Nobody Watched The Lindsay And Oprah Interview
Nobody Watched The Lindsay And Oprah Interview

 

Despite being hyped for months as the day Lindsay Lohan officially gets cured by being in the mere presence of Oprah our lord and savior, only Dina Lohan and all the televisions in Best Buy she found the remotes for tuned in to watch Sunday night. Why? Because Oprah lives in an Oprah bubble and believed people would rather watch Intervention with filtered lighting than the season finale of True Blood or the last season of Breaking Bad. Nope. THR says:

The one-hour OWN broadcast averaged 892,000 viewers to the 9 p.m. premiere telecast. The 10 p.m. encore averaged 504,000 viewers. In the cable network's core women 25-54 demo, the 9 p.m. airing drew a 0.66 rating, while the 10 p.m. encore averaged a 0.35. Lohan's episode was up slightly compared to Oprah's Next Chapter's season averages in viewership (837,000) and women 25-54 (0.62). Winfrey's Oprah's Next Chapter sit-down with Whitney Houston's family in March 2012 is still OWN's most-watched effort for the network, drawing 3.5 million viewers. The first part of disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong's January interview with Winfrey is close behind with a strong 3.2 million. Third is Rihanna's interview with the talk show maven in August 2012, which averaged 2.5 million.

So to recap, a Whitney Houston interview without Whitney Houston and a guy who rides a bicycle got better ratings than Lindsay Lohan. Christ. CNN could show a live feed of a dead body for an hour and it would get at least 2 million viewers.

 

Pic source = Instagram

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Lindsay Lohan Lied To Oprah
Lindsay Lohan Lied To Oprah

 

While the rest of the world was watching Breaking Bad (Marie needs to go to Belize for real though), Lindsay Lohan's interview with Oprah on Oprah's Next Chapter was last night. Besides showing up looking like a traffic cone, Lindsay recited her rehearsed lines pretty well and hit on her usual talking points ("I've changed","this time it will be different", "loan me $50"). She also said she's only done cocaine "10 to 15 times" with a completely straight face. Maybe she thought Oprah was asking about last Friday night. After the interview, Dina Lohan told TMZ that Lindsay is playing young Oprah in The Butler 2 and Michael Lohan checked under his chair several times and didn't find keys to a new car. Several sources at OWN said he asked, "what's up with that?"

 

 

 

 

Image source = Instagram

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Oprah Will Save Lindsay
Oprah Will Save Lindsay

 

"Lawd, give me the strength to help this basic bitch."

 

In case you didn't already now, Lindsay Lohan has negotiated a deal ($2M) with The Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN to be followed around with a camera " for an 8-part docu-series that will show "Lindsay's struggles, her career and her plans for the future". I don't know how the ratings will be after the novelty of Lindsay walking around looking for unattended jewelry wears off, but Dina Lohan feels the great and mighty Oprah will be the one to save Lindsay. You know since seven trips to rehab and judges can't seem to make it all the way through the Mushroom Kingdom. New York Post reports:

Dina Lohan believes Oprah Winfrey will be the salvation of her troubled daughter Lindsay. After it was announced Lindsay will be followed post-rehab for a show on Winfrey’s OWN network, Dina told us at Jill Zarin’s Luxury Ladies Luncheon on Saturday in the Hamptons, “If there’s any mentor you could choose, there’s nobody better than Oprah. This is a great opportunity for Lindsay. We are all very excited about it.” She added her daughter’s “healthy, happy and doing really well” in rehab — where she’s been since May — and the whole family was heading to visit her this week. Lohan will be interviewed by Winfrey in August before the reality show about her recovery screens in 2014. LiLo’s “The Canyons” will premiere July 29 at Lincoln Center.

If Oprah pulls this off, it'll be the greatest thing she's done since she touched that invalid and he was able to walk again. Or that time she rode a winged Pegasus over Pakistan and taught them how to love.

 

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Here’s Oprah in The Butler



Oprah Winfrey posted this pic on Instagram showing her final scene with Terrance Howard on the the film, The Butler. (SPOILER: The movie is about a butler).

And THAT’s a Wrap! Terrance Howard and me in our goodbye”love scene”. Thanks Lee Daniels for the great experience. #theButler

US Magazine says this picture is “Oprah Winfrey like we’ve never seen her before!”. I hate to break it to you Us Magazine, but I’ve seen Oprah sitting on a couch before.

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Kim Kardashian Is Very Self-Aware, Totally Truthful



The whole Kardashian family sat down with Negro Barbara Walters on Sunday, and Kim Kardashian answered questions about her sex tape. Because it was such a shameful time in her life, you see. People reports:

“Would you be where you are had there not been a sex tape?” Oprah Winfrey asked Kardashian on Sunday’s Oprah’s Next Chapter. “You know, I think that’s how I was definitely introduced to the world,” Kardashian, 31, said of the sex tape, which was the focus of a lawsuit until she settled with Vivid Entertainment to distribute it. “It was a negative way, so I felt like I really had to work ten times harder to get people to see the real me.” Shooting down the long-lived rumor she released the tape herself, she says she’s always been concerned about “humiliating the family,” including mom Kris Jenner, 56, stepfather Bruce Jenner, 62, sisters Kourtney, 33, Khlo√©, 27, Kendall, 16, Kylie, 14, and brother Rob, 25, who joined her on the special. When it was released, she said, she turned to her mom, panicked. It was a “really bad day” mom Kris Jenner recalls. “No mother ever wants to hear something like that,” Jenner said earlier in the interview. “I could tell she was in a lot of pain.” Still, she told her daughter, “We can get through anything.”

Ooh, way to go for the throat Oprah then immediately back off and let her play the victim, because I assume that was the plan in the pre-production meetings. Ok, let’s just pull the Band-Aid off this bitch and let everybody know what actually happened. Kris Jenner forced Kim Kardashian to make a sex tape then release it. There. Now you know. “I think that’s how I was definitely introduced to the world”? No, bitch. You were introduced to the world as the fat ass following Paris Hilton around like a rescue puppy in 2005, but you know, there wasn’t any money in that. Look, I’m sorry that your mother is an insidious famewhore who thought the best way to become famous was to make her daughter catch a load in the mouth, but please stop pretending this wasn’t just as calculated and manipulative as everything else you do. Nobody buys it anymore. Well, except for impressionable teenage girls who think getting mouth fucked is a sure fire way to stardom. Wait, that part can stay. That part can totally stay.

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Crack, Baby!

On of Oprah’s ex-lovers (I know, I was equally surprised they existed), is shopping around a tell-all book about the chat queen that features a startling revelation: Oprah Winfrey hit the crack pipe as recently as 1984.

Chicago businessman Randolph Cook, makes the stunning disclosure that the talk queen resumed her cocaine habit during their secret affair which began in 1984. Cook, 51, also claims the media mogul taught him how to smoke crack cocaine, and the two “freebased” the drug regularly during their passionate six-month romance and the talk show titan “was still under the influence while doing her show.”

This is probably really messing with Carson Daly, who has always pitched his show as “Oprah on crack,” and now has to pitch it as “Geraldo on Mescaline.”

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Don’t Worry, Queen Oprah is Fine



Wildfires are burning the crap out of Santa Barbara and Montecito, California right now. Places like homes, school dorms, and monasteries are toast, but never you fear, your favorite celebrity homes are still intact. Why? They have their own private little fire departments to protect their estates. Are they sharing their precious water with their peasant neighbors? Click the pictures below for your answer.

I’m convinced Oprah is that guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the guy who guarded the Bridge of Death. If you try to cross the Montecito bridge and don’t answer these questions three correctly, Oprah sets fire to you and casts you into the canyon of doom.

Answer key: YES, Oprah is God, NO, Oprah is not a lesbian, YES, Oprah is God.

Photos: Splash

Edit: Thanks to those of you who reminded me goat horns guy wasn’t the bridgekeeper. I am so very ashamed.

Dear Rob Lowe…
Update: Rob Lowe, please stop using this to get people to pay attention to you. Montecito residents tried to keep their landscape open and pretty until celebs like you moved there and ruined it with your big ugly walls. You make a spectacle of yourself all the time. I’ve dealt with you. I want to love you because you were funny in Tommy Boy, so I’m going to try to keep loving you for that, and forget you acting like an ass all the other times. You scored some prime real estate, so please help the hippies who put up with you all these years. I’ll still keep jilling off to you in St. Elmo’s, because you looked like John Taylor in The Reflex video, and … oh my God it’s hot in here. Somebody open a window and get me a paper bag. *pant pant*

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Valerie Bertinelli Was a Slut and a Cokehead



In a not at all obvious coincidence, actress and ex-wife of Eddie Van Halen, Valerie Bertinelli, will appear on Monday’s Oprah on the same day her tell all book, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time, hits stores. In the juicest gossip of 1984, Bertinelli will reveal that she cheated on her ex-husband of 24 years and that she snorted cocaine. ETonline says:

…Oprah asks, “So you got married?” And Valerie responds, “And passed out in the honeymoon suite.” Valerie also tells the talk show queen: “I cheated, too. He claims to this day that I cheated first, but I don’t know. I don’t know about the timing.”

Man, that’s some shocking news. Almost as shocking as marrying a rockstar and not understanding why it didn’t work out. Because if I was Eddie Van Halen and this was 1983, I’m sure my daily planner would include scheduled times for throwing up blood and waking up on top of a pair of 18 year old twins.

Click thumbnails for larger images:

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