Ashlee Simpson Is A Great Ex-Wife

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In the midst of their divorce, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were spotted together twice over the weekend leading many to believe a reconciliation was in the works. Nope. Ashlee Simpson just gave him one last pity fuck before she took her vagina talents to South Beach. Or wherever. TMZ reports:

Ashlee Simpson feels badly that Petz Wentz is hurting over their impending divorce, and that’s why she spent time with Pete over the weekend — she is NOT getting back together with him. Ashlee and Pete hit up In-N-Out and Taco Bell, but there is no reconciliation. Pete is leaving town today for a month-long series of concerts, and she wanted to boost his spirits before he left. Our sources say Pete never wanted the divorce and would get back with Ashlee in a second, but she definitely wants out of the marriage. They’re both trying to stay on good terms for the sake of their son, Bronx.

Ashlee tried to make it work for the kid, and now that the kid’s skull is fully formed, it’s time to move on. Why? Mostly because Pete Wentz wears skinny jeans and did a video once where he showed guys the proper way to apply eyeliner. So if you think he was breaking Ashlee off right, sorry. Ashlee could lock Pete and Christine Teigen in a closet for five hours and, at worst, come back to find them painting each others toenails and talking about Zac Efron.

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That Girl Wants To Party All The Time

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz announced their divorce earlier this week, and sources came out of the wood work to explain why. Us Weekly says:

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz sure wasn’t feeling down last Friday, Feb. 4. Five days before she filed for divorce from Pete Wentz after less than three years of marriage, the star, 26, was out on the town in Hollywood — hitting SHG’s Eden nightclub…

“She was drinking Grey Goose and Sugar-Free Red Bull all night,” the witness says. “She was laughing a ton,” adds the Eden observer. “She didn’t care who was around her…she was just there to have fun.

Things were less festive by Wednesday, when she and Fallout Boy rocker Wentz, 31, confirmed their decision to divorce. “We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our number one priority,” they said in a statement. (Their little boy is 2 years old.)

And although many were shocked by the divorce news, one source close to the couple tells the young pair have been headed for divorce “for quite some time.”

At issue, among other things: Ashlee’s “partying [and] being out of control,” the source says.

Indeed, way back in June 2009 — just 13 months into their marriage — Simpson-Wentz was already “reverting to drinking and going out,” another pal told Us Weekly at the time. The wild behavior was “an outlet for her unhappiness,” the pal explained.

This split is pretty shocking. A girl with low self-esteem and bizarre daddy issues being unable to maintain a stable relationship is nothing new, but Ashlee and Pete had a lot in common: shitty music, bad haircuts, irrelevance, and a love for dick. Get it together, you crazy kids. Give the rest of us some hope.

Here’s Ashlee leaving a salon. As in, this is what she paid for.

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Ashlee Simpson And Pete Wentz Had “Irreconcilable Differences”

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After dating since 2006, and being married since 2008, it was reported yesterday that Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce from Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz. Why? Oh, they just differed on something. That’s all. No big deal. Daily Mail reports:

Ashlee Simpson has split from her husband of two and a half years and has filed for divorce. The singer, 26, married former Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 31, in May 2008 and have two-year-old son Bronx Mowgli together. The blonde cited ‘irreconcilable differences’ in the documents filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court on Tuesday. TMZ have reported that Ashlee is seeking joint legal custody and primary physical custody of their toddler. She has requested that Pete be granted visitation rights. She is also asking for spousal and child support. The couple reportedly did not sign a prenuptial agreement.

I tried to care about this story yesterday, but then I remembered I was writing about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz then I got up and made a sandwich. I thought there would be some idea about what the irreconcilable differences were this morning, but apparently not. So I guess I’ll speculate: eyeliner. Ashlee prefers lining upper and lower outer lids and lining the inner rim of her lower lid for a more intense look for an evening out, whereas Pete enjoys and all-out look for sultry eyes! Cover the entire lid with a dark gray, or for the newest take on the smoky eye, a deep bronze, eye shadow, and apply a lighter shade of the lid color in the crease with a fatter black pencil.

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Ashlee Simpson Is Jealous

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I’m not gonna lie, I thought everyone involved in this story died two years ago.inTouch Weekly reports:

Just two years into their marriage, there’s more trouble in paradise for Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz. The source of tension, say friends, is Ashlee’s stalled career and Pete’s obsession with his new band, the Black Cards, and its sexy singer, Bebe Rexh, an unknown twenty something New Yorker — who a source tells In Touch is “beautiful, very exotic-looking.” With not much experience in the music business, Bebe seems an unusual choice for Pete, especially since Ashlee, herself an established artist, hasn’t worked in more than a year. On the outside, Ashlee seems to be supportive of her husband’s new friend. “Ashlee is making a huge effort to make sure that Bebe feels like she belongs — and knows that Ashlee likes her,” a source tells In Touch. And, according to an insider, working with Pete and Bebe has made her write more music for an upcoming project. But a pal says it’s been difficult for her to sit back and watch as Pete gets close to another woman. “Ashlee is so insecure, it brings out the worst in her,” the pal tells In Touch. “She was so worried about Pete straying that she was fighting with him constantly about Bebe. Her friends told her to stop being so controlling or it would drive him away. Finally, she listened. Now that she’s giving him more space, they’re getting along much better.” Ashlee’s rep denies the story and says, “Both are committed to their marriage and are each other’s biggest support system professionally and personally.

If you want to know what this Bebe Rexh chick looks like, here she is. Since Ashlee is a pasty white chick with a massive forehead and gigantic ears, you can see how this might bother her. But please keep in mind, she’s married to this guy. He’s probably just showing her eyeliner application techniques or the dolls he has for sale on eBay. Ashlee could lock Pete and this chick in a room for four hours, and at worst find them painting each others toenails and talking about Zac Efron when she came back.

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Pete Wentz Flirts With John Mayer

I don’t really know what’s going down here. Pete Wentz knows John Mayer has, like, 8 bagillion Twitter followers, so he’s trying to rope him into a charity event that takes place this Saturday by offering to pay for KITT and/or the Kool-Aid Man?

And they’re sort of kidnapping themselves?

This video requires more research to understand fully, but the bromance brewing with John Mayer in Pete Wentz’s mind is frightening. Though his is right that Mayer and Wentz are up for the the biggest douchebags on the internet. Them and Kanye.

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Ashlees Simpson: The Twit and Pics

I can’t be surprised that Ashless Simpson has taken to uploading personal pictures to her Twitter account, via TwitPic, which isn’t password protected and where your updates aren’t secure.

Though I am a big fan of this whole celebrity TwitPic thing, it’s the same way we picked up on the Demi Moore panties shot, and although the most interesting Ashlee Simpson pics are the almost lesbian kiss above and her uniquely bizarre splits-while-pregnant shot, here’s hoping to a long future of self-photographed celebrities.

Though through all the behind-the-scenes Wentz/Simpson stuff I’ve seen has started getting me thinking about adopting a bulldog. Or I could just steal one of theirs. I’d take Rigs.

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Links That Are Hotter Than Lohan As Madonna

Lindsay Lohan as Madonna, Alicia Keys as Michelle Obama, it’s a sneak peak at Glamour’s Icons series filled with non-icons. [BadAndUgly]

Lily Allen eats ribs in bed, which might be the only thing Lily Allen does that I approve of. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Tina Fey is Bon Jovi‘s private dancer. A dancer for money. [VideoGum]

Miley Cyrus is shocked that Radiohead would snub her. [LaineyGossip]

Someone needs to just kill Brian Austin Green if he and Megan Fox are really going to get back together. [ICYDK]

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden might be gettin’ hitched, because before your second kid is born is the best time for that. It’s (more…)

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Pete Wentz Doesn’t Think Jessica Simpson is Fat

Pete Wentz looks like he was made in Geppetto’s workshop, so apparently that makes him an expert on the media’s treatment of women. Us Magazine says:

“I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general, and I think it’s a bummer,” the Fall Out Boy told Extra from the NFL Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash in Tampa, Florida Thursday, when asked about Simpson’s new curves. “It’s bad for young women,” Wentz added. “I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows, and that’s a bummer.” The bassist continued: “Real beauty is on the inside, man.”

Man, I feel so bad now. You’re right, Pete. A woman’s beauty should be appreciated from the inside. Like you did, when you went on Howard Stern and told the whole world that your wife takes it up the ass. I mean, if that’s not what you’re talking about now, please let us know. Because you can see how we could be getting mixed signals.

Jessica Simpson performing in black (surprise) at John Paul Jones Arena in Virginia last night. Strrriiiiike two:

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Weekend Roundup: Happy New Year?

Anyone who claims they weren’t sitting in their office all week and wishing to sweet Yahweh that they could go back in time an repeat the holidays is either lying or has recently awoke from a coma and is already overwhelmed with all the nonsense they need to catch up on. The last/first week of the year is a time for resolutions, for ends and new beginnings, and for most people that sucks.

Unless you are Semi Sonic, in which case “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” is the only worthwhile thing you contributed to music.

For everyone else, the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009 is just a way to look at how the previous year sucked in hopes that it will scare you into a better 2009. Which it won’t, because if that philosophy worked, you would have stuck with your resolution this year. But you didn’t, did you?

Also, I’ve been trying to quit smoking this week, so I’ve been waking up and going to bed pissy from nicotine withdrawal. That’s probably not going to bode well on the subjects of our round-up.

Where did your favorite celeb spend New Year’s Eve?

Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, looking fat, broken, bearded and slutty, respectively.

The Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, Hilary and Bill Clinton, Lionel Richie and Ludacris rang in the New Year in Times Square with the masses.

And, as Todd has alerted us previously Kristin Cavallari and Lindsay Lohan spent it on a beach (and possibly breaking up with Samantha Ronson).

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Bronx Mowgli Wentz is a Precious Gift

Since nobody wanted to pay for pictures of their kid, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson have posted the first image of Bronx Mowgli Wentz on Wentz’s blog as a special present for you and me. Maybe they should have thought this over, because as far as presents go, this kinda sucks. If I wanted to see pictures of a baby, I would open those letters my ex-girlfriend sends me.

Oh, and this retard is his aunt:

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