Of course "Miley Cyrus at the VMAs" was going to be the most unoriginal costume for chicks this year besides Slutty [Insert Occupation/Animal/Disney Princess], so who better to let you know how ridiculous you look than Paris Hilton. The only requirements for the costume is to have a flat ass and be an attention whore, so Paris pretty much nailed it.
As it turns out, Snoop singing about Hot Pockets isn't the worst thing you'll hear to today because Paris Hilton has a new song called "Good Time". I assume the title is ironic. Her right still looks like she had a stroke, but she does ask the singular existential question that has haunted man since the dawn of time: "Are you having a good time?" What defines "a good time"? It something we should ask ourselves. All her friends are there and she's emotionally invested in you having a good time. She's also "tipsy" but she's taking her time to check in to make sure you're having a good time. Then Lil' Wayne comes over to let you know he had sex with Paris Hilton, because you should know that if you truly want to have a good time. There also seems to be a sense of urgency because "it's the last day to party". What happens tomorrow if we can no longer party? Life has no instrinsic vaule and parties are abstractly contrived to give our existence meaning? What does it mean to party? Is this party a metaphor for life itself? Let's all take a moment today to reflect on these questions that Paris has LOL JK this song and video are dumb.
Since she deserves a much needed vacation, Paris Hilton was in Cannes this weekend where she was apparently all over Chris Brown. I guess she figures dating him would be a cheaper way to fix her eyes than plastic surgery. Hollyscoop reports:
So we’ve established that Chris Brown is not hanging out with his ex Rihanna, while the two just so happen to coincidentally be in the South of France at the same time — but he is most definitely hanging out with, wait for it…. Paris Hilton (?). Paris has apparently been in the same warm weather playground for overly indulgent yachters. Perhaps she’s showing signs of a bit of self-awareness and in response took to a Twitter storm of posting pics of her partying with people we currently care way more about. Paris wants you to know that she is indeed in the South of France. Partying. With Chris Brown. She puts him in a headlock, and he smokes in her face to prove it.
So Chris Brown will eventually get herpes and Paris Hilton will almost get beat to death? Who am I to stand in the way of love?
Pic source = Twitter
Although Don Draper went into business with Conrad Hilton, Jon Hamm thinks his granddaughter and her former BFF are fucking idiots. Agreed. Elle UK
“Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly. Incuriousness has become cool… it’s celebrated. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
Granted Jon Hamm is a little late to the party, it’s refreshing to see legitimately famous people call these whores out for being fame whores cashing in on America’s stupidity and willingness to believe anything they see on television. For instance, I called that number on my screen several times and no hot singles in my area want to meet me. Will I ever find love?
Whores on parade:
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She has herpes, no tits, and chances are good that she would blow that horse if it could give her a magazine cover, but here’s Paris Hilton in a bikini in Bali. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing. Weirdo.
Lindsay Lohan went out again in Malibu last night with pals Paris and Nicky Hilton and she just couldn’t stand it — no, really … she fell down. Lindsay blamed her little trip on the paps, posting this on her Twitter page: “Omg, I’m so embarrassed, paparazzi just blinded me with flashes again, as I was walking into dinner. They pushed me and I tripped hurt…”
Of course this isn’t Lindsay’s fault, even if she called the paparazzi ahead and then guzzled gin like it poured from the fountain of youth. Can’t a girl feel pretty without making excuses anymore? To her credit, booze is cheaper than both (more…)
Sarah Shahi is on a show called Fairly Legal that I’ve never seen, but per E! Online, she’s pretty cool.
Don’t expect to see Paris Hilton in a Fairly Legal cameo anytime soon.
Especially after the show’s star, Sarah Shahi, hit Twitter Friday with some tweets of fury after allegedly being nearly run over by Hilton. But don’t let us sugarcoat it for you, hear exactly what Sarah tweeted on the jump:
“Paris Hilton—worst driver ever,” Shahi wrote. “Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign. What if there was a kid around that corner, you dumb b-tch.”
But wait, there’s more.
“Paris Hilton—horrible excuse for a human being,” Shahi went on to tweet. “What an irresponsible person…what a lame existence. I wouldn’t be as pissed if I wasn’t a mom.”
Meanwhile, Hilton has yet to comment on Shahi’s rant.
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Paris Hilton was shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday (I know, right?! I can hardly believe it either!), then she bent over and did this. Not really sure why. Her asshole is basically Stargate except with more semen and less humans resembling ancient Egyptians who worship the god Ra.
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Paris Hilton went to Petco with a chihuahua that fit snugly in her hand, but loosely in her vagina. You know, like most other things.
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Paris Hilton went Halloween costume shopping at Trashy yesterday, and it looks like she decided on “Slutty Sailor”. Which is weird, because I thought she would go as a submarine. You know, since she’s pointy and is always filled with se
amen. Hahahaha, I crack myself up!!