Pete Doherty Killed Somebody

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Kate Moss’ ex and Babyshambles frontman, Pete Doherty, has been arrested because he loves drugs and shared that love with heiress Robin Whitehead. Then she died. Whitehead, 27, granddaughter of the founder of The Ecologist magazine, was filming a documentary on Doherty’s legendary drug use then choked to death on her own vomit. The Daily Mail reports:

Her body was found by paramedics answering a 999 call at a £180,000 East London flat rented by Doherty’s best friend Pete Wolfe, who has been arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice. Drugs paraphernalia is understood to have been found in the flat…Babyshambles frontman Doherty had visited the flat both the day before and the day after the tragedy. But he was reported to have travelled to his Wiltshire home between the visits. Wolfe, 41, the singer with the band Wolfman, initially insisted that he and Miss Whitehead had taken no illegal substances and had been drinking nothing stronger than tea before she died. But he later changed his story, saying she had choked on her own vomit after consuming alcohol and Valium. He said he found Miss Whitehead dead and dialled 999.

Pete Doherty is a piece of shit that forced his kitten to smoke crack, so it doesn’t take a huge stretch of the imagination to think that he would give a 27-year old chick enough drugs to make her choke like Kansas. Haha, see what I did there?! Screw you, Kansas!

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Pete Doherty Arrested After Taking Drugs on Airplane

Singer Pete Doherty was arrested in Geneva, Switzerland after he was found slumped over in the airplane bathroom with a hypodermic needle. The Sun reports:

A Geneva police spokesman said: “We were contacted by the captain of a BA flight and a passenger was controlled by police. “He was charged — but I cannot say what with. He paid a fine and was allowed to go.”

This comes as quite a shock to me. Isn’t Pete Doherty the guy that gives teddy bears to sick kids and rescues puppies? No? Oh, that Pete Doherty! The piss-soaked drunk with the trackmarks that probably makes all his younger female relatives really uncomfortable.

NOTE: Todd here. Hey, Congratulations on being blocked, jackass. You might want to step away from the computer and ask your mom to double your dosage.

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Amy Winehouse Really Loves Drugs

Amy Winehouse’s UK tour continued in Blackpool last night, and surprise, she had cocaine up her nose. She has reached out to Pete Doherty to help her in her “fight” with substance abuse, so she should be clean in no time. Doherty says:

I speak to Amy almost every day. She just wants her man back for Christmas. They are desperately in love. One good thing is that Blake has got clean since he has been in prison. It’s been quite an awakening. Amy stopped doing everything since he went in. She realises how much they have to lose. They are going to lose each other if it carries on. Love, music and melody is the way forward.”

I really hope this works out because if anybody can help her kick drugs, it’s Pete Doherty. Wait, did I say “kick drugs?” I meant “do more drugs,” because this guy’s gone through more needles than thread. If you have tickets to the next Amy Winehouse show you might want to make other plans, because there’s a good chance it might be two hours of her singing the label of an OxyContin bottle.

Amy snorting on stage a several nights ago:

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Pete Doherty’s Kitten Smokes Crack

Kate Moss’ ex-boyfriend and junkie, Pete Doherty, was high in life after his cat, Dinger, gave birth to five kittens. He was so excited that he got one of them addicted to crack. Female First reports:

Pete Doherty has been pictured apparently forcing his cat to smoke crack cocaine. The Babyshambles frontman is seen holding a crack pipe over the face of a kitten…A source told Britain’s The Sun newspaper: “Pete thinks it’s hilarious to get it wasted. He even made a mini-crack pipe out of a bottle so it can get the maximum hit. “But the kitten is getting really bad withdrawal symptoms. It has lost some of its balance and takes huge risks jumping over things that are too high. It thinks it can fly. It’s really distressing to see.”

Yeah, that’s hilarious. What would be even more hilarious is if he tried that with something not totally and completely defenseless. Maybe a Siberian tiger or a panther. C’mon Pete, walk in that tiger cage and try to put a crack pipe in its face. Man, that would be riot!

Pete at W. London Magistrates Court last month:

Note: Please trust me when I say that it is my sincere wish that this piece of shit ends up chained to an engine block behind Michael Vick’s house.

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Kate Moss is Almost a Porn Star

Kate Moss is reportedly desperate to retrieve two missing video tapes after she dumped Pete Doherty earlier this month. Sources say Kate Moss is scared that the tapes might be used to fund Doherty’s relapse back into heroin if the singer gets short on money. For an unspecified reason, the destruction of these two tapes are specifically important to Moss. Many insiders believe it may show the couple having sex.

There are still some bits and pieces floating about of Pete with Kate. “She has got rid of most of it. Six out of eight tapes have been destroyed. But she wanted to bury the lot before he could humiliate her by selling them or putting them on the internet. Pete could do what he wants with them.” Referring to the video clips previously posted online, the source adds, “If they made that public, just think what could be on the tapes they held back.”

This should be good news, but I think this may be the first time in history that nobody would want to see a supermodel have sex. Pete and Kate are hideous and they’d rather do coke than have sex anyway, so these tapes are probably going to be pretty lame. Instead of some hardcore action, it’ll probably be Pete Doherty frantically masturbating for thirty minutes trying to get it up and Kate Moss slumped over a chair with a nosebleed. Oh yeah, baby. I can’t wait!


Watch a (sfw) clip from one of the videos that Pete Doherty posted to an online forum after the jump…
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Kate Moss nude in some French magazine dated March 2007 (NSFW):

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Kate Moss Loves White Powder

Celebrating the runaway success of her new Topshop range, Kate Moss left London’s China Tang restaurant at 9:30 to head home, but the usual short car ride home turned into hours. When Kate was photographed arriving home at midnight, she had white powder all down her jeans. The Daily Mail reports:

But what she got up to in the two-and-a-half hours between leaving Park Lane and arriving at her north London home remains a mystery. Wearing her trademark waistcoat and skinny black jeans, she climbed into the car looking calm and serious. By the time she got out, without the waistcoat, she seemed a little the worse for wear. After the scandal two years ago, when a photograph allegedly showed Moss snorting cocaine, you might think she would have been extra careful with the paparazzi about.”

I really need to move to London. This is the second time Kate Moss has been seen covered in cocaine and her boyfriend basically doesn’t care who knows he’s a drug addict, but they continue to walk the streets. I set a few puppies on fire in my yard, and all of a sudden I’m a bad guy. Where’s the justice?

Click thumbnail for larger version:

Update: That couldn’t be cocaine, because she’s never been caught snorting it over her lap before!

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty at the NME Awards:

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