Pink Is A Wonderful Mother

Shhh, don’t tell anyone. This post is about Pink, but I used Candice Swanepoel as the banner pic. Why Candice Swanepoel and not Pink? Dude. I hope you didn’t just say that out loud. Us Magazine reports:

Pink has a boozy potential name for her unborn baby: Jameson! Although the “Raise Your Glass” singer, 31, doesn’t yet know the gender of her child, she already has a moniker picked out if it’s a boy. “My dad’s name is James, and my brother’s name is Jason,” Pink explained to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood. “[Husband Carey Hart and I] are both Irish, Carey’s middle name is Jason, [and] Jameson — we like whiskey. That’s a no brainer.” Her hubby isn’t so sure, though. Pink told Bush that she and Hart, 35, are “all over the place” discussing names. “I’m all about meaning, and Carey feels like he had a girl’s hair cut and a girl’s name, and he doesn’t want kids to have a weird name…I have to get him on the boat for originality, so I’m working on him,” she said.

So to get him “on the boat for originality”, Pink has to convince Carey Hart that his kid should be named after something that was invented in 1780 and a porn star whose vagina is currently taking bids from contractors. Awesome. This kid really doesn’t need any more reasons for the bullies to pull his underwear out through his nose. His dad rides a bicycle and his mom looks like a wigger Aunt Jemima. You could name this kid Thor Megatron Wu-Tang Vampire Hunter and he’d still get beat with his own lunchbox.

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Pink Fell Down, Almost Died

Again, when your only relevance you bring to the history of music only happens when Linda Perry writes in her journal, sometimes you have to have black guys in gold sequins bikini briefs and horse masks on stage and sometimes you have to swing from a harness to distract people from realizing you shouldn’t be on stage for a karaoke contest. I don’t want to give anything in this video away, but Pink’s label markets her as a hard white chick who can beat your ass. I think steel beams in Germany might have to disagree.

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The VMAs Were Last Night

As you might have already guessed, the 2009 MTV VMAs were last night and since I’m not a 14-year old cutter with bangles and daddy didn’t love me hair, I missed it. Sorry about that. Mostly because I was wondering if Jake Delhomme would be a better quarterback with both of his arms chopped off. Hey, we gotta try something!

Some people who were there:

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Brandon Davis is an Excellent Driver

Brandon Davis crashed into Pink’s car after he left some trendy bullshit L.A. circle jerk this weekend. See, this is what happens when you drink those fruity drinks with umbrellas. You dress in really gay clothes and stick things up your ass. Next time go for a couple shots of Jack instead and skip the hat, Brandy.

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Link Part 2

Katie Holmes gets a surprise visit [Just Jared]
Vanessa Hudgens and her leggings trying to be hot (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Posh Spice went from one ugly haircut to another [Dlisted]
Hayden Panettiere keeps her little arms warm [Hollywood Tuna]
Halle Berry, baby, and baby daddy in NYC [Popsugar]
Will Smith gets mocked on German TV [City Rag]
Nicole Richie looking like an idiot [Hollywood Rag]
Kate Beckinsale is always 85% [Lainey Gossip]
Eva Mendes got back [Popoholic]
Jodie Marsh topless pole dancing (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Michelle Hunziker posing for staged “candids” again [Egotastic]
Mariah Carey dumps her manager [ASL]
Jesus is My Friend Music Video [College Humor]

Stink being his usual classy self at Madeo last night:

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Asshole Simpson and Pete Wentz might be having twins [Dlisted]
Kendra Wilkinson isn’t fooling anyone [Hollywood Tuna]
Kate Hudson pimps her hair care crap in Canada [Popsugar]
Harrelson and McConaughey separated at dirty [City Rag]
AnnaLynne McCord has a boob cage [Hollywood Rag]
Michael Phelps at the MTV VMAs [Just Jared]
Hilary Duff shows off her legs (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are hilarious [Lainey Gossip]
Miranda Kerr is adorably hot [Popoholic]
Paris Hilton flashes her panties again (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Tara Reid almost looks nice [Egotastic]
Keira Knightley still looks hungry [ASL]
You Gotta Be Kidding Me (MTV VMA Winners) [Pajiba]

Pink looking terrifying, as usual, at the VMAs:

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Jessica Simpson shows her titty tan lines [Hollywood Tuna]
Gwen Stefani has a No Doubt reunion [Just Jared]
Jodie Foster cheated on her girlfriend [Dlisted]
Eva Herzigova in lingerie in Cannes (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Beyonce is too famous for church [Hollywood Rag]
Gwyneth Paltrow is still getting hired [Popsugar]
Nick Nolte in the land of Oz [City Rag]
Fergie’s inappropriate Today Show clothes [Popoholic]
Shayne Lamas staged beach pictures [Egotastic]
Kim Kardashian moons the camera (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Usher and his new wife are already separated [ASL]
The best 15 seasons of the past 20 years of The Simpsons [Pajiba]
90210: The New Class [College Humor]

Pink not looking feminine, as usual, on May 19th:

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Pink is at the Beach

2001’s international pop sensation, Pink, was in Malibu this weekend with some dude and an unfortunate bikini. Pink is the dude in the bikini. It’s hard to tell how in love with yourself you have to be to look like Pink and tattoo bows on the backs of your thighs, but I’m guessing it’s a lot. Considering I’d rather have sex with an electrical fence, I’d say it’s way more than the agreed upon definition of “a lot.”

Update: The unconfirmed undead vampire in these pictures is Todd Morse, guitarist for Juliette Lewis’ band. This dude’s in a chick band and he might be dating Pink. Oh boy, how did he get so lucky?!

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Pink is Really Smart

Last week, Pink (in a campaign for PETA), claimed New York’s carriage horses were being abused because they are forced to walk on concrete and breathe in fumes from the city’s many cars. Today, New York’s Horse & Carriage Association basically called her a dumbass. NYDN reports:

Carriage-owner rep Carolyn Daly bridled at Pink’s charge that the asphalt hurts the horses’ hooves. “They have specialized shoes for concrete,” said Daly, adding that their equine partners get a four-month vacation at a Pennsylvania farm. “We haven’t had one animal cruelty violation from the three agencies that oversee us,” said Daly, who derided the “ignorant comments of a B-list pop star. A true ‘Stupid Girl’ is one who talks publicly about something she knows nothing about.” Hansom cab driver Ian McKeever said he’s never witnessed a driver abusing a horse – and would intervene if he did. McKeever, whose horse Roger has appeared on “Sex and the City,” argues, “My horse is more famous than [Pink] is!”

Yeah. Pink is a woman who looks like a dude, so good luck is trying to get me to listen to anything her ugly ass has to say, no matter how important she thinks it is. If you want to get me involved in your crusade, you better let Miranda Kerr fill me in on the details. Pink could tell me that they’re using live ponies to clear minefields and my first instinct would be to scream and pull out my mace.

Pink on January 18th:

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Pink and Carey Hart Might Get a Divorce

Rumors of Pink’s pending divorce from her husband, freestyle motocross legend Carey Hart, have been circulating for a while now, and now there appears to be a reason. Pink wants a baby, Hart wants to bang other chicks. New York Daily News says:

Well-placed sources tell us that pop star Pink’s marriage is on its last legs. Apparently, when the singer married her biker beau, Carey Hart, she took a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and agreed to let him have his fun when she’s away on tour. But she’s changed her mind now that her biological clock has started ticking. “Divorce is just around the corner,” says our mole. “Carey has this one blonde in particular that he takes everywhere, even public appearances. But Pink knew what she was getting into!” Stupid girl, indeed.”

Pink is gross, so it’s not hard to imagine that she’d have to bring Carey Hart a young virgin every night just so Carey would agree to hold Pink’s hand in public. Because there’s no way a normal guy would willingly have sex with Pink. I mean, she’s basically a dude. If I had a choice between having sex with Pink or getting my penis injected with MRSA, I’d wanna know for sure it was a sterile needle.

Pink and Carey earlier this month:

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