Gabriel Aubry Isn’t So Pretty Now

As we talked about yesterday, Halle Berry‘s fiance and former golden glove, Olivier Martinez, beat the shit out of Gabriel Aubry after Aubry took a swing at Martinez and missed. Here’s what his face looks like now. I’m hoping Jenny Johnson will put her trolling skills to work and reply to every one of Oliver Martinez’s tweets for three years to try to bait him into a reaction so she can act surprised and victimized when he does, but Olivier Martinez isn’t really that famous and doesn’t have a Twitter, so it’s probably not worth it because it won’t get her trending. You really dodged that bullet, Oliver.

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Halle Berry’s Baby Daddy Got Beat Up By Her Fiance

Halle Berry has been trying for years to get sole custody of her daughter Nahla that she had with male model Gabriel Aubry (seen above), and the whole process has basically proven what we pretty much already know: Bitches be crazy. So luckily for Halle, Custody Christmas came early when Aubry dropped Nahla off at Halle’s house and her new fiance, Oliver Martinez, was there. TMZ reports:

Gabriel Aubry was arrested Thanksgiving morning after a melee at Halle Berry’s house, which sent both Gabriel and Halle’s fiance Olivier Martinez to the hospital … TMZ has learned. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … Gabriel showed up to Halle’s house with Nahla for a custodial hand-off. We’re told Gabriel was still in the motor court (a rich person’s word for a giant driveway) when Olivier walked up to him and said, “We have to move on.” According to witnesses, Gabriel then pushed Olivier and threw a punch at his face, but Olivier blocked it and the punch struck him in the shoulder instead. We’re told Gabriel then pushed Olivier to the ground, and Olivier cold-cocked him in the face, and a struggle ensued, ending with Olivier pinning Gabriel to the ground. In the struggle, Gabriel suffered a broken rib, contusions on his face, and possibly a more serious head injury. Olivier may have broken his hand and suffered neck injuries as well. There are conflicting accounts as to whether Gabriel was rendered unconscious in the fight. Police were called and Olivier made a citizen’s arrest for battery against Gabriel. Gabriel was escorted to the ER and, ironically, Olivier went to the same ER an hour later. The two were just down the hall from each other. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … a judge has issued an emergency protective order, which requires Gabriel to stay 100 yards away from Halle, Olivier, and Nahla.

All I really took from this story is you’d probably have a harder time beating up a Build-A-Bear than you would a 6’2″ French model. If there was another point here, I’m pretty sure I missed it.

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Halle Berry Is Not Concerned

Guess how Oscar-winning piece of ass Halle Berry feels about her anonymous model baby daddy giving golden showers. E! Online reports:

Kim Kardashian may be cold as a corpse on Twitter, but her love life is red-hot lately.

And while we’re still swooning over K. finally trading in commitment-phobe ballplayers for some sideline snugglin’ with an ├╝ber-yummy French-Canadian model, we can’t help but wonder how Gabriel Aubry‘s ex feels about the sitch.

So is Halle ready to keep up with the Kardashians?


Don’t think she’s too worried about who her delish former dude is linked to these days, since she nabbed another French-bred stud, Olivier Martinez, and things seem to be getting semi-serious.

Even if Halle Berry was upset, she doesn’t have much to worry about, because Gabriel Aubry is as lily white as Britney Spears’ Louisiana ass. The best he could offer Kim is Tyson Beckford’s cell number and a referral to a plastic surgeon who can undo those cheek implants.

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