Who Cares



Jason Moore, Paris Hilton’s former manager, is shopping a tell all book which is expected to include a lot of “behind the scenes drama”. Yawn. NYDN reports:
It’s being pitched as a business book about how Moore molded “this blond piece of clay into a global icon” with a reality TV franchise and fashion and beauty lines. But editors are also expecting Moore, who says he didn’t sign a confidentiality agreement, to dish on behind-the-scenes drama. “Jason will demonstrate how, for 10 years, he managed to save his mercurial client from disgrace by manipulating the media, and Paris herself,” according to a pitch letter making the rounds. “Paris was oftentimes her own worst enemy, making a sex tape with a former boyfriend, nursing hangovers during photo shoots, falling asleep everywhere, and getting thrown in jail for numerous driving violations. If Paris Hilton didn’t have Jason Moore pulling the strings, cleaning up her messes … she could well have faded into oblivion.” Moore, who’ll call his memoir “Controlling Chaos,” says the girl unkindly branded a “celebutard” was more than willing. “[She] spent hours at a time posing in front of the mirror, nailing down the ideal position to create the perfect paparazzi photo.” Her hope, he says, was to become “the kind of character … that would land commercials, international endorsements, film and television roles.” He winkingly adds, “… and the man (or maybe even the girl) of her dreams.” Moore, described in the proposal as Hilton’s “Wizard of Oz-like manager,” will also talk about the temptations he saw – “the all-night partying; easy access to women and drugs.”

Really? A tell all book about Paris Hilton? That’s your big plan? I hate to break this to you, man, but there’s really not much to tell. I think Jenny already beat you to it. Unless you can tell me that Paris has Osama Bin Laden’s cell number or the skins of dead children in her attic, I’m not really sure what you can surprise us with at this point.

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Paris Hilton is Released From Jail Again



I couldn’t sleep tonight and now I know why. My body wanted to keep me awake so I could receive this really good news from TMZ:

After 23 days in jail, Paris Hilton is finally a free woman.

The heiress was released from prison shortly after midnight on Tuesday. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ that Paris has lost nearly 10 pounds during her stay and that on her way out of jail, she stopped to change clothes in a public restroom that “smells rancid.”

Sources also tell TMZ that Lynwood jail is happy to see Paris go and they hope that now things can get back to normal. Don’t we all.

Story developing …”

Why do people always refer to the Retarded Ostrich as “the heiress?” Why not “the herpes spreader” or “cum crusted saggy eyelid-girl” or “puke?” those descriptions seem to make more sense, and you don’t need to bother with that pesky “i before e, except after c” rule.

Paris Hilton Released From Jail
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Video thanks to “tiger” via email.

Update: Vidcaps courtesy of Chris, sent via email:

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Paris Hilton’s Shrink is a Quack



In 2003, Paris Hilton’s psychiatrist, Dr. Charles Sophy, was accused of leaking a document to The Smoking Gun that helped exonerate Michael Jackson in his child molestation case. Today, he is again under fire for a questionable resume and a lack of ethics. Radar Online reports:

Until yesterday, for example, Sophy claimed on his website to hold an “Associate Clinical Professorship at the University of California, Los Angeles, Neuro-Psychiatric Institute.” He does not. According to well-placed sources at UCLA, he’s an unpaid volunteer clinical instructor-”an entry-level position at best,” the source tells Radar. “He cannot claim himself to be a professor here by any means.”

As Paris’ doctor, Sophy got Paris out of testifying in the ongoing $10 million slander suit against her. Then Sophy secured Paris Hilton’s early release from jail by paying an illegal pre-dawn visit to the Twin Towers Correctional Facility last month (doctors are only allowed to visit inmates during normal business hours). In his defense, I guess you don’t need to be a real good doctor to solve the mystery of Paris’ brain. All you need are some finger paints and those little blocks with the letters on them. Dangling your keys works pretty well, too.

Old pictures of Paris Hilton and Tara Reid high and drunk, because they’re funny:

Source: Radar Online

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Paris Hilton is Back in Jail




Paris Hilton has finally been transfered from the medical ward Twin Towers jail back to Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood where she is expected to be released on June 25th. However, she will not return to her cell, but to a 12×8 private room.

There has reportedly been pressure on the Sheriff’s Department to move her back to the Lynwood jail as soon as possible, where she will remain in the clinic until she is deemed “medically stable” enough to be placed in her cell. A law enforcement official connected with Lynwood tells TMZ, “To describe Paris as emotionally upset would be an understatement.”

No clarification on what this mystery “medical condition” is yet, but conflicting sources inside the jail say she is either suffering from a herpes outbreak or withdrawal from Xanax and anti-anxiety medication, Adderal. Sources also say that Sheriff Lee Baca’s milk chocolate sculpture of Paris sitting on a rainbow is almost ready, so is multi-colored rose bouquet, and whatever else he’s doing to kiss this whore’s ass.


Source
/Source

Banner image credit: INF Daily

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Sheriff Lee Baca Got $1,000 From Paris’ Grandpa



*Updated, see below

Radar Online is reporting Sheriff Lee Baca (the guy who let Paris out of jail) accepted a $1,000 campaign donation last year from Paris Hilton’s grandfather, William Barron Hilton. $1,000 is the maximum amount allowable under California campaign rules. Furthermore…

In office since 1998, Baca has cultivated close ties to the Hollywood community. Others who donated money to his campaign last year included Rupert Murdoch, Les Moonves, Ron Meyer, Brad Grey, Steven Segal, and Burt Bacharach. He was assailed last year over a claim by the Sheriff’s Department that Mel Gibson had been arrested without incident, when the star had actually spewed anti-Semitic statements after getting pulled over for drunk driving. It soon emerged that Gibson had taped a public service announcement for Baca’s relief committee.”

It only costs $1,000 to get out of jail? Now I’m angry. There I was in that cell giving up every hole to anyone I could, and all I got was that lousy pack of cigarettes and a set of dominos made out of soap. God, I’m a dumb whore. But I’m really good at dominos!

Remember these fun little videos?


Update: A piece of Sheriff Lee Baca’s b.s. news conference a few minutes ago…

IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com
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Paris Hilton Back To Jail, Back To 45 Days, Minus 5



One day after Sheriff Lee Baca released her from jail for “medical reasons”, Paris Hilton was just ordered back to jail to serve the remainder of her sentence Not the 23 day sentence, but the original 45 day sentence minus 5 days:

Hilton left the courtoom in tears, screaming, “Mom, Mom, Mom.” One witness described the scene as: Paris was “physically escorted” out of the courtroom by a female deputy.”

Judge Michael Sauer should really start thinking about his platform for Grand Ruler of the World, because his nomination is pretty much a lock. I’m not sure what he’s doing after court today, but I’m sure Superman and the rest of the Justice League have made reservations somewhere.

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Paris Hilton is on Her Way to Court



Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton being taken to court. Long story short, the sheriff’s office refused to take Paris to court, so the judge sent the LAPD to her house to grab her and her wonky eye. In other news, I think I just fell in love with that judge. But my love is conditional, of course. If he doesn’t send her back to jail, I’m just going to call him fat and ugly.

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Paris Hilton Might Be Going Back to Jail



*Updated, see below

Paris Hilton will be present via telephone in a Los Angeles court today as she listens to City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo argue that Sheriff Lee Baca should be held in contempt of court after violating Judge Sauer’s May 4, 2007 order which specifically stated “no electronic monitoring.” If the judge agrees, the clouds will part and Paris Hilton’s scrawny ass will be sent back to jail:

What transpired here is outrageous,” county Supervisor Don Knabe told The Associated Press, adding he received more than 400 angry e-mails and hundreds more phone calls from around the country. Hilton’s return home “gives the impression of … celebrity justice being handed out,” he said. Baca dismissed the criticism, saying the decision was made based on medical advice. “It isn’t wise to keep a person in jail with her problem over an extended period of time and let the problem get worse,” Baca told the Los Angeles Times on Thursday. “My message to those who don’t like celebrities is that punishing celebrities more than the average American is not justice,” Baca said.”

And remember, the judge hearing the case this morning is none other than Judge Sauer. So by this time tomorrow, Paris should be in her cell balled up in a corner and Sheriff Lee Baca should be working security at Barnes & Noble.


Source

Update: TMZ is reporting there is a court battle going on right now over whether or not Paris should be allowed to appear via telephone or forced to appear in court today. We’ll update with their decision.

Awesome new update!: Fox News is reporting Judge Sauer is furious and decided Paris will not be allowed to phone in to court. The judge ordered the sherrif’s office to go to Paris Hilton’s home now and pick her up and escort her to court. – J

Watch the FOX News live feed here.

Update: In case you’re not watching the live feed, as of 9:46 a.m. Pacific, the sheriff’s office is still waiting at Paris Hilton’s home to escort her to court. Tick tock. – J

Update: As of 10:13 a.m., the courtroom is still waiting for Paris Hilton to arrive for a hearing which was scheduled to begin over an hour ago. Smoke is reported to have been seen shooting out of the judge’s ears. – J

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Paris Hilton Almost Had a Nervous Breakdown



TMZ is now reporting the “medical reason” which allowed Paris Hilton to be released from jail 20 days early was due to her psychiatrist telling law enforcement officials that Paris may have a nervous breakdown. Yes, I said “may”:

Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We’re told after Sophy’s visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton’s mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was purely in her head.”

So, she didn’t even have a nervous breakdown? She just cried for two days? Yeah California legal system, that sounds like a completely reasonable scenario to let a drunk driver out of jail. There’s nothing worse than almost thinking that you might have a nervous breakdown. Well, maybe a papercut. Man, those really hurt!

TMZ
just posted the following:

UPDATE: Law enforcement sources have just told TMZ the County Jail medical team made the final decision to spring Paris based on Dr. Sophy’s psychological evaluation. And we’re told, Sheriff Lee Baca gave the final approval.”

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