While I was editing these pictures of Pascal Craymer doing whatever it is she’s doing here, my correspondents in the field sent word that the dark cloud of faux feminism and slighted grinding asses has finally been lifted from our nation. In an emergency Twitter summit, Taylor Swift was the first to call for the laying down of arms. Although critics of this proposed truce say it’s a bad deal and Taylor said sorry just for show.
I thought I was being called out. I missed the point, I misunderstood, then misspoke. I’m sorry, Nicki.
Nicki Minaj, battle weary and tired of the bloodshed and her mentions, gracefully accepted her enemy’s unconditional surrender.
That means so much Taylor, thank you.
I’ve always loved her. Everyone makes mistakes. She gained so much more respect from me. Let’s move on.
Although this is cause for celebration, it is also time for reflection. Reflection for those brave souls that we lost. Katy Perry, this war’s Pat Tillman, dove thumbs first into the fray with no regard for herself or punctuation, and was immediately KIA by friendly grammar fire. Then Nicki poured gas over the body and cleansed it in a ceremonial fire. In closing, let’s all heal as a nation. Get on board. Do your business around the country. Fly and enjoy America’s great destination spots. Get down to Disney World in Florida. Take your families and enjoy life, the way we want it to be enjoyed. And keep the events of 7/21 close in your mind. Stay vigilant. Because some dumb ass Twitter shit could pop off at any time. #neverforget