better accent than this. I’m pretty sure whoever this nurse is got fired, but the hospital is gonna feel really dumb when she writes a tell-all book or joins the Rebel Alliance.

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Kate Middleton Is Mad That You Can See Her Tits On The Internet



“Oh no, this is just my Asian goodwill tour outfit. Google my titties.”

If you want to see topless pictures of Kate Middleton that look like they were taken by the same camera that took a picture of Bigfoot, head on over to Egotastic if blurry, small titties are your thing. They were taken while Prince William and His cousin, Kate Middleton, were on vacation in France, then published by the French magazine Closer. Now everyone is mad.
People
reports:
As their goodwill tour of Asia continues, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are “saddened,” angry and considering legal options as French magazine Closer published topless photos of Kate on Thursday. “We certainly feel a red line’s been crossed,” a palace source tells PEOPLE of the photos, which were taken during William and Kate’s private holiday in France. The source also said that the mood at the palace back home is “one of anger and disbelief.”

Whatever, the royal family are celebrities. Nothing more. I mean, Fergie calls herself the Duchess. Let’s not get carried away here. The Queen and everybody in Windsor Palace are The Hills Have Eyes with diamonds and jewels they stole from Africa. They have no political influence whatsoever and are a bunch of drunk racists who murdered Princess Di. They only thing they should be apologizing about is the fact that Kate doesn’t have breast implants yet.

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The Royal Ass



I really don’t get the fascination with Kate Middleton and her flat ass sister, but the English do, and I have English readers, so here’s Kate Middleton. I don’t know what’s going on here, but she wore this dress to give flowers to Dr. Moreau’s helper then the wind blew it up and we can see her ass now. Awesome. Some might point out that she should have worn panties around children, but when you change colleges to stalk and date your cousin so he’ll marry you, wearing panties won’t get you too far. I’m just glad we have pictures like this before she mysteriously dies in a car accident after she successfully breeds.

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Yeah, So They’re Married Now

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Further proof that all women really want in a man they marry is power, status, and money, women the world over watched a bald figure head with no actual power marry some painfully plain chick because all women think they’re princesses because they played dress up and watched a lot of Disney movies. When in reality, this dude might as well be a newsie or a chimney sweep or something else that’s archaic and really doesn’t need to exist. Sure, Kate Middleton is now a long-distance relative of Jack The Ripper and had the lavish wedding that every chick has been dreaming about since she was born, but the trade off is now the imperialist redcoats are going to invade her uterus like Indonesia and force her to breed more of these pompous assholes to play Polo while Parliament runs the country. But for Kate’s sake, I’d hold off as long as I could to have kids. You know, because it’s better to make it to at least 45 years old before you die in a suspicious car accident.

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Yeah, So Whatever This Is

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Here’s the latest Mario Testino photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton that will be used on the royal wedding programs. Really? Because I think I just counted 278 teeth and and I’m pretty sure Kate’s eyebrows are about to form a chrysalis. Whatever. And what’s the big deal about this wedding anyway? Are bluebirds going to dress her? Does he have to fight a dragon? No? Then who gives a shit. I’m not going to lie, Disney has really spoiled it for everyone.

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