Thank You, Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney is proof that as long as you put in a few years with a popular boy band, you can then spend the next four decades making average-to-terrible music and still have enough clout in the entertainment industry to get A-list actors like Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman to star in your latest music video. Then you can have a big premiere of that video where half of Hollywood turns out. But I do have to give the cute Beatle some credit, he managed to get Miranda Kerr to change out of workout clothes for the first time in weeks. So thanks for that, Paul.

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Paul McCartney Married A Chick With Two Legs This Time

Paul McCartney married his girlfriend of four years, Nancy Shevell, in England yesterday. All his troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay, oh I believe…nevermind. Us Magazine reports:

Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell said “I do” in England Sunday, Us Weekly confirms. The former Beatle, 69, wed Shevell, 51, in a small ceremony at the registry office in Marylebone. A source tells Us the duo are planning to throw a separate party in NYC for their friends in the United States.…In May, Shevell told The New York Post her and McCartney’s wedding would include “just our families.” She added: “Don’t ask what I’ll wear because how dressy do you get to stand before a Justice of the Peace in his chambers, which is exactly what we’re going to do.” A source tells Us McCartney proposed to Shevell in April “during a romantic candlelit dinner for two” after four years of dating. As for the ring? It’s estimated to be worth an impressive $650,000!

This is Paul McCartney’s third marriage. His first wife died of cancer and his second wife got hit by a car and lost her leg. They probably should have used this wedding as the first scene of the new Final Destination movie, because it’s pretty clear Nancy Shevell will have a piano fall on her head at some point.

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Links That Won’t Gross You Out Like Sting And Paul McCartney Almost Kissing

I don’t know what circumstances this occurred under, and I don’t care to know [BWE]

Are LiLo and SamRo going to give it another go? [FatBackMedia]

Taylor Swift took some photos with fans outside her London hotel. If I had been there, I would have gone for an ass grab. Yeah, you ruin it for everyone else when she slaps you and runs inside, but you’d have touched hallowed ground. [LaineyGossip]

Chyler Leigh from Grey’s Anatomy farted a smaller human out of her vagina. [ImNotObsessed]

Paula Abdul says we’re all mean and she’s never been addicted to anything ever. [ICYDK]

Hilary Duff is smokin’ hot from the neck down. Though it’s her smokey eyes that contribute to the neck up losing points. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

I can’t help (more…)

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John Lennon Was a Pervert

John Lennon: The Life, a new book that’s set to be released next month by noted Beatles biographer, Philip Norman, alleges John Lennon wanted to have sex with Paul McCartney and his own mother. Imagine. The Sun UK reports:

The biography, with which both collaborated, says that John wanted to form a gay relationship with Macca. It also accuses the legendary singer of fantasising about having sex with his own mother….A pal said: “Both Sir Paul and Yoko are extremely angry and upset.”

I don’t know, man. John Lennon did kinda look like a weirdo. If he was alive today, he’d probably still be making good music, but let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that at some point his laptop wouldn’t be seized by authorities.

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Heather Mills is Complaining

Despite only being married to Paul McCartney for four years, Heather Mills was awarded $46.5 million and an additional $70,000 for her daughter’s “expenses” in court yesterday. This is a far cry from the $250 million she was demanding, and less than the $100 million settlement she and Paul had mutually agreed upon. However, McCartney’s lawyer, Fiona Shackleton (who represented Prince Charles), talked him out of it and urged him to let a judge decide. He did and the gamble paid off. Mills’ response after the ruling? Throwing a glass of water at Shackleton’s head and a 12-minute rant outside the High Court because she felt she didn’t get enough money. The Daily Mail reports:

Miss Mills threw water over her former husband’s lawyer and then laughingly announced that she had been “baptised in court.”

Awww, poor Heather:

A close friend said that in private she was devastated about being awarded so little. “In court it is clear that she just got too cocky. “The worst thing she could have done was represent herself. On quite a few occasions, Heather was just too brusque with the judge and would talk over him. High Court judges don’t take kindly to being ranted at. Heather just came across as incredibly greedy.”

In 1993, Heather Mills was hit by a police motorcycle while crossing the street. The damage to her left leg was so severe, it had to be amputated below the knee. Nine years later she married Paul McCartney. They had one daughter. Today she has $50 million. All this must be some kind of puzzle or one of those optical illusion paintings you have to stare at, because I’m having a hard time finding where I should feel sorry for this bitch.

Heather in November 2007 telling people what not to eat:

Photos: Reuters, Splash

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