Nobody Puts Swayze In The Coroner

I got hate mail and death threats when I didn’t fall on my knees to mourn the loss of a junkie pedophile who died because he popped anaesthesia like Tic Tacs, so imagine your surprise when I do for a man who had the most virulent form of cancer yet still went to work every day.

“Because of Patrick Swayze, I have an Oscar”. – Whoopi Goldberg (crying on The View)

“A beautiful person…He had a really good sense of humour and he lived life to the full.” – Keanu Reeves

“Patrick was a rare and beautiful combination of raw masculinity and amazing grace. Gorgeous and strong, he was a real cowboy with a tender heart. He was fearless and insisted on always doing his own stunts, so it was not surprising to me that the war he waged on his cancer was so courageous and dignified.” – Jennifer Grey

“Patrick lived a thousand lifetimes in one lifetime. He was an expert dancer, he wrote hit songs, he starred in hit movies, he was an amazing horseman. But the thing I will remember him most for was his amazing love affair with his wife Lisa.” – Rob Lowe

“Patrick you are loved by so many and your light will forever shine in all of our lives. I love and will miss you Patrick.” – Demi Moore

“He played a wide range of characters both on stage and in movies and his celebrated performances made the hard work of acting look effortless – which I know from experience is not easy,” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

I know this isn’t usually something you see on here, but damn, I write about idiots all day so it’s kinda sad when stuff like this happens to a guy who actually lived a quiet, humble and dignified life. I don’t know. Basically what I’m trying to say is fuck you, Michael Jackson.

Patrick Swayze and his wife of 34 years, Lisa Neimi:

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1952 – 2009

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Actor Patrick Swayze died today after his long battle with pancreatic cancer. Star of such kick ass movies as Red Dawn and Road House and the greatest chick flick of all time, Ghost, Swayze reportedly died with his family by his side. I have nothing bad to say about Patrick Swayze because Dirty Dancing was my first “date movie”. This is gonna sound way gayer than it should, but I always wondered why he didn’t go on Dancing With The Stars and show those idiots how it was fucking done. RIP, Swayze.

You can’t afford to be crying now:

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Patrick Swayze Has Five Weeks To Live

The National Enquirer has learned that doctors have given Patrick Swayze five weeks to live after pancreatic cancer has spread to other organs. Swayze, who lost 20 pounds in the last few weeks, underwent three rounds of chemotherapy that failed to shrink the tumor. Shit.

For the past month, Patrick, 55, has been traveling to Stanford University’s prestigious cancer center in Palo Alto for radical chemotherapy, but his doctors are no longer optimistic that the treatments will be successful….He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for – and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end. “He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short – they held out little hope for a cure,” said an insider.”

Well, that sucks. The star of freakin’ Red Dawn has five weeks to live, but STDs haven’t melted Paris Hilton’s brain yet. Yeah, that seems fair. Thanks life.

And his name…is Dalton:

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